towerofanimus

Entry tags:

005

Characters: OU!Riku and OPEN~
Setting: Floor 3 and Floor 19 (Daytime, around Noon), Floor 29 (Daytime, until Nightfall), All around the tower (Nighttime)
Format: Action, but I'll match
Summary: Daytime: Riku has decided to get on with his quest to learn light magic. He is not very successful yet. Nighttime: Time to hunt down monsters!
Warnings: some violence maybe? Will add as needed.

[A - Floor 1, Floor 3, Floor 19]

[The days between Sora's death in the labyrinth and his revival are still a blur of numbness to Riku. It's better now that the presence of his scent has re-set itself in his heart, now that the blend of shock, despair and cold furry has kept him moving in those days has faded away.

What remains is some anger (at the tower and its games, at himself and his own helplessness) and an iron knot of determination to finally put all those gathered thoughts on Darkness, Light, the Dawn and their relation to himself into practice. So, right now after he got up sometimes around noon, he sets out to pick up some nutrition bars from the cafeteria, then to the libraries - first the one on the Third Floor, then the one on the Nineteenth - ready to raid whatever books he can find on light magic.]

[B - Floor 29]

[Once he's got what he needs (and potentially dealt with all distractions), Riku settles in the far corner of the garden behind the labyrinth, a place that he thinks should be a.) private and b.) peaceful enough for what he is attempting.

He is frowning down at his books, his legs crossed, blindfold removed and re-purposed to a bookmark - he knows he can probably forget learning how to access his light by book, but maybe they can at least give him a pointer.

About an hour into this he first leans back, eyes slipping close as he tries to reach for the light.

He knows he can do this.

He doesn't even think about the how every time the light wraps around his blade when he invokes his final limit.

Even so, drawing on raw light is different, more difficult, than drawing on darkness - at least to him - and so it's no wonder that he's frustration starts to show itself about half an hour later, the shadows around him darkening and tightening until he releases his breath.

He slowly opens his eyes and frowns down at his hands, then sighs.

Well... he's already known that this wouldn't be so easy. No choice but the try again.]

[C - all around the tower]

[Later that day, after nightfall, Riku is wandering around the tower, his hand closed tightly around the Soul Eater's grip as he follows the darkness-scent trail of roaming monsters. He may still have troubles with using the light, but darkness?

Darkness is his element.

Now that it has settled across the tower, he might as well take advantage of that, right?]

[ooc: Laaaate edit, but if you haven't please take a look at Riku's permission post!]

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[Naminé's never been totally comfortable around plants, not after her time with the Organization and her... chief 'care'taker. She's always found it preferable to maintain at least a bit of distance between her and whatever foliage she's come across, especially in the tower, but-- the thing is, the first time she passed through this floor, she couldn't help but be interested. Though they might bring up unwelcome memories, the plants on this floor are lovely. Discomfort aside, this floor seems like one of the safer ones. (Though, she's never been there at night. She should probably keep it that way.) That's why she's paying the twenty-ninth floor a visit today, intending to have a look around and then maybe go to the next floor down and see if there's any music being played.]

[That's going to take a bit of wandering in order to get through the maze, but that's alright; it kills two birds with one stone, after all. But-- wait, what's that feeling? If she didn't know better--]

[... Hm. Perhaps she should be quick about making her way to the outside of the maze.]

[Having never met or even seen Marluxia, Riku has been spared from that particular association, but even if he had, the advantages of this particular location.

By now Riku is kind of about to give up for the day though... he's at the point where he is just frustrated with himself, where searching his books for clues for tomorrow still makes sens, but anything beyond that seems a waste of them. Well... he's known that it would take a while to learn this.]

[She'd consider him fortunate, in that regard. Marluxia was never pleasant company.]

[Making her way through the maze takes less time than she'd expected. Although she'd been prepared to cheat a little bit if necessary to escape, it seems she's been spared that. She exits the maze and immediately looks around. It doesn't take her long to focus in on the source of that familiar feeling. What is he up to? Curious,]

Riku...?

[From what little he knows about the man, he doesn't doubt that.

He glances up when he hears her call his name, offering her a smile - he's sensed her approaching, after the... quite a bit less welcome visitor he's had earlier that day he's still a bit on edge.]

Hey...

[There's a return smile waiting for him when he looks up, though it's tinged clearly with curiosity. She regards him for a moment, then,]

Hello. What are you doing out here? [She doesn't say it like she's perturbed he's there at all; it's definitely more genuine question than that.]

[He shrugs, frowning a little uncertain - maybe even a little embarrassed. It's one thing to utterly fail at this when he's by himself. It's an entirely other thing to admit it out loud. This is Naminé though... one of the few people he doesn't have to hide anything from. He reaches up, scratching the back of his head.]

Not much anymore... But I guess, I was studying.

[Have a few gestures towards his notes.]

[He doesn't have to hide anything, and he'd probably have a hard time doing so, too. She regards him quietly, smile weakening slightly at the sight of his frown. Hm.]

Studying?

[If what she felt earlier was any indication....]

[She steps closer, eyes glancing over the notes briefly.]

Studying what?

[It doesn't pay to assume, when it's not necessary.]

[With her, certainly. She knows him far too well for that; and not just him but also the things that he usually keeps covered up. The things he keeps hidden from even Sora and Kairi.

He's a little hesitant to say, because somehow there's a difference between saying it and being caught in the middle of totally failing... which is why he's being kind of vague about it. Even though he has no doubt that Naminé will figure it out pretty quickly.]

The other side of the scale. [He lets his gaze wander off, looking to the side when he adds after a moment.] ...I can't thread dawn, if all I know is Darkness.

[That he hides from them is something that she understands, but not something she agrees with, because she knows them far too well, also. Those two... they'll continue to love him, regardless. And even if his fear is of burdening them, she knows also that they would take such a burden gladly. ... But she's no stranger to hiding, herself.]

[As she thought, then. She regards him a moment longer, expression unchanging. She suspects she knows the answer to this next thing, too, but she asks it, gently, all the same.]

And have you made any progress?

[Maybe they would, but... it surely would only be because they don't even half the things he's done (or in same cases will do) and he will make sure that it stays that way. And really... it's better that they don't know, and not just because of his selfishness.

Sora would probably be horrified, if he ever found out just what it would take/had taken to awaken him after Castle Oblivion.

He closes his eyes, expression tight as he shakes his head.]

Not really. Somehow I just can't get it right.

[He reaches up, rubbing his eyes tiredly before glancing back to the books.]

I've been thinking... maybe I'm going all wrong about this, but...

[He starting to run out of ideas. Never mind that he's maybe also slowly starting to run out of time...]

[She'd disagree on some of those points... but she'd have to concur that it's probably for the best that such things not be discussed with the others. Especially Sora; there's no way the sacrifices made for his awakening would sit well with him.]

[Her expression is sympathetic as she watches him. It's not surprising that he's having trouble with this, at least not to her. He's so much more experienced with darkness, after all. To focus on its opposite, well-- of course that's difficult.]

... But?

[This is the curse of knowing... there so many more unpleasant, but necessary tasks than otherwise, and someone has to know. Riku is more than alright with that though, as long as that means he can spare others from that particular truth.

Funnily enough, Riku is pretty certain that it would be easier otherwise... to learn Darkness after knowing Light. This is not about what is easy though; it never has been. If it were, he'd never gotten out of Castle Oblivion. Not as himself at least.]

I'm not even sure where to start. And-

[He cuts himself off, not sure if he should bring up the second issue playing into this. Preferably he wouldn't but... this is Naminé; he wouldn't be surprised if she'd already guess at it. And someone has to know. So he can be stopped, if worse comes to worst.]

...He is getting stronger.

[She'd have spared Riku too, if she'd had the chance. If she'd been stronger, been able to handle it by herself, she'd have wanted to offer him his freedom for that year instead of causing him to spend it doing those necessary but unpleasant tasks. ... But even if she had been able to do it alone, she suspects he'd have wanted to be involved. It was his best friend sleeping all that time, after all.]

[The Darkness has a way of consuming and obscuring, and in doing so blocking out the Light, but the Light seems to do much less to hide the Darkness. If nothing else, his dedication to trying is admirable. (Truthfully, she's always found his strength, his-- well, stubbornness, in a way, to be both endearing and in some ways inspiring.)]

[She intends to offer what assistance she can in that regard, and in many others, but she hesitates, knowing there's more to this than that and willing to wait as long as necessary for him to choose his next words. When he does, well-- she finds herself frowning.]

... I see. [Her eyes drift toward his heart, but she does not draw on her powers.] How strong?

[She is certainly right with that suspicion; there is no way he would have allowed anyone to keep him from becoming involved. Because of Sora... and also because of his own deeds. Naminé isn't the only one with regrets.

He lets his gaze drift, expressions set to a frown as he attempts to find the words to describe what he's known for a while already.]

It's different to Castle Oblivion... I'm not hearing his voice- [Outside of dreams anyways.] -and he has yet to appear to me. But... nevertheless, I can feel his Darkness growing. It's... getting harder to tell it apart from my own.

[Which is... pretty much the root of his problems, he thinks.]

[She'd have found it hard to refuse him, regardless, even though allowing it also caused her guilt even though it was more or less inevitable. ~~It's always the lesser of two evils with her, it seems.~~]

....

[If they'd been back home... he'd be free of this, by now. The thought is a bittersweet one. ... There's no use thinking of it. They have to deal with things the way they are now, not the way they could have been. Her frown is pronounced, at first, though after some time looking thoughtful, she manages to force that frown into something more like a straight line.]

... Then... maybe it really is a good time for you to seek the Light. [That's not to say its any substitute for facing the Darkness unflinchingly and maintaining his self-control, but it might help.]

[There is really nothing for her to feel guilty for - it is and always has been his choice to make ~~and really if he ever found out that she felt that way, he'd feel quite guilty himself in return. Worry, guilt... he's never meant to cause her to feel anything like that~~.

Maybe he'd be free... he wouldn't know; as far as he is concerned, if he were back home he'd be long beyond this point already and unable to recover again. There is really not much chance that his fight with Roxas would end any differently; he is very aware of that.

He watches the changes in her expression, continuing his own frown as he wonders just what she is thinking of it... not that he is planning to ask.]

Yeah... that's what I figured.

[It has never been meant to be a substitute - there is non, he knows that - but balance has two sides and starring down into the dark just isn't enough to reach i.]

[His choice, maybe, but her own choice is what forced him to make that one. All the more reason to keep her mouth shut about that, then, for her own attempt to refrain from causing him unpleasant feelings. It doesn't matter if she's caused trouble, right? Since her 'feelings' can't really be feeling at all.]

[She'd tell him, were he to ask, of his future. But he chose not to before and he chooses not to now, and she is no stranger to holding her tongue. Whether or not to know his future is his decision, and she won't make it for him.]

[She's quiet a moment longer, almost contemplative. Then,]

You know, Riku... you're lucky. You have some really wonderful friends.

[What's she getting at, here?]

[Only in part and maybe that situation in particular. Even if her choices had been different, if by some miracle, Sora had not been forced to sleep... there is still plenty for him to make up for, and the Organization would have still been out there. Even without her involvement, he'd still have chosen to know. ~~It matters too. Her thoughts, her feelings... even if they aren't quite feelings as he knows them, they matter to him.~~

He could ask her, he knows. He could ask and he'd certainly be pleasantly surprised by what she would tell him, but... it wouldn't change anything. Especially when he can't be certain that things are going to turn out that way for himself. He can't dare clinging to the possibility of a future as himself, when he needs to be sharp and focused in the present, when there are people counting on him, when there's a threat in himself looming over his head. Knowing that one day he might be rid of it would only be a distraction at best.

He turns towards her, gaze lingering before nods. Of course he knows... ~~just like he knows that he doesn't really deserve any of them.~~]

Yeah...

[He's got a feeling that he might know, but... better she sas it out loud anyways.]

[Always with the making up for things. His sense of responsibility is both endearing and concerning. ~~That, too, is endearing, though she'd probably think herself selfish for being touched by something like that; it would probably be for the best if he didn't think that way, wouldn't it?~~]

[And that's one of the reasons she intends to leave the decision to him; knowing might give him some peace, but it could also cause more problems than it solves, especially when the future is still so uncertain. She's not willing to chance causing him more problems unless it's absolutely necessary.]

[She regards him steadily in return. At his answer, she nods, smiling slightly. Pressing a hand over her chest, she says,]

... They might be able to help you reach out to your Light. Have you tried thinking of them, and of your feelings for each other? Or your good memories together?

[Of course; there is a lot for him to make up for after all. What exactly is concerning and/or endearing about that? She is not selfish, she can't (or maybe rather won't?) control stop him from feeling that way. No matter what she thinks or says would be best in this regard - his concern for her is not about to lessen.

And this is maybe the reason why they work together so well - because the level of understanding between them has long gone beyond words, because they both know that necessity isn't pleasant in most cases, and while they won't always agree with each others decisions... they'll still recognize them as what needs to be done.

He presses his lips together, gaze turning away, because...]

...Of course. I've tried, but-

[There are just so many bad things in the very recent pasts, so much to regret, so much guilt... And really... does he really deserve to see them as his light, to use their memory as its source? How could he when...]

[Perhaps it's because not everyone would hold themselves to that duty. Not everyone would be strong enough... or masochistic enough. There are a lot of 'won't's with her. Someone like her could - outside of the tower, perhaps - have most things in the universe, if not the universe itself, on a silver platter, were she willing to take them. She isn't. She could easily do whatever she wished to his heart, too, to whatever thoughts he has of her - and she isn't willing to do that, either. They may have different opinions on that subject, but Naminé is not one to force others to change without reason. ... And, truth be told, it's... nice, to have someone care, and think so highly of her. Maybe that's selfish of her.]

[Naminé may have been denied a lot things in her life, but... working with him is something she's glad to have gotten to experience - not because of what they were forced to do, but rather because of that understanding, and because even though he knows more about her than most of the others, knows her, he can still treat her so well, and work so well and so patiently with her. For that, she'll always be grateful. She couldn't ask for a better partner in-- well, crime, though of the necessary variety.]

[She can't say she's surprised to see that look on his face. Her own expression sobers only a little; she knows him much too well to not have seen that coming. ~~Still, it would have been nice to be proven wrong.~~ Nevertheless, she presses on, gentle and patient but firm.]

... But you're ashamed?

[She says it quietly, almost like a secret - not so quietly as to sound ashamed herself but not so brazenly as to make it sound callous, because it's not. It comes not from uncaring but from knowledge, from the understanding that he needs a push now and then; still, she's careful to keep it private, make sure that no one else will hear, should someone be lurking about.]

[Maybe... but anyone not strong enough to keep standing, to keep enduring... someone like that surely wasn't worthy of anything like redemption (of course there is the question of whether Riku himself is worthy of it, but those that ran were definitely even more undeserving than himself). Indeed, there are so many things she could do with her powers (maybe more than even she knows) - even within the tower - but that is what makes her strong... selfless. There are so many others that would have given into temptation and used that power differently and not just when forced to by the outside. And no; that isn't selfish either.

He too, could never ask for a better partner, a better friend - because she knows him in a way that nobody else does, that maybe nobody else ever will. With her, there is no need to pretend.

His head tilts a little, and his expression probably all but confirms his shame, the sheer force of the guilt weighting on him, and maybe also that he is just a little torn over it - this is the way he should be feeling, he knows, it's only right but... he shouldn't let it stop him from learning something so important, something that might keep them all safe sooner or later...

He is really maybe just as frustrated as he is ashamed, right now.]

[Then isn't he, in his dedication, worthy of both pity and fondness, should she choose to offer some facsimile of them (since the real things are surely beyond her)? Now, if only she could be convinced of that. She's failed before, and because of that, she'll always fear some future failure, some weakness that might still be in her, and her shame - that'll be with her, too. ... They really do have a lot in common.]

[She'll have to tell him, some day, how grateful she is to be allowed to be that for him and that he has been that for her. She'll have to thank him for the chance to be allowed to know him and to not be hidden from nor have to hide her own knowledge, and that he doesn't resent her for her intrusion. (Of course, he might not call it that - she knows that, too.)]

[He needn't give her an answer, really - he wouldn't have had to give her what he did, either, but it's appreciated, nonetheless.]

... I understand.

[And she does.]

But, Riku... [She doesn't scold, just makes the words something like an offer.] ... you can't let it hold you back. You're trying to learn so that you can protect them, aren't you? And... you know that they'd want to help you, any way that they could. ['You don't have anything to be ashamed of.'] So... even if you don't think you have the right to... [because goodness knows she's been familiar with that feeling, herself,] ... maybe you can still do it, for them.

[He'll be glad to accept anything she chooses to offer, but certainly not out of worthiness; it's simply because he is just not selfless enough to reject it. ~~...They do. But one day, he'll convince her that she doesn't need to fear herself or her powers or all the what-ifs. He certainly is stubborn enough for that.~~

When that day comes he'll hopefully be able to do the same, to not just trust that she knows how he feels about her and the bond between them (surely she does after all), but to say it out loud.

He turns his head back up to her, listening attentively... and after a moment, understanding dawns on his face. It's just the same as it had been in Castle Oblivion when he had faded into the light - just like then, she's given him that little nudge he needed to see just where he went wrong. Just how he needs to continue.]

...Thanks, Naminé.

[He's been focusing too much on himself. On what he might or might not deserve, on his own worth or rather lack of it. But it isn't about that. It's about them, about protecting all of them, just like she said. And if it's not for himself, but for them...

He breathes deep as he settles back, eyes closing as he focuses on that new mindset, fingers threading together as calls for his light - for them, for the sake of protecting all the things that mattered. It takes a moment, and even then it's only gathering slowly, but after a few minutes there is a small, softly glowing ball of light in his hand, radiating warmth and this time? This time no darkness appears to drown it again.

It disappears with a shift of his hand, but when his eyes, there's a soft smile tugging on his lips. Maybe he isn't so hopeless after all.]

[If that's the best he can manage, then she'll take it. ~~Perhaps, though he might find that she seems to have inherited Kairi's iron will, even if in Naminé it manifests more subtly. Maybe she's just stubborn enough to help him, too, some day.~~]

[A lot of things needn't be said to be understood, yes... but that doesn't mean letting things be spoken and heard is without value. It would mean a lot, were such thoughts ever to be properly let out.]

[There's something very gratifying, too, about being able to offer assistance to others. She remembers well that time in Castle Oblivion, remembers him as he was then - and the way she was, too, and were she not distracted by the welcome sight of understanding dawning, she would be reminded, to a twist of guilt, the guise she took, that time. It wasn't that she wanted to, but rather that she'd felt she needed to. Now, though - now, she needn't hide. He knows her as her and listens to her as her, and that's a comfort, despite any associated shame.]

[She nods, firmly, just once, a smile on her face. The girl holds her tongue as she watches him make another attempt, that smile unfailing. Her faith was well-placed, it seems, and his success grants her a warmth as well, somewhere in her chest. She's-- proud of him, in her way. Not of herself or her involvement, but that he was successful, that he grew, that he accomplished something.]

[Even once the light fades, she watches him, her expression warm. She lets the silence linger a few moments more, then,]

You did well.

Edited 2012-07-14 10:32 (UTC)

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justabignobody - 2012-07-23 18:20 (UTC) - Expand

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lethechained - 2012-07-23 19:12 (UTC) - Expand

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