towerofanimus | (no subject)

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(no subject)

Characters: Reno, Reno, (yeah confusing)
Setting: Floor 38, Upper Lounge, BACKDATED to just after Vincent's post here
Format: Prose/Action whichever
Summary: Reno is worried about his other self, especially after that little outburst- see he knows himself.
Warnings: Seeing double. Probably angsty stuff.

It took Reno a long time to track down his other self. Sure, he was a turk and was good at that sort of thing, but it was himself he was tracking down, as confusing as that sounded. When a turk didn't want to be found, it was exceedingly difficult to find them.

Still, there he was, going floor by floor after checking the dorms, and now he was checking Floor 38. The lounges were great places to sit and think. He came up here often enough to just relax after window washing or one of his spying excursions.

It was where he found Reno.

"You know, you're pretty hard to find sometimes."

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"Maybe because I didn't want to be found." Came the muttered reply from where Reno sat with his head bowed and fingers curled in his hair, "...Just go away."

Sticking his hands in his pockets, Reno did not go away, but just flopped down next to him.

Not going away, not by a long shot. Was it a bit narcissistic to be worried like this about himself? He didn't care anymore. Reno was the only other turk he knew in the place (others not being mentioned), and there was nobody else that knew him better.

"Yeah, I know."

Reno fixed him with a tired look from beneath a mess of hair that had fallen free. "Then why are you here?" He asked with a sigh. "I'm not exactly in the mood for people who think I'm crazy."

"I don't think you're crazy."

Severely shell shocked and depressed, maybe.

"I'm here because someone once told me when I get in that mood, last thing I need is to be left alone. I'm pretty sure you can remember who it was. Since he's not here... I figured I'd better stand in for the big lug."

Briefly, he pulled back his hair and straightened it out, mostly as something to do with his hands that didn't involve slapping some sense into him. "Besides, I need you. I can't handle this place by myself. You're the one guy I can trust here, I mean really trust."

Giving a sigh, he leaned forward, resting elbows on knees. "Look, if you really don't want me here, then fine. I'll leave, but I'm you and I probably wouldn't want me to leave," blinking, he frowned, "if that makes sense."

In retrospect, maybe he should have tracked Reno down, he was running out of things to say and this wasn't like cheering Xion or Shion up. This was him, and he could see through any bullshit he could spew. As a last resort, he shrugged helplessly and added, "You need me."

"Of course you don't, you're probably the only one from Gaia who doesn't think I've lost it and am making shit up." He bit back, bitter. "That's only because you're me and would know the difference.."

Seeing the others had struck something that had resonated painfully within him; he was alone here despite the people who knew him. They knew the him from their home, not him as he was now after the endless days away from everything. Even looking at and talking with his other self hurt on some level because it was a jarring reminder that he'd changed so much from who he'd been.

"I know you do, but... I just... it's like if Tseng had looked at you like that. Not remebering all the shit you went through together not even a week after the two of you'd burried Rude." He explained. "Vincent and Veld were the only two Turks there besides me, and we... I just... What happens when other people start coming and they don't remember me either?"

"You either deal with it, or you don't. They may look the same, but they're not the same person." He gave Rusty a nudge, reminding him that even though they were Reno, they weren't exactly the same. For a while now he had wondered what the yellow collar on Rusty meant, while he had orange, but he had been afraid to ask so far.

"I'd be pretty damn upset if Tseng didn't remember me, but... I've gotten used to crap like that in this tower. Cloud says he remembers what I did two years from now; it doesn't bother me. What I'm worried about is why it bothers you." That was about as blunt and honest as Reno could get. Not that he meant ill from it, but he wasn't always good on tact.

"Was it really that bad that you can't live without someone who went through it? I was pretty good at putting stuff behind me... even if things got tough. What makes the boat different?"

Shaking his head, he mumbled. "No. That wasn't... what I meant. I just don't understand, but I wasn't there. I'm tryin' to, though."

There was a hollow laugh, "Maybe Tseng was a bad example."

He flopped back against the couch, staring at the ceiling with a sigh. "I know, it's just... you reach a point where you can't keep putting it behind you because there's too damn much of it. People knowing about the future is a whole different ballpark than them simply not remembering."

He let out a sigh, shaking his head. "The boat was pretty... despite the good stuff that was there. If you even accidentally hit someone or Odin forbid killthem you were put in the brig which was made of human flesh and given some sort of... other punishment. We had to watch someone eat their own damn foot and I had leprosy for two weeks."

Raising his hands, he made an dismissive gesture and shook his head. "Look, all I can say is it's in the past. You need to stop lettin' it get to you. Just stop. I can't take it anymore. I can't keep seein' myself like that, like a windup doll that got too many windups and broke. So just fucking stop."

There were too many things crashing down on him, frustrating and scaring him. Reno was almost the last straw, and the worst thing about it was he felt helpless for his older self. Shion was a different sort, at least he could get the kid to do things, even if that didn't include talking. Reno was talking, but it wasn't healthy, he was holding on too much.

"Let the boat go. It was a shitty experience and it's gone now. You got the future, don't fucking give up on it." Wasn't that what Axel had told him, when he was about to crumble? It was good advice. "If there's more than one world out there, there sure as hell got to be some other place to go. Someplace better. That's what I'm gonna go for, and you should too."

Reno felt angry, but he didn't know why exactly, just that he was. He leaned forward on his knees and glowered at the floor, his voice low. "Quick acting so damn weak. Collapsing just because some asshole from another universe doesn't remember you. If his name was Shinra you wouldn't have given a damn."

It was actually a frighteningly accurate analogy of how he felt. Too much had been thrown at him too quickly for him to deal with it and he'd just popped a few too many springs and gears inside to keep at it. It wasn't that he was about to crumble it was that he already had.

There was a halfhearted surge of anger, but he was too hollow for it to last long enough to actually achieve anything.

"You don't get it." He said quietly, "Not yet, you haven't been here long enough to understand what places like this'll do to you. One day someone from Gaia'll come along and they'll look at you like you're a stranger or something, you'll have changed so damn much that you aren't who they remember you as anymore."

He swallowed, pressing his lips together in a scowl at the ceiling.

"Seeing you all... drove that all home. I'm not you anymore, and I don't think I can ever be that person again no matter how hard anyone wants it to happen or expects it of me. I just... I can't stand it but I can't just avoid everyone either."

Shifting closer, Reno slid and arm around his other self, just trying to comfort him, like he would a kid. "People change. That's one of the universal constants. Personally, I think you're underestimating the people from back home."

Comfort wasn't something they were afforded too much in this place, but a little went a long way. "I mean, so what if they don't like it? That's their problem... you can't expect people to stay the same forever. It isn't much different after joining the Turks, you know. You can't go home again. Did ya forget that? I remember bein' just fine with that at the time."

"Not the same." He replied, leaning in to Reno with a sigh.

"It's not like I'm joining something by leaving. I don't get anything other than feeling like I don't belong with y'all anymore and it's not like going back to Ma. It's the whole damn planet that doesn't feel like home anymore."

Whoa. All right, that was not quite... expected.

"...Why? If ya believe that crap they believe in Cosmo, it's where we all came from." The idea of the Planet not being home hadn't occurred to him- even when he saw the dead planet himself, it still was home, even if it wasn't a place to live anymore. "You're a damn Turk, of course you belong, even if you don't feel like it. That isn't going to change just because we're here." This wasn't awkward, not like contact with Shion was, mostly because it reminded him of earlier times, and he was family.

"...family, remember?"

"It's gone, and going back would probably mean forgetting everything that I've been through. Everything I've seen and done and everyone I've met." He shrugged, "I dunno what to believe really, maybe there's something bigger than The Planet and the Lifestream out there that it's all just a tiny part of."

He smiled a little.

"Yeah, family. Even if I'm a mess."

That was better, and Reno smiled back, though it seemed just a bit weird seeing his own expression back at him. "Nah, you won't forget. The universe isn't that kind."

On impulse, he gave Rusty a slight hair ruffle. "Damn straight. Family. You got some healing to do, and I'm gonna be right there, kicking your ass when ya get down like this. If you're lookin' for something to believe in, we'll both find it, all right?"

Reno snorted a laugh at the hair ruffle.

"I dunno about belivein' in anything. Seems more of somethin' that Tseng'd have." He shrugged. Considering he knew the harbringer of the end of the world faith in something for him was a little odd. "I have... had a girlfriend yanno, proper one too. Dunno if she'll show up here though."

"Doesn't have to be a higher power. I was thinkin' more like an idea. Tseng doesn't need to be the only one with that kinda thing, right?" Sighing, Reno flopped back on the cushion and started tugging on Rusty's hair. Lacking a comb, he did his best to smooth it out and started braiding it. "Tell me about her. If you're here, there's a chance she can come over. Not that I'd wish this place on her."

"I gotta keep you lot from doing anything stupid, and figure out a way to get Sephiroth to learn the truth without him going postal or Strife going and lopping his head off. Keep Hojo off of people... Fuhito too."

It was a lot to do really.

"Catpaw's great. Well, not that we did anything." He laughed a little. "Took me six months to ask her out properly and she was one of the first people I met. She was good at magic, maybe a bit excessive with cure's but she was handy enough in a fight."

Vincent hadn't much liked that about her, but Reno had found it endearing.

"She had a fiance back home, but... with home gone we talked about it and agreed that if he showed up I'd leave 'em to it. I think Ma would've liked her, well... after getting over the ears and tail anyway."

Rusty is getting a regular old braid by now. Hmm, it wasn't a bad look. Reno might do it himself, if his own hair got too much to handle.

"Please, gimme some credit at least. I did the directorship thing, too, when Tseng disappeared." Huffing, he gave another tug on the hair. "Ears... and tail? What was she?" He was still kind of new to the different races in the Tower, and he was still pretty leery, but caution was a good thing here.

"Mithra, pretty much human except for the cat bits." Reno admitted, "Apparently there's a bunch of different kinds of people where she's from, humans are called Humes but there's others apparently. They call underwear subligars."

It had taken him a while to figure out that that had been what she'd been refering to.

Hesitating on the end of Rusty's new braid, Sparks just stared for a moment. "Underwear subligars? Is that like it sounds?"

He kind of hoped not, there were so much more sexier things a race or whatever could be called.

Rusty laughed, "No. It's like when we go and call someone from the top tier of Junon a Crustie or Frosting. Subligar where she's from means underwear. Weird, I know but what're you gonna do about how someone talks?"

Laughing. That was good. Sparks resumed braiding, trying to figure out how to hold the end.

"Dialect's a funny thing. I never did get the hang of whatever it is they speak in Wutai or Costa. But sounds like you're feeling better."

After taking a string from his pocket, he tied off the braid and flopped it over Rusty's shoulder. "There, ya don't look like you got a mop on your head anymore."

"For now anyway." A shrug, he knew he'd never really get past any of it. There would always be days where he'd be a more of a mess than others, he'd just have to work at having more good days.

"Mn. Maybe I should get it cut, I can get most of it tied back. Maybe look less like a hedgehog on fire."

"Yeah, you should. Might help feel you feel better. This place tries its best keepin' everyone off balance. I'm all for combating that part." Absently, a hand ran through his own hair, feeling how it'd grown since arriving in the Tower. Pretty soon he'd start looking like Reno but without the tan. "I was thinking about going back to the short set myself, save on gel for when I need it."

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