towerofanimus | Book Girl and...

Entry tags:

Book Girl and...

Characters: Tohko Amano and you!
Setting: The third floor library and the graveyard on July second.
Format: I'm starting in prose, but I'll match you!
Summary: After getting some name tags and a paper hat from Diarmuid, Tohko decides to put the hat and a name tag on 'Ivan' while waiting for other people to respond to her offer. Later on, wondering about some people she hasn't seen in awhile, Tohko wanders over to the graveyard and finds that quite a few of her friends are gone.
Warnings: None so far!

Tohko had been pretty happy since the event was now, officially, over. While she the library, it was nice to actually sleep in a bed without worrying about being cornered by a monster. Ruana's note of her games never going off the script annoyed her though..it sounded like something Wilhelm would say, but..she knew that there were times and chances where her games wouldn't go exactly as planned. After all, that was what they were working towards.

While that didn't change the fact that Ivan, her retrieval unit of a stalker, was constantly following her, Diarmuid's gift of a box of name tags and a paper hat for the 'library helper' did make her smile. So, while waiting for anyone who would take up her offer, Tohko put Ivan's name tag on his chest and the paper hat on his head before looking him over and chuckling.

"It really suits you, Ivan! You have to promise to work hard, now that you have your hat, alright?" She wasn't expecting an answer back, but it felt nice to talk to him sometimes, even if he wasn't really on her side.

Tohko didn't quite know why, but she had an urge to visit Konoha, Ryuto, and Chia again, even if the gravestones weren't real. The sentiment was still there, and that was all that mattered, as far as she was concerned. It didn't feel quite right to have Ivan accompany her though, so it took awhile for her to even get to the graveyard, since she had to run around and take a few trips on the elevator before she could ditch him.

When she did get inside the graveyard, she had to catch her breath for a few moments before walking down the rows of graves..but instead of pausing at the graves of her family and friends, she saw graves for old friends, ones that she didn't know or wasn't aware of the fact that they had left the Tower. She saw Tear's grave, Waver's, Mihli's and a few others. She didn't cry when she saw them. She just put on her mask of a smile, sighed, and patted the stone like she was patting their heads.

"I promise, I'll do my best to save you guys. Immortality's painful..especially when you're alone in a situation like that. I promise, I'll try."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

(OOC: Just because he said he wanted more time to think doesn't mean I'm going to give it to him...)

"So many have gone now. Do you think it's some kind of punishment?" While his voice is steady, the look in Diarmuid's eyes is anything but. He is uneasy. Not only because he had just asked her in a letter for a little more time before they met to talk, but also because he has just caught sight of the stone she is standing near. The one with the name 'Waver Velvet' written on it. Diarmuid knows it's not his master's grave. After all, he can still feel the other man's presence through their bond, but seeing what is essentially his name on one of those markers is painful nonetheless. Especially since his brother has just lost his master for the second time.

And Diarmuid isn't going to think about how he feels about the younger Waver being gone. It is too hard. The man had been so full of hope and ideas he wanted to try to make things better here. He had wanted to do so much and now he was gone without getting to do any of it. Like Ayaka, now doomed to walk alone on his world unless they found a way to fix things.

That should have been enough. That goal should have been enough to push Diarmuid passed his doubts and yet they still linger and he hates himself for it.

He takes a few seconds to scan the area and doesn't miss that Ivan isn't with Tohko, "Your friend is off stacking books I see. What a good librarian drone."

It's a veiled way of asking if she feels up to them talking while they can do it in relative safety from prying ears.

(OOC: Not that I mind! I..sometimes ignore my muses on occasion. ^^ )

Tohko wasn't quite expecting to hear Diarmuid's voice and she looked a little surprised before she looked up at him..but only for a moment. She was quickly wearing her mask of a smile again as she spoke. She didn't know the full extend of Diarmuid's current worries, but they were probably large, knowing him. She didn't know of his doubts..but if she did, she would say that it was normal to linger on doubt and worry.

"I don't think it is. I think it's just Zo losing control of the soul, especially since our souls are probably drawn to our original bodies already. And Ivan decided to take care of the library today. He's become a bit more driven ever since he got his gifts. He's still a bit of a blabbermouth though, so if you want to talk, it's probably best to do it now."

"I hope that is all it is," Diarmuid steps closer to her so that they can stand side by side at the graves and seem like they are talking about their missing friends to cover other topics. Not to say they wouldn't be talking about their missing friends. In fact, before he begins to speak of his worries, Diarmuid wishes to make sure Tohko herself is okay. While she might be smiling, he is sure that she must be feeling as upset about all the departures as he does.

Though, maybe he is just pushing how uneasy he is off on her. He's not sure, but whatever the reason, he wants to give her a chance to let things out if she needs to since she has done it for him so many times.

"It hurts to lose so many. If you don't want to smile right now, it's okay. I will understand. I feel the same way," Diarmuid closes his eyes for a moment. "I won't even look if you want. I will think of those who I know who have left here too." Ayaka. Waver. Yata. Tear.

So many. So very many. How many more names would he discover before he left the floor?

Tohko was feeling a little surprised and sad about all these departures. Waver had been a close friends of hers, and without him, she never would have known what a Holy Grail War was. She had been hoping to help him when Alexander vanished, even if he disapproved. Tear had been hoping to get into the resistance, and Tohko had recommended her some good books. And Mihli..the catgirl had been a very close friend of Tohko's, and she had been planning on getting the catgirl more involved in the resistance later on. But..there was still hope, and since she knew that, she wasn't on the verge of tears just yet.

Tohko didn't mind that Diarmuid stepped closer, but..she did sigh when Diarmuid spoke and closed his eyes.

"Diarmuid, I don't mind if you look, and I do want to smile right now. That's why I am. It may be sad that they're gone..but there's still a chance that we'll be able to save them or pull them back here. It exists. Besides..I wish to be a person who can smile beautifully, even if they're in a lot of pain. I'm okay..but are you?"

At that, Tohko would try and pat Diarmuid on the head..but since he was a bit taller than her, she would pat him on the shoulder if she couldn't reach.

"Is that really all right, though? To always smile when you just want to cry?" Diarmuid opens his eyes and looks over at Tohko. He has always worried for her even as he has also been extremely proud of her for taking on such a dangerous role and continuing to fight despite people telling her she's not strong enough to. But her insistence on always smiling and showing a brave front to others worries him. Everyone has to be weak sometimes or else they will burn themselves out. Isn't easier to be weak that when there are others around to support you?

Or is Tohko just that much stronger than he thinks she is? Perhaps that is why Dax picked her to have such a large part in all of this?

He smiles as he feels her pat on his shoulder, "I...have worries. They are foolish ones, but at the same time after being betrayed to the death by those I blindly followed in the past, I find myself unable to push the worries aside no matter now much I want to." Diarmuid pauses here, crouching down so that his head is nearer to Tohko's, allowing him to speak in a softer voice.

"Zelda and Enoch. They are such an important part of this and yet I know so little about them," Diarmuid has only spoken once to Zelda outside of the times they had briefly talked when he had picked up microchips to place and that time was under the effects of an experiment--hardly the best time to learn anything about anyone. Enoch he has slowly been getting to know over the last months ever since he had helped save the man from being buried alive, but during none of their conversations has Enoch said much about himself as a person. "Especially Zelda's taunting of Ruana... I don't understand it. They are not the actions of a leader, at least none of the leaders I knew would have every acted in such a way. It is foolish action. One does not taunt the person who has so much power over them before the war is won. But she is not the only one who did it. What am I missing? I have been here six months now and while I know so much more than I used to, there is still so much I do not know."

"Well..I can't always smile, to be honest, since it's the person I want to be, not the person I am right now. But if I can smile and keep going, even when I want to cry, I can help more people who are crying."

Physically, Tohko was a normal human, and, as a consequence, very weak physically. However, she was rather tough emotionally, even if she did have a few childish fears and habits. She didn't really care if trying to be the person she wanted to be was hard or easy..she just knew that she wanted to be it, so she kept on trying. Due to circumstances back home, she didn't always have a lot of people to rely on, and she didn't want to seem like a burden to those around her, even if she was one in other ways.

She herself didn't really know why Dax had chosen her..but even if she didn't know, that didn't mean she wasn't going to try and help everyone out as a consequence of being picked. As Diarmuid crouched down and spoke in a softer voice, Tohko carefully listened to everything that he said before replying in a whisper.

"It's alright, Diarmuid. Considering your circumstances, I can see why you would worry. I don't know much about Zelda's backstory myself..but I can tell you everything I know about Enoch, if you want. He's a dear friend of mine, so I know a bit. However..other than the network post, where Ruana fumed at us, I haven't seen or heard anything about Zelda taunting the Administrators. Maybe she was just blowing off some steam, if others were doing it as well. Stress gets built up quite easily here, and since the Administrators don't show up much, one rarely gets to tell them something to their faces. I do need to talk to Zelda though..I have a slight complaint with her myself that I need to address."

[ooc:..And I'm planning for Tohko to have a slight breakdown once she learns that what little family she has and her friends could be eaten by Ruana, if you're interested in some extra sad feels.]

Diarmuid can't help but smile...and look a little embarrassed, "I guess I can't argue with that. I try to do the same thing, though I think you are more successful at it than I am. You are certainly amazing, Tohko. I hope you know that."

He falls silent then, listening to her speak and carefully thinking over her words once she has finished, "I understand relieving stress, but she has made herself a leader in this and leaders must hold themselves to higher standards than others. She has every right to de-stress, but it should not have been done out in the open like that. All it proved is that she can be goaded into acting like a child with the right push.

"That said, since she has such an important role I expect she has been here a very long time and probably has much more riding on this than anyone else. This is the only time I have heard of her acting in such a way as well. Hopefully, it is a one time thing in reaction to all that happened and she will remain more focused in the future. A soldier in an army may act as they will more often than not because they, in the end, are not as important as the leader, but a leader does not have that freedom. While they may wish to cheer, gloat, or cry alongside their soldiers, they cannot until the whole war is over. It is the sad price of the role." And he knows this far too well after being both a solider and then a leader of the Fianna.

Diarmuid gives Tohko something of a surprised look when she mentions not being happy with Zelda, but he knows it is not his place to ask, so he does not, "I wish you well when you have your talk. Hopefully, whatever the matter is, it can be solved quickly.

"As for Enoch, please tell me just what you think he would feel comfortable with you sharing. I do not need to know all there is to know about him. I am really just looking things to help me more easily be able to push away the doubts that my past experiences won't let rest."

(OOC: Oh, definitely interested! After all the times she has been there for him, he would definitely want to be there for her in whatever way he can!)

Tohko hadn't meant to embarrass Diarmuid, but she..actually gave a genuine smile when she heard the compliments. "I think we're both successful in our own ways. After all, you faced a lot more carnage and worries back in your universe, and while I had my share of burdens, they probably weren't as heavy as yours, and I wasn't a huge worrier back then. But thank you! I do know that a little."

Humility was never one of her strong points. However, at Diarmuid's comments, she sighed and nodded. She knew what he was saying was true, but still..couldn't quite trace where Zelda had openly goaded the Administrators. Sure, she had told them that they would work hard to fight against them over the network, but it wasn't like she had gloated when Ruana threw her hissy fit.

"I do agree with you. While we might have an opportunity sometimes to tell the Administrators that we'll work hard against them, actually giving them ammunition against us-even more so than they already have-isn't the smartest of moves. There are a lot of ways to get rid of stress, and most of them are less dangerous than gloating. I'll have to bring it up with her when we chat."

Tohko wouldn't see why it wouldn't be in Diarmuid's place to ask. Even though she was a leader of the rebellion, she didn't have a superiority complex over people asking questions or giving her information. After all, she was the weak physical link to the group, since she didn't have much experience or physical strength. "Thanks. I think it can..Zelda's just been acting too much like Saber and keeping me a bit in the dark. That ball of hers might have been a nice idea..but it was poorly executed."

When Diarmuid moved onto Enoch, Tohko nodded, thinking for a moment before replying. "Alright then. First off, Enoch is probably the most loyal person you'll ever meet. In his universe, he was called up to Heaven to be a scribe before volunteering to capture some fallen angels so that the Earth wouldn't get flooded. The Elders in heaven couldn't find them, so they were just going to destroy everything and begin from nothing until Enoch intervened.

For at least a hundred years, maybe more, Enoch searched for the fallen angels, not noticing that he had been given the 'gift' of immortality so that he could find and defeat them in good health. Lucifel, as well as a few other angels, watched over him, and Lucifel didn't tell Enoch until he had almost gone mad due to loneliness and sorrow due to searching for so long and having to leave friends, wives, and children due to both his quest and his gift. When Lucifel did tell Enoch, he promised to never leave him."

Tohko, at this point, sighed, her mask faded. While she didn't fully hate Lucifel, since she understood that he didn't know that Enoch wasn't aware, it still hurt to think of Enoch, her dear friend, a person that she had once loved, going through everything he had.

"Even now, despite everything, Enoch is still loyal to Lucifel. That is the sort of person he is. He's a kind-hearted man. I'm sorry to say that I'm leaving out a few story bits..but is that enough to help your doubts?"
"

[ooc: Alright then!~ I'll keep you posted on that then! It should be fun!]

Edited 2013-07-03 05:37 (UTC)

It is understandable that Tohko doesn't see Zelda's words the same as Diarmuid does. As she said only moments before, he has seen much more hardship and carnage than she has. He has seen a leader go from wise benefactor to a prideful, distrusting destroyer of the very thing he had once worked so hard to build. As a result, in Zelda's words about taking control of their own destinies, he hears a leader who is perhaps too proud of winning a battle when there is still a war left to be won and in the mention of playing a game, he hears a child inviting someone to do their worst which considering what they'd had to deal with for most of the month, it was an invitation Ruana took to heart.

Are these assumptions to the meanings behind her words fair? Perhaps not. This Diarmuid knows and it is why he is working so hard to try and find a way to counteract these things his past experiences are drawing to mind.

"I...don't know if mentioning it to her is necessary. I am but one man who I doubt she will even remember meeting. A man, as you say, who has had his perceptions colored by his experiences. She has more important things to worry about than one doubtful soldier, though finding a good way for her to relax during this time will be important to her ability to lead. I hope she is able to find such a way that does not bring risk to herself or anyone else."

The masked ball...so he had been right about it being a Resistance event and yet, as far as he had seen, nothing of importance had happened. Granted, he did leave after only a short time so that he could speak of important matters with Waver off a floor that would have required his maskless friend to give a truthful answer to any question he was given, but Diarmuid had heard nothing more of the event afterward either.

"It did seem strange to me that everyone was invited including those who might not have been loyal to the Resistance. I think she was probably lucky that no administrators or even someone else within the tower unfriendly to the Resistance decided to act right then. The results would have been terrible. And I must agree...leaving even one of you three in the dark about this doesn't seem right. If you don't trust each other completely to do whatever is asked of you, why should anyone else trust you?"

As Tohko begins to speak about Enoch, Diarmuid quickly finds himself becoming ashamed of having ever mistrusted the man. Indeed, these things and the fact that Tohko trusts him so much herself do a great deal to help push away his doubts, "He...mentioned none of that to me. He only mentioned being on a different world before coming to this one. One on which he met the woman who has such control over plants. Sola, I believe her name was. I am sorry. I only met her once and it was not under the most ideal circumstances.

"But yes, that is exactly the kind of thing I was looking for. I may not know of his Heaven or the gods and angels that rule it, but only one much beloved and trusted would have been given such a task and only one loyal and true to the soul would have suffered so much to complete it. Thank you, Tohko." Diarmuid bows his head to her. "For this aid, I am in your debt."

While Tohko didn't mind that Diarmuid was a bit worried about what Zelda said in the network or anywhere else, if he was talking about what she was thinking about, she was curious as to why he wasn't worried about her, since she had made a pretty large post as well, even though she wasn't instigating the Administrators. At least, she thought she wasn't.

At Diarmuid's comments, Tohko sighed again before managing to bring up a small smile. "Hopefully she can, but just because you're one warrior doesn't make you unimportant, Diarmuid. After all, you've helped me since the beginning of this, and I'm sure if someone as experienced as you has some worries, a few other people probably do as well! Even if she might not remember you, I do, and if Enoch's ever met you before, I'm sure he'll remember you too."

Tohko had spent most of her time on the ballroom during the party, so she had seen quite a few people there and saw most of the flaws of that party. Due to being in the dark, she had no idea how many people Zelda had invited or who she had even invited to begin with. There were tons of people there who didn't know what the resistance was, and there was a chance that a villain had managed to sneak in. It was, in Tohko's mind, a huge mess, and she had been forced to lie during that ball. Sure, no one would really know it was her unless she outed herself, but she didn't like it. She did enough lying when she told people about what she ate.

"That seemed pretty weird to me too. I'm not quite sure why she invited so many people that weren't involved or didn't know about the resistance, or when the group was even given a name, but it's not right that it happened like that, or that she kept me in the dark. You're right..it doesn't help people trust us. I think Zelda thinks she has to handle this all by herself, even though she has two other leaders and quite a few other people to rely on. I told her before she didn't have to pile things on top of herself, but I guess she ignored me."

Just like Saber..Tohko sighed again. Saber had been missing for a good while, and while Tohko had taken to practicing on her own, she still missed the stubborn Servant. But..when Diarmuid mentioned Meridian, Tohko smiled a little and nodded. "Enoch's a quiet person about his own past. I'm pretty nosy sometimes, and I ask a lot of questions, so I managed to learn a little bit about him. When we became friends, I learned even more. However..the other world you're talking about was Meridian. I don't know much about Sola..but I can say that Enoch probably would have been happy there, if Animus didn't pull him here."

When Diarmuid bowed, Tohko's grin grew a little bit, and she took advantage of the opportunity by actually patting Diarmuid on the head.

"Don't worry about it! I'm glad that I was able to help you out..but if you're in my debt, could you do something for me? Don't tell anyone else about Enoch's past unless it's absolutely necessary. It's painful to him, and I'm sure he wouldn't like it spreading like wildfire. He really is a good friend of mine, so I would appreciate it if you could do that."

There is a simple answer to why Diarmuid doubts Zelda when he doesn't doubt Tohko even though Tohko had also posted that night, and that answer is that he knows Tohko. He knows she would never do the things he fears. Unfortunately, he doesn't know Zelda at all. In addition to that, the only time he and Zelda had talked outside of the microchip meetings had been during the January event when both of them had been darker and much more jaded versions of themselves. While there is no way to tell just how much of that dark persona is actually a part of Zelda, Diarmuid knows that deep down much of what he had become is in him. It is only natural--if unfair--to assume much of what she had become is also in her.

That is the hard part for Diarmuid. He knows so little about her and is forced to make assumptions that could be completely correct or completely incorrect. All of this unknown is not helping him subdue his worries. Also, finding out that Zelda's need for unnecessary secrecy had forced Tohko to have to lie to people would only make his opinion of Zelda drop, so it is a good thing Tohko doesn't mention that part out loud.

"She cannot do this alone. Not even the strongest person could handle something this intense alone. They would break. She will break. And if by some miracle she does not, she will become a target for all the anger that the administrators wish to express for what we are doing. If the stresses do not destroy her, they will. She has been given help. She must take that help. If not for herself than for those she is leading," Diarmuid adds this knowing a great many leaders--himself included--would gladly sacrifice themselves for those they lead, but he has learned here that doing that can be just as disastrous as any defeat can be. "If you can get her to understand nothing else, she needs to understand that."

Diarmuid falls quiet for a moment before shifting the topic, "Meridian. Yes, that is the world's name. He was happy there, but since coming here he said he learned that that happiness might have been short-lived because of an upcoming event, but now that he knows of it, perhaps he will be able to find a way to avoid it once he returns home."

When Tohko makes her request, Diarmuid bows his head again, "You have no need to worry. I won't say anything about what you have told me. His secrets are safe with me."

Tohko would have done her best to dispel Diarmuid's worries about Zelda, but the truth was that she wasn't sure of the girl sometimes herself. She knew a bit about her world, due to Tetra, but she hadn't spoken as much with her as she had with Enoch, and due to Zelda's secrecy, she was about as unsure of Zelda as Diarmuid was.

At Diarmuid's words, Tohko nodded, looking..pretty serious for once. "Don't worry. Even if I have to scream myself blue in the face, I'll do my best to make sure that she understands and accepts your advice and my concerns. She just can't do all of this by herself without injuring herself and putting her and everyone else in danger."

Tohko only knew a little bit about Meridian, so when Diarmuid mentioned that it might have been destroyed while Enoch remained there, she sighed. "He was..after all, he got to spent time with an old friend of his and rekindle their friendship. I didn't know that Meridian was going to be destroyed..but if he ends up there again, it's possible that he'll be able to save that world."

While Tohko wouldn't voice it in the open, she had thought about going with Enoch once everything was repaired. Before, she thought that she wouldn't, even though she would have liked to, since she would have missed her family and friends. Now, however, she would have liked to help Enoch saved Meridian and Armaros and make sure that they all got back safely. Even if that job was more suited to Lucifel than anything.

But, when Diarmuid bowed again and made his promise, Tohko smiled again and patted him on the head once more. "Thank you. Really, that does mean a lot to me. He's only let me know of his past because I'm a friend of his and because I suggested he write down his past to try and lighten his heart."

She wasn't sure if it was working or not, but she hoped it was.

"I truly wish you well in your task. I may not know her well, but I am sure she has quite a few people who care and who would grieve if she were lost," He pauses a moment here and looks toward Tohko. "If she doesn't listen to you when you voice your concerns, do you think perhaps someone else might be able to get through to her? Perhaps Enoch or another who spends a lot of time with her? You cannot be the only one who is worried about her taking too much on herself."

"Destroyed? I don't know if Meridian was to be destroyed. Enoch just mentioned a threat to me. Granted, I will admit some of the things he said confused me probably because I was so unfamiliar with some of the things he was talking about. If it is to be destroyed, I hope more than before he will be able to return there and put off that destruction. It seems wherever he goes, he is destined to be caught up in great and perhaps also painful trials.

"I hope he takes your suggestion about the writing. While it was not something I did before coming here, since I started doing it, it has helped me a great deal. With all that he is facing in the tower and all he has faced in the past, it is just as important for him as it is for Zelda to find a way to relax and keep himself focused."

Diarmuid reaches out to gently touch her shoulder, "I hope you know that goes for you as well. You need to make sure you are taking care of yourself, but you have always stuck me as someone who is pretty aware of what they need even if I worry sometimes. However, I hope you know I am here if you do ever need a shoulder to cry on or just someone to scream your frustration out at."

"Thanks..I'm not as close to her as I am with Enoch, but I do worry about her sometimes, and I wouldn't like it if she died or was pulled back to her own world. I'm not sure how close Enoch is to her..but I do know someone that is, so if she doesn't listen to me, I can try and get them involved, if my voice falls flat."

When Enoch was mentioned again, Tohko sighed and nodded. "He's a really kind person, but he does seem to have really bad luck from time to time, and even that's a bit of an understatement. I didn't know that Meridian was to be destroyed until you told me..but I do know that..he saw his destroyed universe when he went home back in January. However, if Meridian will be under threat when we restore the universes, I hope he'll be able to save it and the friends that lie there. He really does deserve a break, after everything he's been though."

..She..couldn't help but smile a little bit at the writing comment though. "Diarmuid, he has taken my suggestion at writing. That's while I know a lot about his backstory. I'm not sure if he thinks my advice was genuine, since I do tend to copy and munch on his words, but if it helps his heart a little, then that's all I need. I'm glad to hear that it's helped you a lot too. After all..it's important for all of us to relax and keep ourselves focused, especially now."

Tohko was going to mention that she helped Enoch out whenever she saw that he was depressed too, but..stopped herself when Diarmuid put a hand on her shoulder. She wasn't quite expecting it, but her smile grew a little bit, due to the words and the contact. "Don't worry! Books aren't just food for the stomach, so I try my best to take care of myself..but if I ever need a shoulder to cry on or some advice, I'll do my best to come to you. I'm warning you though: I'm do cry a lot when I'm sad, so be prepared!"

..While that was her attempt to joke and lighten the air, it was up to Diarmuid whether or not that actually worked or not.

"Good. If she will not listen to you, perhaps she will listen to that other person. Good luck. One way or the other I am sure you will find a way to work this out," Diarmuid nods confidently to her, though after doing that he gives her a startled look.

"Enoch is one of those who has been back to his world to see the ruins? It must have been terrible for him," Diarmuid shakes his head sadly. Now he has another name to add to the list of people he knows who have been sent to their worlds only to be brought back to the tower again. "There are many terrors we face every day in this place, and I don't think any of them come anywhere near what it must be like to be back on your destroyed world like that."

"Oh!" When she continues to talk about Enoch and his writing, a surprised look suddenly crosses Diarmuid's face as he remembers something she told him a few months ago. "He was the person 'cooking' for you! I don't believe you gave me his name when we were talking that day, but you did mention having one other person. I am right, yes?"

Diarmuid can't help but laugh as she makes her joke, giving her shoulder a light squeeze, "Don't worry. I cry a lot too. I promise I won't tell anyone."

Tohko sighed again at that startled look and nodded. She had faced the aftermath of Enoch's return up close, so she knew how devastated he had been upon his return. "I'm sure we'll be able to..but yes, Enoch has been back to see his destroyed world. I'm not sure exactly what he saw there..but he was just broken when he came back. I'm not sure what he's faced in the Tower before I came here..but I've only really seen him like that once before, when they stripped him of his free will. It must..have been horrific, and that's putting it mildly."

While that subject matter was pretty depressing, the surprised look on Diarmuid's face and semi-light subject matter managed to pull a small smile out of her, and she managed to wear her mask so that it because larger. "You're correct! Enoch's my other chef here! He's on a pretty loose schedule here, but, considering the subject matter, I'm just happy that he lets me copy and eat whatever he does manage to cook up."

And..that mask of a smile managed to become a bit of a genuine one at the shoulder squeeze. Tohko gave out a lot of physical contact, but she didn't get a lot of it most of the time. "Thanks..that does help me a bit, since I would like to become the sort of person I told you about."

She had half-made the joke so that Diarmuid would be prepared for tears, but, considering the place and the person she was talking too, that probably wasn't necessary. Instead, she just decided to chuckle a little bit.

"Kain was broken as well when he returned. It's hard to imaging wanting to be back in this place, but..." Diarmuid's voice trails off as he remembers how shaken and shattered Kain had been when they had first met. Even now the dragoon still seems to be trying to get over what he had seen and experienced back on his world.

The thought is depressing and so he is glad when Tohko pushes the conversation back toward brighter things, "Yes, considering what you have told me about his past, I expect he is a very good chef for you. So many trials and so much emotion. Hopefully, he will be able to cook for you for quite a while."

When Tohko mentions the type of person she wants to be, Diarmuid nods and smiles at her, "I am sure you will make it there someday. My father always said as long as you keep fighting and never give up, you will eventually become whatever it is you want to be. You are no quitter so I know you will make it. Even if it is a long road, you will make it to the end."

"But it's better to be here than here. At least here, you have some hope of changing things.." Tohko sighed again and, smiling, kept on going with the lighter subject material. "Oh, Enoch has been cooking for me since October, when we first met! It's really tasty, even if it's really salty, so I'm always glad to read what he writes, especially since it helps me understand him sometimes."

Tohko paused for a moment, thinking about those words, since she was reminded of Chia and how she might take them. In the past, they would have hurt her..but..maybe now, if she was here and heard them, would they help push her to keep living? Maybe. It was hard to say sometimes.

"Your father sounds like a really great person then!" While Tohko had read about Diarmuid and knew a bit about his paternal father and the person who raised him, there was no telling how things might have played out in his universe sometimes.

"My Dad usually reminded me that as long as I kept going, things would work out, and since he was usually right, I keep trying to follow his advice. Hopefully, someday, I'll be able to cross the finish line at the end of the road!"

Diarmuid nods in response to her answer as to why it is better to be here even if here is terrible most of the time. Since she hits the reasoning so well, he doesn't add more, instead smiling in response to her words about how Enoch's cooking for her tastes.

"Hopefully, you don't need to worry quite so much about Enoch's writing getting you drunk..." He laughs for a moment thinking of how many of his writing attempts for her have ended up tasting of something alcoholic before growing more serious. "In case you are confused since you do know about my legend, when I say 'my father' I mean Aengus. The man whose laying with my mother produced me does not deserve that title. It is something earned and he did nothing ever to earn it.

"Your father's advice is very sound. I don't know much about your parents, but I expect they were amazing too, to have raised such an amazing daughter."

Tohko chuckled at that. While Diarmuid's works had been tasty, she had almost lost herself and started singing like a drunkard when she ate them. If she hadn't gotten to a few sobering works in time, she would have lost it. "I usually don't..but I do have to worry about the salt content! If I don't eat some pudding or something sweet, my eyes just start watering."

In short, she would cry, due to the salt, but at Diarmuid's explanation, Tohko nodded. So she had been right about that. "Alright then. I thought that's who you meant..but with so many different universes and variations, things can turn out differently than what you would expect."

And..that smile grew just a little wistful when her parents were brought up. "They were! My parents really were wonderful people! Mom cooked a lot of meals for me whenever she had the time, and Dad was a book editor and let me come with him sometimes when he wasn't too busy. They never had a problem with my tastebuds, and they're the reason I'm a book girl in the first place."

..Notice that she was talking about them in the past tense.

Diarmuid chuckles lightly thinking about how odd--and amazing--it is that mere words on a page can do so many of the same things to her that food can to others, "Do you think if I tried specifically to write something that didn't come off tasting alcoholic it would work or would the very fact that I am thinking so hard about not doing it be my undoing?"

He pauses a moment to think about what a version of himself raised by Donn might have been like and can't help but pale slightly when his first thoughts drift to how he had been during the January experiment, "I don't think I want to think about a version of me raised by him. I hope that not many universes ended up taking that route..."

In fact, Diarmuid wants to not think about that possibility so much that he very quickly latches onto what Tohko is saying about her parents. He is about to ask if she would mind telling him more about them when he realizes that she is talking about them in past tense, "They are...gone aren't they? Even before our worlds were destroyed, you were alone..."

It was pretty odd and amazing, but it was because books were like food to her that she could really sink her teeth into them and use them to help people. "That might work! However, if you try too hard, it might soak up any other liquids that should be there. Just do your best and not try so hard! That's all you need to do."

Tohko noticed that paling and sighed before patting Diarmuid on the shoulder. "I hope not many universes ending up taking that route. After all..the father you had was a wonderful person. I'm not quite sure what would have happened if you were raised by your biological father."

And, when Diarmuid figured out that they were dead, Tohko put on her mask of a smile again and shook her head. "No way! I wasn't alone! They died..and I do miss them..but I wasn't alone. Dad's sister and her son, Ryuto took me in, and while Ryuto teased me a lot and was a womanizer, he was a like a big brother to me. I wasn't alone, even when they died."

"It would have been terrible because he was a terrible excuse for a knight and a person," And that is all Diarmuid has to say about that. He is more comfortable talking about Tohko's parents than he is his horrible excuse for a birth father.

"I am so glad to hear you were not alone," Indeed, hearing that brings a wide smile to his face. "So many are not so lucky. When they lose their parents, they often find themselves alone for the first time in their lives. Did your new family cook for you and encourage you as well or did they not know?"

"I know..believe me, I've read the stories. The father you had was a much better person than the one you could have had." And..that was pretty much all Tohko had to say to that. She knew, due to her reading, that Diarmuid's father was a good one, and the subject was probably a painful one to Diarmuid anyway, so she just quickly moved on to talking about her own family.

"So am I. There's nothing wrong with being an orphan, but it's really tough sometimes, especially if there's nowhere for you to go. However, Ryuto knows about my taste buds! He doesn't always cook for me, but he sometimes tries when he has the time and wants to. He's out late at night a lot sometimes, due to his skirt-chasing, but he's never called me a goblin or anything. My aunt doesn't know though. She's always out at work a lot, so we sometimes don't have a meal together, but, when we do, I can just picture a really tasty book when I eat with her and then actually eat some words in my room later."

"Did his 'skirt-chasing' ways bother you?" While he knows the question is somewhat prying, she has very blatantly pointed it out twice now and so Diarmuid can't help but wonder.

And be reminded just a little of his own brother.

"I would ask if it was hard to have one of them know but not the other, but it seems like with her away so much it wasn't too bad. I am glad you had at least one person to help you out after you lost your parents even if you maybe didn't approve of all his...hobbies."

Edited 2013-07-06 22:38 (UTC)

Book Girl and...

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..And I realized that I wrote 'agree with him' instead of 'agree with you'..><;;

Pats Happens all the time...

It's always embarrasing when it does happen though..><;

Irk...my bad. I thought she was standing for some reason. x.X Embarrassing...

...And she had been. That..should have been 'sitting'..><; Blegh..I'm so sorry!