towerofanimus | [open]

Entry tags:

[open]

Characters: Ruler & YOU
Setting: Dorm halls, Floor 48, Floor 25, then back to Floor 48
Format: Action.
Summary: Jeanne experiences her first major loss in the tower.
Warnings: None

[Dorm halls]

[Ruler had developed a routine by now. After each experiment or strange happening in the tower, she would seek out those who she was close to. Even if it was just a quick check-in, she would always do this, without fail. She had to make sure her loved ones were safe, or healing, because there's not much else she can do in the aftermath of most events.

So there was a brief flash of panic within her, when she didn't find Francis in his usual haunts. She searched every inch of the floors she knew he frequented before heading up, to the dormitories, seeking out the room she knew was his. He wasn't there either. And then, another flash of panic shot through her when she stared at the name list outside of the door in shock - her near-illiteracy meant that she couldn't read most of the names listed there, but she had at least managed to learn to recognize the pattern of letters that made up "France".

And the name wasn't there.]

[Floor 48 (Earlier)]

[A floor Ruler didn't visit often. She didn't like dwelling on thoughts of the dead, of people long gone without the possibility of returning. But she had heard rumors about the graves here, the significance. So she searched, weaving between countless gravestones. All the names were unintelligible to her, but... no. There was one. One familiar name in a sea of blurry faces.

It was his.

When she reached it, the Servant dropped to her knees before the grave, hands curled into fists so tight her knuckles turned white, gritting her teeth in an attempt to fight off tears that were already quickly forming.]

No, this can't be... you'll come back like last time, right...?

[Floor 25]

[Later, Ruler can be seen among the bunches of flowers in the sprawling meadow. She has a somber air about her as she wanders through, occasionally stopping to pick a few flowers. There's already a small bouquet in her hand, and it seems to be made up of only two kinds of flower; lilies and irises. Quite obviously they hold some sort of significance to her, as these are the only flowers she's seeking out.]

[Floor 48 (Later)]

[Ruler returns to the graveyard straight from the meadow, bouquet in hand. Seeking out the same headstone from earlier, she kneels before it again, setting the flowers in front of it.]

I'm sorry... so sorry...

[She then closes her eyes, presses her hands together, and begins praying.]

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

[Once Jeanne's prayer ends, Saber speaks up from where she was watching the other Servant.]

Why do you bother?

[Jeanne sensed Saber's presence before the other Servant spoke up, but she refused to acknowledge her until her prayers were finished. She stands, brushing the dirt off her pants, and turns to face Saber.]

He was... someone very important to me. [She won't say what exactly he was to her. Some people might be able to guess without her saying it, but she's not going to just give out such a huge hint to her identity so bluntly.] I had to do something.

I meant the prayer. I am not entirely sure God cares about us here.

If you choose to believe that, that's fine. But I don't; no matter how many horrible things happen in this tower, my faith in Him will not waver.

Even if God betrays you? Or abandons you? [She sniffs a little.] Time changes everyone when they let their emotions control them.

[Someone's disappointed in a lot of people right now.]

[She flinches at that, but her expression quickly hardens: Saber certainly hit a sore spot, though she might not know it. Gilles's ranting sure does come to mind when the other Servant ways that...]

He is not that cruel. Rewarding those that faithfully follow Him with death or betrayal is not something that He would do. [She takes a slow breath, trying to calm herself.] Being faithful and letting your emotions rule you are two completely different things.

Faith is emotion, Ruler. You cannot believe in something so strongly without it.

[Damn, she has a point. Looks like Jeanne's been caught.]

Even if you think that... I let my faith guide me and keep me strong, but I do not let it completely rule over me. I am capable of thinking for myself. [She glances down, back at the grave.] Today - and only today - might just be a bad day. I will recover quickly enough.

I hope so. There will be enough weakness in this Tower as people... recover.

[And with that bitter comment, Saber turns to leave.]

[It's taken Lancer most of the day to convince himself to leave his room after realizing all that he did during the last week. The man in him has been in shock ever since waking up and having it hit him. It's only because of the knight in him that he's out of the room now.

The knight got tired of hiding. It got tired of crying and shaking in shame. It's screams finally forced him to see that if he wanted to fix things, he had to get moving. He had to get things done.

He only comes to the graveyard because several of the encounters that so shame him happened here and maybe some foolish part of him wishes for one of those people to be here so he can apologize.

If there is a way to apologize.

There is no one. Or so he thinks at first, but a soft sound catches his attention and he looks closer. The woman he sees isn't one of those who he needs to apologize to, but it is one he is looking for.

Ruler.

Before all of last week's madness he had been told to find her and here she is, but it's obvious she's very upset about something and he almost walks away to leave her to her mourning.

The knight stops him, though and reminds him that he needs to talk to her so she knows he wants to help--so that when she hears of how he was acting this last week she will know he isn't like that. He's not a danger to anyone master or servant.

Lancer quietly approaches and when she looks like she's done with what she's doing, he gently calls out to her.]

Lady Ruler, if I might have a moment of your time...

[Saber may be walking away, but Jeanne refuses to let that be the last word in their conversation.]

Do you truly believe that feeling sadness over losing someone close to you, even in a place such as this, is weak? Would you not feel the same, if you had lost someone dear to your heart?

[Ruler doesn't seem at all surprised by his appearance - unless one had the right class or personal skills, it was almost impossible for one Servant to sneak up on another without their aura alerting them to their presence.

So she rises, the firm strength in her violet gaze masking the hurt she was feeling only moments before, and takes a step towards him.]

Of course. I was just finishing up here.

[Lancer nods, glad that he hasn't startled her. He had only been so quiet so that he wouldn't disturb her more than necessary.]

I won't keep you long. It's obvious that you have much more important things to deal with right now, but I arrived here just before this last...week and several of the other masters and servants I've talked to suggested that I meet with you since you are organizing everyone.

[He drops to on knee in front of her, head bowed. It might be a bit extreme for an introduction, but with his dishonorable actions during the last week so heavy on his mind, he is probably going to be a little extreme for a while until he can prove to himself that he is still worthy of being called a knight.]

My name is Diarmuid Ua Duibhne. I am a Lancer class servant who was called during the 4th Holy Grail War. The war is over for me and I have no interest in seeing it start again here. Despite my...actions over the last week, I only wish to help keep the peace here. My spear is yours if you should have need of it.

[Saber stops, but doesn't turn around.]

If this is unrelated to the recent incident of advanced time and false memories than I apologize.

[Saber can't see it, but Jeanne shakes her head.] This has nothing to do with the recent incident, no. I've been here long enough to realize that our actions may not entirely be our own when the time comes for a new experiment or incident, so I try not to let anyone's harsh words or actions affect me too much.

[She tries, but it doesn't always work. Zelda's harsh words are still a bit of a sore spot for her.]

I... lost a friend due to him disappearing. Not dying.

[Well, that does manage to surprise Ruler. Not terribly - the Holy Grail, as her Master, had given her artificial memories of the previous Grail Wars. Though these memories were mostly just of the battles, she knew just from seeing those that this man's honor was a great thing.

She just... was simply not used to others swearing loyalty to her. It was supposed to be the other way around.]

You may rise, Lancer. [She takes another step closer, a small smile breaking through her previously neutral expression.] Despite how others may act, I can assure you, I do not blame you for anything you have done or might do in the future as a result of the horrid experiments the administrators subject us to. The blame is to be put on them, not their victims.

And as for your offer of help... it would certainly be appreciated. I am sworn to remain neutral in the affairs of other Servants and their battles, but having allies to help defend the other residents of this tower is something I greatly welcome.

Then there is no reason to grieve for him as if he is dead.

[Saber glances back over her shoulder.]

But my apology still stands. Forgive my misunderstanding.

[Lancer nods and rises to his feet, his own expression relaxing at her acceptance.]

Thank you, Lady. It seems we are very lucky to have one as understanding as you to help us in this terrible place. It must be an almost overwhelming task at times considering the number of servants and masters I have been told are in the tower. If I can help in some small way, I will be glad to.

[His expression darkens a little as he continues.]

As much as I would like to claim neutrality as well, I know I will not be able to do so. I've been told already that the Caster from my war and his master are here. While I won't do anything to them shall they not hurt others, I don't know if I would be able to defend them should it come to that.

[The darkness in his face now turns to shame.]

As a knight, I should be able to put my feelings aside and do what must be done, but I saw what they did to the children who fell into their hands and I am a father myself. I just...can't.

[She nods.] Of course. Apology accepted.

But... we don't know what happens to those who are removed from the tower permanently, do we? If they are taken away temporarily, they are returned to their own worlds. [She can still remember just how despaired Francis and Francisca were upon returning home, and shudders a little at the memories.] Which are, from what I've been told, in a state of apocalyptic ruin. If being sent away from this tower permanently means forever remaining in a destroyed world such as that... I will still pray for them. That just means I must change the subject of my prayers a bit.

[She can't help but laugh a little.] Please, just "Ruler". I've never had the status to be called a lady, not in this life nor my previous one.

[All hint of a smile is quickly wiped off her face, though, when he mentions Caster and his Master. A look of pain very briefly crosses her face before she forces herself back behind that mask of neutrality.]

I'm aware of the things the Caster of the Fourth Holy Grail War has done. I've taken it upon myself to keep an eye on him, but for some time, I've sensed no activity. He might have... disappeared, as some people tend to do in this tower.

[Gilles disappearing had, surprisingly, hurt much less than Francis's disappearance. She never got a chance to suitably sort out her feelings for this new, monstrous form of her dear friend, so.... perhaps it was for the better.]

As for his Master... he is a bit harder to track, but I already plan to do whatever is within my power to prevent him from harming the innocents here.

I call you Lady out of respect not because of status. However, if it bothers you I will stop. Just forgive me if I slip up from time to time.

[He notices the pained look that flashes briefly across her face, but just assumes it has to do with whatever had been paining her earlier.]

I will leave them to you then. It sounds like you have them well in hand or as well as they can be.

[He pauses a moment, an unsure look crossing his face.]

I am surprised to find myself not entirely glad to hear that he might have left this place. It is one less danger here, yes, but at the same time this place provides a unique opportunity for servants such as us. It gives us a chance to try again and maybe do things right where we once did them wrong. It would be sad to know he has gone without using that chance. He had many wrongs he could have tried to right if he had cared to.

Though my roommate claims that the only time he saw Caster, he was muttering to himself seemingly lost to his madness. If he is truly lost, perhaps the quiet of the Throne is the best place for him.

Then do so.

[Saber returned her gaze to the front.]

Though there may be some that would prefer a land of destruction to this place. Good evening, Ruler.

Do you... truly believe that this tower would have provided a good opportunity at a second chance for Caster?

[Even Jeanne, one of his dearest friends from Caster's first life, had her doubts. Oh, she would have done everything in her own power to aid him, of that there was no doubt. But surrounded by all sorts of darkness and evil... it would make his rehabilitation extremely rocky.]

A second chance at life would certainly help, but... there is so much more to this tower than you may know. Many things could go wrong during such a delicate journey.

I cannot really say, Lady. It is as you point out--I'm new to this place and by no means know how things work here. Despite that, I would like to think most people would realize what they have been given and try to make the most of it. It would be hard to do alone, but with the help of friends and allies? Maybe not so hard after all.

[He pauses, not sure how to address the question that is tugging at the back of his mind. Lancer can't help but wonder why a loyal knight such as herself is so interested in an evil creature like Caster. It would be one thing if she were worried about him causing trouble, but this seems to be something beyond the concern that her role as Overseer would require.]

Forgive me for being rude, but you seem very interested in whether or not rehabilitating him would be possible. Did you happen to know him? Or am I just mistaking that interest as part of your role as Overseer?

As the overseer of the Holy Grail War I hail from, it is my duty to remain neutral in the affairs of Servants and their quarrels with others involved in this. Therefor, unless he strikes out against the other residents - a terrible idea, with how many magically-inclined people there are here - I cannot interfere with how he goes about his business. However, that will not stop me from keeping an eye on him.

[She... certainly can't make it even more obvious that she's dodging the question, can she? It's not like she fiercely guards her identity as some other Servants might - she realizes that just her appearance, attitude, and status as a Heroic Spirit would be enough for most people to guess. It's just... still a little strange. Dropping such a big clue in front of a Servant she doesn't know all that well. She can't lie, though, so...]

... But yes, my interest goes further than just my duty. He was... a dear friend of mine, when we were both truly alive.

[Lancer nods in response to her answer,]

I thank you for being honest with me, Ruler. Please know I have no intention of using that information in any negative way. Your reaction just seemed a little strong for someone who was just interested because it was her job to be.

Though, I must admit that I'm puzzled how one as honorable as yourself could have been friends with that....man, but I cannot claim to know anything about him beyond his actions in the war and his obsession with some woman he had mistaken the Saber of our war for. The Grail Wars do horrible things to people, master and servant alike. I have no way of knowing how much it changed him from the man you once knew.

[Ha...haha... boy she still plans to profusely apologize to Saber if the black knight ever finds out her identity....]

He wasn't always like that. Certain events caused him to... well. Fall from grace, I suppose. [A sad smile crosses her face.] If you had met him as he was before then, I think you and Saber might have liked him. He was still quite eccentric, but he was a knight of great honor and skill. I was proud to have him fighting by my side... and I suppose I looked up to him a bit.

Ah, a fall from grace...

[After the experiment, Diarmuid knows well what it feels like to fall. Of course, he has every intention of making up for what he did during his fall. Caster, it seemed, had not felt the same. Instead, the man had reveled in his fall.]

After this recent experiment, I know how it feels to fall. It's a fate I would not wish on anyone since it comes only after one loses all that matters to them in life. He must have been in great pain. I wonder if that is why he was so cruel in our war. Pain does horrible things to people.

However, since he was a good man once there is always a chance he could be so again. If he doesn't get that chance here in the tower--if it has truly sent him away--perhaps the next time he is called, his master will be able to help him rise from his fall.

[It feels odd to be speaking this way of such a monster, but Diarmuid thinks of himself as the kind of person who would rather not give up on others and he has no plans to change that even now that he knows the bitter taste of hate and anger. Despite knowing them now, they are still unknightly feelings and he has no wish to learn any more about them than necessary. So, instead of feeling hate or anger at Caster for his actions, he will feel hope--hope that someday the man who Ruler knew will find a way to rise from the shadows that have claimed him.]

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

[open]

Floor 48 - later

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

Floor 48 (Later)

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject