[When Diarmuid starts screaming, Cu Chulainn freezes. His first thought is that such rage does not fit his brother. And yet, if there was anything that could spur the other Lancer to rage, it would be this event.]
[As he listens to the other Lancer's curses, a different sort of fear starts to fill his eyes. The words are horrible, but they are true.]
[And when Diarmuid curses him directly,to his face, it feels like someone cut his heart out. No, not that. It would hurt more if his heart were cut out. Instead, he just feels numb and empty.]
[One part of him wants to scream at Diarmuid and shake him. Tell him that's not true. Lancer wasn't a liar, and he did know love of all kinds. He loved Emer. He loved Misaya. He loved Ayaka. And yet, he never expected either of his Masters to love him in return. Diarmuid as well. When had he not placed his brother's safety and happiness before his own?]
[Ultimately, he stays silent. Though that one part of him rages, another part of him accepts the curse as the truth. For all his promises, for all his love, the most important promises he made turned out to be hollow.]
[I'll save you]
[And Misaya had died.]
[I'll protect you]
[And Ayaka had slipped through his fingers.]
[I'll love you]
[And he couldn't love Diarmuid the way his brother had wanted.]
[Even as he feels horrified, there's a bizarre sense of relief. His brother is finally blaming him. Finally acknowledging the truth of Cu Chulainn's failures. Finally, the blame falls on the right head.]
[It's better than seeing Diarmuid wallow in self-blame, at least.]
I'm sorry.
[He mutters. The sound is small and broken and barely audible against Diarmuid's screams and sobs.]
[He's still rooted to his spot. He doesn't move, except perhaps to wrap his arms around Diarmuid a little tighter and to lean his head on Diarmuid's shoulder.]
I'm sorry.
[He mutters again, and falls silent. Maybe he cries, but he no longer notices at this point. He's too caught in his thoughts of self-blame.]
[In fact, the way he's complete still, it's like he's died or become a statue. The only thing he can barely register about the outside world is that Diarmuid is still crying.]
no subject
[As he listens to the other Lancer's curses, a different sort of fear starts to fill his eyes. The words are horrible, but they are true.]
[And when Diarmuid curses him directly,to his face, it feels like someone cut his heart out. No, not that. It would hurt more if his heart were cut out. Instead, he just feels numb and empty.]
[One part of him wants to scream at Diarmuid and shake him. Tell him that's not true. Lancer wasn't a liar, and he did know love of all kinds. He loved Emer. He loved Misaya. He loved Ayaka. And yet, he never expected either of his Masters to love him in return. Diarmuid as well. When had he not placed his brother's safety and happiness before his own?]
[Ultimately, he stays silent. Though that one part of him rages, another part of him accepts the curse as the truth. For all his promises, for all his love, the most important promises he made turned out to be hollow.]
[I'll save you]
[And Misaya had died.]
[I'll protect you]
[And Ayaka had slipped through his fingers.]
[I'll love you]
[And he couldn't love Diarmuid the way his brother had wanted.]
[Even as he feels horrified, there's a bizarre sense of relief. His brother is finally blaming him. Finally acknowledging the truth of Cu Chulainn's failures. Finally, the blame falls on the right head.]
[It's better than seeing Diarmuid wallow in self-blame, at least.]
I'm sorry.
[He mutters. The sound is small and broken and barely audible against Diarmuid's screams and sobs.]
[He's still rooted to his spot. He doesn't move, except perhaps to wrap his arms around Diarmuid a little tighter and to lean his head on Diarmuid's shoulder.]
I'm sorry.
[He mutters again, and falls silent. Maybe he cries, but he no longer notices at this point. He's too caught in his thoughts of self-blame.]
[In fact, the way he's complete still, it's like he's died or become a statue. The only thing he can barely register about the outside world is that Diarmuid is still crying.]