"That's just it, Veigar. There's no way I can make up for it."
What Saber needed more than atonement was to forgive herself, really. Something she didn't think herself capable of in her current state. Not tired as she is, even if Veigar is making good points and not while some part of her is trying to pick Shirou out of the crowd.
"I threw away my honor, my life, my right to be king, and for what? For a corrupt Grail? To slaughter the very Kingdom I tried to save? To kill countless more across time and space without knowing anything else about anyone?"
That was the true danger of the shadows to Saber, really. They were not saying anything new, but rather things she already thought about herself. Things she normally ignored, but were difficult to when they were being screamed in various voices appropriate to each thought. It was sinister how perfectly these creatures could get to her.
She sighed, sitting on the table next to Veigar and ran her hands across her face in a very tired gesture before they came to rest on the back of her neck.
"I'm tired. I am tired of fighting, but I know no other way to be." Helping people was so ingrained into her being she could not simply stop for a moment. She was already fighting the Administrators and trying to find ways to free everyone. Yet there was more she could do. She had no idea what, but there was.
"Some days I want to sleep for a very long time and forget everything. Maybe then I can finally rest easy instead of waiting until exhaustion claims me before I can sleep."
It had been a few days since she last slept. As a Heroic Spirit, she didn't require it as much as most people. She did, however, still have to sleep every few days as per the systems in place in the Tower and it was fast approaching that time.
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What Saber needed more than atonement was to forgive herself, really. Something she didn't think herself capable of in her current state. Not tired as she is, even if Veigar is making good points and not while some part of her is trying to pick Shirou out of the crowd.
"I threw away my honor, my life, my right to be king, and for what? For a corrupt Grail? To slaughter the very Kingdom I tried to save? To kill countless more across time and space without knowing anything else about anyone?"
That was the true danger of the shadows to Saber, really. They were not saying anything new, but rather things she already thought about herself. Things she normally ignored, but were difficult to when they were being screamed in various voices appropriate to each thought. It was sinister how perfectly these creatures could get to her.
She sighed, sitting on the table next to Veigar and ran her hands across her face in a very tired gesture before they came to rest on the back of her neck.
"I'm tired. I am tired of fighting, but I know no other way to be." Helping people was so ingrained into her being she could not simply stop for a moment. She was already fighting the Administrators and trying to find ways to free everyone. Yet there was more she could do. She had no idea what, but there was.
"Some days I want to sleep for a very long time and forget everything. Maybe then I can finally rest easy instead of waiting until exhaustion claims me before I can sleep."
It had been a few days since she last slept. As a Heroic Spirit, she didn't require it as much as most people. She did, however, still have to sleep every few days as per the systems in place in the Tower and it was fast approaching that time.