towerofanimus | [open] // it’s your blood that’s red like roses

Entry tags:

[open] // it’s your blood that’s red like roses

Characters: Waver and open
Setting: November 23rd
Location: floors 27, 15, and the dorm floors
Format: starting in brackets, I'll try to match.
Summary: Waver's having problems.
Warnings: Probably none?

[floor twenty-seven]

[Working usually took his mind off of things. Today seemed to be the exception; Waver stared blankly at his notes as though he wasn't really seeing them, pen hovering just over his paper. it seemed as though he was having trouble getting a train of thought properly started...or he was on a much less science-oriented one altogether.]

[floor fifteen]

[If the usual work on the collar fluid wouldn't hold his attention, maybe something more practical would. In the course of his day Waver found his way to the workshop floor; someone did need him to craft new swords. Film materials or not, he had every intention to do as much. So one could find him drawing up vague outlines for paired shortswords and collecting a pile of materials for them.]

[dorm floors]

[Maybe it just wasn't worth trying to do anything today. Not with the miserable mood that kept rearing its ugly, murderous, and nauseating head. Waver decided that perhaps just trying to actually accomplish things was best left for tomorrow. If he slept on the whole mess of Sephiroth and all that had happened for another night, maybe it would be less of an overbearing weight to handle.]

[Maybe.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Diarmuid...please, don't do that.

[Almost automatically, Waver stroked Diarmuid's hair as he spoke in a quiet voice.]

I'm not angry--well, no, I'm angry you did something that stupid for my benefit. But that's all. You don't have anything to apologize for, and I would assume you won't apologize for acting like a damned shield.

No...it was something I had to do. Even what I feel about you aside, I couldn't fight anymore and you could. There was no other option. Not when I was already dyi--

[Diarmuid lets his voice trail off, raising his head and then his hands to present the much abused leather collar to Waver. A small smile crosses his face for just a minute.]

You're Puppy Servant was bad. You should keep him on a shorter leash.

... [There was a faint sound of actual humor to Waver's laugh when he took the collar from Diarmuid's hands, examining it with a small smile.]

Cute. A little suggestive, but cute.

Suggestive? I wasn't really going for that. I just wanted to make you smile.

[Diarmuid crosses his arms over Waver's legs and rests his head on them.]

Should I have added the bell? I thought it too cat-like...

Hm, well you've done that about as well as one could in the given situation.

[Raising an eyebrow like a thought occurred to him, Waver fastened the collar around his own neck with a smirk.]

Maybe a 'property of Diarmuid' tag on it, you think?

[Diarmuid's eyes grow wide, one hand raising so he can press his fingers lightly against the collar.]

You... That was suppose to be for me... You own me, not the other way around...

Don't be stupid. I was only joking--aren't we meant to be equal partners in all this?

Edited 2013-11-24 07:30 (UTC)

Yeah, but...

[Diarmuid's hand and eyes drop, his expression saddening.]

After all of this, I don't think I deserve to be on equal level with you anymore...

You think I don't feel just as miserable about all this nonsense? Christ, quit being a Servant for a bit and at least sit next to me so I can talk properly.

Oh...

[Diarmuid nods and stands so that he can sit next to Waver, one arm tentatively making its way around the magus' waist to pull him a little closer.]

Better?

Better.

[He put his arms around Diarmuid's shoulders with a tired smile.]

I...can't say we quite handled everything ideally, no. I also can't say I'm thrilled you're using methods better suited to someone as underhanded as myself. But what matters is that we stopped him even for a short time.

What matters to me is that you protected me, even if I don't like the method. Maybe the end doesn't justify the means, but I think there's a little room to work with there.

[Diarmuid's arm tightens around Waver's waist, while his other hand comes up to brush against Waver's cheek. For a moment, he forgets everything else Waver's said and focuses just on one thing.]

You survived? You didn't die?

[Hope fills his eyes and his voice. That was something he had been wondering and worrying about. However, he had been too afraid to ask.]

I...didn't completely fail?

Please. What do you take me for, exactly? I'm not some distressed damsel.

[He smirked confidently, though it lacked a little of the usual spirit.]

Of course I survived. Little scratched up, maybe, but I'm fine.

Edited 2013-11-24 20:13 (UTC)

[Diarmuid's eyes go wide before he lowers his gaze and shakes his head.]

N-no! That's not what I meant...

[He closes his eyes a moment, before looking back up at Waver.]

So what's wrong? What is troubling you so much? It's not just that I died to protect you or used tactics you would rather I not use, is it?

Relax. I know you wouldn't imply anything of the sort.

[Tone dropping to something more humorless, Waver leaned his head on Diarmuid's shoulder.] I'm upset about that, certainly--mostly about the former. But I don't find that the pressing issue. I think perhaps what's bothering me most of all is...it doesn't feel right.

We put everything into that and lost too much to have only inconvenienced the overconfident bastard for a few days at best. I doubt he even thinks of the whole affair as being actual consequences for his actions.

[As Waver speaks, a deep frown crosses Diarmuid's face. Those are the exact same thoughts that have been floating around his mind only in a much vaguer form]

That...is my mistake. My fault... It is why I wanted so long and, in the end, it meant nothing after all. I still couldn't find the right way to do it...

[He looks down away, eyes growing distant.]

I don't know what else to do and...I'm a little afraid of trying. After what my brother said when I woke up... After what I said before I died... Sephiroth calls out the dark in me and he knows it now. What am I going to do?

...It's not only you. After you-...after that happened, I--

[Waver scowled, embrace on Diarmuid tightening.]

I fucking lost it, Diarmuid. I threw everything I had at him. Before that I was worried about killing someone--even someone like him--but I didn't care. I just wanted to kill him, for you and everyone else he'd hurt.

...I can't say I hated how it felt, either. But I...we can figure out some way to deal with all this, can't we?

[Diarmuid doesn't response right away. His eyes narrow as he desperately searches his mind for a sure way. Something he can use to convince Waver that there is some way. However, he finds no real answer. There is no sure way. That is why there is such a mix of emotions on his face when he finally turns to face his friend. Pride and sorrow. Fear and determination. Unease and confidence.

At least, there are some things he does know for sure even if everything else is completely unknown.

He leans forward to rest his forehead against Waver's.]

We will. One failure doesn't mean we always will fail. There must be a way. I have never settled for less than my goal, and I am not going to start now. Not when the consequences impact so many. If Sephiroth has truly learned nothing here, there must be another way.

[In darkness or not. There must be a way.]

I know losing it like that upset you, but there is a good thing that came from it.

[Diarmuid smiles gently.]

That reaction was the reaction of one who knows love. Only losing something you truly love can awaken such demons inside of you. All good things have shadows after all.

Congratulations. It seems like you have learned how to love no matter how much you doubted your ability to before.

[Waver was very quiet as Diarmuid spoke, closing his eyes; he was still incredibly worn out. Deciding to focus only on his friend's answer and not worrying about starting an argument would be the best course of action for now.]

Right. We'll just...need to work on it. Somehow.

[At first it seemed like Waver was going to ignore the latter comments. The lecturer frowned, fidgeting as though he was suddenly lost for how to react properly.]

...Don't do that again. I don't care how selfish of me it is, don't act like my goddamn shield again. I saw that happen once, and you should understand I'd rather just die than deal with witnessing you hurt to protect me.

[They are quite the pair of opposites in that moment. Even as Diarmuid is realizing just how tired Waver sounds, he is hit with a wave of what he can only call nervous energy. At first, it's not really that noticeable, but by the time Waver is done talking, Diarmuid is almost shaking, his puppy ears flattened against his head, his tail thumping against the top of the bed.]

What do you expect me to do?

[His words are tense, almost as if he is having to fight to keep them from shaking as well.]

Especially since I was already dying? I'm suppose to protect you! I just can't...

[And then, suddenly, all that energy is gone, and Diarmuid slumps against Waver, still shaking slightly.]

I'm sorry. I know...I know we are suppose to be partners in everything. I can't just say that and then not act on it. But it's hard, so hard for me to put the same value on my life as I put on yours. Forgive me. I didn't mean to hurt you like that... The last thing I ever wanted to do is hurt you...

...I don't know, Diarmuid. I just...I don't know, alright?

[Waver gave a long and quiet sigh, trying to collect himself with little success.]

I can't stand seeing you hurt, more so if it's because of something like that. Of course I know you wanted to protect me--and I'm grateful for at least that much. But I won't just let you keep pulling stupid stunts like that for me. I love you, you fucking idiot. If you really think I'm going to let you act like a shield for me, you're insane.

[Beat, followed by a deadpan:]

I...said that bit out loud, didn't I.

[It takes a few seconds for what Waver has said to sink in, but once it does Diarmuid's head shoots up, his eyes wide. He blinks in surprise, before his expression softens into what can only be described as pure joy.]

Yes, yes you did.

[Diarmuid's voice is as soft as the expression on his face as he leans forward to gently kiss Waver on the lips. He then pulls back, only slightly, to speak again.]

Don't worry. I won't tell anyone. I want my heart to be safe where no one can take it from me. No matter what I said then, I don't want to lose it. Not ever.

I--th-that-...fucking hell. I wasn't exactly planning on saying that.

[He lowered his gaze in an attempt to hide how red his face was rapidly turning.]

That's..what I should call this, right? If you and I are so goddamn broken it's ridiculous, but we still...we're still stupid enough to want to be around each other? I'm not...wrong in concluding that's what being in love with someone is, am I?

Edited 2013-11-27 04:25 (UTC)

No, I would say you are right. That is exactly what love is. At least, I think so.

[Diarmuid reaches out to gently tip up Waver's head so his friend is looking at him, he then lightly rubs his fingers against the man's cheek.]

I never felt this way with her. Nothing so strong or so intense. My feelings for her were just...there. With you, it's like they take me over and I want them to. It's not something I want to fight. It's something I want to be part of every fiber of my being instead.

I don't have any idea what I'm doing. We shouldn't even worry about something like this now. We--don't e have more important things to think about?

[Waver hid his face against Diarmuid's shoulder this time, scowling.]

I'm such a goddamned idiot. You can't really want someone like me.

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