towerofanimus | I could not be at rest, I could not be at peace [OPEN]

Entry tags:

I could not be at rest, I could not be at peace [OPEN]

Characters: Kariya Matou and anyone.
Setting: Room 2-10/Dormitory Levels, Floor 25 (Meadow), Floor 82 (Masquerade), Floor 4 (Lounge)
Format: Any
Summary: Kariya returns to the Tower
Warnings: Mentions of death and body horror; mental illness, trauma

Room 2-10 and nearby, Dormitory Levels:
[He sits up with a start, breathing hard, eyes wide. The worms--the worms are gone. The pain is gone. His withered and blood-stained body has been restored to health again. It's amazing. He should be pleased, but he isn't. He's frantic. He's been on his world for--he doesn't know how long it was, but it felt like forever. Centuries of agony and bleeding, his body degrading but unable to die. But his health is a secondary concern.]

Sakura--! Sakura.

[He casts around, desperately, but she's gone. He rises from his bed and searches all through the room, through his possessions. Once he finds the doll lying in the chest, he grows calmer. He stares at it, then slowly reaches down to pick it up. It's a pretty doll, its body soft, its hair dark and its face sweet. He gave it to Sakura when he was staying with her, when he could still leave the house and buy things. He holds it to his chest, stroking its long, dark hair. Sakura's doll. Sakura.]

Sakura. I won't leave you. I promised you. Didn't I...

[Doll in hand, he makes his way out into the hall. He doesn't know where he's going. He's just--going.]

Floor 25:
[The meadow is blessedly quiet, and he lies on his back, gazing up, the doll lying at his side. After several minutes, tears start to stream down his face, and it isn't long before he's sobbing, his body wracked with it. He covers his face with his hands.]

Floor 82:
[When Kariya steps out onto the dance floor, he takes the mask off almost at once, letting it fall to the floor. It's too confining. It feels like he's suffocating when he has it on.

He spins slowly, with the doll in his arms. He smiles at her as they move across the floor, twirling with the other dancers.]

This is fun, isn't it?

Floor 4:
[He stands at the widow, looking out into the endless, impenetrable clouds, his hand pressed to the glass. The doll is resting on a chair next to him, carefully positioned, sitting with its arms in its lap, staring straight ahead, a fixed smile on its placid face.]

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[Every day she has been able, Claudia has combed the graveyard, checking for a new headstone with Kariya's name. None have appeared, but even so, she has felt increasingly anxious the longer his absence has persisted. By now, that constant, lingering feeling of unease barely registers as abnormal in her mind.]

[So, when she spots him in the dormitory hallway now, she stops short. A jolt runs through her, intense enough that her posture jerks, and as it fades, an upwelling of something that is both overjoyed and horrified rises in its place.]

Kariya—

[Immediately, she moves toward him, worry overpowering her happiness at seeing him again. He must have been back in—that place, the same as she had been. At that thought, it's all too easy for her to recall the experience, and her heart beats harder in her chest.]

[The meadow isn't really somewhere that one would expect to hear sobbing. Lancer follows the sound, curious as to who it is.]

...You okay?

[The crying man looks familiar, but Lancer isn't sure who he is.]

[He freezes at the sight of her, clutching the doll more tightly, pressing it to his chest. She looks just like she did before. She's not dead. Not like everyone else was. It's really--her? He's so used to everyone being dead, that it's bizarre to see someone standing there, watching him, talking to him.]

Claudia--Claudia, you're here. You're alive.

[He doesn't move toward her at first, staring at her in shock.]

[He stops sobbing, though his face is still covered with tears. He sits up and stares at Lancer, lowering his hands.

He has no idea how long he was gone. It feels like it's been ages. Yet--people are still here. He'd never been "home" before, and he'd had no idea how disorienting it would be.]

Lancer...?

Yes, I'm— You're—

[It isn't a particularly graceful (or coherent) greeting, but her breath catches before she can manage anything better than that. For a moment, it seems as though she's going to still as well as she draws in front of him, her footsteps beginning to slow—but then, abruptly, she staggers ahead in a motion closer to a stumble than the hug it's probably meant to be, her weight coming clumsily forward.]

...Yeah, it's me.

[He still can't recognize the man.]

...Who are you?

[Even as busy as he was now, Waver still ended up looking for somewhere quiet once in a while. Now that he'd lost the peaceful empty dorm room he'd once had, the next best thing was the meadow. It was usually quiet enough here, even when other people were on it.]

[Since it was often so calm on that floor, picking out an unusual and unsettling sound was too easy. With the miserable mood he'd been in, Waver almost didn't want to approach. More than likely he'd end up making things worse. For a few moments he deliberated the proper course of action; while he was heavily in favor of leaving the matter alone, eventually the magus scowled and stood to cross the meadow with his hands in his pockets. Damn this obnoxious amount of sentiment he'd developed over the past year. Damn it straight to hell, if there was one worse than this place at the moment.]

[He leaned over Kariya with a small frown, ponytail falling over his shoulder as he did.]

What's happened and do you want me to break someone in half for it, because with the few weeks I've been having I might just do it.

Edited 2014-03-10 20:03 (UTC)

Kariya. You don't remember me?

[Kariya doesn't stop to think of how different he must look. He knows what thinks are like in the Tower, and how many different explanations there could be for Lancer not knowing him.]

Or are you a different Lancer?

[It doesn't matter if it's a stumble or a hug, or what it is. He puts his arms around her and holds her, with the doll in between them--he can't seem to let go of the doll.]

I missed you, I missed you... I thought I'd never see you again.

[When he was addressed, he froze, his breathing slowing, his sobbing easing. He knew that voice. After a moment, Kariya looked up.

He stared at Waver. It felt like it had been such a long time since he'd last seen him. He had no idea how long he'd been gone. It had felt like an eternity. Though the worms were gone from him again now, they felt like they could slow time, even if it was only a matter of perspective, stretching moments into hours.

When he spoke, his answer was simple.]

I went home.

...

[Almost immediately, Waver dropped all pretense of being aggravated--he was, but it didn't seem right to openly flaunt the fact. He moved with calm, deliberate motions to sit down in front of Kariya, expression impassive.]

I won't bother with 'are you alright' because I imagine that can fuck just about anyone up. But I'm listening, if there's anything you want to say.

N-no. I remember you. I'm still the same Lancer.

[Indeed, he doesn't look much different. The only difference is a bird-head torc that replaces his dog-head charm. He and Diarmuid had exchanged their amulets with each other when Lancer joined the Jasonbusters.]

I just haven't seen you in some time. Lancelot told me you had been healed, but I hadn't seen it yet.

[He smiles apologetically.]

I've been waiting for you to come back. [She sets her hands against his shoulders, fingers curling there. She pays no mind to the doll—or, rather, she barely registers its presence, her focus elsewhere. She doesn't look away from his face.] I'm sorry. Are you— Are you going to be okay?

[She knows he can't be all right after what happened. But, if there's anything she can do now—]

[Kariya looked at Waver in silence for a few moments before speaking.]

I found Sakura. At home. Everyone was dead, and all the worms...

I took her to Aoi, so she could be with her mother and sister again. It was hard to find them, but I did. Then we were all together again. But I was so sick, by then. I couldn't do anything else. I just... stayed with them, so they wouldn't be alone.

You waited, for me?

[In spite of the shock and pain he's feeling, it's a nice thought, that someone cares about him so much.]

You don't have to be sorry. It's happened to other people. It's true for everyone, isn't it? Everyone they loved is dead. Everyone.

They're all... all gone.

[This doesn't exactly answer her question.]

Good. Good, I'm glad.

[He lets out a sigh of relief. He's glad it's the same Lancer. He's dealt with enough alternate versions by now, identical or not, to realize that people aren't always what they seem.]

Right. I'm better now. I will be--until I die again, probably.

I went home. For a while.

Of course I did.

[But she bites her lip, and her brow furrows. Gently, she lifts one of her hands and brushes her fingers through his hair.]

It doesn't matter if it's happened to other people. That doesn't mean it's fine that it happened to you. It happened to me, too, so I understand. It's— It's awful and shouldn't happen to anyone.

So, I'll— I'll do anything you need now.

You won't die. I'm sure Berserker is gonna protect you.

...

[He puts his hand on Kariya's shoulder in a comforting gesture.]

You didn't have to stay there for too long, did you?

[Waver actually turned pale upon hearing that, an expression like restrained horror flickering briefly across his face. He'd never given consideration to the idea of corpses being left behind on their ruined worlds, and tried very hard to push the image of specific ones out of his head at that moment.]

I'm...sorry. That sounds absolutely useless now that I think about it, but...bloody fucking hell, I don't even know what to say about that.

Lancelot... I haven't seen him yet. He's still here, too? I know he will. He always tries to protect me.

[He reaches up to rest a hand on Lancer's.]

I didn't have a Servant, back home. I was all by myself. Well, there were people there, but... They were all dead. I don't know how long it was. It felt like forever, like I've been gone forever.

[He leans into her touch.]

Sakura and Rin and Aoi were there. I made sure they could be together again. Like they should be.

I just--

[He leans forward, until his head rests on her shoulder, the doll still clasped in his arms.]

Don't leave me. I don't want to be alone anymore.

I know.

[It's not like she hadn't seen that for herself, on her world. She tries not to think of that, though. It must be worse for him, so she shouldn't dwell on her own experiences.]

[When he leans against her, her arms shift to hold him more firmly.]

I won't. [She speaks softly.] I'll stay with you until you're sick of the sight of me.

He should be. I haven't seen his grave yet.

I'm sorry you had to see that.

[From what Kariya was saying, it seemed even Sakura would have been dead back in his world.]

At least you're back here now.

*Every so often, he revisits the peaceful floors he used to frequent before floor 101 took over that spot. This time, it's the meadow.

And this time, it doesn't seem all that peaceful, not with someone crying. Enoch approaches the person, and kneels beside him. His interactions with him have been few enough he doesn't recognize him, regardless of the state of his body.*

What's the matter? Can I help?

Right. Of course you do.

[He reaches up to stroke her hair. She'd been through that, too. He shouldn't complain to her. It isn't right. She's been through so much.]

That'll never happen. I'll never be sick of you, never!

[There's a vehemence in his voice.]

Good. I'm glad. I'd like to see him again. And everyone else--are they still here? Did anyone go?

[He's nervous, especially since he's seen what's waiting for them, but of course, some people must have gone.]

I'm glad to be back. I don't want to go again.

[It's hard. It's hard to get over it, to get those images from his mind.]

You don't... have to apologize. Thank you, but... Lots of people here have been through it, I know. I just--want to do better. I want to do something, so that Sakura...

[He reaches out and pulls the doll into his arms.]

So she can be better. I promised. I wouldn't let her go.

[He looks up, with a start. He'd thought he was alone. He hadn't meant to be overheard, and he's grown so used to being alone, since he was sent home. To a world with nothing but the dead. He wipes his tears away quickly, though his voice is still thick from crying, his face red.]

No, there's nothing, I just--I miss my family. I went home, and I...

[He doesn't like to say it. That they were all dead.]

Diarmuid is here. I think Claudia might be too. Ganondorf's gone, though. Jason too. Fewer things to worry about around here.

[He has been Mad for some time now. Indeed, Time has lost most all of its meaning. There are periods when Faces seem familiar, Words understandable, Thoughts clear. But in all, Shadow and Flame obscure much of what remains of Lancelot, keeping him insulated and apart from the World around him, the Tower and all it's varied Hells. It is Berserker who moves about the Halls and Floors, a Servant without a Master.

Berserker does not belong in the Meadow. But it was here that he first met his Master in this Place. It is here that he comes now, having sensed something of his Master in the Bond after so long a Silence.
He stands, all flaming Shadows, red shifting before his eyes, the sound of his Master's weeping coming to his ears. His Master lies on his back in the Grass. The Sight of him is strange to Berserker, less so to Lancelot himself. He has Searched and Waited.
His voice, when he speaks is like a heavy door half off its hinges.]

Master...

Edited 2014-03-20 05:54 (UTC)

All of us have people we need to return to--and return properly, none of this emotional trauma nonsense. As things stand, I still think doing so might be possible.

...Difficult and very, very unlikely, but possible. I don't mind that sort of probability, do you?

*I went home. That's all he needed to say. He recalls his own return all too clearly, unnaturally so, after Jason removed his own mind's suppression of it. Enoch reaches out to put a hand on his shoulder.*

I understand.

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I could not be at rest, I could not be at peace [OPEN]

dorm floors

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floor 25

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Floor 25

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Floor 25: Meadow

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