towerofanimus

Entry tags:

003

Characters: OU!Riku and open
Setting: Floor Three → all around the tower, backdated to March, 17th
Format: whatever you go with, I'll match
Summary: In which Riku is looking for his cloak and blindfold and really not thinking about the collar event. Come stumble across him?
Warnings: nothing really, I'll update if it becomes necessary though

[To say that Riku was not amused by the events of the last few days was probably the understatement of the century. He would probably be even more irritated if he could actually remember more than just the occasional flash and then just... coming to in the upper library, wearing a lab coat that's two sizes to big for him.

He's disposed of it by now, very much ignoring the twist of foreboding in his stomach as he backtracked to the last location he could remember being at before blacking out to search for his Black Coat and blindfold - the library on the third floor - no way that he'd just lost them after all. Right?

Right.

So he just strides rather quickly and purposefully towards the elevator - resolutely not looking at anything that might show him his reflection, his most likely changed eyes (he can pretend that they are still the same as they used to be, right?) - travels down to the third floor and starts to look for his things.

And yeah. Not thinking about what might have/actually did happen just yet.]

[ooc: Just for reference Riku is currently wearing his KHII cloths and has amber eyes. Even though he'll really try to just. not really look. at anyone. ever. orz]

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You don't remember....

[That's certainly not helping her pretend that this might not be her fault. If she's hurt him, somehow -- she's not sure she can forgive herself. She'll likely have trouble with that already, from hurting the others, too, but....]

Do you-- think it was me?

[She's afraid of his answer and afraid to look at him, but she does all the same, eyes worried and searching.]

[Well... how to answer that... when he's pretty sure that the pull of her powers is the last thing he remembers somewhat clearly. So yeah, it probably was her, but...]

...It wasn't your fault.

[He knows, she hadn't meant for it to happen.]

[No, not on purpose. Never again.]

... But I did it, didn't I?

[She looks at him, still, despite her distress.]

I'm-- so, so sorry, Riku. I should have tried harder to stop it...!

Edited 2012-03-25 22:23 (UTC)

[He knows that, which is also why he would never, never blame her. Not for this. He shakes his head.]

It wasn't you... it was the Tower using you. I doubt there is much you could have done at all.

[He had fought against it himself after all, the terrible feeling of powers running out of control, of Darkness climbing up his legs, wrapping itself around- He's not going to go there.]

[If only she could stop blaming herself.]

I know, but-- I--....

[She's already said she was sorry, but it's hard to accurately express how contrite she really is, how ashamed and distraught and how helpless she feels, knowing they can do this - not only because they can control her, but because of what they can use her for, what that means for everyone else, what it's already meant for them, and for him, and Sora, and-- it makes her sick, just thinking about it. So many of her fears have come true.]

I have a responsibility--...! To you, and everyone else.

[With powers like hers, no effort but the utmost to control them is acceptable. She tried her best, but-- surely there was something more, anything more that she could have done. ~~Maybe if she'd cast herself off the tower--~~]

[Riku kind of maybe get is... they are equally bad at this after all (even though he considers it needless in Naminé's case... she had never truly desired to hurt anyone. Loneliness is not a sin.)

He takes another step closer, reaching to place his hand on her shoulder. ]

You are living up to it. If you weren't... Sora would have never had any chance of awakening again. But as much as any us dislike it, there are factors here that go beyond what we've known before, beyond what we can control.

[The Tower's love for shenanigans certainly being one of them. ~~..........She better never, ever voice that thought. Not in front of Riku.~~]

[(Maybe not, but hurting others because of it is. To her, what she's done is unforgivable, the repercussions so painful for so many others that she can't let it go, knowing how purely selfish her motivations were.)]

[She doesn't draw away, but her breath does catch. There's a reason she'd buried herself amongst the shelves and books, away from the presence of others; though the malfunctioning of her powers is over, there's still something in her that cringes away from the idea of putting herself in proximity of the others, just in case there's something more, some further outburst of her power that's waiting for just the wrong moment to flare up. She tries to tell herself that there's nothing to fear, that that's irrational-- it's just that she spent so much time feeling that way that shaking herself out of it is taking a bit longer than she'd like. Containing herself admirably (she knows well that he only means to comfort her, and she won't make him feel bad about it if she can help it, especially since it really does mean a lot to her and it does make her feel better, knowing that he's there and ~~more or less~~ okay and isn't angry with her and wants to assist, it just also awakens what's become an instinct the past few days) she looks up at him, listening and trying to take his words to not!heart.]

But I--....

[~~There was still one more thing she could have done to control it, but it's that very thing that she's pretty sure he wouldn't like to hear.~~ The thought that there was something else hints at its presence in her eyes, and she turns them away belatedly, lips pressing together as she tries to focus instead on what he'd said, more to make him feel better than to help herself (because obviously 'feeling' isn't an issue, for her). She lets out a quiet almost-sigh, one hand trailing up to press, curled, against her chest.]

... Thank you, Riku. For believing in me.

[Maybe if he didn't know her as well as he does now, he'd feel uncertain or hurt by her hesitation, by the way she tensed ever so slightly beneath his touch - she is generally even more uncomfortable with it than he is (and he does not even want to start thinking why that is) - which is why it is such a rare occurrence between them. Still sometimes he can't help to do something small, like this right now, because he is not sure if he knows the all the words it takes to reassure her and this is just the absolute best way to make sure she knows of his presence, that she knows he trusts her, that he always will.

There is a flicker of a frown at her expression, because while he doesn't know what she is thinking ~~though she would be right; he would not like hearing it~~, he does suspect that his words haven't reassured her quite as well as he had hoped they might. He draws back his hand though and smiles softly - he might not have succeeded in reassuring her yet, but he'll keep trying the best he can.]

Any time.

[It's just returning a favor after all, from the debt he owes her from Castle Oblivion.]

[It's hard not to be uncomfortable with such things when one's spent so long experiencing only the bad side of such interactions, the painful and the unwelcome and the controlling. But that doesn't mean she fails to understand the gesture or to appreciate it, because she does both of those things. For an instant, she considers reaching up to stop him from removing his hand, if only so that he can be certain that he's free to do such things, if he wishes, that he needn't feel like he's made a mistake. But she doesn't; the frown on his face distracted her beforehand, and the smile after that is enough to make her focus on smiling back, perhaps with less strength but also some softness of its own. It echoes her previously voiced gratitude.]

[She's trying to be reassured, and to look it, and on some level, she is... it's just that she's never been very good at not feeling guilty.]

... Have you seen the others? [Are they alright, too? Or does she have one more reason to wish she'd done something more? She's already aware of a few things, a few problems she's caused, but if there's something more, something worse-- maybe something she has to fix, then....]

[He shakes his head at her question, looking maybe slightly guilty himself.]

Not yet.

[Mostly because he is sort of avoiding them himself - he really, really doesn't want Sora or Kairi to see him like this. Or anyone else for that matter.]

[It comes as no surprise, really. He's spent plenty of time hiding from his friends; that he'd do it again isn't such a stretch. That guilt doesn't escape her, and she pauses, tilting her head slightly and regarding him quietly for a moment. It's not hard to guess why he wouldn't want to see them.]

... Your blindfold. It's... missing?

[Part of him keeps berating himself for being selfish; he shouldn't be looking for his things and trying to decide whether to pick up the pieces of his memories or not - he should be checking up on Sora (both of them) or Kairi or Xion or his double and somehow make himself useful... but if he does, then...

He nods after a moment of hesitation; he doesn't want her to blame herself anymore for what has happened.]

Yeah. I... have no idea what happened to it... or my cloak.

[It's true that there's an apology on her lips after that, but she holds it back. Perhaps it would be unwise to assume that that happened because of what she did... but it's certainly a viable theory. She looks down, frowning. He's been trying to make her feel-- 'feel' better, and... letting her guilt keep showing is just going to waste his efforts. After a moment, she exhales, working out a small smile that sort of clashes with the almost apologetic look in her eyes.]

Would you like some help looking for them?

[Penance, maybe, and the faster they find that, the faster he can get back to his friends.]

[While admittedly it is indeed rather probable that her powers have played part in this, he is not going to voice that. Especially considering that look in her eyes.]

Yeah... I guess...

[Yeah... he isn't that good at asking for or accepting help, even though he has done it a few times today already.]

[She's pretty well aware of that, but she'd offered anyway, because she'd known he could use it - at least to make things go more quickly - and because she wants very much to assist him. She nods, offering a wider, more encouraging (and almost approving) smile before getting to her feet.]

[~~Naminé has joined the party!~~]

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