The logical conclusion

[mutab1e]

Characters: One extremely sleepy Equius Zahhak and YOU.
Setting: Anywhere and everywhere.
Format: Either.
Summary: After being killed by the Grand Highblood, who just so happens to be his roommate, Equius has decided to simply stop sleeping in his room altogether. I think we all know what happens next.
Warnings: None.

[The premise of this thread is very simple: you have entered a room, and there's Equius, sleeping somewhere he shouldn't be.]

[Okay. So, this is basically the worst decision he could have possibly made. A few days after he respawned, Equius simply decided that he could get along with sleeping in the cafeteria instead of in his dormitory room like a good woolbeast. Unfortunately, as anyone familiar with the Tower could explain, any sleep you get outside of the dorms will do nothing to rest you. So basically, he's been trying to go about daily Tower business, but he's apparently fallen asleep in some... really unfortunate places. Under a cafeteria table, in the center aisle of the cathedral, right on the stairs. The bags under his eyes and general pallor of his face suggest that he hasn't slept in a while, of course.]

[Can someone tell this kid that he is a serious fire hazard?]

Comments

[mutab1e]

With what? [He's not normally the type, but...]

[restitchtime]

Whatever you want to risk, I don't care. [also known as Rose honey your overconfidence is showing again]

[mutab1e]

I don't have anything. [Unless you're interested in a bow or some chopped-up grubs.]

[restitchtime]

So offer a service.

[mutab1e]

...

[He looks at her almost critically for a moment.]

...Can you cook?

[restitchtime]

Of course I can cook. [you either learn that shit or spend your life eating nothing but pizza at her house] You're better off asking for an entree than dessert from me, though.

[mutab1e]

...This is stupid. This is stupid! [Dammit, did Rose try to pull him along on a stupid idea again? Why does she keep doing that?!] I'm not betting anything [even if he could in the first place] and you are not going to fight the highblood.

[restitchtime]

Damn, and here I was going to offer a nice chicken dish if you'd actually won. [she chuckles a little, then becomes more serious]

But that's your loss. I'm going to do it anyway, unless you'd like to try and stop me.

[mutab1e]

...

[He frowns, realizing with some concern that he seriously does need to think about whether he's going to try again. ...Apparently not.] I already have tried to stop you. Several times. Can't you please listen to reason?

[restitchtime]

Nah. Reason doesn't usually have much of an effect on me when I get an idea stuck in my head. It comes with the territory of being a stubborn bitch and all.

[she will probably need to be physically restrained to not do this. SHE IS A GIRL ON A MISSION OF JUSTICE]

[mutab1e]

[Physically restrained? Welp, he's out. Sure he'll try to stop her anyway, but considering how WEAK he is, she'll probably swat him aside. In the meantime, Equius sighs rather heavily, staring at her.] You do want to die.

[restitchtime]

If it makes you more comfortable thinking that than me doing something nice, then sure. I want to die very badly.

[she grins. aaaah this is dangerous and exciting and has a chance of turning out happily. she's needed something to focus her feelings on.]

[mutab1e]

No, it's... [Pause. That is not a comforting grin, Rose. Not comforting at all.] ...Have you even seen an adult troll before?

[restitchtime]

Probably? I didn't exactly stop to ask her what her birthday was. [most of her smiles aren't meant to comfort. it's just a fact of life.]

[mutab1e]

Well. I don't know who you met, but this one is at least twice as tall as I am [and he's six feet tall] and each arm is thicker than your waist. Trolls by nature have thicker skin, better senses, and more stamina than you do. He has been culling people for hundreds of sweeps, much stronger people than you, probably with more abilities than you. And he probably has abilities of his own, again, probably much more than you. Yes, you're going to die!

[His voice starts to rise in pitch again as he goes on, steadily reminding himself of how much everyone in this tower is fucked. He may or may not be wringing his hands by the end.]

[restitchtime]

[she nods along, looking facetiously concerned as he goes along (although she is logging the information - it's important) until the end, when his hysterical swooning causes her to laugh again]

Shit, he sounds like a riot. This is going to be even better than when the monsters in the game started ganging up on me.

[mutab1e]

[DAMMIT]

This is worse than the game, Rose! This is like... like... the game is nothing compared to him! [Still shrieking, and possibly not even exaggerating that much, considering most of his time in the game was spent frog-hunting with Nepeta and Gamzee. That's not hard for normal people. What came afterward, however...]

[restitchtime]

Worse than the end of the world and the infinite bullshit that came after? I think that you're flying off into that hysterical crazyland I mentioned earlier in the conversation. Want me to go grab you a paper bag?

[amount of heed Rose is paying to Equius warnings: -99999]

[mutab1e]

[Hysterical crazyland doesn't even begin to cover it. Great diagnosis, Dr. Strider. As of right now, he's looking at her with a kind of pleading look in his eyes -- or at least it might be pleading, since he's kind of twitching and sleep-deprived and borderline manic. Fortunately the fact that he's sitting under a piano seems to have stopped him from getting too bad. He doesn't want to get his horns caught up in that, kthx.]

[And then he kind of... looks at the floor. You won, Rose; don't say he didn't warn you.]

lmao this thread is such a glorious trainwreck

[restitchtime]

[she smiles again and pats him on the shoulder, partially out of triumph and partially to comfort him. SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE'S DOING OK]

Try not to go too crazy in the next couple of days, ok? We'll get this shit sorted.

It really is, I just want to frame it and mount it on my wall

[mutab1e]

[Too bad it only makes him cringe again.]

If you say so.

haha yes a testament to great awfulness. these two have the best talks.

[restitchtime]

[welp. nobody ever said she was good at sympathy]

I do. Don't bust a vein over me, everything's going to to turn out just fine.

They do. Best friends forever.

[mutab1e]

[Look at how convinced he is, Rose. Look at the hope in his eyes.]

[Meanwhile, he tries to shrink back, deeper under the piano.]

oh you know it

[restitchtime]

[she chuckles a little at that] Yeah, yeah, I get it. I maxed out your conversation quota when you're sleep-deprived and crazy like this. All right, I'll book it.