towerofanimus

Characters: Mary Magdalene (

animus_sorrow) and OPEN
Setting: Room 1-13, Floor 25
Format: Prose to start but will match
Summary: Mary wakes up, blames herself for her universes destruction and hides on the meadow floor for as long as she can get away with it
Warnings: Denial, self-blaming, depression

Room 1-13

The sleep paralysis didn't register with Mary until she was able to move again. Spending over a year, consciously, inside KOS-MOS had been rather restricting, when she wasn't in control. It was strange, being able to move her own hands and legs again, not feeling all the extra weight from KOS-MOS' extra armor or her head gear. It was nice, being able to feel again, feel her own soft skin and brush back her own dark hair. Nice but a bit strange.

She didn't notice the note immediately, walking around the room a bit an opening the trunk. By now the jumpsuit was feeling a bit stuffy. Especially so for a woman who was used to walking around in a loose dress from the Ancient Lost Jerusalem era. She changed quietly, breathing contentedly at the comfortable blue dress and slipped on her sandles. She tugged at the collar a bit before wrapping the white scarf loosely around her and going over to, finally, look at the letter.

She didn't finish reading it before the tears started, blinding her to what else the letter said. Choking back sobs and covering her mouth to stifle the sound when she couldn't hold it back. And then she was running, out of the room as quickly as she could.

Floor 25, Meadow

She found a spot farthest from the stairs to curl up and cry freely. In all her long life, and new life, she had never wanted to go back to the oblivion that had awaited her after she separated Anima as much as she did now. And the fault was hers, she knew it. There wasn't any other explanation. She had let KOS-MOS take control in order to reject Eternal Recurrence. Mary herself wasn't capable of it, it had to be KOS-MOS but now she regretted it. There would never be anything she regretted more now.

She should have activated Zarathustra. She should have begun Eternal Recurrence. She should have fulfilled her purpose and protected the universe. It was gone now though and she failed. Yeshua was gone. Shion was gone. Everyone was gone. And it was her fault.

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It hadn't been long after Mary had appeared in the Tower that Allen had noticed the presence of...someone. It took him a second to realize just who it was, her will was just subtly enough different from what he remembered her to feel like that the association wasn't immediate. But despite the small differences, there was no mistaking who she was.

Finding her was a little trickier, but eventually he found himself on the twenty-fifth floor. From there it was much easier. His mask vanished as he approached the sobbing deity-esque woman and sympathetic concern showed clearly on his face.

"Mary...?"

Mary turned quickly with a gasp, sitting up and wiping at her eyes quickly to try to wipe away the evidence of her crying. Except she couldn't stop, and just barely managed to keep herself from crying. Her first instinct was glare, because she got an obvious Testament feeling from the sudden appearance but the voice...

"A-Allen?" She questioned in reply, voice catching at the sight of him. She was sure that... That was an ability only Testaments, Yeshua, Wilhelm and herself possessed so how..?

He nodded, pulling down his hood the old fashioned way as he moved to sit next to her.

"Yeah. I'm guessing you saw the note."

His tone was dry and wary, he wasn't sure he believed it yet, especially after his earlier conversation with someone who had been here longer. Maybe it was wishful thinking, but he wanted to see proof before he bought it.

Hope you don't mind her leaning against you, Allen. Because she is, very closely. Oh, you're actually there, she's not hallucinating from the guilt!

"It was hard to miss. I d-didn't read it all though." She, on the other hand, believed it entirely. It wasn't hard to convince her, she was already extremely critical of herself and every decision she ever made. And without Yeshua or Shion there to support her? Well, there were a lot of pieces that needed to be picked up.

Yes, he's actually there. He put a hand on her shoulder, trying to comfort her. More than that, even though he didn't entirely believe the letter, it was comforting for him to have someone familiar right there.

"Something isn't right about it. I've been talking to some of the other people here, and someone mentioned someone here who had to be from her future."

[ Gandalf is walking around, and as he passes through the meadow, he hears... Cries? Considering the horror of this tower, it's surprising he doesn't hear this more often actually. He approaches the source of the noise, and sees Mary crying. He can't help himself of course, and asks her- ]

Is there something wrong my lady?

"How is that possible?" She questioned, wiping at her eyes again. Puffy and very pink, almost red, by now but the tears had nearly stopped flowing. If their worlds had been destroyed there wouldn't be anyone else to save. Mary may be from a very primitive time in comparison to Allen but she still knew a thing or two, considering her position.

"There shouldn't be any future to save someone from."

[Mary dabbed at her eyes quickly, not quite turning towards the voice but nodding all the same. She didn't know him and she didn't want to appear pathetic in front of someone she didn't know. Mary was used to helping people, not being helped, except by Yeshua.]

I-I'll be fine...

There is obviously something not right. I will not push you, but you shouldn't close yourself and stay hidden from people. This will only worsen what's wrong...

[ A few words of advises. ]

I don't see why I should not. The only people that mattered to me in life and death are gone. And I've failed the only purpose the universe ever provided me.

[And this is said flatly, back still turned towards Gandalf.]

You do not know that.

[ He's not gonna let her have such dark thoughts. ]

I have actually contributed to save my homeworld, and if this tower is to be believed- It is gone as well. The evil at work here is something we cannot control or stop just yet.

I do. I can't sense Yeshua anywhere, or Shion. Or anyone. I exist to protect the universe and I couldn't even do that...

[Keep at it.]

What use is a guardian who can't protect anyone?

"That's why it doesn't add up. They can't both be true."

He thought it should be obvious enough what he was getting at.

It is obvious but Mary is still pretty down about it. And it does make sense, she's just having trouble seeing it right now. She wanted to believe their universe still existed, the worlds they both knew were still there but...

"What do we do then..?"

I had a friend I couldn't find either, and he appeared very recently here.

[ He will, no worries. ]

I doubt what happened is something you or anyone could have prevented, my lady.

And if Yeshua doesn't..? Then what do I do?

[All the depression.]

It is. I was supposed to activate Zarathustra. And I didn't.

Then you will have to keep living on. A loss is always hard to bear, but you cannot allow it destroy you. Would it be only for the memory of the lost ones. Drowning in sadness and depression won't bring them back, and even less honor them.

[ Gandalf doesn't find this abnormal actually. What he finds abnormal is that Mary is the first person he sees in such a state. You'd figure there'd be more depression around, given what happened and what does happen in the tower. ]

What is Zarathustra, if I may ask?

I don't know if I can. Nobody can understand how important Yeshua and my friends were to me.

[Mary wraps her arms around herself, sighing a little.]

A Relic of God. It's the system used to begin Eternal Recurrence.

For having had numerous friends, I think I can, at least in part, understand.

[ He pauses ]

Eternal reccurence... Do you mean?

[ Sounds obvious and he doesn't like it. ]

Perhaps...

[She doubts it.]

A system that can return time to its first moments. No Recurrence is ever the same. Humans change each time, decisions are different, they evolve better. But never enough.

Amazing... But terrible. Such a system doesn't sound good. One shouldn't restart all over to try and change destiny.

[ That's Gandalf opinion for you. ]

You have nothing to feel guilty about, quite the contrary. You spared your homeworld a much terrible fate.

That was only one way to use Zarathustra. And whatever we did, it was necessary, and within our right.

[No. No Mary, this is not a person you wanna get defensive with.]

And yet I failed this last time. And it's all gone now.

I do not know enough to ease your pain... But even if you were to blame, spending time blaming yourself wouldn't help. One has to look forward to build a bright future.

[ Yeahah really, he's like, only wanting to help. ]

I suppose... you have a good point.

[He does, and she knows it.]

ONE

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