ONE

[animus_sorrow]

Characters: Mary Magdalene (animus_sorrow) and OPEN
Setting: Room 1-13, Floor 25
Format: Prose to start but will match
Summary: Mary wakes up, blames herself for her universes destruction and hides on the meadow floor for as long as she can get away with it
Warnings: Denial, self-blaming, depression


Room 1-13

The sleep paralysis didn't register with Mary until she was able to move again. Spending over a year, consciously, inside KOS-MOS had been rather restricting, when she wasn't in control. It was strange, being able to move her own hands and legs again, not feeling all the extra weight from KOS-MOS' extra armor or her head gear. It was nice, being able to feel again, feel her own soft skin and brush back her own dark hair. Nice but a bit strange.

She didn't notice the note immediately, walking around the room a bit an opening the trunk. By now the jumpsuit was feeling a bit stuffy. Especially so for a woman who was used to walking around in a loose dress from the Ancient Lost Jerusalem era. She changed quietly, breathing contentedly at the comfortable blue dress and slipped on her sandles. She tugged at the collar a bit before wrapping the white scarf loosely around her and going over to, finally, look at the letter.

She didn't finish reading it before the tears started, blinding her to what else the letter said. Choking back sobs and covering her mouth to stifle the sound when she couldn't hold it back. And then she was running, out of the room as quickly as she could.

Floor 25, Meadow

She found a spot farthest from the stairs to curl up and cry freely. In all her long life, and new life, she had never wanted to go back to the oblivion that had awaited her after she separated Anima as much as she did now. And the fault was hers, she knew it. There wasn't any other explanation. She had let KOS-MOS take control in order to reject Eternal Recurrence. Mary herself wasn't capable of it, it had to be KOS-MOS but now she regretted it. There would never be anything she regretted more now.

She should have activated Zarathustra. She should have begun Eternal Recurrence. She should have fulfilled her purpose and protected the universe. It was gone now though and she failed. Yeshua was gone. Shion was gone. Everyone was gone. And it was her fault.

Comments

[animus_sorrow]

I do. I can't sense Yeshua anywhere, or Shion. Or anyone. I exist to protect the universe and I couldn't even do that...

[Keep at it.]

What use is a guardian who can't protect anyone?

[the_white_rider]

I had a friend I couldn't find either, and he appeared very recently here.

[ He will, no worries. ]

I doubt what happened is something you or anyone could have prevented, my lady.

[animus_sorrow]

And if Yeshua doesn't..? Then what do I do?

[All the depression.]

It is. I was supposed to activate Zarathustra. And I didn't.

[the_white_rider]

Then you will have to keep living on. A loss is always hard to bear, but you cannot allow it destroy you. Would it be only for the memory of the lost ones. Drowning in sadness and depression won't bring them back, and even less honor them.

[ Gandalf doesn't find this abnormal actually. What he finds abnormal is that Mary is the first person he sees in such a state. You'd figure there'd be more depression around, given what happened and what does happen in the tower. ]

What is Zarathustra, if I may ask?

[animus_sorrow]

I don't know if I can. Nobody can understand how important Yeshua and my friends were to me.

[Mary wraps her arms around herself, sighing a little.]

A Relic of God. It's the system used to begin Eternal Recurrence.

[the_white_rider]

For having had numerous friends, I think I can, at least in part, understand.

[ He pauses ]

Eternal reccurence... Do you mean?

[ Sounds obvious and he doesn't like it. ]

[animus_sorrow]

Perhaps...

[She doubts it.]

A system that can return time to its first moments. No Recurrence is ever the same. Humans change each time, decisions are different, they evolve better. But never enough.

[the_white_rider]

Amazing... But terrible. Such a system doesn't sound good. One shouldn't restart all over to try and change destiny.

[ That's Gandalf opinion for you. ]

You have nothing to feel guilty about, quite the contrary. You spared your homeworld a much terrible fate.

[animus_sorrow]

That was only one way to use Zarathustra. And whatever we did, it was necessary, and within our right.

[No. No Mary, this is not a person you wanna get defensive with.]

And yet I failed this last time. And it's all gone now.

[the_white_rider]

I do not know enough to ease your pain... But even if you were to blame, spending time blaming yourself wouldn't help. One has to look forward to build a bright future.

[ Yeahah really, he's like, only wanting to help. ]

[animus_sorrow]

I suppose... you have a good point.

[He does, and she knows it.]