towerofanimus | 002 ✘ and i rationed my breaths ✘ backdated to 4/22

Entry tags:

002 ✘ and i rationed my breaths ✘ backdated to 4/22

Characters: AU4 Xion and YOU
Setting: [01] Dorm halls ; [02] cafeteria ; [03] floor eleven
Format: I'll match you!
Summary: Xion/Soraface/Fey kept herself locked away in her room for a week (except for the collar check-up) after her death. Finally, she's dragging herself out
Warnings: ANGST ANGST ANGST

[ 00 ; room 2-01 ]
[Falling... falling... into darkness...]

[ 01 + 02; dorm halls and cafeteria ]
[If you happen to be in the dormitory hallways, there's someone you're likely to see. There's a black-coated small figure with a full head of brown spiky hair making his(?) way towards the stairs. If you get a good look at their face, it's pretty clear they're out of it. And, somehow, the hair is more messy than it should be. ~~Whoo, bedhead.~~

In the cafeteria, Xion can be found sitting by herself, picking at the food on her plate. Despite the almost overwhelming force of her hunger, she doesn't... really want to eat. She knows she needs to, because it would maybe give her the energy to combat how absolutely tired she feels, but... bleh.]

[ 03 ; floor eleven ]
[She died.

That's what happened, right? They had found her otherself, Axel had grabbed her, and then they turned to fight all the way back down... It wasn't that she was tired, or hurt too bad, or anything. She was doing fine. With Oathkeeper and Oblivion drawn and Riku and Sora at her side, she had felt like maybe... she could take on the world, you know? She thought that they were gonna be okay. And then, and then -- She doesn't know how it happened, where it came from, but that not-Heartless bird came in and knocked her feet out from under her, carried her off the ramp, and then she was falling. She tried to Aerial Recover, but she was too far away, she couldn't grab the ledge, and Oblivion couldn't break through the stone enough to hook on, and she...

And then she died. Because that's what happens when you fall from a who-knows-how-tall tower, right?

But she's here. She's still here, somehow. She's even managed to find ice cream. It's not sea-salt -- it doesn't really taste like much of anything, really -- but it's ice cream in bar-on-a-stick form, and the familiarity is all she can ask for right now. That's why she decided to seek out this floor after she found the ice cream. It isn't, and won't ever be, the Twilight Town clock tower. But, then... She doesn't want it to be. That would bring back too many bad memories right now.

Your... friend? Roxas, do you think I could be a friend?

When Axel gets back, let's ask him. Then all three of us can have ice cream together!

It hurts. She manages to fight back a sob by distracting herself with ice cream.]

It's not salty... and it's barely even sweet. [She tries to smile a little, for herself. For him. She whispers,] Eating ice cream by yourself... really isn't the same, is it, Roxas?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[... uhhh. ummm. errrrr.

What else does she want to learn about? She combs her mind over everything that happened back home.

Was the concept of the replica born from the Organization? Can Kingdom Hearts really restore a heart to a Nobody? What is Kingdom Hearts? Why is it made from hearts? What exactly is the Keyblade?

Ah... Wait. There.]

The way you talk about it... Is it normal, for Keybearers to be taught by other Keybearers?

Edited 2012-06-11 09:09 (UTC)

[OH YOU YOUNG KIDS WHAT IS THE NEXT GENERATION COMING TO]

Certainly, it is the proper way for one to be trained. A master provides the necessary skills and knowledge for a pupil, as well as one to answer questions and share experience in the difficulties of bearing the key. With one's master, a relationship is formed that can never be broken, no matter time or space. The blade is passed from one heart to another should the receiver be so worthy.

You can... pass down the Keyblade?

[It certainly is news to her. She looks down at her empty hand, brow furrowed. Maybe from the outside, it looks like she's trying to contemplate the idea. But inside, a strange, almost sick feeling is taking over her. Is that why... she can wield two Keyblades? Because Roxas passed his on to her? Her heart constricts and for a moment, she forgets how to breathe. She closes her hand into a fist.

Roxas... You didn't have to do that. I'll be fine...

... thank you.

She exhales slowly and relaxes her hand again.]

[The concept that passing Keyblades on is the only way for someone to get one doesn't cross her mind. "This is just one way for it to happen," she reads it as.]

Of the Keybearers I know... None of us have any masters. We're all self-taught. I hadn't even heard about having a master until now.

Whether or not you have a master, it was still passed in some way. The keyblade does not simply manifest within one's heart. It is a line, not a point. It comes from somewhere, even if that source is unknown.

It is an unfortunate thing, as much is lost. We are a dying breed, keybearers. That there is a new generation is gratifying, but the lack of formal training is depressing.

[Well. She knows where hers come from. One of them isn't a natural Keyblade, and the other...

I can't believe it... You're still looking out for me, even after what I've done.

She really needs to stop thinking about it, or else she's going to start crying in front of Xehanort and then she'd have to explain why and that's just all kinds of awkward and no. But it's hard to. Now, for some reason, her heart feels... light. Almost like it's breathing again. (When did it stop?)

Get back on topic. Stay focused. C'mon.

We are a dying breed. For some reason, Xion's eyes are back on her free hand. After a moment, she finds herself muttering,]

I almost wonder if it'd be better if there weren't Keyblades.

The wheres and whys of the blade are hardly understood. The pedigree of our hearts is why you and I and the others can wield, but it is true enough that the key can do both harm as much as good. It is the role of the Master to provide the proper information... to prepare the initiate for the long and difficult road of bearing, to educate in both light and darkness in equal measure, to teach strength and perseverance and to shed fear for confidence.

[He bows his head slightly]

I fear that most masters have failed in this regard, and those keys poorly prepared and ill-wielded have done their share of wrongs.

[hahahahahaha. oh, he thinks she got her Keyblade because -- hahaha

haha

oh god she feels terrible

She kind of folds up on herself a little more at that whole "the pedigree of our hearts" part.]

The Keybearers I know... They're all good people. But even if they're good... [She thinks of the Organization, and all the lengths they took to get control of Sora's Keyblade. Her expression darkens, and she stares fiercely at her knees.] That doesn't stop others from trying to take advantage of them, and hurting others in the process.

It is only natural for people to desire power or to crave what they cannot have. A keybearer who is ill-prepared for the truth of the universe is not prepared to deal with those who would seek that power for themselves, or to manipulate it indirectly. Perhaps our decline is the proper way of things, masters with little true knowledge or understanding only giving their pupils half the knowledge they need to survive simply paves the way for needless suffering.

Even without keyblades, the world would not be any different. People would simply seek other avenues of power for themselves. To think otherwise is simply delusion. On some worlds who have never seen the touch of a keyblade, magic is held in the same esteem. On other worlds, high technology. There is always a vehicle for greed, it is simply the shape that changes...

[Xion seems far away throughout his speech. Maybe she doesn't want to focus on the fact that darkness never changes, or maybe her thoughts are elsewhere. She's listening, though, she really is. Her brow furrows deeper as he goes on.]

I guess it's true... that some things never change. [But... She knows not everyone is thirsty for power, and willing to do anything to get it. So it doesn't bother her as much as it might have otherwise.] But that just means that where there is that darkness, there is also light that is just as consistent. So not all hope is lost.

Edited 2012-06-11 10:15 (UTC)

It does not do to think that darkness is simply to blame. There can be greed and anger and hate just as easily within light. These are concepts described by others, not indications of what light and darkness truly are. They are the foundations of the universe and in everything. Fearing or despising one in favour of another does far more harm than good...

Hope is never lost when one keeps strong and strives forward. Were I to have let go of my own dreams, surely I would have fallen into despair from the losing battle long ago.

[wait hold on okay she's confused]

The light and darkness within hearts -- Is it really the same as the foundations you're talking about? Everything I've seen -- and, um, heard... shows greed, anger, and hate to be from the darkness in people's hearts.

People believe what they will because it is what they are told. Our beliefs colour our perceptions, and make the truth difficult to palate. I've tried, many times, to speak to others, but... most are not of open enough mind to speak without simply screaming heresy.

I will not confuse you further. Suffice it to say that as light and darkness exist to balance each other, thus do the emotions one associates reflect in each other as well. After all, is zeal if not aggression due to a cause one perceives as "just"?

[... she feels really embarrassed for asking about this, but if she doesn't, she won't understand what he's talking about. Normally she's good at figuring out what new words mean based on context ~~it's in her programming~~, but... Just that isn't enough, not for this topic, not for the way he phrased it.]

Um... [ahhhhhhh] What's "zeal"?

Zeal refers to over-enthusiastic devotion or passion to a particular goal, usually derived from the antiquated notion of "holy war" where warriors would battle in the name of their gods or beliefs. Such activity was often lauded on worlds where religion was considered to be central to existence. How is it different from simple aggression? Being religious in nature makes it "right" or "just". In the end, people are still deceased.

[Gods like... Hercules? And Hades?

Xion is quiet for a moment, thinking. The bottom line that she comes to, again and again as she circles around the concept, is that even if people are doing what they think is right, they can still be doing something wrong.

... ha. As if she didn't already know that, on some level. But she hadn't thought about it in this context before.

So, what he's getting at here, is...] ... light isn't always good, and darkness isn't always evil.

[It's hard for her to think about. When she thinks of light, she thinks of hope, of friendship, of... of finding her way, and fighting against what is wrong. Against the darkness that destroyed worlds, that others used for their own gain. Those kinds of things aren't wrong.

But he isn't saying that light is always bad. Just that it isn't always good.

It strikes her now that this kind of thing, the battle of light against dark, wasn't a big part of most of her life. The Organization wasn't concerned with it at all, except that the Heartless held hearts and the darkness was useful for traveling. What was it that she'd heard said before in the Castle That Never Was...? They were disowned by the light and darkness alike?]

... What do you think about Nothingness?

Edited (whoops wrong icon) 2012-06-11 11:04 (UTC)

[He ponders this for a moment, recalling words spoken a while ago, mulling their meaning in his mind until he'd pared them down and dissected them.]

Even in the lack of Something, will, desire, and drive can still exist. Regardless of function or form.

Why do you think the Light and the Darkness have shunned it? What's... so wrong with it?

[... where are these feelings coming from?]

Edited 2012-06-11 11:16 (UTC)

Nothingness is the space between light and darkness and outside of the balance that should exist. It is both non-existence and existence all in one. Light and darkness cling to existence, but in the state of not-being they scatter and flee. It is not so much being shunned as simply being beyond... limited only by the self and not the the constraints of the universe.

[She wants to laugh, she almost wants to scoff. You're just saying that to make me "feel" better, aren't you?

... where is all of this coming from?

Xion lifts a hand to her head.]

They... don't like the contradiction?

Light and darkness are components of existence. When there is Nothing, they simply cease to be, leaving one without the natural predilections of living things. Potential, or freedom... a lack of the constraints that ordered living in the World tossed in the tempest of Light and Darkness imposes.

[... ugh. Ugh, okay, she seriously needs to switch the subject, because she doesn't know what will happen if they keep talking about Nothingness. She doesn't know what's happening to her now.]

S-So... Ah... [Something else. Anything else.]

What was your master like? Have you had many apprentices? Do you have any apprentices now? What's your favorite world?

[Maybe she should have done that better. Picked just one, instead of throwing out all of these. That last one isn't even related to the others. And she really should've figured out some way to segue but -- ugh. What's done is done. All she can do is wait and hope for the best.]

[He can see the wheels turning in her mind, and the sudden change in conversation is almost to be expected. Curious how that makes her uncomfortable, while speaking of light and darkness is simply confusing...]

My master...?

[Another pause. It seems strange to talk about his own experiences as an apprentice. It was so long ago it almost feels like another time. A point in his life before he had proper direction.]

A strong and kind woman by the name of Calgaran. I owe her many things, as she taught me a great deal... I feel she was one of the last masters who truly understood the truth. A pity I did not get to speak more with her once I showed the Mark.

Apprentices... I have had two. Currently I have none.

[A long pause as he considers her final question.]

I prefer worlds of history and insight. I have a favourite world, though speaking of it with one uninitiated may not be so wise. Outside of that... [and a wry smile] the Pridelands are always fascinating for the variety of non-humanoid life that has developed sentience.

[There. Maybe it's a good thing that she fired off so many questions, because now she has a lot to focus on -- a lot to take her mind off of... whatever is going on inside her. He doesn't even seem to mind. For that, she is relieved. Maybe if he won't mind if she keeps going like this?]

Calgaran... Pretty. Her name is pretty. What was she like? What's the Mark? Why couldn't you talk to her more?

What were your apprentices like? What happened to them?

[She's grasping at everything he's given her, clutching to it, trying to pull herself up by it. Perhaps it's strange to watch, but now that he's given her an inch, she's going to try to run the mile.]

What are the Pridelands like? I've never heard of that world before.

How do you become initiated?

[Her hand is still to her head, but behind it, her face is all but scrunched, her brow furrowed close, corners of her mouth turned down.

It's almost like she's trying to find herself again by seeking new information to process in her mind.]

Edited (forgot a /small tag) 2012-06-11 12:06 (UTC)

[Her reactions are curious, and her questions innocent enough. Speaking of these things is of little concern - after all, who would believe her if she told them? Not that she would, of course... their agreement still stood.

It made him human to her, and thus convinced her further of his benevolence and sincerity. And so, he would answer her questions with just enough to further that impression.]

She was a beautiful woman. A more dedicated wielder I have yet to see... She was very strong-willed and kept us both on our toes with our training... but at the same time she was very caring. She did not approve of the standard method expected of masters and did not simply stare into the light as the source of all that is good and proper. I wish that there could have been more like her...

The Mark of Mastery is the sign that a bearer has mastered themselves and their art enough to be considered a true Keyblade Master. It is the ultimate test of one's abilities as a bearer, a way of proving oneself ready to take on the duties and responsibilities that the key brings.

She came to a rather unfortunate end during the final mission we attended after my Mark.

[He thinks for a moment. It's a lot of questions, and he's trying to decide how much to share. He decides to skip the apprentices question as he'd rather not bring them up. Too risky, considering that both of them are here in the tower, and mentioning names may send her after them out of curiosity if she hadn't already interacted with them in some form. Instead he simply acts as though he may have forgotten that question, moving on to the next.]

The Pridelands are jungle, savannah and ravine, and home to many species of animals that speak and reason as humans do. They have fascinating rites and cultures. It is customary to use shape-shifting magic to adopt an animal guise there, in order to blend in appropriately. The area is lead by the Lion King, and he keeps the life cycles of his subjects in proper functional order with advisement from a mystic.

[This change in subject is jarring. She clearly is throwing out whatever crosses her mind.]

When a master has chosen one to adopt as an apprentice, they simply offer the hilt of their blade, and recite a couplet. If the blade does not leave the potential apprentice's hand, then that one has the proper strength of heart to bear the key and their potential is unlocked, the bond between forged.

Edited (BECAUSE I CAN READ DERP) 2012-06-11 12:26 (UTC)

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