Aftermath [Reno and Shion]

[savedbyasong]

Characters: Shion and Reno (if the other roommates are about feel free to jump in)
Setting: Their room (2-12)
Format: Prose
Summary: Shion returns from the labyrinth, Reno has been having nightmares, Shion's punishment broke him.
Warnings: Mentions of labyrinth probably, mentions of death, self hatey thoughts, more death, horror. Usual after-event animus warnings.

When Shion blanked out he barely noticed, the days had blurred into one and the only thing he was aware of was Nezumi's pain, the pain and the knowledge that it was all because of him.

It took a few moments to realise he was no longer slumped on the cold floor. The questions had stopped, it was finally silent, Nezumi was gone. Had they killed him once and for all. Or was he a prisoner, to be punished for Shion's future mistakes.

Shion didn't sit up, he just starred across the room numbly, letting it blur around him. It didn't matter what he did, he would never be able to rescue Nezumi, he wasn't strong enough and if he couldn't do that what was the point of anything?

Comments

[savedbyasong]

"They spoke only the truth." He wasn't sure about his comments about a superficial construct. If they had created some kind of... robot of Nezumi... No... Robot's didn't bleed.

The book... that had been one of the earlier crimes they had thrown at him, he had almost got Reno killed by his actions. Shion fell silent again, staring into a corner, his mind that had been silent for a while began playing back the events of the last week, he saw Nezumi stabbed again...

[midgarhorizon]

Reno was sitting by Shion now, grabbing the kid's shoulder. "They didn't. The raven had nothing to do with you. 'Sides, you saved me, remember?" There would be flashbacks, nightmares, and if Reno remembered correctly, sometimes the best way to get it off was to face some of it. Just a little at a time.

This was one point where he wished he'd studied psychology a lot more.

"I'm the one that left the book out, I'm the one that acted like a retard. That isn't your fault at all, kiddo. I'm sure if Nezumi were really here, he'd say the same damn thing."

[savedbyasong]

Shion flinched a little at the touch but at the same time it grounded him, stopped him from spinning out into the darkness that seemed determined to well up inside him, to consume everything. He had saved him? Not really, if Shion hadn't been nosy he wouldn't have needed saving in the first place.

Shion wasn't sure... Reno had been very angry... He wasn't even sure Nezumi would think it wasn't his fault. After all didn't he constantly tell him he had to face the real world eventually.

Take responsibility. Shion knew he wondered at the risk of taking Shion in, often said Shion was dangerous. He had been proven right.

Shion sat torn, he wanted to pull away, yet he didn't want to be alone. He didn't want to have to think about this and yet he couldn't not think. It consumed his thoughts completely.

"They should have hurt me, not him. He always said... that I was dangerous..."

[midgarhorizon]

"Sounds like they did a fine job of hurting you already." It was a bit blunt, but it was true. "More to pain than just the physical. This kinda pain, Shion, you're going to be dealing with a long time. It isn't the kind that just heals and goes away." Hanging his head for a moment, Reno gave a soft laugh. "Wish it was that easy. You know, I had nightmares, for weeks after Sector 7? It's still with me, y'know. Things like that don't go away. What makes it worse is that... I really did do it."

[savedbyasong]

More to pain than just physical, he guessed that was true. This pain was almost unbearable, he still couldn't believe Reno, when he said it wasn't real and knowing that he had caused it was like a never ending hole inside him. He didn't want to deal with it, not for a moment never mind a long time. But he knew it was a kind of punishment, for those crimes.

He looked at Reno, remembering what he had read in the journal. He was silent, thinking about what Reno had said. Do you even know how to hate, kid

He closed his eyes, taking in the swirling darkness. He was going to kill them, those that hurt Nezumi. It wasn't that he wanted to or even needed to, he still felt remarkably calm, emotionless. They had killed Nezumi and so they would be punished.

[midgarhorizon]

"Hey. Hey. Kid." Reno was trying to bring him out of it again, trying to put him on a stable path again. Tseng or Veld, they would have known what to do. They wouldn't be screwing everything up like this.

It was true, he really was a fail- no, that was the tower getting to him. Closing his eyes, he willed himself to shake it off.

"It wasn't real. It was just one of those meatsacks with the clear collars. Are ya listening to me?"

[savedbyasong]

"How do you know?" Shion's eyes showed a flicker of anger, the only emotion he had managed since waking up. "How do you know it wasn't him, it felt real..."

[midgarhorizon]

"Because I saw it. It was broadcast on the network." It was a calm reply, meant to provide a source of stability and calm. "There was no way that guy was Nezumi, or anything human. Humans can't die over and over like that, not that fast, and not that often."

Breaking off like that, he realized somehow, that applied to them as well. They kept dying here, brought back by whatever powers existed here. Not anything human.

[savedbyasong]

It was broadcast? Something in Shion had been wondering why Reno knew so much about what had happened, Shion wasn't sure what to think about that but at least it meant that he didn't have to explain.

Human's can't die and be brought back like that... But they were the rules of other universes. This Tower was different. "That was the fifth time I died," He managed to meet his eyes for a moment, "What does that make me?"

He didn't feel human, he just felt numb.

[midgarhorizon]

There was no answer forthcoming for that question. He wasn't sure of what it meant, either. "We're human. Doesn't matter what the hell they've done to us." And he could try to convince himself of that, but talking about it only made him more unsure. "Look, that thing was coming back to life every few minutes. It wasn't your friend, it was something they made to torture you with. Trust me on that."

[savedbyasong]

Shion was not convinced but he had no other answers. He understood nothing here, knew nothing. No wonder he couldn't save Nezumi. He frowned at Reno, not believing him and angry that Reno was trying to push a point he didn't know for certain.

"How do you know? If they bring us back to life who's to say they can't do it faster. I... I... I want to believe you..."

Even if it wasn't Nezumi the idea that any creature had suffered that because of him... That anyone should have to suffer for his crimes...

Shion tried to lie down again, he didn't want to have to deal with this and he knew that made him a coward. But he was too tired and he couldn't think because all he felt was a mixture of numbness and anger.

[midgarhorizon]

"Shion," Reno started, in a low voice just loud enough for him to hear, "do you want to become a person Nezumi can be proud of? Then trust me."

It was a last, desperate attempt at shocking some sense into the boy. It was playing on what he had seen in Shion's punishment, but damned if there was nothing else he could say.

"Trust me." Those two words. It seemed like a lot asking for trust when Reno himself barely trusted anything in this tower, and viewed people with suspicion. Perhaps that had been the wrong way to go about things here. Maybe that was what they needed here to survive.

[savedbyasong]

Shion blinked at him, of course he wanted that... but he... he had already failed.

He wanted to though, trust Reno. Believe him, believe that this was going to be okay, that it had been a trick. That they could make this alright.

Trust him? Nezumi had told him that trusting others led to caring, and that led to dying. Shion had never believed that but his way had been proven to lead to only hurting others...

Still he wanted to trust Reno... Because he had helped him. He nodded slowly, because really he had no other choice. He couldn't do this alone, because alone he would fail again, more people would get hurt.

"I... I trust you."

[midgarhorizon]

"All right. Don't worry about anything and get some rest. You know where to find me." With that, he got off Shion's bed and migrated back to his own.

There was no sense on torturing the poor kid more than what was needed. He was satisfied Shion wasn't going to go off and do something stupid now, and hoped it helped at a little bit.

[savedbyasong]

Shion nodded, relieved that Reno was not going to push the issue. Really he just wanted to sleep, and pretend that none of this had happened. Curling up under his covers he closed his eyes. He would probably have nightmares but for now he just... didn't want to be conscious.

"Thank you..." It was a whisper, right before he drifted off to sleep.