towerofanimus | actions have consequences

Entry tags:

actions have consequences

Characters: Roxas and you? [open]
Setting: Floor Thirty-Five
Format: Prose to start, but I'll match
Summary: After a horrible display on the network, Roxas isn't feeling very peachy.
Warnings: Severe depression, and potential death-seeking actions.

Why was he here.
Why was he here.
Why was he here, standing shakily at the edge of a never-ending lake? Why had he stopped at this place?

When he'd woken from the sleep paralysis, he'd bolted like he was on fire. Roxas didn't want to look Ven, or anyone else in the face. That was the only good thing about being dead, he'd realized- nobody could be upset with him until after he came back. Roxas didn't quite understand why he was feeling this way, though. The claustrophobia was a new phenomenon after being trapped with that monster and Sayaka, he could grasp that. He'd always had a temper, too, so his panic and rage were understandable. But, that didn't explain why he'd asked that asshole to...

Rox had taken off his socks and shoes almost immediately after spotting the water. Standing just close enough that he could feel the water with his toes, he could feel his stomach drop. His eyes followed the water downward for a minute, and he caught sight of his own reflection.

His legs quivered, and Roxas abruptly slumped down. Covering his face with his hands, he tried to ignore the feeling of his collar brushing against his wrists as he dry-heaved.

Maybe he knew why he was at the edge of the water, after all.

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When you lived in the same room together, it was hard to get away with stuff, as Ven was very well aware. He hadn't been on the network the other day, but he had figured out that Roxas had died again, and Sayaka had helped fill in the blanks. So the two had ran after him, and man it was a pain trying to restrain his usual running speed when he was so anxious but he didn't want to leave Sayaka behind and augh.

They'd made it there eventually though, and Ven slid to a stop a few feet form the water and yelled. "Roxas!!"

It was a given Sayaka had seen what happened, once she'd cooled off and (determined to even if she'd just get worked up once more) checked that mess of a network post again, and seen...

...well.

Briefly, she wonders how she could have ever felt apathetic about anything, when there's so much to get angry over in this stupid tower.

Telling Ven had been one of the first things that popped in mind once she could see colors other than red, even if Ven had been - spacey, it's still Ven and Roxas is still both their friend and...

Cripes, Ven could run fast. Sayaka arrives a good few seconds after he does, while that bellowed Roxas!! is still echoing.

Oh, shit. That yell made him sputter on his own crying, wasting precious seconds whipping his head around to stare at the oncoming twosome.

Nope. No, he couldn't handle them right now. He-

Roxas tried to get up, and crumpled almost immediately. The second time he was more successful, and immediately plunged himself in to the water.

It wasn't like he was thinking of what he was doing...he just wanted to be a coward and hide.

Oh no. Oh no, Ven was not letting it go down like this. If this was how Aqua and Terra had felt when he'd wanted to disappear, well-- he definitely owed them an apology.

His speed definitely cam in handy, because once Roxas made for the water, Ven kicked off the ground and practically jumped after him, moving like a lightning bolt and grabbing Roxas' arm once he hit the water with a splash.

He planted his feet on the ground and pulled Roxas above water again, trying to maintain his grip. "Sayaka, come on--!" Yeah he could use a little help here.

..what.

Sayaka curses the restraint on her Soul Gem this floor enforced - if not for it, she wouldn't have cared about the magical expense zap-dashing in would incur and would've had Roxas tackled and fifty feet from the lake in the time it took her to come to Ven's aid. As it is, she just lends the 'keep Roxas out of the drink' effort all her un-magical powered 13 year old self can give.

Frankly, Roxas couldn't tell if he was still crying or if the wetness was from the short period of time he was submerged for. Whichever it was, he came up choking and gasping, losing the energy to struggle or squirm away once Sayaka began helping Ven pull him up. It hadn't exactly been a very spirited attempt in the first place, though.

In fact, he seemed to already be doing the opposite once he was out of the drink- clinging back at the people that had been trying to pull him out in the first place. He wasn't shivering from the cold, that was for sure.

His primary concern was getting Roxas out, so with Sayaka's help, he dragged Roxas out of the water and back onto solid ground, and brought him a good foot or so away from the water's edge before he stopped.

He wasn't really tired from the physical exertion, but damn if he wasn't exasperated from panicking. Ven's mind wasn't quite sure how to address the clinging at this moment, though he wasn't dragging him anymore. He DID however, fall back on his backside on the ground, probably dragging the other two with him. "What... were you thinking?!"

And everyone goes down with the ship! At the very least, Sayaka manages to not get squished by the pile of falling facetwins.

"See, okay, let's just stay here, on solid ground..."

Yeah, Rox is just going to vicegrip and lay in the grass and cough.

Also not answer. He's trying to keep breathing and make his eyes stop dilating, but that seemed to take him several minutes to achieve. By that time, Roxas just rolled over (notably, away from the two) and on to his side.

...huh, doesn't seem to chatty. How completely strange given the situation.

Once Roxas had rolled away, Ven staggered to his feet, still panting a bit but probably at least regaining his breath faster than the others.

He turned towards Roxas (half-wishing he could still use his wind magic and dry off but whatever now's not the time to think about that), looking at him incredulously and all around not entirely sure what to do right now.

"Why did you do that?!" Yeah more questions that made sense.

Surpringly, Sayaka's the least worn out of the three, remaining quiet while the other two huff for air - power restriction or not, she doesn't quite register the lung burn the same way as either of them.

She stays seated as Ven staggers up, giving Roxas an unreadable look, even if he couldn't see it.

"..we're not all that scary, right?"

"-no!"

Hey look, Sayaka, you got a word out of him. He rolled over haphazardly, okay it was more like he flopped and just barely caught himself on his palms.

"I...no. No, that's not it."

He gave up on trying to keep himself upright after a minute, draping his forearm across his face.

"I don't know why."

Ven was certainly calming down at least, in the form of drooping a bit as he looked at Roxas, then gave Sayaka an unsure face, and then looked back at Roxas.

"...What's wrong?" The last time he had talked to Roxas he was doing his damndest to keep positive. And now...this?

"..."

Sayaka has a theory about what's wrong.

She could certainly understand getting.. overcome.. by this place, bitter as that is to admit. It wasn't just Puella Magi that could have meltdowns, after all.

..so now they'd both seen each other at their worst, huh?

"I, I just don't know. Everything?" He dragged his arm off his face, closing his eyes to try and think without feeling like he was being watched.

"I just...I don't want to be here anymore."

Was that really it?

"...if they're going to keep doing stuff like this to us, then I'd rather just go and die every day. Then they can't mess with me." He opened his eyes, glaring bitterly upward. "I know that's dumb. I know, but..."

Ven's expression fell a bit more, looking down at the ground and deciding to sit back on the ground with a 'thud.' He...wasn't really sure how to reply to that, really. Aqua or Terra would be way better at this than he was. Master Eraqus too.

"No one wants to be here. But dying every day isn't going to make a difference," He said, rather despondently. "I don't...I don't know what to do, but..."

Augh, he was so goddamn sick of letting all of this stuff get to him. "--You can't let it all get to you like this!"

"..h, hey. 'If you freak out, you're just gonna get worse.' I don't think that just goes for me, Rox."

Recanting the advice she'd gotten seemed like the best idea, but - Sayaka feels like a hypocrite. She hadn't figured out how to even apply it right yet herself, so is it really fair for her to just regurgitate it to Roxas?

He looked a little hollow by the time Ven finished talking, and cast that look at Sayaka first.

"I think I'm past that point. It already got worse."

He, however, softened the look when he actually realized he was looking at Sayaka, suddenly shifting his position to sit with his knees up. Right, she became that monster before because she was distressed- should she be listening to him like this? That managed to propel him momentarily out of his feels, at least.

"I didn't...I don't want to worry you guys."

Meanwhile Ven was totally unaware of most of the details about what actually happened with Sayaka and the Witchening, and was continuing with a combination of anger and exasperation.

"Kind of hard to do that, don't you think?!" Yeah they were kind of roommates, dumbass. "That's what friends are for. To cheer you up and help you out and stop you when you've gotten worse and got a death wish!"

Huh. Well that was kind of hitting a little close to home.

She had watched the man's network post, nose to the screen. ... for a little while. She had to step away, she couldn't even bring herself to ask any questions -- she was just... She was just so mad and she needed to back away so she could breathe. Maybe later, she would be able to go back and go over it and see if she could actually glean anything useful from it. But his complete and utter disregard for people, the way he obviously just saw them all as things, how he just didn't care at all --

Ẁh͞a̸t do͞ y̨o͢u͝ ́c͏a͠re̛? T́h͠e c͏r͡eat̴ure is b͡roke̷n.͜ D̸ef̛ect͠ív͘e.̸

D҉o̢n'ţ c͘a̧l̕ĺ ́her̶ t͜h͢a͡t́!

̸I'̸ll̨ c̴al̡l that̡ ̶t̴h͡ing͝ ͝wh̡a͟tev̴er ̴I ͟w͘an̕t. ̴H͞ow w͞e҉ de̵al wi̶t͞h Xion is ͟n̡o c̀o̡nc̢er̸n̛ of̨ y̕ours̀.

̕I̴ d̛i̢dn'̨t͏ ́a̢s̶k y͢o҉u i͝f i̕t̶ w̸as!

̵L̸ook a̢t͢ you̕, ̸R̛o͜x̀as. ͟Up ̶in a̕rms͏ ͏o͡ver a n̨o̷b͘o̴dy.

̛W̕e're̷ all ͜Nob͡od̸i͜es!̧

͠Se҉t̕tl҉e̸ ̸d̀own.̡ ͏X͠io̴n̸'̧s͠ ̨fa̡ili͞ngs ̧won͢'́t̷ ͜aff̶ect͠ ͢your st̛a͢n҉d͝ing̸ wit͟h us͞. ̴You̵'v̢e̛ ̴nothi̛n͘g ̢t̡o̸ ̶ẃor̀r̀y͟ ̛ab̴out.͘

Won't a̸ffec̀t͠ ̡my̡ -҉-̴ W̢ḩat̡ ͝i͜s̕ ̕WRO̸ŃG͠ ̀w҉i͘th̶ ̛ýo҉u̡?̀!́

You were a mistake we never should have made.

Xion went for a walk. She didn't pay much attention as to where her feet took her. She just... needed to move. To get this feeling, fiery and blinding and sitting in her ribcage, out of her system. ... if she even could.

By the time she arrived on floor thirty-five, she was tired. That fire had ebbed to a candle, still hungry and ready to blaze, but it was better than it was before. And maybe it was more than just chance that she'd calmed down by the time she'd reached this floor, because she probably wouldn't have noticed anyone else otherwise.

But there he was. Roxas. Something twisted in her stomach, squeezed her heart, stole the breath out of her lungs. She'd known he was here for a while now. She just... couldn't bring herself to approach him. It hurt to look at him. But now, as she watched him stare into the lake, sink to the ground, and start sobbing, she felt so, so, so selfish.

She wanted to walk over, sit down behind him, and hug him until he felt better. Just... squeeze all of that sadness out of him. But he didn't know her. He wouldn't recognize her even if he did. And if he did... she would have to tell him why she looked like that. And she didn't know if that was something she could do. She didn't want to make him more sad. She didn't want him to be afraid of her. But what was the alternative? Pretend to be Sora? No. She wasn't going to do that, either. She wasn't going to lie to him.

At the very least, she could sit with him. So that was what she decided to do. She approached, not saying a word, and settled down at the edge of the lake next to him. She wished she had an ice cream to offer him. But she let herself brush shoulders with him, just to let him know he wasn't alone. He didn't have to be alone.

Edited 2012-05-17 22:55 (UTC)

Even that brush set him to give a startled hiccup, nearly tumbling jitterly in to the water. However, he kept himself steady by gripping the grass, and shifting his weight to look at who'd just sat down next to him.

He knew several of the brunette brush-heads were around. He'd been avoiding them since they'd first arrived, because he just didn't want to come to terms with the implications or honesty it'd require to talk to them. Roxas kept telling himself he wasn't ready for that, but it was just an excuse.

Sad as it was, he suddenly felt selfish too.

The blond kept his eyes fixated on the other, slowly calming his breathing, and not even bothering with the mess of moisture around his eyes. Eventually, he relaxed, or slumped, back in to a less jumpy position. It was only then that he turned his gaze back out to the water.

"...s...sorry." His voice croaked, but he didn't care anymore. Whatever. He was pathetic. "I..." A pause; "...did, you...see it?"

Rox couldn't imagine why else someone would have been going near him right now.

Xion reaches for him as he jumps, but luckily he caught his own balance, so he doesn't need any more help. Still, her hand is already fisted in the back of his shirt, and she lets out a relieved exhale as she relaxes her grip. "It's okay. I'm the one who should be apologizing. I didn't mean to scare you."

She realizes her hand is still on his back. Nervous and maybe a little ashamed, she draws her hand back into her lap. She isn't aware of the way she's sitting -- knees bent, legs tucked close to her right side, almost sitting on her feet, one hand folded in her lap, slightly leaning back on the other one -- because it's habit. It's also very Xion, maybe a little Kairi, and not nearly enough Sora or Roxas.

She blinks at his question. "See... what?" She combs through her mind, trying to think of what he might mean. "The network post?" Is that what upset him?

She didn't make it as far as Roxas' comments.

Honestly, the hand on his back had felt comforting, but when it was retracted he didn't say anything at all. He didn't want to embarrass himself further by letting his voice crack and being desperate.

It was after he shifted that Rox realized the strangeness in the brunette's posture. He almost went to say something about it- it didn't exactly look comfortable, and that seemed to stick out to him -but the response took more immediate precedence.

"...yeah." Roxas put his hand at his neck, as if trying to feel for where those holes had been. It hadn't occurred to him that Sora(face) wouldn't have finished the entry, and seen his outburst. "I was hoping it'd...it had cut off, or something. I didn't want people to see that."

... she's definitely missed something.

"Cut off? See... what?" Now she feels extremely foolish for not reading the whole thing. She needs to learn to control her temper.

For some reason, her automatic sitting posture isn't as comfortable in Sora's body as it is in her own. She shifts her legs so that she's sitting cross-legged now. She needs to keep this in mind for later...

Anyway. Back on topic.

"I'm sorry. If you don't want to talk about it, you don't have to."

Uh oh.

Roxas seemed to totally blank out for a minute, hand leaving his neck to cover half his face. Don't panic. That was...a good thing, that someone hadn't seen it. Now he just had to make sure it stayed that way.

"It's okay, I'm...glad." He tried the most pathetic smile, dropping his hand and giving a sigh. Damn, his heart was not in this. "I'd rather people not see it. It was...really stupid of me."

Xion doesn't want to press, but... she's worried. He's so tired, and the way he was leaning over the water when she found him... she... Whatever it is that's bothering him, it must be big. She promised (not really, but in her mind) he didn't have to tell if he didn't want to. So she won't press.

"Everyone makes mistakes," she assures him, hoping it'll make him feel better.

"I think I make more than usual."

Rox's shoulder slumped, and he ran a shaky hand through his hair. Deep breaths. If he was going to do this- then he was going to do it right.

"I'm, just...I'm already disappointing people. Maybe I'm just a coward...I don't want to face any of this. I never have. But that's not helping anybody., especially at times like this..."

There's something painful in her chest. She wants to reach out and touch him, to take his hand like he did to support her when she talked to Saïx, she wants... But he doesn't know who she is. Would he... even remember her?

"I don't think it makes you a coward." The least she can do is keep talking. She can help that way. "I don't think there's anyone who wants this -- any of this. Or who'd want what we've -- you've been through." She almost slipped. She has to be more careful. "Just because you need some time to yourself, or some time to not worry and just relax, some time to be normal... That doesn't make you a coward, Roxas. It just makes you... like everyone else. No one can keep going in such difficult situations forever."

Naminé had many reasons to withhold using her powers, those days. Or at least, she had reasons to want to. Those reasons applied to a lot of people. For him-- there were even more. He'd been intruded upon and harassed and manipulated enough in his life, enough for multiple lifetimes. The idea of doing so herself, again, was an awful one, distasteful and shameful and horrible in so many ways.

... But after seeing what went on on the network....

She didn't pry. She didn't dig, or search, or anything, just-- made herself aware of the presence of his memories, waiting patiently but in anguish for his return. When she sensed it, well... very little could have stopped her from seeking him out. Nothing managed to; that was why she was walking swiftly straight toward him from the stairs at that moment. "Roxas...!"

The sound was...more comforting than he would have thought. Even with the more heavy reasoning behind him being here, just the sound of Naminé's voice was like taking some of that weight off. He may have felt disgused by the concern in it, but...baby steps.

The blonde turned his soggy face towards her, not moving from his spot by the bank- away, or towards. He seemed to slump, or settle, like he'd heaved a sigh, but no sound came out except his wet breathing.

"...h-hi."

He sounded hoarse and oddly distant, but yeah. Still baby steps.

Her mouth was set in a grim line, her mind too set on getting to him to remind her that maybe she should have tried to smile, for his sake. Her concern urging her forward, she hurried to his side, dropping to her knees next to him. There were so many things she could say, that she could scold him about or question him about, but-- that wouldn't help him. Not at that moment. She shut her mouth, taking a deep but quick breath and letting it out.

"... You're back." She would ask him if he was okay, but the answer to that was obvious. "I'm glad-- that you're..." ... Well. He was obviously not alright. "... back." Not in the tower, necessarily, but-- alive.

"I'd rather not be."

The words tumbled out before he could even try and hold them back. It'd only been the single thing he'd been focusing on all day, deep down. It was bound to come up. Even still, the second he realized what he'd said, he just covered his face again and heaved an actual sigh.

"...sorry, I don't...mean that." He gave himself a second to make sure he wasn't going to spout out more raw depression, before looking back up and at Nams' face. "Thanks. I'm...I need to learn to control my emotions better."

No, really?

It hit her like a punch in the face, and her expression failed to hide that. Something in her chest clenched horribly and stayed tense, even as her face began to relax into something less stricken. It hurt, hearing that, and it filled her with a quiet fear, the concern that was already there growing. Still, she was careful to encourage herself to calm the tension in her expression. He didn't need to see that look. Though it also hurt to watch him put his face in his hands like that, it at least managed to save him from the worst of her reaction. ~~That feeling twisted all the more at the mention of controlling his emotions.~~

Realizing he was looking at her, she forced a cautious almost-smile onto her face in the hopes of emphasizing, "... It's alright, Roxas. I understand. You're... upset." He didn't mean it. He didn't-- she hopes. She won't check. "Anyone would be."

"No. I don't think everyone would be upset like this. It's..."

He kept his head down, as if he was already regretting backing out of the truth.

"...I told him to do it. I wanted him to, because I was- I was more than just upset. I was just..."

A very hesitant pause, as he searched out the proper word.

"...tired. Tired of myself, I don't know."

Odds were that he was going to keep talking in circles around his feelings. Sorry, Nams.

Talking in circles around his feelings wasn't enough to obscure them, at least not from her. She didn't want to believe it, when that realization crept into the back of her mind. She didn't want to think she was right, that that horrible chill filling her was justified.

'You wanted to die.'

She dared not say it out loud. Though this would have made things easier, back home, if he'd wanted to give up what he was then to go back to Sora and not have to worry about it, not struggle -- it made her sick with pity, with grief, with shame for not trying harder to help him, not doing something to make him feel better. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. "Roxas--...."

She wished there was something, anything she could say to make it better. All she could do was try. One hand raised, hesitant and cautious, before lightly resting on his back. She remembered that time, so long ago, when he'd offered her something similar. "... This isn't all there is, Roxas. Things can still change, as long as--... you keep trying." Please don't give up, please--

Philemon had seen the poor boy's death, after the collar was removed. And here he is, alive again, as if nothing had happened. So the collars were required for life... It created a new set of questions to ponder, but for right now, this was more important.

He was silent as he walked to Roxas' side. After laying his hand on the boy's shoulder to comfort him, he smiled. "It is good to see that you are all right."

He tensed his shoulders under that hand, but stayed still and recovered from it relatively quickly. He didn't recognize the voice, and that made a lot of his anxieties go to second priority.

"I shouldn't have done that."

His voice was cracked and quiet, mostly from embarrassment. "I don't...know why I did that."

Philemon was a naturally comforting presence. His very nature allowed for it. Being the spirit that embodied of all of mankind's positive energy and emotions tended to give that effect.

"You were frustrated. Upset. It's all right. You didn't know what would happen."

"I wanted to know what would happen."

He did feel...calmer, and while Roxas wasn't going to wonder or look a gift horse in the mouth, he did find himself eyeing the masked man.

"I guess I shouldn't fling my life around like that." A sigh; "Or...I at least didn't want others to see it."

After her meeting with the others in the library, Xion took the long way back up to the dormitories, to think about what she'd learned. The stairs were long enough that she had a lot of time things over... especially given when she had to stop to catch her breath.

It's on Floor 35 that she glanced up after one of these stops and realized that the spiky head of hair was incredibly familiar.

There was something, watching him though. In some ways he was so different now, different from what he'd been when she'd known him in the Organization. Maybe that was a result of what she'd learned. She didn't know. But there was something about the way he was standing there that left her uneasy.

Or maybe it was just a side effect of being in this Tower for too long. He'd been here longer than her, hadn't he...?

She was about to approach, call out maybe, though, when she saw him crumple. That wasn't a good sign at all, and sent her hesitant steps into a run.

"Roxas!" she shouted, slightly panicked.

By the time Xion would reach him, Rox would be doing slightly better than he initially was- his breathing was heavy but he wasn't hyperventilating, and despite moistened eyes he wasn't actively crying. Also, he wasn't launching himself headlong in to an infinite lake abyss of death. That was pretty nice.

That didn't change the fact that he was shaky and obviously pale, not even turning to face Xion when she was close enough. To be honest, he was trying to keep himself from getting sick all over the bank of the water. Even if the nutrition bars were bland, that didn't mean he wanted to throw up the only food source they had.

[...There's definitely a panting coming from the entrance of the floor, since a person actually chased Roxas throughout the whole time he had been running ever since a certain floor.

He recognized him.

He was the person who got his collar removed.

And his common senses are definitely pinging him that this boy will probably do another... action by this lake. An action that he might've regret later on.

Finally getting his composure back, he's going to approach the blonde boy:]

Hey, you alright?

[He'd bunched himself up in to an awkward sort of ball, an arm draped over his knees and another wrapping around the left side of his head. His breaths were coming quick, but they were slowly evening out to a normal breathing pattern. However, he looked pretty queasy, like he was going to throw up, or worse, lurch in to the water still.

Despite all that, he managed to swallow awkwardly and nod, not even caring that the voice was unfamiliar.] Y-...yeah. I...I hope so...

L-look, just take a deep breath of air and exhale slowly, alright?

[He's really worried about this person now, but what's more important is to get him away from the water since who knows what will happen in this place?]

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actions have consequences

i always get the first tag in your posts

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who's got their swiiiiim trunksssssss

wow you're horrible

i could use this for a mermaid joke but i would hate myself afterwards

okay plus, who's worse- me, or matchy

you because matchy didn't make the joke

can i be in your serious thread guys look at this quality drama writing:

you are exactly what we need right now, okay???

you can always be in our serious threads

~~forever and ever, then~~

~~~best friendssssssss~~~

~~~~****~~~~****~~~~

****~~~~****~~~~****

gaaaaay

no you

no u

no yew?

coo coo cachoo

no subject

it's times like this when I really realize I need to find more icons

I have a giant folder of Roxas icons if you'd like...

i would basically marry you only not really. but i would in spirit.

bam. http://www.sendspace.com/file/6ns4t4 engagement ring

oooh ms mala oooh

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forever and ever, then

~best friendssssssss~

********

~~~~~~~~