towerofanimus | [OPEN] so you can't hold a star in your hand

Entry tags:

[ou] nigredo

[OPEN] so you can't hold a star in your hand

Characters: Nigredo and YOU
Setting: All of the Tower
Format: Prose and/or brackets
Summary: Nigredo has no idea what is happening, let alone why. Exploring the tower. Dorm room > all across the Tower! Please make sure to put your chosen location in the subject line. Filling out the power permissions form will help me a lot, too!
Warnings: No warnings as of yet.

[It was the worst feeling, waking up with sleep paralysis; unable to open your eyes, to move. Even more so find yourself in a strange room that was most certainly not the hospital Nigredo had been recovering in. Wasn't a planetary war enough? Well, apparently not. A week after losing all but one brother, and a serious injury, and, oh, well, killing your own father...

Eh, why not throw in a tower of nightmares? Everyone like's tower nightmares, right?

He's changed into a uniform he'd hoped he'd never see again (he hated it-- hated the U.R.T.V. uniforms with a passion, now), mostly because it's better than those weird skin-tight suit things, pistol holstered and out of sight, a combat knife tucked into his left boot. (Never know what to expect, right?) And now he's wandering around the tower, exploring it.

Calling out for his brother, mentally, with no luck.

+1 twelve year old child weapon, Tower of Animus. What now?]

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[Well, there doesn't seem to be a whole lot to do, at times. Nigredo's distracted, all the same. It's disturbing him; he can't hear him-- can't hear Rubedo at all. He doesn't know what to do with that. Doesn't know how to handle the disconnect. The silence. Maybe something blocking it? Is that even possible?

It's distracting enough that Nigredo almost doesn't realize he's being approached at first.

He doesn't jump, however. Actually, if anything, it's always been extremely difficult for any outward impression of all of his internalizing.]

--I... just woke up, if that's what you mean... [Nigredo is always cautious. But that doesn't mean necessarily unfriendly. He gives Allen only one quick once-over. Just to assess if he's a threat. Nothing there for him to be threatened by (yet), naturally.]

*He kneels down to be more at eye level with Nigredo with a sigh. Part of him is thinking he should put a hand on the boy's shoulder, but he's not sure if that would just do more harm than good right now.*

That's what I mean, yeah. You're Nigredo, right?

[Instantly? Defensive. His lips press into a thin line, and his brows draw down. Other wise, there is little reaction. No drawing back. He doesn't know what to make of all of this.]

How do you know that?

[It's an honest question. There are people that know of the U.R.T.V.s, but... how many knew that a couple had survived Miltia?]

*He just offers a small, friendly smile in return.*

I'm-

*Wait, how should he describe his relationship with Albedo?*

I know one of your brothers, kind of. I'm either from a different point in time from you or from a very similar universe.

[...this place is making even less sense. What kind of letter says "I saved you", and doesn't explain much else? Like, you know, why this is all happening.]

--that doesn't make sense.

[Nigredo takes a step back. He's not comfortable with this.]

That doesn't make any sense at all.

Edited 2012-07-11 22:09 (UTC)

I know, none of this really does. But I've met other people I know and confirmed that that kind of thing can happen.

*Sob, why are his ordinary social skills so rusty.*

But I don't think that really makes much difference. I still want to help you, if you're willing to trust me.

[That's all right, Allen. Nigredo is polite, but let's face it, he's never had much outside social interaction, either. You're in (mostly) good company.]

...I... [There's a pause. It doesn't quell much of his anxiety, but... trust can't just be given, you know.] Thank you. I'm sure I do need some help.

[Unlike his brothers, sometimes, Nigredo will admit when he's out of his element. Well. When he absolutely has to.]

*He's yet to hear Albedo admit to needing help. And whew, he hasn't completely botched this. Why is it so hard figuring out how to deal with kids? Oh, yeah, the people that 'raised' him didn't really know how to deal with kids either...but Nigredo gets another friendly smile as Allen offers his hand to shake.*

Don't worry about it. My name's Allen Ridgeley.

[Because no one really wants to admit bad news to a twelve year old, regardless?]

Allen Ridgeley. [Another pause. But he shakes Allen's hand all the same.] I'm-- [Wait, Allen already recognized him.] Pleased to meet you.

You said you were familiar with one of my brothers... [Despite his neutrality, Nigredo is... hopeful.]

*He nods. Now for the next delicate part...*

Albedo. He's not in the tower, though...right now, I'm pretty sure we're the only ones here from any version of our universe.

*And now to hope that Nigredo isn't too freaked out by the mention of Albedo.*

[Albedo? Albedo? Allen... Allen knows Albedo? But-- No, he tries to tell himself. Nigredo has to swallow down a considerable amount of guilt, and, to a vast degree, worry.]

Albedo is-- [Infected? Frightening? Almost killed him? Almost killed them all? God, how it had almost destroyed Rubedo...] Is he all right?

[Nigredo can't help it. That's still his brother.]

It...depends how you define alright. He's not as bad as he used to be, ever since- *He died and was reborn? No, he can't tell Nigredo that.* since he was cured of his infection, but I don't think he's ever going to be what you remember again. I'm sorry.

[Cured? Of U-DO? Was that possible? How do you "kind of" know someone, and know about... about that? Watch it, Allen, you're starting to hit all the wrong buttons.

Nigredo may be twelve, but he's far from oblivious.]

Someone found him? [He still can't bring himself to think Albedo dead. And he also can't keep from asking. Nigredo doesn't know what to do with his hands; his fingers keep curling and uncurling.

He just-- he needs to know, for Rubedo's sake. Nigredo can swallow guilt and his internal desires if for no other reason. The knots in his stomach is only partially due to still-healing wounds.] It doesn't matter if he's not the same, I don't expect him to be.

But-- [Remember your manners, Nigredo.] Please, if you could tell me, if it's really the truth...

*He nods and, figuring he's going to be here for a while, sits down.*

I don't really know the details, but...when I first met him, he was working with Ormus. *A bit of distaste in his tone. As useful as they are, he could never bring himself to approve of that organization.* He was still infected back then and to be honest, I had as little to do with him as I could. He was...

*Deranged. Psychopathic. Twisted beyond words.*

Not the kind of person I could stand at all. That was about three years ago, from my perspective. He wasn't cured until last year, but he did get a lot better. I wouldn't call him entirely sane, but he's a lot easier to tolerate as long as you have the patience for his sense of humor.

[Ever since Albedo had discovered that Nigredo and Rubedo couldn't die, it had split a rift between them all. Shaken the foundations. That obsession with death... Part of him wanted to tell Allen "no". No, Albedo wasn't like that. He was sweet. (A little off, at times, considering the clinginess.) Albedo was his brother. But-- really, it's a bit late for that.

All there is, though?

That dead silent stillness.

For a long, poignant moment, anyways.]

How can I believe you? [Nothing seemed logically anymore. Nigredo would ease into it, eventually. It doesn't take away from the fact that is still a child, still so secluded from the world. He has no idea how to interact with these emotions, least of all the with burning anger that comes with thinking about Albedo. For reasons that had nothing to do with Albedo himself (his older brother wasn't at fault) and everything to do with...

Well, he doesn't know. Not yet.]

*It's odd. As much as he wished for some peace and quiet back when he dealt with the other Testaments on a daily basis, that silence only manages to make him feel lonely. He might object and complain and generally make a fuss about it, but part of him enjoyed it. The teasing, the banter, even the mental interruptions, so long as they weren't from Voyager. Maybe because it was a distraction from all the questionably moral things he did and facilitated as a Testament, or maybe it was just because he'd grown up in a rowdy environment and still felt somewhat out of place when things were completely quiet. But whatever the reason, the silence reminds him of how alone he feels here.

And then Nigredo speaks. It's a reasonable question, and he can't blame the child. After all, if he were in Nigredo's position, he wouldn't trust him either, even without knowing how twisting truths and carefully applying misinformation was part of his job. But that doesn't make it any easier to answer.

He sighs and spreads his hands, silently admitting that he has no proof.*

I can't exactly tell you to go ask him, since he isn't here, but...I don't have any reason to lie. Not about this. I might not know you personally, but I know what you've had to live through. I wouldn't tell you something like this unless it was true, at least in my version of things.

[It wins some points. No one likes to admit that they can't prove anything, even if the Variant doesn't want to bristle. Doesn't want to believe it, it's not that simple. He can't deny Allen's "version" of the truth. Whatever that truth actually was. Nigredo doesn't think he wants to know what Albedo is like anymore. It makes his heart ache. How do you right wrongs that were so beyond your grasp? And now... Now it was almost stifling. It doesn't show. It never does. Nigredo is too reserved for that.

Or maybe it's because he's just... speechless. There will never be enough words for what happened. Even less for something he can't even completely wrap his mind around.

(That U-DO could be "cured".)

Nigredo looks at Allen. Long and hard. Trying to size him up. But Allen, too, is unfathomable. he can't disbelieve Allen, either. Lack of proof goes both ways.]

*Maybe he should let his guard down a little around the kid, to show he doesn't have any reason to hide. But it's hard. He's been a Testament too long and being open doesn't come naturally to him anymore. Not that he was ever one to broadcast any but his most relevant thoughts.

Still, he has to do something, so he hesitantly reaches out to put a hand on the boy's shoulder and makes a point of letting the URTV meet his eyes.*

I know it's not the news you were hoping for, but...I don't think the Albedo you remember is entirely gone, either. He still cares about you and Rubedo.

*He knows Albedo would claim otherwise if he was here, but the other Testament's actions have never fit his words. After all, why would someone like him come back after so much effort to die if he didn't care?*

[Green eyes meet Allen's. It shouldn't be as comforting as it was, that hand on his shoulder. Those words shouldn't be as kind, he thinks. It is, though. It's been only a couple of weeks since the Conflict. The wounds are still fresh, and he wants to remember Albedo like he was: his brother. Not something infected. Not something cruel. Even if it is just Allen's truths, Allen's world, or the future of his own...

Those are concepts hard to swallow.

Nonetheless, it's comforting to think of it that way. Hopeful that Albedo does care. Nigredo doesn't need to grasp whatever's beyond Allen's barriers. Not for this. Not when his eyes close, and he takes a good, deep breath.] Thank you, Mr. Ridgeley.

I really appreciate the kind words. [Nigredo doesn't have much else to offer Allen other than polite words. And his smalls shoulders relaxing under that hand.]

*His expression softens into a smile as he feels the young boy relax and he gives a gentle squeeze to the shoulder as he shifts to get a foot back under him. He'd been worried that the news was too much for someone who'd just survived the Miltian Conflict and it was a relief to him as well to see that he'd found the right thing to say.*

It's the least I could do. And you really don't need to be that formal, you can just call me Allen.

Allen. [Once more, repeats it to himself. Mostly just to settle it in his mind. This is Allen Ridgeley. Someone kind. Or, at least, Nigredo hopes. Can't always trust people, even if you want to.

But, all the same. A nod.] Okay. I'll call you Allen from now on.

[It'll take some getting used to being relatively informal with people.]

*Kind, maybe trustworthy. He hopes he'll never have reason to hurt the boy, anyway. Aside from the fact that Albedo would kill (well, re-kill) him if he showed up, Nigredo seemed like such a good-natured person and had already been through so much. His first impulse was to try to protect him, to give him time to recover without having even more trauma heaped on top of the Conflict.

He lets go of the shoulder and gives it a pat before standing up.*

Have you been to the cafeteria yet?

[Why would you want to hurt someone that's been hurt enough, Allen? Then again, not a lot of people will raise a hand to a child. Allen is different-- he knows not to be fooled by Nigredo's small face. It's something Nigredo has only ever had to use once.

Yuriev paid the price for that one.

He feels... sheepish, all of a sudden. Unsure of what to do. Makes his hands stay still so that he doesn't fidget.]

I haven't. [Not yet.] I'm sure it's nice, but... I need to find Rubedo.

[If Allen knows him and Albedo, he fully expects Allen to know about Rubedo. In spite of not fidgeting, Nigredo's eyes waver and move to the floor.]

*He never knows who he's going to end up hurting, that lesson's been pounded into him. But it's never stopped him from hoping to avoid it, and it doesn't help him meet Nigredo's eyes when he realizes he has to share more bad news.*

I... *Sigh.* I'm not sure Rubedo's even here. As far as I know, the two of us are the only people here from any version of our universe.

*And he would know. The collective unconscious of the tower is strange, patchwork and constantly shifting, but it doesn't really hamper his senses. And though he's never spoken to Rubedo in person before, he's seen him enough to recognize his consciousness if it appears.*

[It's not an answer Nigredo can accept. That calm exterior wavers again. Nope. No. Can't accept it.]

He's too stubborn. [He says it firmly. Carefully. Unwavering in his conviction. Rubedo had to be here. He can't just... leave his brother alone. Not after all of that. Not after everything they've been through. The bad news of the Tower was enough. This just wasn't something he can swallow.

And maybe when he stares right at Allen, there's a flicker of fierce determination.]

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[OPEN] so you can't hold a star in your hand

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fffff sobbing