solvet saeclum in favilla;

[thanabro]

Characters: Ryoji and OPEN
Setting: Floor Six (ruins of the forest), Floor Three (library)
Format: Either.
Summary: Ryoji is extremely conflicted right now. He's torn between fear of himself and fear of being weak. Knowledge and strength are two sides of the same coin, so he goes in search of both.
Warnings: Possible talk of death and/or body horror.


[Floor Six]

[Stronger. He has to get stronger. Even though he's been training, it's not good enough. He needs to push himself more, and he needs to stop taking so many hits. The forest is a good place to train, though, which is why he's found himself here. He steps away from the staircase and starts jogging, heading into the forest to find a clearing.]

[He's not strong enough, he needs to be stronger. He needs to protect them…]

[Once he finds one, he faces a tree and summons Thanatos, who slices into it, again and again until it falls, crashing to the ground. He stares at it, face set in an expression of determination, before he turns to another three, attempting to pull himself up it.]

[… He might have trouble getting down, though.]



Floor Three]

[Ryoji picks through the bookshelves, trying to find anything that looks interesting or helpful. He finally picks out a one on basic martial arts, and another on swords. A third book in his pile is an adventure novel, but he sets that one aside while he looks through the other two.]

[… His head keeps nodding, though. It might be important, but it doesn't mean it's horribly interesting.]

Comments

[nemophila]

No, no--!

[Apparently Ryoji's hesitance was enough to offset his own panic, because his hands flew back to his sides as he zipped right back around, his posture a bit rigid.]

Please, I'm sorry I-- I didn't mean any of those things I said. [Dreams were usually hazy after you woke, but the details were starting to fly back to him full force.] I was just-- please, don't take that to heart. It wasn't fair of me, I was wrong--!

[thanabro]

For some things. For others you were right.

[The past has taught him too much. Too many people throwing things in their faces. He doesn't want that to happen again.]

[nemophila]

No I... [His arms dropped to his sides and his shoulders droop, and he all around just had this kind of defeatist look about him as he looked at the ground.]

I was wrong. I don't even believe most of the things I said....

[thanabro]

... Then why did you say them?

[He knows that the person in the dream seemed... very different than the person he sees in front of him... but he still wants to know.]

[nemophila]

[He was quiet for a long moment, his hands coming up to cover his face again as he pulled and stretched the skin. He almost sounded like he was close to crying when he spoke again, but he wasn't going to let something like this get to him. He refused.

He defaulted instead to affecting a cold and neutral tone like he had during most of his school days.]

I believed it once, a lot time ago... When I had reached the lowest point in my life... My... [He hesitated here. He still really had no idea what to call his "father" anymore.]

I created the Joker-- a monster, that embodied all of those horrid ideas. He was supposed to help humanity rise above it... to reach an ideal point of existence... But it didn't quite work out as I planned.

But I had friends that didn't abandon me... that came back to me, after all that... they didn't leave me. They proved me wrong.

[thanabro]

...

[He nods, not saying anything for a bit. Turning into a monster... it's terrifying, even if you can't really feel it at the time.]

How... are you sure they won't turn away again, though?

[nemophila]

I trust them. [The answer was almost immediate, and it allowed the slightest drop of emotion back into his voice.]

I was wrong about them. All they've done is prove how much they care about me, about all of us. They're much better people than I am.

[thanabro]

... I...

[This person saw him when he was at his worst. He can be a little honest with him.]

I never really... had friends before this year. And I was still worried they looked down on me because I didn't have a Persona.

[nemophila]

I didn't either. [He'd gone most of his life without any particularly close companions, so it wasn't like it was very hard to admit.]

Not since I was a kid. I didn't have any until less than a month before I came here. And I'd done things a lot worse than not having a Persona, but... they don't hold it against me. It shouldn't matter whether you have one or not.

[As long as he's really vague about it it's OK!!]

[thanabro]

... Yeah. I have one, but it's... still kind of new for me. I only got it after I finished... changing.

[Like he saw. He can't help it - a shiver goes down his spine remembering it.]

[nemophila]

[What Ryoji meant was pretty obvious, even if probably neither of them wanted to think about it.]

That's good. But it's not what makes someone important.

[thanabro]

... Yeah, I know. But it made me feel a lot less useless.

[nemophila]

You don't need a Persona to feel useful. Sometimes you can still feel more useless than someone who doesn't have one...

[Because he suuuuure felt useless compared to Yukino.]

[thanabro]

[Ryoji just... sighs and pulls into himself a bit more.]

I'm just... I want to protect the people I care about. I feel like I'll never be strong enough - and I have to be.

[nemophila]

[He frowned. Damn if he didn't know how that felt sometimes.]

It's...hard. To protect people. I know how you feel. That... thing [The Joker-- he, didn't really want to acknowledge it.] was created because I couldn't protect someone.

But you don't always have to do it alone. If you're not strong enough, someone else can pick up the slack.

[thanabro]

[He's quiet for a long moment.]

... Except I'm the Seal. If at home someone tried to pick up the slack... they'd be stuck there forever, too.

[nemophila]

The "Seal"?

[Now that was something he had no idea what was.]

[thanabro]

I'm holding Nyx back from humanity. If she reached Earth, she would wipe out all life on the planet.

[nemophila]

Hm... trust me, humanity seems to have a habit of getting in trouble regardless.

[Yeah OK, that joke wasn't in very good taste.]

But that also means there are other ways to pick up the slack.