towerofanimus | Where Will You Go?

Entry tags:

Where Will You Go?

Who: Sou "Kit" Kigetsuki, and anyone who happens to cross his path.
What: Sou's recovery was a swift one that wasn't without consequence.
When: After the Shadow Event
Where: Cafeteria.
Format: Prose but I'll match.
Warning: violence (tentatively)

Sou pretty much had forced himself into one of the fastest recoveries from a broken ankle ever by putting a bullet in his own head. He wasn't about to let anything stop him and he certainly didn't want anyone's help or pity.

Like the natural actor he was, he pretended that nothing bothered him. At least publicly. He raised his brow at the display of energy bars and it reminded him sorely of those bars he had back at the lab during his refinement which brought to the surface terrible memories of the harsh experimentations he endured.

It was almost disgusting how the Administration would think that they are nothing more than rats and even worse, he was starting to see the big picture. It was enough to make him lance the festering wound of discontent and maliciousness through violent action. His hands at his sides in tight fists, the heat in the general area of about ten feet was becoming increasingly unbearable.

"STOP MESSING WITH ME!"

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"My neck." Sou lifted his head and lowered the collar of his shirt to reveal the darkened bruises above his indigo collar. "Since she is you, the grip was relatively tight."

Death wasn't unusual for him to witness. The time he had gone ballistic was around the point Lavina had died. He practically felt her life leaving and with his already shattered mind, the situation quickly escalated out of control. "It's not as painful as it looks."

She brushed her hands gently over the bruises that formed, furrowing her brows as she did so.

"...I'm not usually that strong," she replied almost in a low whisper to Sou, "I'm sorry...this wouldn't have happened if I just accepted things from the start," she added closing her eyes. She couldn't stop thinking about how painful it must have been for him to have to deal with that kind of strangulation.

"...It still..." she paused shaking her head. Instead, she allowed herself to repeat her magic words, letting a small illuminating light hover over the wound and carefully fixed the bruise so that there was no sign of bruising or pain, but perhaps a little strain.

"Stop lying to yourself. That's why the Shadow existed in the first place." Sou's voice was still soft but the edge was a bit harder.

"It's part of nature, an act of self preservation. I was seen as a threat. It's that simple."

He noticed her struggle with her magic and lightly gripped her wrists. His unnaturally warm hands fed a new kind of energy into her. It was almost as if he was giving her a boost somehow that felt almost like a natural, primal force of nature at the same time life-giving and dangerous. "Relax."

"I'm not lying," she replied in a blunt response, "I'm hardly a warrior type, nor do I possess any abilities that are beyond a normal human being," she replied. The magic didn't count since it wasn't her physical strength but rather a source of power that she had been given the luxury of using. Ishtar looked at him with a small, quiet look.

"I guess you have a point," she replied nodding.

After replying to that, she resumed with repeating the foreign words almost casually. It was strange how they flowed almost naturally to her now. It had been so long, and she never expected to be able to possess this kind of ability to memorize such elaborate spells.

His hand was strangely warm when they touched her, though she couldn't stop to ask him why since spells like this required immense amounts of concentration. One slip and the spell would be turned around and that would not be a good thing. She only heard his words before trying to calm herself down. She had been through one experiment with Shadows before but not quite on the level where she had to do much more to keep it away from people.

After a few minutes, she removed her hands, the wound on his neck was no more, and it seemed like he was never hurt in the first place. She gave him a small smile, "Err...thanks," because she was a little emotional, she almost lost her concentration a few moments ago.

"Thank you." Sou felt the bruises disappear even though he wasn't sure what to make of the magic he had witnessed. He was used to direct contact, one without words. His eyes cast down for a moment, his hands still on Ishtar's wrists, he finally released his hold.

"I was a bit harsh to you when I shouldn't have. I'm...sorry." He looked away and inhaled deeply to survey his damage. "What a selfish act I had committed."

Ishtar wiped her forehead a little. It had been a while since her powers had been accessed at its full potential. She still didn't have the stamina to work with ti completely. The words were always the hardest thing about these spells. They had to be said correctly and carefully. On slip up and the results could be more than just disastrous.

"You're welcome. I'm glad that I could help," she replied with a small smile still lining her face. Ishtar looked at him confused for a moment as he finally spoke, "Ah...it's alright. I wasn't expecting you to be calm about it. I mean you met someone who was kind of me, and now she's gone. I'm used to it, so it's fine," she replied laughing. He wasn't that bad of a person once she spoke to him.

Thankfully, his insanity is at bay. He's not under a great amount of stress any more for that voice to start pestering him. He shook his head and pointed toward the damage. "I was talking about this. It's not alright that I did this. Thanks to me, it looks like hunting and gathering is the basis of survival instead of relying on god awful energy bars that have the texture of gum paste. The latter would taste much better."

He looked toward Ishtar again, dark blue eyes scanned her face. "We all have our demons. Hopefully, you'll never have to see mine."

Sou really wasn't deep down. He lived a lonely life from his early childhood on and never truly understood what it was like to live with others and interacting with them only complicated matters.

Ishtar glanced at the damage. Somehow she couldn't approve of violence over things like that, but people had different outlets, and his happened to be well the destruction that was done here.

She rubbed the back of her head softly, "Well, no it isn't but I guess it's understandable when it happens sometimes," she replied before adding, "It's okay though. Don't worry. I know what you mean. Those things taste just as bad as those food bars that I had to eat back at that place."

She mused nodding her head. She didn't find him that hard to get along with once they got talking. He seemed like a pretty okay guy.

Sou laughed softly with a touch of darkness hidden underneath. The fact that she implied a place that was just as unsavory as this one would have ignited him again, but instead he suppressed the memory and decided on a more diplomatic approach as he leaned back against one of the tables.

"Understood. I was never fond of them in the first place and seeing them again, heh, it was irony in the waiting to fuel a much needed desire to ruin them just as they had ruined me. I used to be," Sou shook his head with his eyes closed, "it doesn't matter anymore. What matters is that I'm here now when I should be dead."

"Oh, you finally laughed," even though it sounded a little off, it was nice to hear him laugh. It was better than moments ago when he was angry and hurt. She always like people better when they were content or at least smiling, even if if there were other reasons for it.

"So, it brought back things you didn't want to remember?" she mused tilting her head again, "What...?" she mused glancing at him in confusion, "dead?" she mused pausing before speaking again, "Did you pass away in your world?"

"Assassinated. The cause was a just one on their part." Sou wasn't going to sugar coat anything. He was cruel, heartless and very hard to get close to back home. He kept people at a distance for a reason and it wasn't just because of his power.

He never learned how to love until he met Lavina. He had a warped sense of the world after his refinement that had driven him insane. "For a short time time, I was a laboratory subject by choice and my choice would be something that I would come to regret."

The fact that he wasn't seen as a very strong individual back home that no one took seriously, he didn't anticipate the insanity refinement would give him in place of power. "I was nineteen at the time of death. I'll be twenty come Novemeber."

"I'm sorry...I shouldn't have asked you such a personal question," she replied looking down. She didn't know what else to say, other then being able to relate in some way. It wasn't as bad as his and she surely didn't die yet, but the thought of being assassinated was something she was used to.

If only she knew, she would probably try to help him out even more, "What were...you doing at a laboratory?" she mused. Was he a scientist, a researcher or perhaps...he was also a subject? The question kind of slipped out of her mouth before she could stop it, but she didn't press it. If he chose to answer he could, if not it was fine with her.

"You're only maybe a year older than me," she replied frowning. He was so young, "but I guess you must have had something for people to assassinate you," she mused holding in a long pause before replying, "I'm sorry," maybe it wasn't such a good idea to ask him these questions.

Sou's eyes fixed on Ishtar for a moment. His body language depicted his attention and how he should respond. "There is nothing for you to apologize for. You didn't try to destroy a city simply because you can. As I said, their reasons were justified and if killing me ensured their survival, I have nothing to return back to even if I was redeemed."

He inhaled deeply to think about her question about the lab. Now that he was calm, he could address it without inviting back the insanity. "I subjected myself to an experiment to boost my power. Instead, I received more. I started hearing voice, seeing things, they still happen from time to time. Since I saw your shadow, I was sorely reminded just how screwed up I became from letting those technicians play god with my DNA. I can't take back what has happened and I sure as hell can't go back to the way I used to be."

He lowers his head with a sad smile. "I don't fully remember who I was before I became a walking nuclear bomb."

"Even if you deserved it, it's not right to be taking people's lives. People may have done things that are wrong, but no one really deserves to die. Life is precious, compared to anything else. Whether you've committed a crime or not, you should always value your life," she replied softly, "even if there isn't anything to come back to. You can always find it again."

She finished, though of course just saying what she was thinking off the top of her head. She didn't expect him to believe what she had to say. In fact, she was prepared for him to reject it upright. Ishtar's view of people was different from many others. She didn't think anyone should deserve to die, even though sometimes there were things that would lead up the person being bad and doing bad things. People had a reason most of the time, anyway.

She folded her arms as she listened, "You're strong, despite endearing such things," she replied with a soft voice, "I'm sorry that things didn't turn out the way you wanted, and it's alright, I guess. The past is the past, right? You are here right now. You should try to make the best of it."

She smiled softly.

"Maybe you can find yourself again."

Sou's head leaned back to look up at the ceiling. His eyes closed for a moment. If everything that Ishtar said is true, then he had a hell of a time believing it. His jaw tightened down a bit before his lowered his head to fix on Ishtar's face. "Finding myself. Heh, that's a luxury that some can afford. This is the last stop for me. What I want is irrelevant. What I need I can't have by simply taking it. Time isn't an option for something like that to grow and I'm already dead, so why should it matter."

He pulled himself off from the table and placed his hands behind his back. Despite his chaotic nature, the turmoil he was feeling was equally as intense as his discipline. He could destroy everything in this place but his need for survival is just as strong and his will to live was higher still.

"This second chance, eventually it will destroy me too."

Ishtar gave him a quiet look as he closed his eyes, wondering if she said something wrong. Was it strange that she could say something like that? She thought it was an opportunity of gaining a second chance. She always thought about it that way since she found out she wasn't exactly who she thought she was. Ishtar lowered her eyes as he spoke again.

"I still think it matters, whether you think so or not. Even if you were dead in your world, you're alive and breathing here."

She mused looking off a bit, "What do you need? Is it really that hard to obtain?" she questioned still keeping her tone even as she asked him those questions, "How so?"

She added after a long moment of silence.

"It doesn't matter." Sou's voice grew quiet. It actually did matter but he wouldn't find love here in a place full of death. Ishtar didn't say the wrong things. She said the right things but Sou isn't a good person to think the right way.

"While it's true that as I breathe, I have that change but I must confess that I am still nothing more than a dead man walking." Sadly, that was how he saw the world around him. It wasn't much of an existence in his mind.

"Are you sure?" she mused, with a tone of worry. She didn't want to push him but she was just worried that something was bothering him. He was different from the people she knew. The way he spoke and how he carried himself were totally different from what she was used to, so she didn't quite understand how she could try to help him out. She didn't want him to think the wrong way.

"Even when you say that, I can't think of you as someone who had already died. You do feel like a dead man walking," she replied looking at him. She wondered what kind of things happened to him when he offered himself to those things he said. It was scary how humans could be and being one herself, she feared that she might end up doing things she would regret.

His stature, his inner strength, his aura were a commanding presence on their own that required him to be strong. Sou looked up at Ishtar, his confidence hadn't waned in the slightest. His chin lifted to look directly into Ishtar's eyes.

"The truth is, ever since I was born, no one could touch me. My parents, the nurses, not even my own grandmother would dare to try. You see, my ability to manipulate and control heat was a way of protecting myself. That wasn't the entirely truth. My parents thought it wise to lock me away. I wasn't meant to make any friends and I grew up believing this.

My father was ashamed of me and my mother left because she couldn't take the pressure of being a mother to a freak. It's not entirely a sad existence but it did reinforce that people aren't as genuine as they claim. You asked me what happened? There's the beginning. The rest, I think you're smart enough to figure it out." He didn't sigh, or give off the impression that he was looking for sympathy. In fact, he looked like he was ready to talk about it and his tone showed that confidence.

"I created my world and the moment I didn't like it anymore, I wanted to change it. It was a mistake that proved fatal and I realized, even though it was too late, that I should have tried to play a little nicer in the sandbox. It's not much of a story, if that's what you're looking for."

Ishtar watched quietly as this young man seemed to hold himself int he most pristine state he could. She didn't understand why. He must have been a very fearful person if he could behave this way. She could never hold her stature for along period of time. Looking at him almost made her a little envious of his ability to show his pride and confidence.

"It's...painful to see a child grow up without the warmth or care of a parent. If I didn't have my guardians, perhaps I would have thought the same things you did," she paused a moment, "I hate it when people become fearful of change, of differences. No one's perfect. Everyone had their flaws or their gifts, and it's not right to treat someone like that," she replied furrowing her brows. She didn't sympathize with him. Rather, she could somewhat empathize, because she was always surrounded by people who possessed abilities beyond her comprehension. It made her abilities seem frail and week and sometimes she felt that she was just another normal human being compared to these people.

At the same time, however, she also thought that it wasn't right to judge people according to what they do. Sometimes there were reasons for it, or perhaps like Sou, they had a special ability as a child. It wasn't like he asked for it or wanted it, but no one asked him if that was what he wanted. For someone like him to be living in such a cold and heartless world, she could see why he said the things he did, "So if I touch you right now, then something bad will happen? Did they ever try to ask you if it was possible? You can control it, right? Your ability?" she mused lowering her eyes.

"It's alright. It means a lot that you are telling me this. It must have been difficult to talk about it," she offered him a weak, but gentle smile, "Does that mean you don't get much human contact?" she mused assuming that it was the case. It was one of those questions that he could reply to or not. She wouldn't delve into his personal life if he didn't want her to. She just wanted to maybe understand him a little.

To be touched was something of a dream to him. He was only touched once by Lavina and she died protecting him. She was his shield against that hate that he held for so long. It was enough to frighten him. His eyes widened for a moment with that showed with his shoulders squared tensely and a small, but sure nod. "Yes, I can control it enough not to hurt another, if that is what you are asking."

All he knew was hate. He grew up with it around him that became a part of him. Sou never thought that it was possible again. He stepped forward to demonstrate this and lifted Ishtar's chin lightly. "I never liked what I became. I did what was expected of me and it manifested in my becoming the monster they feared." He lowered his hand with a slight lift to his head. "I wondered what it was like to be normal and for a moment, I almost had it."

Ishtar was unsure what to make of his expression and actions. At this moment, he seemed a little off from his confident appearance. It seemed that he faltered for a moment as he responded to her.

"Then it's okay if you need a shoulder to cry on, or someone to give you a hug," she replied smiling briefly before patting his head in a strangely delicate manner when he approached her. It was something she started picking up thanks to a certain silver haired hunter. It was a comforting to get those rare pats on the head from someone who seemed almost like family to her, even though he would never admit that he cared about her. She lowered her hand and glanced at him as he lifted her chin.

"Then, I don't see how you're in the wrong," she replied giving him a serious look, "You might have agreed to these things, but it wasn't entirely your fault that you turned out the way you did. It's not like being a little different would be make you a monster," she replied her tone softening, "It's okay if you can't be normal. It's boring to be normal, and maybe since you have another shot at living, you can try to do normal things just for the experience or feeling of it?" she finished tilting her head a little.

"That's if you really want to. I can somehow understand how you feel though, about being normal and all. I've had a chance to live that here and in that place, where things like titles and roles didn't matter."

Edited 2012-10-21 07:53 (UTC)

There was a slight downward angle to his chin with a playful lift to his brow along with smirk. "Hey now, you're treading on dangerous territory if you think I'll be boring. I'm anything but average and I'm certainly not a doormat."

He was starting to show the more teenage behavior that he was denied. If he was granted a second chance like this, he was willing to cast aside that title to have a life that he wasn't allowed to have. "Tell me, Ishtar, what do you do for fun?"

Ishtar seemed to be a little content that he sounded a lot better than he did a few moments ago. She just chuckled, "Well, normal people are pretty boring, don't you think? I guess I've learned that from experience. It's nice to be a little different. That's all I meant. I'm not saying you're boring," she added in in her defense.

The princess looked at him with confusion for a moment when he asked her that question, but boldly answered it after a few seconds, "Well...I used to ride horses around the countryside. I sneaked out a lot when I was younger stealing food from the kitchen and having people chase me all over the place," she paused, "Well I guess that's considered traveling of sorts. I also kind of enjoy sparring now that I'm getting used to carrying a weapon around all the time.

The last, last, last Valentine's Day, I made chocolates but ended up melting them into hot cocoa..." she was pretty much rambling, "Drinking is fun sometimes. The guys there are pretty riled up when they're drunk," she chuckled. Pretty much she didn't know how to behave like a proper lady or princess on top of failing as a teenager.

Sou's brow lifted at first in a quizzical manner. He didn't know what to make of that until she reached her conclusion. For a moment, he couldn't bring himself to imagine why she would do such things before he burst out laughing. "I never did anything quiet like that but I guess if I were to answer my own question for just a moment, my response wouldn't be nearly as comical. I used to pretend a lot and I created illusions from the stories I read before I was subjected to become...well...this.

I loved playing the piano even though I used to hate the lessons. I loved to dance, but those days are gone. Now, I can't think of what to do that is fun anymore. Everything was so engrained into me to become something more that I lost what it was like to be young when I was taught to be so old." It was his conditioning that changed him that he can't forget so easily. Getting drunk was repulsive and not to mention wouldn't work. His metabolism wouldn't regard the alcohol in the least.

Then it occurred to him. "I like flowers."

Where Will You Go?

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