♟ 001 ♟ In the Tower With Kariya

[vermicompost]

Characters: Kariya and OPEN
Setting: various
Format: either
Summary: Kariya's arrival in the Tower
Warnings: blood, possible body horror


Dormitories:
It's confusing, arriving here. This place, the letters, they're alarming. How could the world be destroyed? Where's Sakura? Where's Aoi? Kariya's heartbeat is accelerated, his breathing harsh and quick. His own agitation agitates the worms within him. In this state, it's difficult for him to walk, let alone make his way through an entirely new, strange environment, but he does his best. At times, he staggers and coughs, or stumbles to one side, disoriented. He has to pause to rest, more than once. Blood flecks his lips, gathering at the corners of his mouth and sliding down over his chin.

"Berserker, Berserker..." He calls out now and then as he goes, but no one comes to his call.


Cafeteria:
He managed to make his way down to the cafeteria. Sitting at the table, he gazes down at his oatmeal he was given, mournfully. He's not very hungry. He tries to eat it, but even just the plain oatmeal is difficult for him to choke down. It takes him a few tries, but he takes his time. When he pauses to cough, he wipes up the scattered bits of oatmeal flecking the table, a little embarrassed.


Infirmary:
The medical facility looks promising, but Kariya isn't sure if they have anything there he can use. He doesn't know if there's any medicine in existence that can help him. He'd like to try, but he doesn't want to risk disturbing the worms further. It's hard to say how they'll react to any stimulus. Much of his life has become a matter of worm management. He walks in slowly, quietly. "Hello, is anyone here?"


Meadow:
After wandering restlessly, at last Kariya settles himself, all but spent, exhausted from his wandering. He sinks down among the flowers with a sigh. When he focuses his gaze on the blooms, he feels more content, calmer than he was before. The flowers are lovely and fragrant, the petals soft and colorful. He just wants to rest a little while...

Comments

[vermicompost]

She didn't exactly say, but I think--

I think she meant to say I lost. I can't believe that.

[If be believes that, then what will he have?]

[puppy_lancer]

Maybe you only lost out on getting the Grail? Or maybe someone or something else got to Zouken first.

[vermicompost]

Maybe. [He feels cold, uncertain.]

I don't know. I hope so. I'd like it, if that were true. I don't think that's what she meant.

[puppy_lancer]

...Try not to think about it too much.

[Knowing the future was a double-edged sword. The very actions taken to prevent a certain event might actually cause said event.]

[vermicompost]

You're right. I don't believe that I'll lose. Because I can't. [Too much depends on him winning. Sakura's future.]

Even if something happened for her, that doesn't mean it has to happen. She's wrong about me.

[puppy_lancer]

Doesn't...have to happen? I don't know if you can change time. Not unless you're dealing with true Magic.

[vermicompost]

If it hasn't happened for me yet...

What if it's a different future? [Yes, maybe he's a bit desperate.] She can't know that.

[puppy_lancer]

Wouldn't that be a matter of either second or fifth magic?

[Alternate universe or time control.]

Then again, this place does so much shit...

[vermicompost]

Yes--it would, I think.

[He's not a very well-tutored magus in the least, but he tries.]

It brought us here from different times, different Wars, so why not?

[Maybe he's just being stubborn, but that's Kariya.]

[puppy_lancer]

Kinda hard wrapping my head around it, I guess.

[vermicompost]

It is difficult to imagine. There's a lot about magic I don't know. But I think it's possible.

Maybe there are different versions of us, with different fates.

[puppy_lancer]

Maybe.

[It would be a beautiful thought, the knowledge that he had somehow succeeded in at least one world and that Misaya had remained alive.]

Would you say it's good or bad? The fact that another version of you could succeed where you failed?

[vermicompost]

I might not fail. I might be the one who succeeds.

[Or that's what he wants to think. But he considers the question.]

But I'd rather there be a me, somewhere, who succeeds. I'd rather Sakura be saved somewhere. So she can be safe. So it's good.

[puppy_lancer]

Even if the Sakura you know, from your world, dies?

[vermicompost]

Of course not! She isn't going to die. Why--Why would you say that? That has nothing to do with it. Her being saved somewhere else wouldn't kill her in my world.

No matter what happens, it's better that Sakura's all right somehow, somewhere.

[puppy_lancer]

I...

[He sighs.]

Look, I knew a person back in my world. A couple of people, perhaps. I wanted to save them, but I couldn't. I failed. Now, say, if I met them from another world. And in that world, I succeeded in saving them. All they'll remember is that I succeeded. Meanwhile, the versions from my world are still dead, and it doesn't change the fact that I saw them die because I hesitated. Does...does meeting that other version of them somehow change the fact that I failed?

[Shit, it was getting confusing.]

[vermicompost]

I see what you mean.

No, it doesn't change the fact that you failed. You--or me, or whoever it is--still failed. But at least there's somewhere where you didn't. Somewhere, those people are alive. That means something. It's important.

It's confusing, but that's what I think.

[He pauses.]

I know how you feel. I made mistakes. I'm afraid of failing.

[puppy_lancer]

Maybe it just means I'm a failure twice-over.

[He draws his knees up, leaning over until he's almost in a fetal position. It makes him look younger, and much smaller.]

You still have a chance.

[After all, he would have no reason to "release" Misaya if he had just saved her to begin with.]

[vermicompost]

I don't think that's what it means.

[He feels a sympathy with the Servant. What if he does fail? As much as he hates to contemplate it, that's how he'll feel. Disheartened. Miserable.]

You tried. That matters. I'm sorry things didn't turn out better. I'm sure you did all you could.

I'm going to do everything I can.

gold stars for effort!

[puppy_lancer]

No I didn't. I hesitated and made mistakes.

[He shakes his head, trying to clear away the depressive thoughts.]

And I can't go back and change them either.

[He has to accept it and move on. He knows that much. Hell, he had been able to move on after everything else that happened to Ferdiad and Scathach and Connla, right? But whenever he thought of Misaya, he would always somehow go back and fixate on that moment. On that one moment where he couldn't save her. It was getting ridiculous, really.]

all the gold stars for these two

[vermicompost]

I made mistakes, too. It's my fault things are like they are.

[If he hadn't left home, if he had been honest with Aoi. If he had just done things differently or done more.]

That's why I have to try to fix them.

Everyone makes mistakes. [Although now he's thinking that the idea of being in the failed universe is maybe worse than he'd initially thought. If there is a universe where things worked out, then it makes those mistakes all the more glaring, less easy to forgive yourself for.] Maybe there is no perfect universe.

they have made valiant efforts

[puppy_lancer]

[A quiet chuckle.]

That's probably true.

[As long as the Grail existed, nothing could be perfect.]

And I'm sure that as long as we're around, we'll...come up with something.

[That doesn't have the confident ring that he would like.]

they're the most valiant failures

[vermicompost]

How could anyplace be perfect, with the way people are?

[People were too flawed, too fallible, and too cruel. So was the world.]

Right.

[He tries to be optimistic, too, in spite of how he feels.]

We won't give up, no matter what. As long as we can keep going.

Re: they're the most valiant failures

[puppy_lancer]

[Lancer nods in agreement.]

Hey, this Sakura girl. You wanna tell me what she looks like? That way I can tell you if I ever see her walking around.

[vermicompost]

She's a small, quiet girl. She has purple hair, and purple eyes--because of what happened... It's the magic.

She wears a ribbon in her hair.