towerofanimus | 03 - Guilt and Hate

Characters: Sasuke Uchiha, Itachi Uchiha, Romeo; CLOSED
Setting: Floor 13, Cathedral (may or may not branch out with the fighting)
Format: Prose
Summary: Sasuke intends to sequester himself in guilt after the events of October; Itachi discovers him and the inevitable battle ensues. Romeo eventually finds them and tries to stop them.
Warnings: Violence; angst, angst, angst; graphic gore.

Sasuke had managed to keep his composure until he'd made it from the dormitories to the cathedral. He'd taken note, in the short time before he'd changed, of how deserted it usually was, and how poorly sound carried. Perfect. He'd avoided coming into contact with anyone on the way here, thank the gods; once he arrived, he'd chosen a pew on the left side, as far towards the head of the church as he could get without interrupting the quiet whispers from no one. Then he'd taken the seat at the furthest end from center, sat, and wept.

He was a failure of a shinobi. His duty, his number one mission as a shinobi of Konohagakure, was to protect the village. He could hardly do that here, but he could do - and should have been doing - what any Konoha ninja worth his salt would do: protect the civilians. Keep things running smoothly. Be a shinobi. He'd failed utterly at all of it. He'd killed people. Civilians. Innocent bystanders.

And he'd done it wearing the orange skin of a youko.

His fingers clutched deeply into the fabric of his vest as he crossed his arms over himself, squeezing tightly down across his ribs to suppress some of the sound of his sobbing. He was an ANBU. His mission directly from Ibiki, directly from the Hokage, was to keep the Kyuubi in check. He couldn't even control himself at one tail, let alone as the numbers had grown.

One palm lifted to press against the cool metal of his hitai-ate. He didn't bother wiping away his tears.

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For a moment, there was stillness, the only sound that of a thousand birds dying away into none. Then when the full, full weight finally hit, a single, choked sob of hitched breath. Sasuke's eyes welled with new tears, and he had to break his gaze with the other. He couldn't. He couldn't. How could he have never seen...?

Head tilted forward, eyes squeezed shut but running fast tears, Sasuke stood numb, unmoving, and sobbed.

Romeo was crying by the time the shadow Sasuke let go of him, he hadn't meant to make Sasuke sad but it was better than him being so angry. He sat down on the floor and hugged his knees to his chest crying but wanting to stay to make sure things were okay, that they would really stop. That it would be okay and Itachi would be safe, that Sasuke would stop trying to kill him. That Itachi would understand this was better because believing that those you loved were bad people was an awful thing and Sasuke deserved to know his brother was good.

He watched ready to run forward again if they decided they still wanted to hurt each other.

Itachi didn't know what he was expecting. Perhaps that Sasuke would run him through anyway, shout at him and (rightfully) tell him off, or even refuse to believe whatever it was that Romeo had told him. But, much to Itachi's surprise, he did none of those things. He held back his attack, he stopped, and he cried.

Sasuke was right there, crying in front of him.

Itachi didn't know what to do. He wanted to pull Sasuke close, to coo at him and tell him everything would be okay, because that was always his first instinct as his older brother. But he held back, arms by his sides, his eyes cast downward. Slowly, the red faded from his eyes, leaving them solid black and even more blurred than they were before.

He opened his mouth to speak, but he was at a loss for words. Try as he might, he couldn't think of anything to say to comfort Sasuke - what could you say to the person whose life you ruined? - so he just stood there, unmoving, giving Sasuke the opportunity to decide what he was going to do.

For a few moments, Sasuke stood nearly motionless, the only movements the subtle shaking of his shoulders. Tears streamed down his face, dotting onto his vest - some of them colored with slowly-diluting blood - but evaporating in the hot air before they could strike his shoes or the floor.

Then, with no warning whatsoever, he brought a fist around to punch Itachi squarely in the side of his jaw.

"Do you have any fucking idea what you put me through?" His voice was absolutely shrill - he was screaming, not yelling. "What my life has been like? Why would you do this to me? What the hell is wrong with you?" All questions that had been burning within him since seven, and yet, now, here, there was some better chance they might have answers. "Why did you never fucking tell me anything? Why this? Why? Why?" His voice broke on that last why, and he brought his hands up to press the heels of them against his aching eyes, fingers twisting in his bangs. His next question was quieter, if just as shrill. "Why did you make me so miserable?"

Itachi let Sasuke hit him, his head snapping uselessly to the side. A new pain blossomed in his cheek, and a few flecks of new blood dripped out of his mouth to stain the carpet below, but he paid the injury no mind. In fact, he deserved it, deserved whatever beating Sasuke could give him, deserved to die by his hand, so it was pointless to lament a simple punch when he had been intending to go through so much worse.

He almost wished that this Sasuke would continue with his original plan and kill him. Even if it was pointless, even if it went on forever, Itachi would let it happen if it took some of Sasuke's pain away. But he knew that, in light of what had just happened, that wasn't going to happen, so the least he could do was try to give Sasuke answers. He deserved that much.

"I never wanted you to find out," he said. "I had thought I'd let you kill me, and then maybe you'd-"

He stopped abruptly, drawing in a shaky breath.

"...I wanted to try and make up for what I did, somehow. I didn't think things would end up like this."

It was a useless apology considering everything he'd put Sasuke through, but it was the only one he had. The decision he'd made wasn't a happy one, but it necessary. There was only so much he could do to try and make it better.

Almost as an afterthought, he added, softly but with conviction, "Perhaps it was selfish of me, but I couldn't bring myself to kill you."

"I wish you had."

The words were out of Sasuke's mouth before he could stop them, raw with years of pain. A sharp, shaking breath shook into his lungs, ending on the choked note of a sob.

"I don't - I never wanted to live like this." His voice was thick with tears now, wet instead of shrill. "You didn't - how could killing you make up for anything?" And as much as it hurt to the very center of his chest to say it, he knew his next words were true. "Revenge or no revenge, I would have hated myself for killing you." After everything, even in his absolute conviction, in the seconds he'd been sure Itachi was about to die by his hand - he still loved his brother. Still missed him. Still hurt for the memories of seven and younger.

03 - Guilt and Hate

4/4 sob a herd of tl;dr

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