Enoch (
warriorscribe) wrote in
towerofanimus2012-11-05 08:26 pm
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Entry tags:
Water would cool and soothe my pain
Characters: Enoch and anyone
Setting: Floor 11
Format: Doesn't matter!
Summary: So that numbness that's been slowly ebbing away all throughout the first? Finally breaks on the fifth. In a very bad way.
Warnings: Does an agonizing sense of futility and despair count?
He got to thinking, after he'd stowed what Ruana had returned to him away in the trunk at last. About what had happened to him. How his free will, the very thing that had defined him as human had been stamped out. How they could toy with your body and mind and there was nothing anyone could do to predict or stop it, save moments of mercy from Dax, who certainly couldn't do anything for them in a more permanent sense because of Ruana. How even if Armaros or Lucifel were to arrive here, he couldn't protect them.
And for once, the thought that they might be better off together wasn't there. For once, there was no hope. he was adrift and he had no anchor anymore, and it would be selfish of him to want one.
Enoch didn't know why he'd made his way to this floor. What did this floor hold for him? Was it the fantastical rainbows, the upside-down garden, now withering in autumn, the waterfalls? He didn't have an answer. All he knew was that his feet carried him here.
Slowly, he sank to his knees a few steps from the edge. There was so much pain no matter where he turned. Either they were gone, along with the worlds he could call home, or they were here, where they could be manipulated at the very core and he could do nothing to protect them. Enoch raised his head as if trying to keep his face towards the sun. His breath started to come out shaky and damp, his shoulders shaking with his near-silent sobbing.
The sun peeked through clouds and fog, and Enoch's mouth worked, trembling, through the motions of a desperate prayer into the ray of light that fell across his face:
Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Can you hear me?
Setting: Floor 11
Format: Doesn't matter!
Summary: So that numbness that's been slowly ebbing away all throughout the first? Finally breaks on the fifth. In a very bad way.
Warnings: Does an agonizing sense of futility and despair count?
He got to thinking, after he'd stowed what Ruana had returned to him away in the trunk at last. About what had happened to him. How his free will, the very thing that had defined him as human had been stamped out. How they could toy with your body and mind and there was nothing anyone could do to predict or stop it, save moments of mercy from Dax, who certainly couldn't do anything for them in a more permanent sense because of Ruana. How even if Armaros or Lucifel were to arrive here, he couldn't protect them.
And for once, the thought that they might be better off together wasn't there. For once, there was no hope. he was adrift and he had no anchor anymore, and it would be selfish of him to want one.
Enoch didn't know why he'd made his way to this floor. What did this floor hold for him? Was it the fantastical rainbows, the upside-down garden, now withering in autumn, the waterfalls? He didn't have an answer. All he knew was that his feet carried him here.
Slowly, he sank to his knees a few steps from the edge. There was so much pain no matter where he turned. Either they were gone, along with the worlds he could call home, or they were here, where they could be manipulated at the very core and he could do nothing to protect them. Enoch raised his head as if trying to keep his face towards the sun. His breath started to come out shaky and damp, his shoulders shaking with his near-silent sobbing.
The sun peeked through clouds and fog, and Enoch's mouth worked, trembling, through the motions of a desperate prayer into the ray of light that fell across his face:
Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Can you hear me?
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"Thanks." Unsure of what exactly to say or do next, Tohko sighed and looked out at the scenery, trying to think.
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The new graveyard was if anything a reminder that not even immortality was forever. And yet...Enoch couldn't distance himself. He'd had a hard enough time even when immortals were 'safe'. Someone who ignores a child completely without acknowledgment isn't good at not attaching. Someone who was good at it would respond and acknowledge while maintaining distance, and while it was true Enoch had moments where he could do that, his inability to even respond to Nanna in the context of gaining information was proof those moments weren't normal.
So what did he do here, where he couldn't simply walk away because he had no destination, no greater mission? He attached. It was all he could do, all he was good for. His heart was like a sponge, the way it could hold near anyone thrown at it.
These thoughts were soon drowned out by the sound of running water as his focus turned outwards to avoid pain. Life was what it was and the people in his life were there and it was better not to think about it. (It was the only way any of his children ever grew up well, pushing it away like this, the introspective part of him recalled moments before being drowned out again in the sound of waterfalls and the autumn chill.)
Tohko had promised to be something of a constant, at least, the way they'd arranged to meet every week. This wasn't a conscious thought that could be drowned out, remaining in the background to ease the pain the way running water soothed him (oh, was this why this floor appealed to him so?).
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Tohko knew that with an immortal, a parting had to come. It could be next week or two years from now, but eventually, they would had to say goodbye. Would being an anchor help him in the long-term or just the short-term? While she would have liked to believe that she was helping him in both, she wasn't quite sure.
However..she would do her best to help him, even if it was only for the short-term. Even if he grew pained later, she would try her best to make sure that he wasn't too hurt. With that decided, she opened up Konoha's notebook and tore out a small corner. It didn't have any words on it, and ripping it out didn't hurt any of the other stories, so it was alright. It tasted like a tart slice of tangerine pie. It was one of the few stories he managed to write properly.
Closing the book, Tohko sighed, not quite sure what to say or do next. Grasping at straws, she put her hand on Enoch's. She didn't squeeze his, and merely put it there to show that she was here, for better or worse, if he needed to talk or have a shoulder. She hoped that would help. She wasn't used to hand-holding, but she hoped he wouldn't mind.
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He leaned towards her, a quiet sigh escaping him, barely audible.
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But he looked down as she leaned against him anyway, a smile tugging for a moment at a corner of his mouth before it was gone. She was probably tired from that costume mess, too, and now having to deal with him like this. He didn't lean on her in return, being larger and heavier, shifting his weight in order to support her.
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She felt Enoch shift his weight, and while she was a little worried that she had misunderstood again or was making him uncomfortable, since he didn't pull away, she assumed that he was, hopefully, fine with this.
Leaning on him-not with her full weight, of course-felt nice and warm.
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And, more tired and relaxed than she realized, Tohko fell asleep, dreaming of the days gone by and the days in the Tower. However, she didn't let go of Enoch's hand.
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However, something didn't feel right. It felt like something was missing, and while this feeling started out small, eventually, Tohko opened up her eyes, wondering what was wrong. Even though she was still a little drowsy, she could tell that Enoch was carrying her. However, Konoha's notebook wasn't in her lap.
But Tohko, thinking that Enoch had noticed the book and had picked it up, murmured, "I'm sorry..I was trying to cheer you up. I shouldn't have fallen asleep.", before..falling asleep again.
Thanks for catching that missed detail!
When the notebook had started to slip from her lap, Enoch had managed to catch it between two of his fingers. He set it on her lap again while he set her down to open her dorm room, and was more careful about making sure it didn't fall when he picked her up again to lay her on her bed.
No problem! :3
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Dead in the dream, Tohko slept without a dream running through her head, looking peaceful.
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