towerofanimus | 007 | So that's just like rubbing sandpaper over a wound...

Entry tags:

007 | So that's just like rubbing sandpaper over a wound...

Characters: Sephiroth [OPEN]
Setting: 24th November; Floor 1 after leaving the Infirmary, then Floor 45.
Format: Prose but can switch.
Summary: Collar check 4: Guess they didn't feel like hunting him down again today. BUT He's never this mindless and isn't best pleased to be controlled that way to say the least. Talk about flexing muscles of control. Question is: A provocation or a warning?
Warnings: Irritated Sephiroth; quick to anger, risk of violence.

Sephiroth walked calmly out of the stairwell onto the 1st floor. Past the Cafeteria and towards the elevator. Having pressed the call button he reached up, around to the back of his neck underneath his hair and rubbed the back of his neck somewhat lazily. Fingers found the all-too tangible collar with it's renewed violet tubing. He froze as if from a static shock.

What am I -. Sephiroth couldn't finish the thought as he paused and looked around. The previously blank, rather calm expression immediately creased into dire concern laced with confusion. Today was collar check-up day but they'd not called violets over the intercom yet. Tomorrow he'd have to face the red-collars again, in his ongoing attempts to hold onto any shred of control that he could. Although he hardly ever frequented the Cafeteria, so what was he doing here? He'd come down from the Dormitory to the 1st Floor because-

As if watching the ghost of himself, Sephiroth turned and looked back down the corridor he'd only seconds ago walked towards his current location. Mentally tracing his steps back. The stairwell. The Infirmary. The checkup-

He'd gone willingly.

No, they'd made him go willingly. They had to have done.

He hadn't noticed his actions even though now he could easily recall them. He was never this careless with his psychic defenses. This was bad, he'd never even known they were invading his mind.

This was unacceptable.

By the time the elevator door opened. Outrage had washed its way across Sephiroth's expression and into every fiber of his being. Just before he stepped into the elevator he launched a furious fist into the wall next to the call button. Knuckles violently shattered on impact and his forearm took the rest of the sudden reverberation which vanished under the pain that followed. His fist came away bloodied too, but satisfyingly along with a few spots he'd left a small crater behind.

Cradling his shattered hand in the elevator as bones quickly started to prepare for knitting back together; Sephiroth was almost glad for the pain which reminded him that he was in control of his own mind. It was hot, throbbing and real. He went as high as the elevator would allow and then started climbing stairs, wanting nothing more than to get as far away from the situation he'd found himself in downstairs. That calm resolve he'd been keeping in order to think logically had a brand new crack right down the middle.

He came upon the 45th Floor and paused from the stairwell. By now the painful throbbing in his hand was starting to swim at the corners of his vision; regeneration always did seem easier when one was unconscious or sedated and this might have been the reason. Biting at his lower lip hard he proceeded to crack each of the knuckles that were trying to heal. Skin was re-split a little and pain was renewed but this was necessary in case his bones would heal incorrectly, it would be a poor consolation for hitting a wall if he wouldn't be able to wield his sword again. During this, Sephiroth's eyes fixed on a point of the clouded glass wall and it just so happened a humanoid figure was crawling across that point.

Curious and somewhat thankful for the distraction, Sephiroth approached the wall and began to examine the faceless, humanoid corpse-like creature. Though keeping his damaged hand carefully tucked close.

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A small smile was offered as recompense for repeating what she said before, others may well have just blew him off. He seemed to straighten up a little, as if the distraction may actually be helping to clear his head.

"Why? You're so eager to help everyone like that-"

He broke off, not wanting to really go into the reasons why he would never be found helping anyone else in the Tower other than himself. How he'd been betrayed so many times before, how he's stronger on his own.

Sephiroth's thoughts wander to the bottle of pills she'd given him, alongside the book which made for suitable fiction-reading when he couldn't put his mind to anything else, or just wanted to get away. He'd looked over the label before, but like anything given to them in the Tower - he didn't trust them.

"Thanks. I'll consider that when I've-"

When I don't feel so much like killing everyone. It's a good thing Tohko doesn't seem to be able to read minds.

Tohko noticed the smile and gave one in return, even though it was tiny.

"Because I like helping people. Besides, we're friends, and it would be silly if I didn't give my friend a Christmas present. Although..does Christmas exist on your world?"

Tohko wasn't quite sure it did. That was the trouble when you dealt with different worlds, timelines, and alternate universes. However, she paused at the last sentence, not quite sure where he was going.

"When you've what?"

He's already gone a step more distant. The humanoid crawling across the glass was around about his head height now. Suddenly intrigued Sephiroth reached up his right hand and traced it along the glass, where the faceless skin was pressed up against the other side.

"Do you think they'd ever get in?"

Tohko lightly sighed. He must be really out of it today if he was acting like this..she didn't know if it was the pain in his hand or something else bothering him, but she wished he'd tell her what was wrong.

"I don't think so..the glass is pretty thick. They'd need a lot of strength if they wanted to break it open."

Bothered was one word for it; Sephiroth had taken the biggest knock today since he had been brought here. Even despite all the pain in his hand, which was more a throbbing sensation now, his thoughts couldn't keep from going around the fact that the Tower had stepped over a line.

No one was allowed to control him. No one.

He had to make sure it didn't happen again, but at the same time he didn't have a clear enough head to think how he prevent it. The collars were undoubtedly the instrument but he already knew they wouldn't come off.

With a good open palm he smacked the inside of the glass across where he'd been tracing the creatures face before. If he hit it hard enough would it break? Could he knock the otherworldly creature off to it's certain doom?

"Why though? This place is full of contradictions."

Edited 2012-11-25 21:18 (UTC)

Tohko watched as he smacked the glass. Was he trying to break it open? Why on Earth would he want to do that? They didn't need more monsters bothering them in the Tower.

"..This place is pretty odd..but I imagine that if that monster wanted to break out of the glass, it probably would have done so already. Or some other residents would have found out and barricaded the window."

"Keeping us in or keeping them out?" Sephiroth breathed under his breath as he watched the creature for a few more seconds before turning back towards Tohko; looking down on her from his height helped a little - that natural superior position to a person.

"Who knows." He broke her gaze and looked down at the floor for a moment, bangs falling like curtains blocking his face from view before getting a hold of himself again and looking back up to her.

"We didn't have Christmas in my world. And judging from Halloween, I think I'll pass."

"..Hopefully it's for keeping them out. While it could be both, this window is too high for an easy escape route. You would plummet to your death."

Unfortunately for Sephiroth, Tohko had very good hearing. However..she was a little bit puzzled.

"Ah..I see. If you want, I can explain Christmas to you then. It's a fun holiday..and I wasn't planning on giving people stab wounds or horrible costumes as presents. No matter what the Admins to to twist around Christmas, I'll still give my friends some gifts and food."

While Tohko had never practiced Halloween before, she had read about it in some stories, so she knew what it was about. It sounded like a fun holiday back on Earth. Of course, the Admins had to suck the fun out of it and twist people's heads and bodies around.

He remembered Tohko on 31st October; having gone to all that trouble to bake cakes for everyone in the cafeteria despite the danger of being permanent nighttime that day. He hadn't understood her reasoning then, and he still didn't understand her. Why go to such trouble to make strangers happy?

"A fun holiday like Halloween? I think I'll try to stay out of it, it was infuriating enough to see what they did to so many people. And then with the dawn of a new day it was all undone.

No one can get away with things like that without consequence."

Tohko sighed. For some reason, he thought that the Administrators twisted version of Halloween was the real thing. Maybe he came from a world where neither existed?

"While the Administrators should be punished for what they've been doing, their version of Halloween isn't what the actual thing is like. I haven't practiced it, but I have read about it. During the actual thing, children dress up in costumes and go door-to-door getting candy. People also try to scare each other, but it's all in good fun. There's no deaths, the costumes don't kill you, and if people try to do horrible things, they get punished.

While it would be nice if you could avoid the Administrators idea of Christmas, at least let me give you a Christmas gift. No matter what their twisted version of it is, back home, it's a time to spend together with family and friends. Sure, there's lots of food and presents, and two stories that go with the holiday, but it's mainly just a time to spend together with family and friends. A time to be happy together."

Tohko did her best to explain this and understand what was going through Sephiroth's head.

Sephiroth listened carefully to Tohko. He had no way to verify what she was explaining to him about Halloween or Christmas. Like so many other things he had to take it at face value - based on what she said. He didn't like believing only spoken accounts of anything being as tainted with biased opinion as they were. They didn't have either back where he came from; or they might have had and he'd simply forgotten.

He was carefully guarding his expression as she started to go on about family and friends. About being happy. It certainly was something Tohko was up on but to Sephiroth - being happy had nothing to do with family or friends, or at least as far as he could remember. Happiness was in itself a pointless, human thing. It was a plateau after which one gave up improving oneself; it therefore bred weakness.

Short of admitting that he simply didn't understand the notion of rewarding weakness Sephiroth was curious to think why she would consider him - he was neither family or friend.

"Why though?"

Tohko smiled.

"Because those holidays are fun. Yes, they had stories and deep origins to them that almost everyone knows-at least, in my universe-but nowadays, the main reason it just to have fun. Of course, you can believe all the stories and follow the actual origins if you wish. There's nothing wrong with that. After all, there are a lot of ways to celebrate those holidays. However..back home, murder and weird experiments weren't one of those ways.

..As for why I want to give you a gift, it's because I consider you a friend. After all, you helped me out in the library, and you stayed at my small party and talked with me. I at least consider you a friend. So, that's why I want to give you a Christmas gift."

..Tohko was starting to think that No Longer Human might make a good gift for Sephiroth.

He wasn't confused so much as not knowing if he wanted to really indulge in these foreign holidays.

Thinking about it, Sephiroth didn't really know why he'd helped Tohko before, or why he'd stuck around on Hallows eve in the cafeteria with her either. Some backward sense of honor perhaps. Some distorted sense of sympathy over the mutilation she had endured, experimentation was indeed a tender spot for him.

It had been a lot simpler than that - he'd helped initially, so that he could have been left in peace. As far as he was concerned, she could be an instrument of the Tower meant to confuse him like this; make him even more introverted than he already was. To chip away at already fragile sanity.

And now she was talking about friendship? Sephiroth only recalled vague feelings of friendship that probably hadn't even been his own. The concept tasted bitter.

"Don't." Sephiroth pointedly looked away, before flexing his curled up left hand a little. Hoping Tohko would get the hint and leave him alone.

Tohko sighed, the smile falling from her face. "How come? Don't consider me a friend? If you don't..then could you please tell me why you feel that way?"

Tohko was a rather bad at just leaving people alone sometimes. Oh, yes, she could be quiet, but when she was with someone she considered a friend or a person in pain, she usually just couldn't leave them be without an excuse or something else coming up. And she wasn't always the best at reading body language.

"Friendship." Sephiroth takes a deep breath before continuing. She's probably not going to like this but he's about to nip it in the bud before it starts getting out of hand. Shattering a naive little girls dreams about the world shouldn't fall to him but it needs to be done.

"Is an illusion. Eventually all involved get hurt, or reveal that they deserve to be hurt. Whenever you get emotions involved in that way it only opens yourself up for a fall.

You are intriguing, lets leave it at that."

Tohko sighed again, and even though the smile was back on her face, it looked terribly sad. As she spoke, she thought about her secret.

"I don't think friendship is an illusion. After all, if it was fake, why would Sherlock still be around Watson, even though Watson doesn't do much except keep him company and write down the story?

If it was an illusion, if people truly wanted to always hurt each other, then Sherlock would have used Watson while being kind to him before laughing in his face and tossing him in the mud. But that doesn't happen. They become close friends.

I don't know how people who want to be friends deserve to be hurt..but not everyone gets hurt. I have to admit..whenever I have openly revealed an important secret to some people, they either ignore me or use that secret as a small stone and then forget about me altogether.

However..there have been exceptions to that formula, and I'm glad to have met those exceptions. So, revealing emotions doesn't always set you up for a fall..and friendship is not an illusion. At least, in my opinion anyway.

..Out of curiosity, how am I intriguing?"

Edited 2012-11-26 22:56 (UTC)

He should have guessed that his comments would have been met with denial. Just how far she worded that denial was partly expected as well. Sephiroth being as intuitive as he usually was probably wouldn't have even made the comments about friendship in the first place if she simply hadn't been there at that moment. End of the day, it just proved beyond a doubt that despite her bookwormy-ness - Tohko was very naive, innocent and was clearly happy that way. One day, that might change but not today.

Her words might as well have washed through a ghost for all he really paid attention. Until at the end when she questioned. He cracked a small smirk down at her then, then answered.

"You're very well read for your age, and as such it gives you different views of the world that would be lost on a less-literate person."

Tohko sighed. That was the second time a person had told her something like that.

"Thank you..but there are still a few things that are beneath me in understanding. While I might understand or see a few things that others may miss, I still have some things to improve on. But I'm glad you think that."

"Of course. Life is a constant learning curve."

Sephiroth really didn't know what else to say to, or talk to Tohko about. His gaze started wandering again back to the other side of the glass window and soon his thoughts would follow. He blinked a wave of nausea back, brought on from the constant throbbing in his hand.

"That's true..I just wish I could go up that curve a little bit faster." Tohko sighed again and, deciding upon what to give Sephiroth for Christmas, scribbled it down in her notebook. He'd be getting No Longer Human and Run, Melos!

Nodding to herself, she looked up at Sephiroth. He..didn't look so good. "Well, see you later then. I hope you'll be able to make a friend one day..and you don't look well. Take some Tylenol and lie down, alright?"

And, without waiting for a response, Tohko walked off.

Last time Tohko said he didn't look too well she'd ran off and fetched him Tylenol. He hadn't taken any, they were still sat on his bedside in the Dormitory. And she was still of the opinion he didn't look well. With all of the weight on his mind, was it any wonder really?

He wondered abstractly, what 'looking well' would look like for Tohko but then only smirked to himself as she walked off.

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007 | So that's just like rubbing sandpaper over a wound...

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