♋ 001

[papshooshing]

Characters: Karkat ( OU ) and whoever
Setting: Variety of floors
Format: Action
Summary: The hermit has to get out *some* time, right? Karkat is just doing his thing. Looking around at new floors.
Warnings: Swearing. It's a given.



Floor 19

[ if there is something that Karkat has done in the past, it is observe. he had watched the human kids and made extensive notes about all of them. flaws. actions taken. anything of interest. quirks. stuff like that. Karkat even had written out his opinions of them. he doesn't have that sort of luxury here and his fiction selection has dwindled since the whale incident.

his original intention had been to just find a library. usually he doesn't visit floors outside of the media room and the bare essentials. a research library isn't what he had in mind, but it will suffice. who knows? maybe some of the remaining philosophy and psychology books will give him some answers about questions he's circulating in his think pan lately.

this is how he spends his first few waking hours, huddled with a stack of books at his left and he's mostly thumbing through them. topic surfing. ]



Floor 10

[ don't go out near the ocean. this is common Alternian knowledge. sea dwelling trolls are vicious, as are many beasts that can be found in the depths. Karkat has seen the ocean, sure. but the aquarium is a completely different experience. he's never really seen sea creatures before, so he just kind of stares in wonder, mouth slightly open.

it's a clown fish swimming close that gets his attention. like any kid seeing something for the first time, he's reaching out to poke at it through the water. ]

Comments

idk. how do you do it

[papshooshing]

[ Karkat's not going to realize that Gamzee is there. not yet. he's too busy having a brow twitching experience in attempting to understand what this Freud guy is going on about. seems like some pretty sick stuff to him. 8T ]

[hystericull]

[Gamzee's fine with not being noticed. He studies the cover of the book to try and see what has Karkat so mesmerized. He gets about as far as the cover picture (which was hardly anything to write home about - even if home was destroyed) before he gives up on that plan, deciding instead to see how still he could stay. He was much like a grub, for being six and a half sweeps, and he studied the wisps of hair that fell in front of Karkat's eyes as they skimmed page after page. He never really took time out to actually see his bro. All this sitting and staring just made him want to smoosh their faces together - which is probably why he had never gotten very far with the whole "observe Karkat" thing.]

[And, like the grub he was, he would get impatient after a while, wanting the attention that was currently being given to the next book in the stack. He bit at his lips with his fangs, not wanting to break the silence, but wanting his bro to look at him even more.]

Psst.

[papshooshing]

Hmmm?

[ Karkat finally looks up the moment that Gamzee makes a noise. ears perk slightly and Karkat's surprised to see his moirail there. though judging from that appearance, the other troll hasn't been up long. ]

What happened to your hair?

[hystericull]

Honk.

[The answer to Karkat's question was an embarrassing one that Gamzee didn't have the pan capacity to formulate at the moment. He would probably get chided for it, as well. He hoped this insightful answer would quell his moirail's suspicions. He ducked a little bit more behind the table.]

[papshooshing]

[ he narrows his eyes in return. Karkat isn't going to like the answer, is he? ]

Gamzee...

[hystericull]

[He doesn't really feel small under Karkat's scrutiny, but it certainly makes him feel uneasy. He knows he doesn't want to tell him. He knows he can refuse to tell him, and there will be nothing Karkat can do to get it out of him. But, really, it wasn't worth it, and he didn't come here to give himself more reasons to kick himself later.]

Did somethin' dumb, bro.

[papshooshing]

[ sighing, he closes the book. dumb and Gamzee go hand in hand, it feels like. Karkat sets his reading material back on the stack, rubbing his temples. he knows it isn't necessarily Gamzee's fault. things happen in the tower... ]

Might as well tell me now.

[hystericull]

[He's not usually one to question, but...]

Uh... Maybe can we all like, be fuckin' turnin' this motherfucker over on our squawkflaps at a time what's not now, but all maybe in a few nows from fuckin' now?

[Dumb and Gamzee go hand in hand. He's been realizing this a lot, lately.]

Sorry, brother. Didn't all come here with no motherfuckin' intentions on harshin' your read zone.

[papshooshing]

[ Karkat watches Gamzee for a little bit. with a sigh, he makes a grabby motion. get your butt over to him, Gam. while he might not ask more about what happened, he's pretty sure that his moirail needs some pale attention. ]

[hystericull]

[Strange morning. Maybe this is why he never woke up early. More sleep was required to at least form the stupid, blissfully indifferent Gamzee. Or, maybe not. Maybe it was the rapid succession of his spectacular displays of incompetence recently. Hell, one of them even managed to get himself blown to bits!]

[He was excited to see Karkat down here, but that was just his default reaction every time he saw the boy. Don't think, just rush over. Once here, though, he couldn't help feeling like he was once again wedging himself between Karkat and whatever Karkat wanted to be doing instead.]

[Gamzee opened his mouth to speak, but closed it shortly afterwards. His eyes hovered on Karkat for a moment before sliding over to the other side of the desk and tossing himself in a seat next to his moirail.]

[papshooshing]

Before you even ask, you're not being problematic, okay? Not a burden either, so get that shit out of your mind. I don't know if you're thinking it, but if you are, stop. Just stop.

I think Makaras tend to think too hard on some shit that's actually kind of superfluous in the grand scheme of things.

[ of course he thinks that because the human Gamzee had expressed some of those thoughts. while Karkat does not consider the two the same, they do have similar thought processes. sort of. the human one seems to have more sense.

anyway, now that his moirail is right there, Karkat leans into the other troll. there's a brief hug in there too, for good measure. whatever it is that Gamzee had done or recently been through, it must be really bad not to tell Karkat. bad as in Gamzee feels guilty. there will be no guilty feelings here, Karkat is deciding. ]

I just happen to like you near me, okay?

[hystericull]

[Was he really that transparent? Did Karkat really know him that well? If so, how!? Gamzee could hardly predict what he was going to feel in the next thirty seconds, let alone even imagine having someone who's not him know what he was feeling before he even finished feeling it.]

[He swallowed thickly, guiltily. He didn't mean to... burden Karkat with the thought that Gamzee thought that he was being a burden... Fuck, that made his brain hurt. It was hard to dispel feelings, even if you didn't really understand them or put them into words. For now, though, he was extremely grateful that he didn't even have to say anything. The way he sheepishly wrapped his arms around the boy to return his hug was confirmation in itself. He didn't really have a particularly terrible secret, that he had to keep the news of his death from his moirail. It was just something that would serve as another disappointment to him.]

[For some reason, it felt a lot better keeping things inside, lately. That was new.]

...Okay, brother. Uh.

...Sorry.

[He rested his chin atop the smaller boy's head, remembering how he used to plop his head in between those horns, back when it wasn't welcome or asked for. That was a nice memory, a nice memory of just as difficult, but a lot clearer, times.]

[papshooshing]

[ Karkat reaches up, giving Gamzee's cheek a pat or two. he hasn't said anything that really makes his moirail feel better and that kind of hurts. like he's the one that's really failing. man... Karkat seriously believes that Nepeta and Equius are needed so that he can get some pale advice. but that's not an option, so all he can do is try and fail until something sticks.

it's not like he can really do anything right anyway. ]

You don't have to apologize. I don't even know what you have to apologize for, exactly.

[hystericull]

[Each of them feeling immeasurably guilty? Check. Neither of them telling the other? Check. Failrails were off to a good start this morning. Gamzee shrugged behind Karkat. Even though he couldn't see it, he could probably tell what it was just by the shift in weight.]

Dunno. Lots'a stuff.

[When did talking become so difficult? Usually you couldn't get him to shut the fuck up. It was more like, he had too much to say but no idea how to put it into words.]

[He lowered his face a little, attempting to disappear via Karkat's hair.]

[papshooshing]

Oh please... Gamzee if there's anything you need to apologize for, it's for making me sick to my pale little diamond I got going for you.

[ Karkat leans more into the other. squeezing tightly, he isn't ready to let go. it's like he needs to FEEL that Gamzee can accept this. can accept Karkat and how he feels about the situation... ]

[hystericull]

[He was all confused, now. Every time Karkat said something like that, it sent him straight back to the meteor, even before the game. He felt giddy and stupid and grateful, and then he remembered he was here, and everything that had happened and how he wasn't that person anymore. He still wanted his best friend to be his best friend, but friends didn't do this to each other, even if they were more than friends.]

Mmm, and, uh...

[Ugh, come on, spit it out! His tongue was tied and his brain was having trouble thinking of what exactly he was trying to say. He was going to list off all of the things that were plaguing him, and how they subsequently were affecting Karkat, but he couldn't figure out where to start when it came to things that were confusing him at the moment.]

[His fingers toyed with the fabric on the back of Karkat's shirt.]

Ain't never really much fuckin' needed someone to look after my motherfucking ass before. Kinda feels... feels a lots of things, mostly. But, like, never all knew how fuckin' much shit I did went to fuck up on 'til I had someone come to be up and fixing it all for me, you know?

[papshooshing]

You're not a fuck up and you don't fuck things up. Really I'm just kind of trying to make up for all of those years of neglect, really. Wasn't really being a good friend either, you know?

[ Karkat kind of fails at works sometimes. or he rambles. it can go either way. but right now he is nuzzling Gamzee's chest. all this anxiety. can cut it with a knife. heck, the knife might even break in the attempt though. ]

You help me out a lot and I just want to return it, okay?

[hystericull]

Aww, bro! You was fine as all motherfuckin' sunshine!

[He grinned happily, remembering.]

Always the most shouty ball of angries I ever was to fuckin' get my see on of, but that was you, motherfucker! You was always there, puttin' up with my motherfuckin' jabberin', never dumped me on Trollian, never all up and stopped responding at a brother. You fuckin' was my best friend in all the whole motherfucking world.

[Gamzee lifted his head, laughing, now.]

Still are. I ain't knowing fuck-all on what my fuckin' ass be doing to all help you the fuck out like you be saying at me, but, whatever it be, I wanna be doin' fuckin' more on it.

You ain't thinkin' you do enough at a brother, but I ain't never had no one do so much shit for me ever, yo. Don't get at sellin' your fuckin' self short, best friend.

[papshooshing]

Makaras, in all varieties it seems, believe the same shit when it comes to my person.

[ he pulls back a bit and rubs the back of his neck. both Gamzees seem to have this unshakable faith in him. Karkat doesn't understand it at all. doesn't make sense. he's such a failure in almost every area of his life. this is so transparent to him now.

but maybe they have a little bit of a point. Karkat believes he is being practical, but perhaps being so hard on himself isn't really doing any good. it means he's been acting more like a kicked young woofbeast instead of his fiery self. while some changes are okay, he guesses, this isn't entirely like him either.

Gamzee is just being honest. this honesty is going to be what Karkat focuses on. no more self loathing!

...well not as much self loathing. ]

I'll try to remember that. Just for you, okay?

[hystericull]

Ain't never all been motherfuckin' more honored to be gettin' noise like that served the fuck up at me, dog.

[Even when Karkat was trying to ignore Gamzee, or get him to go away, he was still paying more attention and focusing more on him than most people did. He took the fact that Karkat never "dumped a chump" or got flat-out vicious with him, that he was kind of okay with Gamzee continuing to badger him. If he could figure out how to get that across to his friend, that would be fuckin' bitchin'. But, for now, he'd take this, because it was the best thing to hear.]

Hey, bro...?

[papshooshing]

[ uh oh... Karkat's not really sure that he's okay with a topic change. not when it begins like that... ]

Yeah?

[hystericull]

I know I ain't all bein' the same motherfuckin' me what you been gettin' the diamonds all up at from what futurey business back home, but...

[He trails off for a second, thinking about what he's about to say. If he'd really gone bonkers back in the Veil, too, then Karkat would be accustomed to Gamzee's radiating aura of indifference and... sociopathy... right? It was all pretty new to this Gamzee, in any case.]

Whatever up and harshed my mother fucking mellow back on the fuckin' rock, whatever wicked belligerence what I all was to up and be exacting... and what or who all ever was havin' their shit fuckin' wrecked 'cause of it...

[He shrugged again.]

I ain't be seeming to find a care fuckin' up inside me on it. 'Cause it be what got me here.

[papshooshing]

[ Gamzee... you are making him cry. no, really. those are tears in Karkat's eyes.

happy, touched tears. but tears all the same.

what do. ]

random icon because phone tag

[hystericull]

[What do when someone cries, Clown? The pan shuts off, is what do. Gamzee sort of sits there helplessly, expression turning somewhat desperate.]

No salty specks on a brother, now, motherfucker...

oh phone tags

[papshooshing]

[ his hands go to Gamzee's cheeks. ]

You idiot. What kind of simple logic is that...

[ because goodness. those words had touched him very deeply. Gamzee gets another hug and well. those tears will dry up here in a second. ]

It doesn't matter. Past, present, or future you... You are you and that's all that matters when it comes to acting on my steadily growing pale feelings for you.