towerofanimus | 008

Entry tags:

008 | Fallout

Characters: Sephiroth [Open]
Setting: December 8th: Dormitory 03-02, Floor 2 & Floor 5
Format: Prose but can switch to Action
Summary: After End of the Angry Mob Plot Sephiroth feels somewhat deflated but no less bitter afterwards.
Warnings: Sephiroth: always threat of violence.

0204hrs December 8th - Dormitory 03-02

It was like falling within a dream and then waking as you hit the floor.

Piercing green eyes shot open in time with a sharp intake of breath, wide and hyper-actively looking around in the darkness. A heartbeat later and Sephiroth was sat bolt upright in his bed making out the details that he could in the gloom. Silver pauldrons sat undisturbed on top of the chest at the bottom of the bed as they would usually, his long leather trench-coat draped across the end of the bed.

It could have all been a bad dream, but for his shaking as if from the cold. He never shook from the cold. Strong muscled arms he couldn't remember resting back on after first sitting up shook just enough for him to notice this oddity. Sephiroth shifted his weight forward again and crossed his arms across his chest - each hand rubbing the bicep of the other arm similar to the way a normal person might keep warm.

He'd stopped rubbing, suspiciously narrowing his eyes at his own thoughts and feelings; as he apparently just held himself in a hug. Silver hair fell down like a great curtain across one side of him as restlessly Sephiroth continued to peer around in the darkness. Going through the events of the last three days in his mind again and again; scraping with a wire toothbrush at the festering mess of fresh memories inside.

It hadn't been a dream.

Early Afternoon December 8th - Infirmary
Like a bad hangover, Sephiroth didn't feel much like having his bi-weekly face off with the red collars today. For once, just this once he constantly reminded himself, he would attend the collar checkup today. Just on this one occasion he would submit. He would sit and wait, ignore the burning of every fibre of his body reminding him that this was wrong - that this was unacceptable. He was stronger than this.

The administrator lift looked so desolate, so un-used. The Infirmary itself had been restored to it's former spotless condition, but knowing how he'd indulged here Sephiroth couldn't resist to smirk as he watched the drones go about their tasks while he waited for his turn.

"Damn you do clean up so well." He muttered to himself mostly, not caring really who else heard him though.

Later Afternoon December 8th - Floor 5
A leather gloved hand reached out as if to touch the dead world of Gaia but found only the screen depicting it. Through lowered eyelids Sephiroth gazed in the hope that some understanding would come. He had never visited this floor before and just looked, forcing back the stirring wetness which stung in the depths of the corners of his eyes; he rubbed at them now and again. After all, he hadn't slept well.

If he ~~and Hojo~~ had the right of it and this had been in some way or form his doing, then why was looking at this screen making him feel this way. Of all things he should be feeling it should be the usual outrage that he experienced when he considered that their keepers here had stolen him away from the victory that was rightly his. The power of the Lifestream that should be coursing through his veins even as he observed the dead world on the other side of the screen sure did seem to resonate, like it should, with what he was seeing.

Whatever that power was, Lifestream or Jenova; it only told him one thing. He could taste the dust, smell the death and know the screaming pain of the entire planet. He wasn't a Cetra at all, but he might have imagined that this was a similar connection. The amount of his darkness that he'd infected the Lifestream with, was it a surprise that it now produced this link?

What he didn't understand, was what had drawn him here to gaze so unrelenting into a screen. He had a good idea now, of the extent to which their owners could realistically bend and distort the reality here - he wasn't going to believe any of it. But every cell of his was tricked into accepting it.

The developing headache might well be permanent.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm cold, but it doesn't matter.

[There was no way he'd consider ever going to a group huddle event even if he was in a good mood. He wasn't a people person in the slightest and it'd only exaggerate his hatred of the human race in general.

With his current state of mind it'd be like inviting another massacre and he was very much still hungover from the last one.]

How can it be lying, why I can feel it?

[He already knew the answer; they could control each of them through the collars or at least he thought he'd figured that out now. Maybe he just needed to hear someone else verify it - and Tohko had been helpful before.]

[Tohko sighed.]

It does matter. If you're freezing, then that's not good. You'll lose your fingers if the weather gets worse and you get frostbite. At least make a cloak, or let me make one for you. And..you can feel it because the viewfinders toy with your emotions. I don't know exactly how the machines work, but it's possible that they know about your connections to your universe and exploit those emotions and your empathy.

It's a horrible thing of them to do, but these things do it. However, just because you feel it doesn't mean that it's actually destroyed, so don't worry. Your universe is fine. My universe is fine. We'll be able to go home eventually someday.

Cold can't hurt me like that.

[Still staring at the screen, he huffs at Tohko's comment about how the viewfinders toy with his emotions. He has no lost love for the Planet or for the millions of people who must have died if it had indeed been destroyed as Tower claimed.

It was a much more sour taste than that. It's the fact that it was his to rule or destroy as he saw fit - and to have that liberty taken away from him was the worst type of betrayal]

Trust me, empathy has nothing to do with it.

I see..I suppose that's another ability you have. That's pretty cool..and I think it does play a small part in these wayfinders. At the very least, they exploit your emotions and your senses. That's probably why you feel that your world is gone when you look into them. However, when you look away from them, that feeling will dissipate. At least, it did for me. Maybe it will for you too, if you look away from them.

It's more to do with what I'm made of. Call it a natural advantage.

[Either she was going to ask for more information, or she might leave it at that. Sephiroth wasn't about to go around hiding what he was capable of anymore for fear that someone else living here might use it against him - not after the events this week. There was a very clear, common enemy here and despite what he'd been through last night - it was now clearer than ever.

He took a chance at Tohko's suggestion. After ensuring his eyes wouldn't betray; as tired as they were anyway from lack of sleep, Sephiroth forced himself to look away from the screen and turn towards Tohko. The burning inside did slowly dissipate - but he's not about to forget that feeling, the complete and utter insult. The painful taste of stolen destiny.]

I see..and what are you made of? Snips and snails and puppy dog tails?

[It was a joke, to lighten the air, but it probably wasn't going to work. Sephiroth looked like he hadn't slept and his eyes looked a bit watery, but Tohko just smiled. She wouldn't comment on it right now. Maybe in a moment. It was terrible that the Administrators could manipulate emotions like that, but they did.]

So..do you feel any better? Are you okay?

[Nope. Sephiroth pointedly looked away from her when usually that sort of an insult would provoke a much more violent response. Testament to how tired he felt. His eyes were drawn to the screen again but he turned his back fully on it to try to ignore the pull.

He'll never understand Tohko. It was almost as if-

As if the admins sent her to taunt him with her naivety. Well he refused to let it work, hadn't they messed enough in the last 24 hours?]

I need to give you your book back. At some point.

[Tohko sighed and scratched her head. Well, so much for that joke working. However, she smiled when he said he needed to give her back At The Mountains of Madness.]

Ah, alright then. Did you enjoy it? What did you think of it? And..do you now understand why the Tower is better than Lovecraft's world?

No. I don't.

[He'd finished the book about a week ago, before seeing the flyer about Mondo's little meeting. So much had happened since then; Sephiroth felt that whatever opinions he may have had about Mountains versus life in the Tower were strangely not relevant anymore. Therefore he kept his reply as short as possible.]

[Tohko sighed.]

I see. Well, I'll explain to you why this Tower is better then. In Lovecrafts world, there are huge, terrible monsters that can end humanity and take over if they just suddenly wake up. They care nothing for us, and we humans are terrified of them. We don't have those in the Tower, so that's one huge way we differ. However, there is another way that is much more important.

In Lovecrafts stories, everyone just loses hope. They go insane with fear when they see and learn what's happening in the world. But we don't. We still have a lot of hope. We haven't lost that. Here, people are still talking about punching Jason and getting even. In a Lovecraftian story, the main characters wouldn't even be able to do that. They are broken, lost and defeated. We are still going. We hurt, we suffer, but we press on, determined to live another day and prove the Administrators wrong.

That is how we differ. Through our hope.

[Tohko's naivety was rubbing the wrong way, harder than usual. Maybe because some things were still very fresh behind Sephiroth's eyes. He was probably too tired to be patient as well. Sephiroth rigidly set his jaw and looked over Tohko again; he will never understand this enigma of a girl.

He had nothing to say to her in reply though. Tower aside, he'd been up against such hope before; he was the monster that did the breaking, he had been the slumbering being out to destroy humanity. His defeats were testament to such a notion of hope, but at the same time he couldn't relate to it.]

[Tohko noticed that Sephiroth looked a little..annoyed when she had finished her explanation. She wasn't sure why, so she asked.]

..Hey, did I do something to bother you? Or do you think differently about hope and the Tower?

Hope, it's a powerful weapon.

[Sephiroth swallowed a lump in his throat before continuing. His tone growing a little dangerous as he carried on.]

They will turn it on you and rip you apart with it. Just to see how much the extra pain will affect you.

[Tohko sighed and nodded.]

That's true..hope can sometimes be used like that. It's a terrible way to use it, but people do it. However..even if people do use it as a weapon, even if people do get shredded and hurt by it, I refuse to let it shred me. I'll let it help me, and I'll help others with it..but to use it to hurt people is a terrible thing. I'll never do something like that.

But really, hope is just another form of belief that humans need to in order to carry themselves on.

[He resolved that was the reason he didn't relate to it. Hope was useless for him, he wanted something done he'd go and do it. Waiting on dreams didn't happen.]

[So, Sephiroth wasn't human. That explained quite a few things. However, Tohko shook her head.]

Even non-human entity's need hope sometimes. Book have shown me that, along with a few people in this Tower. However..if you're not human, than what are you?

[Sephiroth just shakes his head also, wanting to drop the hope thing lest he just keep repeating himself. He smirked a little oddly - how could he even go on to explain exactly what he is to someone like Tohko.]

It's complicated. I'm a higher being.

[Tohko sighed. Why did people always want to just leave it at 'it's complicated'?]

I see. What sort of higher being? And even if it's complicated, try explaining it to me. I may get it, and even if I don't the first time, I'll try my best to understand. We have time. Tell me.

It was my destiny, to take my world into the next era.

[Sephiroth had never had to explain anything like this to another person not from Gaia before, in fact he'd not ever needed to explain it full stop. Indeed there was a time forgotten that others knew more about what he was than he did himself. He takes a breath and resists the temptation to look over his shoulder at the screen again.]

I would have been a God.

It was your destiny to become a god and rule the world..

[Tohko sighed and scratched her head.]

If it was your destiny, then why didn't you become a god? And why were you going to become one anyways? Were you the son of an already existing god or something?

Yes.

[That was as much of an answer that Tohko was going to get out of Sephiroth. He felt bitter enough without having to mix it with the feelings of failure that answering any of those questions would stir. He really was his own worst enemy in that regard and he was fairly sure that it wasn't going to cure his headache]

[Tohko sighed again.]

I see. Why did you not succeed your father then? Did he have another son that took up the mantle or something? And..being cryptic isn't going to help either of us. Remembering this is probably painful, but if want me to understand, you're going to have to tell me things.

[That stepped on a nerve and twisted like a pointed heel. He hadn't volunteered this information about himself; she'd asked off the back of a pointless conversation about hope of all things. He should have known making a comment about humans like that would have brought all of this on.

And now she'd gone down the 'father' route which was even more of a recently opened sore spot. Someone else that he had to suffer sharing the Tower with.]

I DON'T need your understanding, I DON'T need your hope and I certainly DON'T need your pity. [He near growled at Tohko]

The degenerate excuse for a chromosome donation that contributed is not to be considered my father. I do not have one.

Now you know, leave me alone.

[Normally, Sephiroth's harsh voice would have made Tohko jump and apologize. However, somehow, she had managed to grow a bit of a spine. Perhaps it was due to Wilhelm or dealing with everyone that had lost hope in the Tower, but she just stood her ground and gave a small glare.]

I never said I pitied you. If you are going to tell me how you are different from a human, then you are going to need to me to understand that, and hope is something everyone needs at one point or another.

[She then sighed.]

So you were made in some test tubes. I'm sorry to hear that..but that doesn't explain how your father is terrible. And it stomps out your claim that you are a god. Just because you are an artificially made human does not mean you are a god. You may have different abilities and traits, but you aren't a god.

[A small glare, almost cute. It did nothing to stamp on Sephiroth's smoldering mood, reflected in his eyes.

There was no way he was about to share his life story with Tohko, especially since he already knew there were significant gaps in his memory that she would undoubtedly only irritate.]

I said I would have been a God, if humans - in all their traitorous glory - hadn't felt the need to interfere.

[An angry pulse of telekinetic force swept towards Tohko, perhaps only strong enough to push her back a few steps though. He just didn't have much energy left currently.]

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