towerofanimus | The meaning of being lonely

Entry tags:

[au1] sora

The meaning of being lonely

Characters:

reverse_destiny and you!
Setting: Floor eleven
Format: I will change to suit
Summary: Sora is realizing how alone he really is with no Ansem to order him around. An identity crisis ensues.
Warnings: Possible psychological stuff and violence. If anything else crops up, I'll add it.

Alone. Alone. Alone alone alonealonealonealonealonealone--

Even surrounded by other survivors, others who are trapped here and finding themselves at the whims of this strange place, Sora finds himself alone. But that's what he wanted, right? To always be alone with Dad so no one could ever hurt him? But... Dad isn't here now. He's not been abandoned, but he still finds himself yearning for more contact, more interaction that's positive. Praise, attention, anything so long as he isn't alone anymore. And yet...

And yet he just sits here in the open air, on the side of that strange lake. The Green Requiem and the Shadow both tumble about behind him, paying no heed to the boy they came with. the sound of the waterfall, at least, is somewhat comforting--a constant rush and ripple of water, drowning out his own thoughts while the creatures, oblivious to the internal plight of their master, roll across the floor and enjoy themselves.

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Sounds drew Aqua's attention away from Sora momentarily, and her eyes widened at the sight of the Shadow. They weren't Unversed, but she recognized the small black creature from her time in the darkness, and-- why were they with Sora? Why weren't they attacking him?

She raised her Keyblade marginally, apprehension crossing her face. "What are those?" she questioned with a trying calmness, instead of posing the more pressing question of 'why are you friends with them?'

"Heartless. Creatures that devour hearts," he explains, bending down to pick up the squeaking Shadow to hush it up. However, the Requiem keeps up its own, quieter squeaks. Sora blinks, looking over to it. He nods a few times, then nudges it with his forehead. It seems to get the message and quiets.

"...They're telling me I shouldn't talk to you."

Her eyes widened at Sora's explanation. They...what? But Sora was so...he'd had so much light the last time she saw him. Had something happened to him?

Aqua desperately wanted to inquire as to just how much she'd missed while trapped where she had been, but she pushed down her more urgent queries for the time being. "Why don't they want you to talk to me?" She had a feeling she knew the answer, but she was really hoping that this wasn't going in the direction that she thought it was.

Well, Aqua, that light has dimmed over the past nine years--greatly, too.

"Because you're of the light and wield a Key," he says, rather matter-of-factly. But it's not like Dad is giving the orders, so he should be okay, right?

The way he said that had a clear enough implication that while she was of the light, he most certainly was not. Her countenance changed at the realization. Though she was being filled with a creeping dread, her face only betrayed her disappointment.

"...Sora, what happened since the last time I saw you?" The question finally came, weighted and quiet.

He goes quiet, setting the Shadow down. He then turns away from Aqua, walking a few steps away while his mental and emotional barriers go up. He remains quiet a few moments, then shrugs.

"...New lease on life, I guess. Being abandoned to the darkness does that to you."

Aqua eyed the Shadow warily for a moment after it was freed, not entirely certain that it wouldn't attempt to attack her. These kinds of..."Heartless" were weak, in her experience, but if it was Sora's companion, she would rather not have to destroy it.

She remained silent for a little while following that, before her voice finally came out softly. "...I don't know. I turned out alright." She wasn't sure if Sora knew of her fate, but it seemed worth telling him where she had gone.

"You probably weren't five."

He can remember that much. Though the events around the change in custody is blurry, he remembers being young and feeling a deep cold that shook him to his core before he finally woke up in a large, comfortable bed in a strange castle.

"...My parents abandoned me. It's just been me, Dad and the Heartless ever since."

So...that had been not too long after she met him, then. A faint recollection of seeing Cinderella's world lost to the darkness surfaced in her memory -- had Destiny Islands been taken around that time too?

"I don't think your parents would have done that to you," the young master replied calmly, though she quickly became inquisitive again when the second part of the statement clicked. "'Dad'? Who's your dad?"

"They did. Or I wouldn't have ended up in Hollow Bastion."

But then, she asks about his dad. He turns to her, his expression blank--not giving anything away. He contemplates a moment. should he tell her...? ...No harm in doing so, really.

"...Ansem, the Seeker of Darkness. King of the Heartless. He found me in the darkness and took me in."

It isn't quite pity in her eyes, but it's close to it. "It's very hard for a parent to abandon their child," she explained. "It may just be that something happened to them." She didn't really want to tell him that, but...it was better than him thinking that his parents didn't want him.

The name didn't seem to strike any chord of recognition in her, but the abundance of darkness in those titles wasn't exactly a comfort. Aqua didn't want to ask; Sora was still so young, but... "What happened to Riku?"

As if she couldn't hit any more sore spots, she hits one of the worst--one of the freshest. Yes, that's a flare of anger right there.

"He forgot me. Didn't even recognize me when I went back to the islands to see him."

He's so angry when it comes to Riku. There are just no words that describe the pain he felt when he received that questioning look and the words asking who he was that night. And it still hurts, because, in his mind, it only solidifies that he wasn't wanted there.

She wasn't surprised by the volatility of his reaction, absorbing the outburst with quiet composure. The sudden emotion tugged the heartstrings behind the soldier's shell -- and suddenly, it finally hit her just how lost Sora seemed when she looked at him.

"I'm sorry," Aqua eventually said. It wasn't creative or original, but it was heavy with sincerity regardless. She knew it was a lot to expect from a then-five-year-old; what child would have been able to make a rational choice when faced with something so terrifying?

The mage cast a brief glance to the Shadow and the Requiem, which quickly moved to the shaft of Stormfall. "Do you know if you can use the Keyblade, Sora?" she asked at length, her voice gentle. She knew that she had never passed the rite on to him, and neither had Terra as far as she could tell; but his heart was so strong back then, she wouldn't have been surprised if he awakened to it himself.

Sora remains silent. ...No. He can't. He can only-- But why mention it when he can show instead? He holds up a hand, and darkness twists in the air. When it forms fully, it's not a key there: it's a wing-like blade with an eye. It's enough of an answer on its own.

Aqua watched as the blade materialized. Its appearance seemed to cement the idea in her head: Sora really had been consumed by the darkness.

The blade sort of reminded her of the Void Gear, in its coloration and blue-eyed glory. She briefly looked between it and her own Keyblade, surveying the contrast. Then, a thought occurred to her. "...Sora?" began the young master, her gaze returning to his face. "Will you try something for me?"

Soul Eater is banished in much the same manner it formed, and Sora rests his hands behind his head--an action that mirrors Ventus. He'll shrug slightly.

"Sure. What?" he asks. No problem trying things, even if both Heartless erupt into squeaks to object. The only response is a glare to each of them, and then they both go quiet, casting their equivalent of wary glances to the Master.

At that point, Aqua took Stormfall in both hands briefly so that she could hold it by the shaft, with the grip facing out towards Sora. Despite the nature of the test, Aqua managed a calm smile.

"Will you try to hold this for me?" questioned the magician. If it didn't reject him -- didn't immediately return to its master in a flash of light once she let go -- then he had the ability. And with a rite of succession performed, he could awaken to it once he was ready.

She remembered, once upon a time, deciding not to pass on the rite to him, for fear he would end up fighting Riku if she did. But if he was still strong enough of heart that the Keyblade accepted him, despite everything he had been through, then he deserved it. Maybe this way, she could help him.

The two Heartless should object. That's the first thing wrong with all of this. They should be protesting, but perhaps it's the weight of the situation that has them silent. They stare intently, watching him. And he's silent and still, arms having fallen to his side. For a good, long moment, he just stares at the offered weapon. Finally, though, he reaches out to take it. It's different from Soul Eater, that's for sure, and even just holding it like this is strange. Like something deep down inside him is stirring--a light he hadn't known he had that, and at the same time isn't really his. Just a starting point, really, but a starting point is enough. Right? Just a spark--a single spark--can light up the dark, after all.

When Stormfall remained obediently at Sora's command, Aqua's smile grew. She could feel the stirring deep from within him, resonating in her Keyblade. Just a little spark, but that was all it took. He wasn't totally lost.

Silently, she released her hold on the blade, leaving her weapon entirely in Sora's hands. Her arms fell to her sides, fingers uncurled just in case Stormfall decided at the last minute to reject him. But she was fairly confident that it wouldn't.

It's definitely strange, holding this weapon that resonates with a long-since dormant light. He's used to his darkness resonating with anything outside of himself, and this is almost actually painful. At the very least, it's unfamiliar and uncomfortable, and he's not quite sure how to deal with it. Either way, he's shaking as he holds that weapon, staring down at it with as much intensity as the Heartless are staring at him.

It doesn't leave. There's still enough light left in him to save--Sora's light hadn't been totally stamped out yet. But that doesn't mean it's not deeply buried underneath a lot of darkness. It will take a lot of time to fully pull him to a balance.

Once Sora was given time alone with Stormfall, Aqua placed her hand on the hilt -- not touching his hand, but close enough to be a gesture of comfort.

"In your hand," she started quietly, bringing out the words of the poem that she had long ago committed to memory, "take this Key. So long as you have the makings...then through this simple act of taking, its wielder you shall one day be."

The magician gave Sora a reassuring smile, looking to his eyes. She'd never noticed until now how much they reminded her of Ven's -- how strange. "...And you will find me, friend; no ocean will contain you then. No more borders around, or below, or above, so long as you champion the ones you love."

He may have made a mistake leaving Riku to whatever fate was in store for him, but mistakes could sometimes be fixed, and they could always be learned from.

He's frozen. Champion the ones he loves? But he doesn't have anyone. He's alone. So, then why does he get this? It makes no sense. And after about a minute, he finally unfreezes and lets go of the Keyblade like it's hot. He wants to go back to the darkness now--to have that comfort returned and to be rid of this strange weight in his heart.

Aqua let him release the blade and took it by the grip again, fingers protected comfortably by the guard. She knew it probably had to be a pretty drastic change for Sora, who was accustomed to being bathed in the darkness. But, she wasn't content to merely leave it at that.

"Sora," began the Keyblade master. "If you ever need help...you can tell me, okay?" She smiled softly at him. "I'll be here for you." Even if he rejected her offer, she would still come to his aid if he needed it. No one deserved to be alone.

"Y-Yeah..."

But he's backing up. People aren't this nice. That's what he's learned. They're selfish, cruel, willing to abandon each other when they stop being convenient. So then, why is she doing this? It makes no sense. None at all.

It made her heart ache to watch Sora look so frightened of her promise. What other kinds of misery could he have possibly suffered to be so damaged?

"I'm sorry if I scared you with anything I said," she went on peacefully, her tone apologetic. "Do you want some time to yourself for a little while?"

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The meaning of being lonely

...she could actually have seen Vanitas' face. that'd make this pretty awkward.

...Yeah, that would make things awkward.

so yeah, totally could be worse.

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