towerofanimus | 1,000 years later...

Entry tags:

1,000 years later...

Characters: Legolas (

bow_of_the_galadhrim), OPEN
Setting: All over, any time of the week
Format: action brackets
Summary: The Tower is Forever event and Legolas thinks it’s been a thousand years
Warnings: None yet

FDorm floor
[That short pause that none truly notice went equally unnoticed by the elf, as he comes out of the showers freshly cleaned, but the change is great. The short hair he‘d been sporting for a couple weeks was gone, replaced by long hair just past his waist with braids through it. One ear, his left one, is pierced with a gold leaf shaped earring with silver veins through it and there‘s a gold band wrapped around one of his fingers. His eyes seem darker and more tired, clothes aren‘t as nice as they once were, exchanged for something comfortable but still styled after the clothes his people wear. He‘s not armed but he disappears into his room for just a moment and comes out heavily armed. The elf does not want to be unnarmed long.]

Graveyard
[For more than a thousand years, Legolas has come to this floor twice a week to pay his respects to those he knew who have disappeared. Gimli, Aragorn, Faramir, Boromir and his twins graves are all kept tidy and his quietly speaks a prayer for them in elvish. He no longer sheds a tear at the sight of these markers. They serve to remind him that they are not suffering this hell with him, that they managed to escape even if Aragorn had been returned.]

Forest, evening
[Swords in hand, the elf is going through what might seem like normal training exercises. Until one of the monsters comes out and then a streak of ruthlessness, one that is definitely not normal for the elf, comes out and he attacks. He manages to avoid becoming as bloody as his foe but when he‘s done, it‘s obvious that the monster never stood a chance.

And Legolas isn‘t even out of breath. Instead, he seeks out another monster and the pattern continues as he trains.]

Library
[He‘s in a far corner, far away from anyone else, with a book in his lap and a cloak covering his face. It‘s clear that Legolas is making an effort to avoid contact with other people. A small journal is beside him with a pen. Occasionally he stops reading and makes a note before going back to the book. Everything is written in elvish and it‘s mostly just a journal of things he wants to remember. He has quite a few more stashed in his trunk, enough journals to cover his many years.]

Anywhere else
[Perhaps Legolas is passing through another flood and you‘re there too. Feel free to stop him.]

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Of course. I am glad that you haven't though.

[His physical scars aren't as numerous as they could but but emotionally, mentally... He's suffered and he's taken all the suffering he can from Haldir.]

[Have a headpat, Legolas.]

And I'm sorry to hear that you had to suffer though all that, despite what small joys you might have found.

[He chuckles, softly, and brushes a hand through his hair to smooth it out.]

There's no reason for you to be sorry. It's normal, isn't it? They saved us so we owe them.

[The way he says that now, it's as if he genuinely believes that. And he does. He believes that Middle Earth is dead and gone.]

[At that, Tohko sighed and looked..a little annoyed. But she did pat Legolas on the head again. So much for that smoothed-out hair.]

That's not true at all! Things like this shouldn't be considered normal anywhere. And they didn't save us. Our universes are still intact. After all, there are people here from other universes who wouldn't even be able to exist if their universe was destroyed! So..they didn't save us. We don't owe them a single thing for that, or for the constant tortures.

[Gosh, he tries to at least keep himself looking presentable after all these years. You're making it hard, Tohko.]

I've been to the corpse of my world enough times and spent many years here without seeing any success. I am glad that you still have hope Tohko, but I've none.

[Better to provide comfort and look a bit messy than not and have the person suffer, according to Tohko.]

I know that just seeing your universe like that once must have been rather painful..but if you've lost your hope, then you should try to find it again, in books, in friends, in any way you can.

[Tohko then sighed. This was going to sound foolish, but she wasn't going to give up just yet. As long as Wilhelm and his Testaments still existed here, then she was going to keep hoping that the other universes were fine as well.]

And..if you find that doesn't work, then borrow half of my hope.

[Yeah..that sounded foolish..]

I don't think that I can. So many years, so many deaths and sadnesses, the atrocities witnessed. Hope fades. That I haven't died, or faded, is a sign of how determined I am but that is all.

[Sorry Tohko, there are few people who would be able to crack through this shell that Legolas has built up around him. By losing hope, he no longer hurts when people from home do not appear, when they disappear or when they die. He no longer wishes to see things he once ached for.]

I would not take your hope from you. You are still young and need it.

[There's a small, fond sort of smile on his lips and he softly kisses the top of her head. As Galadriel had once done for Frodo.]

[As Legolas kissed the top of her head, Tohko sighed. The young needed hope, that was true..but the old, the ones who were immortal, the ones who had seen destruction over and over again needed it too. Perhaps even moreso than the ones who were just young.

After all, Chia still hoped, even though her situation was near hopeless, even by Tohko's standards.]

Legolas..being young has nothing to do with it. The young are able to generate more hope when it's taken because we're foolish and keep thinking of the illusion of The Prince being alive. The ones who are immortal or have faced such things as you have probably need it more..because you have a hard time generating it after everything you've been through. You see the reality of The Prince's death.

[More book comparisons. Hopefully Legolas has read The Little Prince, or those would make no sense to him at all.]

However..I believe that you can find hope. Hope fades and gemstones dirty, but you can always polish up the gemstone if you work at it hard enough with the right polish. Hope springs eternal.

[He did need hope, that couldn't be denied, but he couldn't find it. He couldn't keep hold on it. Having hope meant being hurt again and again, being disappointed when someone vanished or failed to appeared, thinking your world and friends and family safe and then spending months on end walking the remains of a decimated world.]

Having hope hurts, Tohko. And I'm tired of hurting in that way. I don't wish to fade as my kin are wont to do when we've nothing left. At least in Arda, when I would grown older and weary, I could have gone to Valinor. Where peace and happiness is promised my kin. I can do no such thing here.

Having hope does hurt sometimes..but it also brings some joy when that hope is proven to be correct, when it turns out as you wanted it to. And I'm sorry that you've been denied the better life you would have had at home. Really, I am.

[After all, she was denied the happiness she would have gotten if she had stayed at home when she was brought to this place. But she wasn't going to comment on that.]

However..didn't you once sing that 'Sorrowing, I must go on, and yet, you aren't without hope'? You sang that to me awhile ago. Now you have to apply that message to yourself. There are still things you can hope for here that haven't been lost or smashed.

And I've found that disappointment is more common in this place. I prefer to save myself such a hurt.

[He chuckles, softly. That was a long time ago.]

I recall it also included the words "all life is doomed to fade." And here, I cannot even fade without awakening the next morning.

[Tohko sighed. She saw why he was chuckling, but for her, this wasn't that funny.]

Disappointment may be more common..but there are bouts and spots where everything works out and things turn out alright. So, even if you save yourself the hurt..you miss out on everything good it can provide. Even if the amount it can give is small.

..And while it's true that it included those lines..in some universes, not all life was destined to fade away or die. Call it a blessing or a curse, but that has happened.

[..Tohko then tried a different approach. It was desperate, and it may not work, considering how far gone Legolas was..but she had to try everything she had!]

And, if you find that there is no hope in that old song, then I submit a poem titled 'Surrender Not To The Rain' by Kenji Miyazawa!

[Tohko sighed and then began to recite calmly, trying to get the hope and meaning of the words across.]

Surrender not to the rain,
Surrender not to the wind,
Nor yet to the snow nor heat of summer.
Holding fast the body sound
Without greed and
Grieving not our wrongs
Ever with a quiet smile.

Shedding tears in time of drought,
Walking bewildered in the summers of cold,

Named by all a good-for-naught
Neither praised
Nor concerned.

Such a figure
I wish to be.

[Tohko sighed again and hugged Legolas a bit tighter, more for his sake than her own.]

There are many ways to interpret this poem..but right now, for you, I would say that it's about a man persevering, even if he does cry when his crops fail, even if people do laugh at him and call him a fool for thinking that things will get better, that man will not surrender to the elements, time or anything else that's thrown in his path!

[Having her hugging him, trying so hard to revive his hopes... It almost did give him hope but how could he? Almost an Age had been passed in this place, the memories of each of his deaths both painful and peaceful, the memories of Middle Earth and the death that surrounded it, those times he feared to have lost Haldir and spent hours crying in solitude until the march warden had found him and consoled him.]

Tohko, please...

[It hurt to disappoint her but it hurt more to hope. He was tired of hoping for anything. He was tired of remembering everything that had been lost. Legolas was just tired.]

[Tohko knew that Legolas had been though a lot and that she was doing might not work or reach him at all. But..she refused to give up. She had helped Chia Takeda, a girl who was a shame-ridden Oba Yozo, when she had tried to kill herself by sheer determination and love of books.

She wasn't going to give up on Legolas either, especially when he needed it.]

..Please what? Please stop trying?

[Tohko sighed at that.]

Legolas, I don't want you to be Giovanni watching Campanella leave on the train. So I'm going to have to say no to that. I'm sorry.

I would prefer that you do. I'm tired of hurting and I am not going to open myself to more hurt. I've seen enough. I've felt enough.

[He was growing short with her and he hated that but she just didn't understand. Nobody but Haldir understood. Perhaps Gandalf as well, but the wizard was so solitary that he couldn't know. He recalled that Gandalf had long since believed the death of their worlds, a belief that Legolas could no longer deny.]

I should go. I've tarried long enough.

[Tohko sighed and bit her lip. However she did nod. There was no trace of a smile left on her face.

She was just tired..and sad, being reminded of the past and what could have happened if she had given up.]

Alright then..I'm not going to stop you from going..but before you do, I'll going to tell you something. Back home, I knew a girl who couldn't even feel pain, sadness, or grief. Just shame that she had no empathy at all.

[Tohko then let go of Legolas. If he wanted to let go of her and walk off at any time, he was free to do so. She wouldn't stop him.]

If I had given up on her and let go of her hand, her suicide attempt would have succeeded, and she would have been smashed to bits along with her duck cup.

I am not to the point of feeling nothing. And nothing will ever drive me that far.

[If it did, he would sooner end his own life than hurt those closest to him by feeling nothing for them, of them. Alas, he'd only awaken the next day, looking as he had that fist day in his tower.And he had not the strength to even consider killing himself. Fools like Denethor attempted such folly.]

You do not have to worry over such a thing happening to me.

[He stood then, tucking his journal and pen into his cloak.]

[As Legolas stood, Tohko sighed.]

I know that, Legolas. And I'm not worried about that..what I'm worried about is you driving yourself into a corner of misery when you don't have to be there. But..if my words are going to be useless right now, I'll just.have to try again tomorrow.

[With that, Tohko would start to walk away, fighting back tears. She didn't want to cry right now. She had cried enough, and if she was going to do it, she wanted to do it in private with a copy of Alice In Wonderland so that she could chide herself for crying properly.]

Do not... take this so hard, Tohko.

[He did have some happiness here, it was what drove him to climb out of bed each day, what kept him from starving himself or letting himself get out of shape. He didn't have energy now, though, to convince her or to try to ensure she didn't continue to waste the effort to try to convince him. Silently, he swept out of the room. Stopping only to press a handkerchief into her hand. Smart elf.]

..I don't think I am.

[Tohko sighed again as Legolas walked out of the room..and paused for a moment as he stuffed a handkerchief into her hand.]

Ah, hey-!

[..Too late. He was already gone. Tohko sighed again and stuffed the handkerchief into her pocket. She'd have to return it later. While it was a kind act, she didn't want to ruin a good pocket handkin when he could use it later on. She'd weep on Alice as she ate it alone and chided herself..so it would be alright.

Moving into the shelves, she picked out a copy of the book before moving out of the library.]

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1,000 years later...

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