towerofanimus | the war is over and we are beginning;

Entry tags:

[ou] allelujah/hallelujah haptism

the war is over and we are beginning;

Characters: Allelujah Haptism and open!
Setting: A few of the new floors.
Format: Either.
Summary: Allelujah feels the need to explore some of these new floors. Feels ensue.
Warnings: Possible violence, especially on floor 56. Gundam 00 spoilers. Massive feels?

[Floor 100]

[He'd started from the top - it'd helped that he'd been in his room before deciding on this. The first floor he encounters seems suspicious, so he steps off the staircase cautiously.]

[The scene changes, and he's standing on one of the catwalks, near Kyrios. The sight of his Gundam so close makes his heart hurt, and he reaches out to touch the metal.]

[His hand passes right through it, and he closes his eyes for a moment. A hologram, or something like it. Of course. He opens his eyes again, and it's still there, just as if it's waiting for him to climb in and go off on another mission, hopefully to help those who need it, and protect the weak.]

[Even if he's not sure that it'll be intact once he gets back.]

[… Still, he stands there for a few long minutes, just taking in the sight of the Gundam, before he moves on.]

[Floor 81]

[Even if these aren't his stars, it doesn't matter to Allelujah. He's just glad that he can finally, finally see stars again. He stands in one of the bulges for a while, just looking up at the sky.]

[Maybe if he watches the stars for a bit, he can come up with names for some of the constellations. Even if Hallelujah thinks that's stupid.]

[Floor 73]

[He's glad he decided to change into his flight suit before he headed out, because he can feel the chill on his face. Maybe he should have brought his helmet, too - but it's too late for that.]

[He'd never really had much time to play in the snow - he always had to keep moving when he was young. But he has time now. Really, they all have too much time here.]

[Maybe that's why he starts packing together some snowballs and seeing what parts of the castle he can hit.]

[Floor 56]

[The fear when he steps onto this level is intense. After hiding in the shadows for a few long moments, he can't hear anyone, so he sneaks along the corridors, keeping an eye out for anyone who might be around.]

[Something catches his eye, and he turns, firing a blast from his pistol at it - but nothing's there. He tightens his grip on his weapon and keeps moving.]

[Eventually, he comes to the surgical suite. Allelujah shakes for a moment, and Hallelujah roars with anger in his head. He holsters his gun and flexes his gloved hands, before starting to flip every table that isn't bolted down, destroy everything that looks like it might be used to hold a specimen, and dent every surface that looks like it might ever have someone lie on it for surgery.]

[It takes a while for his anger and adrenaline to burn out. He can tell that Hallelujah was fueling a lot of it - letting down the barriers between their minds to share his anger.]

[He pants, and then collapses to his knees, before sitting on the floor and pulling his legs into his chest, trying desperately not to cry.]

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[Well, that sounded similar to what Jr. and Gaignun had faced.]

I see..I am sorry to hear that you were part of that facility.

[Yeah, he figured he wasn't gonna get away with that.]

It's in the past. I escaped. I survived.

[His voice strains a bit at the end, but he looks back up at the stars.]

I lived, and I came back to face my history. I killed them, and the blood is on my hands. I regret that I had to kill innocent people who didn't know there was any other way. I don't regret that I destroyed the facility and the data they had inside.

[Yeah..chaos could connect the dots pretty easily. In his head, he sighed again, but he kept looking at Allelujah.]

..It may have been in the past, but that does not mean that the wounds are any easier to deal with.

While it is good that you were able to destroy that place..I am sorry to hear that you had to stain your hands. While it may be impossible for you to wash that blood off, I hope you do not have to stain them any further.

[Hallelujah just laughs in his head, and appears next to him. Allelujah shakes his head, and turns to face chaos again.]

I... I am a soldier - no. I'm a weapon. Literally made for war. I want... I want there to be another way, but there isn't. In order to have peace, we have to fight. In order to stop people from dying, we have to kill. I...

[He clenches his fists, and takes a deep breath.]

I'm... I'm more than a weapon. I'm a monster. Between myself and Hallelujah... killing is... killing is what we do. It's what we were made for. In that vile place... whatever we were before was wiped away. I don't know what I was before they took me... and in the end it doesn't matter. Even if before I was destined for a life of peace...

... I am a tool of war. And I have joined with those who would destroy the ability to make war in the place that made me, and any other place where they would promote war.

[In his head, chaos sighed, and he tried to put a hand on Allelujah's shoulder.]

..You may have been created to fight..but you are not a monster. Even if you cannot remember your past, you are not a monster. You may have been created for war, but you can change your reason for living. You say you have already joined with those who would stop those who promote and make war.

That is a good step towards peace. It is probably impossible to wash the blood you have off your hands, but you can prevent more blood from ending up on them.

chaos. The way we promote peace is destroying those places that would make war. I will have to kill - the governments of the world have already gone after us, and we kill the soldiers that do because otherwise we would die.

The facility I was from... I destroyed it as part of a mission, though one I suggested. We cannot have peace without killing. At least for now. Even if it's not finished in my lifetime... I will... I don't want to kill, but I will stain my hands with blood if it means in the future others do not have to.

[chaos believes firmly in free will. He wants to believe in humanity's light and trust that they shall do the right thing.

So situations like this always bring him down a peg. Whatever smile he had left faded away. However, his hand did not move.]

You can destroy the places..and instead of killing, you can try and convince those who hurt others why they should not. However..if they cannot be swayed, then locking them up or killing them may be the only solution you have back home.

[chaos sighed.]

I am sorry..truly, I am. I hate seeing people die. However..even if you have to stain your hands, you can make sure that you do not have to stain them much..and if you can provide a better future where no one has to stain their hands, than that would be a great reward.

I... I tried to convince Hallelujah to let us take in the children from the facility. But... he was... he said that they didn't think of themselves as unfortunate - I didn't - and that I couldn't take care of them. That they would just grow up and come after us, because that's what they knew to do.

With what they were brought up to do... killing them before they were put through more was a kindness.

[He's quiet for a long few moments, trying to collect himself. He looks like he's going to start crying.]

No one will listen to us. They call us terrorists, instruments of destruction and war. Maybe we are. But even if the world hates us... as long as we achieve our end, it doesn't matter.

[Allelujah..it's fine if you need to cry. chaos will help you out. He's seen tears. Jr. went through a similar situation. He'll help you both out. chaos gave Allelujah's shoulder a gentle squeeze before continuing.]

They may have been brought up to do something..but if you told them what you knew, even if it is painful information, then they might have changed their minds. It is terrible that Hallelujah did not allow you to take them in..and I am sorry that he thought you could not take care of them.

I do not think you are terrorists or instruments of war. However..I do hope you can create a more peaceful world in the future.

We live on a ship. We... could never have space for them, but I thought maybe we could find them families...

... They wouldn't adjust well, though. We were trained to fight, and never stop. Even as a child... I killed... he killed... just to get enough air to survive...

[He can't do it. It hurts, trying to remember that, trying to express what it was like to be in that situation, to be alone and taught you were just a number, without a name. Marie had saved him, by giving him an identity - without that, he would have just been E-0057... and he would have been destroyed.]

Most of them would have been disposed of anyway. At least I did my best to make it quick. I don't know how they disposed of the... failures from the program. I escaped with a few others soon after I found out they were going to get rid of me.

You might have been able to find families for them...and while it might have been difficult, some of them might have been able to change and adjust, with help. You were able to.

[His situation was all too similar to Jr.'s. chaos sighed again.]

However..it is good to hear that you have them a quick death, if you had to kill them.

[He's quiet for a long few moments.]

... I don't like to kill. Hallelujah does. But... it's the right choice sometimes. Not often. But sometimes.

[At that, chaos nodded.]

...Sometimes, there is no other alternative that can be found. However..I am sorry that Hallelujah likes to kill. Hopefully you are able to control him most of the time?

... If he truly wants something done, there's little I can do to stop him. He can block me off from his own thoughts, so there's no real telling what he's planning at any moment unless he decides to let me know.

[So, chaos was not the only one blocked from Hallelujah. That was not good. In his head, chaos sighed again.]

I see..I am sorry to hear that. I wish there was some way I could help you better control him.

... He's a part of me. He is me. I don't understand why I can't make him listen. I know there's things I have to do that aren't pleasant, but...

[It's hard to admit that he really is that afraid of what he can do. How easy it is to kill.]

He is you and you are he, no matter how unpleasant that is.

[chaos sighed.]

It is hard to make him listen because he is a separate part of you. If he were to come back into your consciousness and make the two halves whole..then perhaps he would listen.

... Maybe. We can link together - we have before - but him fading away permanently is...

[... He'd be lonely.]

I'm pretty sure he doesn't want that. I... I don't know. It would cause fewer problems... but I can't help but feel that forcing that would be similar to murder, even if he is part of me.

[chaos sighed in his head again.]

I am sorry..you misunderstand me. When I talk about one consciousness merging with the other, I talk about the two becoming one. Since he is a part of you, he cannot die unless you do..however, if the two were to merge, 'he' would become you, and you could control what he did.

I am probably not making any sense, am I?

No, no. I understood what you were talking about, but... even if he's part of me, he feels like a separate person. So it's a little uncomfortable to think of making 'him' become 'me' in that sense. I'm not sure if I can explain this well... it's something that's hard to get across unless you're experiencing it, I think.

[At that, chaos smiled and nodded.]

No..don't worry. I understand what you are talking about. Perhaps you could just try smashing the wall you two have so that you can talk to him like a normal person.

I'd appreciate it if it wasn't there, yes... he hid that my ... friend was alive from me for a long time.

I know she was trying to kill me, but if I had known sooner, maybe I could have brought her back around...

[In the back of his mind, chaos sighed once again.]

It would be nice then, if you could make sure that he did not hide things like that from you in the future.

It would be...

[How many years where he didn't know if Marie was alive or dead?]

That it would...I am not certain how you would smash the wall he has build up between you two..but, if there is anything I can do to help, do not hesitate to let me know.

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egotrigger - 2013-02-05 07:56 (UTC) - Expand

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