towerofanimus | If you're gonna be somebody's heartbreak

Entry tags:

If you're gonna be somebody's heartbreak

Characters: Dave Strider and Naminé
Setting: 1-15
Format: Either
Summary: Dave's been harboring a crush on a certain someone for awhile and finally does something about it. It goes as well as you're probably expecting it to go.
Warnings: Teenagers, feelings, and probably heartbreak

Despite all the commotion with all the strange new folk who suddenly disappeared, Dave has been kind of busy with other things. He's purposely put out of his mind over the fact that he's been in this tower for a year. He rather not think about that because it involves remembering what happened this month when he first arrived.

He's got other things on his mind. Like how he's spent a gratuitous amount of time on the floor with the dark room. The creepy shit really makes it awkward and he makes sure to avert his eyes from them. He doesn't want to know what happens otherwise. But the floor is a blessing and it's probably one of the best things the Tower has given him. He really missed being able to take photos and it's convenient for killing time.

But that's neither here nor now. Here would be in front of a dorm room door that didn't belong to him. He fidgeted a bit and bit his bottom lip. He's gotten this far and this is what you do on Valentine's Day right? It'll work out for the better right?

He's not so sure about that. Dave knocks on the door, keeping his hands behind his back. He's made her a card and he went and picked flowers on one of the floors that had them growing. "Hey, Naminé? You there?"

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He wish he were as okay as he sounded. He has to step carefully about. Anything might break the facade ane the last thing he wanted was for her to figure out that he wasn't actually as okay as he was making himself out to be. He's sure she kind of knows better, but if they both play along, it doesn't have to be brought up.

At the very least. She still wanted to be his friend. There's some consolation to that. He doesn't think she would stop being his friend anyways, and he'd hate if his stronger feelings pushed her away. He doesn't really understand her reasoning. He considers retaliating and asking and pushing that he knows what he needs and wants, but he doesn't. He didn't want to force her and he didn't want to come off as desperate. He still had his pride and he was already accepting that this wasn't going to go as he hoped.

That, and he really needed to leave soon. The longer he's here talking to her, the harder it was to keep himself as leveled as he was forcing himself to be. "I...If that's what you think." He doesn't know what to say. He doesn't know how to not make this any less awkward. "I'm glad we're friends."

She does kind of know better, but she is also hesitant to misstep, to make this harder for him than it already must be. She can only imagine how awful it must be to be rejected in such a way, and frankly she'd vastly prefer it didn't have to be this way - either because of some change in her or because of him never developing such feelings. So for now she does play along, even if she's not hiding all of her own distress as well as he.

It would be a difficult task indeed to push Naminé away, especially after they've already spent such pleasant time together. (She wonders after the fact if what he's admitting now had something to do with it, either positively or negatively.) She'd do the same in his position, although in her own position she'd have been perfectly willing to bear his protests, should they have come, and to explain her reasoning, a million times over if necessary.

As it is, she finds herself wishing she could explain it more clearly, even if he doesn't ask. She knows it much be strange for him to hear - or worse, that he might take it the wrong way. After all, how often did one get turned down by someone who literally couldn't return their feelings, not because of them but because that person legitimately couldn't feel at all. "It is." Even though she's frowning. "I'm glad, too." She hesitates; she imagines that if she were him, she'd be wanting to go hide out in her room (or perhaps under a conveniently placed rock if necessary) right about now. She doesn't want him to doubt for even one second that it's really not his fault, but-- goodness, why did this have to be so hard? She looks very much as though there's something she wants to say - because she does - but she falters, still trying to weigh her options.

It's probably better not to bring it up. The faster they can push passed this, the faster they can either pretend it didn't happen or to get over it. At least in Dave's case, he'll probably do a mix of both. But mostly it'll be him trying to slowly get over the entire thing. He kind of wishes he had just never had told her like his elder counterpart. It seems like he was smart in not acting on his feelings. God damn it. Hindsight continues to be 20/20 and also a huge bitch.

He can at least be content in the small favors. It's basically what he does to get through this Tower and the shit it slings at them constantly. It's just a little harder because he kind of put this on himself versus having it just dropped on him like the metaphorical 60 pound gorilla in the closet.

Dave just assumes that she didn't like him back in that way. It's not like he's particularly surprised about it. But that has a lot to do with his own insecurities. He just brought his own hopes up thinking she'd say yes. But really. People get rejected all the time. Not that it makes this hurt any less, but he can at least try and rationalize this is a common occurrence. "I...so. Yeah. I just came by to give you that I guess." He thinks he might just...leave. Before they both say something dumb. Not that he hasn't already, but still.

It may be the same for her - though she's most likely going to air on the side of 'pretending it didn't happen'. Getting over it... well, that's complicated. Foresight - or rather the lack thereof - isn't so kind today, either.

Small favors are what Naminé is used to living on, but in truth that he doesn't want this to ruin their friendship either is much more than that; it's pretty huge favor, if one were to ask her. She really did mean what she said.

"--...." Oh, it seems he's planning to go - or at least that's what she's gathered from his words. As she'd suspected, then. She hesitates a moment, teeth pressing into her lower lip. If she just holds her tongue, he can go and do whatever needs to be done to feel better, but-- it does make coming to a decision a more pressing matter, and before she knows it, she's blurting out, "I don't have a heart."

Way to go, Naminé.

Well, he'd be more upset if he had to take her out of his life or if she decided to pull herself away from it. It would honestly sadden him more than being rejected. At the very least, he can still see her even with the rejection. But if she decided to no longer be on friendlier terms, he'd be shit out of luck of a really good friend.

Dave doesn't move. Like he just doesn't move. It takes him a moment to process what she said.

Wow. The longer he thinks on it the more it makes no sense. Like seriously. What she said makes absolutely jack shit to him and he has no idea how she got to this conclusion. "Uh..." Wow, so eloquent. It is him. "I hope you realize that what you said kind of makes no fucking sense. Also it's kind of contradictory. And by kind of, I mean, wow where did this mindset even come from?"

And so would she. Losing him totally is the last thing she wants. No amount of awkwardness or discomfort related to this particular subject would be enough to change that.

She's still as well, and if her hands were not full they would probably be clenched. Her lips are pressed together as her eyes search between his - or at least, between lenses of his sunglasses. It's almost a relief when he doesn't seem to understand; somehow a part of her has always expected immediate disgust, immediate ridicule should such a subject ever be broached. It's not that she didn't trust him; if anything telling him at all was a sign that she did, whether she was conscious of it or not.

She pauses only a moment, her expression serious. Then, "... In my world, there are creatures that steal away people's hearts. Usually, when that happens, the person is lost - but sometimes, if that person's will is strong enough, a part of them lives on as a Nobody. That's... what I am. A Nobody." ~~It's almost sad how much easier it is to speak right now when it's about something she knows well, despite it being an unpleasant topic.~~

"That's a dumb term," Dave says automatically. He doesn't like that word. Insinuating someone is a big nobody. Maybe because he sometimes thinks that maybe he's a nobody too, but that's dumb too. The word is dumb and using it to describe Namine of all people was especially dumb in his mind. He should probably explain himself better though. It seems kind of awkward to just leave it at that. "I mean. Let's say they take your heart but you're obviously still existing because you have a strong will. Well, essentially you're still you. I guess if you consider your heart as you, than I guess the term makes sense. But, I don't know. Your heart doesn't make you. Literally, it's just an organ. Figuratively, I guess you'd have to think of it as your soul." Buckle down, Namine. He's got a bad case of the talks. "But you can't really say that either because they probably mean two different things still. I think a person can still have a soul but no heart and someone without a soul can have a heart. You can probably have neither even."

He's so used to SBURB and the lack of logic that he's just gonna speak without any real logic, because it's been refuted more than enough in this place that they can. "I don't think not having a heart means you can't be someone though. I don't know why you guys call it that, but you're definitely someone. You exist and have a body. You function like everyone else. I don't know about you, but I think that makes you someone."

But about that not having a heart issue. "Do you feel? Do you get happy or sad or even angry? You enjoy peoples' company and you appreciate the people around you, right?"

The startled blink she gives him is perhaps less surprised than it could have been, but she still looks a little like someone who's been unexpectedly poked, or some such thing. Her head lowers slightly, guiltily, but any protest she might have considered making reaches her lips and goes no further.

She lets him talk his way through it, listening despite the portions she disagrees with. Only once he's finished does she speak, her shoulders slightly raised. "It's... not a physical heart, no - and I'm not sure it could be called a soul, either." He's got that part right, at least. "But in my case - it's even more complicated than that. I'm not... the person I was a part of before, like the others. I've never had the memories of my Other; all I am is her shadow." That's even worse, isn't it? And as much as it's bittersweetly wonderful to hear him tell her that she's Somebody, she can't let herself agree.

... That last part... that's the worst. To that, she has no choice but to squeeze her eyes shut for a brief moment before opening them again and shaking her head. "Nobodies can't do any of those things. At least-- not the way normal people do." One would think she'd at least not sound so sad when she says that. ~~Nevermind how much it's always meant to her to have that company, or how much she really does appreciate others. Naminé... you've really gotta let that mindset go.~~ "It means so much to me to be to be around everyone but--... it can't be the same."

Namine might be kind of really lucky that this conversation is with Dave of all people. He can understand the other versions of you or being part of someone that you no longer are a part of. Her situation just reminds him of all the time traveling and the resignation of what he's risking by using his powers everytime. "So?" God. He really is having foot and mouth syndrome right now, but he can actually explain. "Everytime I make a time loop, I run the risk of making a timeline that's doomed to never existing. When you saw all those versions of me appear, that was because stable time loops were set up. The ones that died? They were doomed. They don't exist after they die. Their timeline cease to exist with them." Dave doesn't even have full knowledge of what they did either. Those memories are their own. "It's easy. You're your own person. You aren't them and they're definitely not you. That's okay, you know. Because you know what? The memories you have right now? Those are yours and they don't belong to your Other. They belong to you." It was like Davesprite. Davesprite was once him, but he definitely isn't him anymore. He doesn't have those memories Davesprite has since being his own...bird person thing. He'd be willing to talk about that if Namine isn't convinced. "You don't have to be their shadow. You can be yourself and it'll be fine."

Dave actually raises an eyebrow at that. "I think you're overthinking this. I mean, technically, no one really does those things the same way to each other. You can generally group it all together, but it's all inherently the same but also inherently different. You laugh and you smile. You frown." He hesitates before he speaks again. "You explained yourself after rejecting me because you probably felt bad about it. You can label it as something else, but it all looks the same to me. I don't think it's all that different. What you're feeling and what I'm feeling."

She doesn't know the true extent of it - even if she has met Davesprite before, all that time ago, the real depth of that particular relationship would probably still need some explaining. (But perhaps some part of her remembers, some part of her suspects - that part just isn't on the surface.)

And he says 'so?' like it's nothing, like it's not something that has haunted her relentlessly her whole life, and she still cannot find it in herself to be even slightly annoyed. Guilty, maybe, ashamed - even if she thinks she's right. Even if she tells herself she's right. There's a quiet sort of horror that sneaks into her expression at his explanation of his own situation; it's a terrible thought, that all of those Daves, even if they were offshoots, had to die, especially because of her. Though it makes her stomach twist and the rest of her feel sick, she wants to say, 'But at least they had hearts.' She doesn't. Instead, she holds her tongue - at least until he tells her that she can be herself. "I--... I know that I can't be her." She shakes her head. "I've never wanted to be. All of my memories - they're separate from hers. But it's not the same...! I'm only half a person. I've never been--... anything more than that." And what comes back to mind is, "Those other yous - they were real. Even if they don't exist anymore, they did before. They were real." The implication seems to be that she can't say that same.

She has had a lot of time to overthink it. She's had it overthought for her and forced upon her and been set to do the same. The girl hesitates, eyes turning downward at his words. "... How can you be sure? How do you know it's not just something that looks the same, or that I'm not fooling you?" Or maybe herself. (It would probably help her case if she didn't just say that with the earnestness of an innocent party.)

He doesn't mean to belittle her feelings or her current dilemma. "They were real. But I guess they're a little more unfortunate, honestly. Don't want to belittle them, since they're me and all and not, but a Doomed Dave probably has nothing to look forward too." There's just a slight shake to his voice. He doesn't like talking about this or them. "They die and no one remembers them. I mean, sure, they have their own bodies and for however long they're not the alpha timeline Dave, they have those memories. But in the end, no one really pays them any attention. No one will probably really remember them." Well, Dave will. Because he created that offshoot timeline. "Being forgotten and becoming nothing as a fate doesn't really make being 'real' all that banged up to be. Besides." He places his hand. "You're real. I can touch you and everything. You can keep giving yourself these different terms for yourself, but most people aren't even going to consider that the minute they see you. No one is going to just outright call you a half person. I don't think anyone here really cares. You're suffering just as much as we are and dealing with your own problems like everyone else. I don't really know what your definition of a half person is, but it sounds like you do the same things a full person does."

Dave shrugs. "I don't. But why does it matter? If it's different, it's different I guess. But it looks the same to me and this is just making it really fucking overcomplicated. You're worrying so much about the differences that you aren't considering the similarities. You're kind of making this really hard on yourself when you can make it so much easier." They already overthink everything else so much. She doesn't have to make this harder on herself. "Even if you are fooling me, it's not going to change my perception of you in the least."

He stands there for a moment, obviously thinking before he takes his hand off her shoulder and hesitantly slip his shades off his face. "Promise I'm not shitting with you."

That shake doesn't help her frown, or the faint tremble to her lips as she presses them more firmly together in the hopes of stilling that same tremble. Any Dave with nothing to look forward to isn't acceptable. Her eyes shift toward the hand on her shoulder, her lips separating into a faintly surprised look that fades quickly as she turns her gaze back to him. Funny, that he should say such a thing - and not in the good way. She's all too familiar with being forgotten, all too familiar with not having much to look forward to. There's more force in her, "You remember them." than she thought possible, even if it's not actually intrusive. "And I'll remember them, too. They... deserve that much." And yet it's so much harder for her to say that about herself. She could tell him that's not the kind of 'real' she means, but there's so much more there to consider than that. "I... suppose it would seem that way." To the outside observer, to someone who didn't know - but she finds her lips won't form those words, and she's not totally certain why, even as she falters.

Why does it matter? It looks the same? But it's not, it's not-- even if her voice won't cooperate with her, especially at that last part. Although her brow knits, when at last she can speak properly again, "... Thank you. For saying that." Even if she can't agree.

She's quiet through that moment and his hesitation, still and waiting. At first she's not sure what he's thinking of, but then-- she finds out, and it's so thoroughly unexpected that for a moment all she can do is stare. She may not know the extent of his situation with the sunglasses, but she does know she's never seen him without them. It had seemed natural after a while, like those already were his eyes. She'd figured differently, of course, since no one else from his world seemed to be that way, but-- if she'd had to picture what his real eyes were like, it wouldn't have been that. She finds, though, that they suit him. Even once she's recovered from her shock, she looks up at him, eyes on his for what was technically the first time. Then, faintly, she smiles. "... I know, Dave."

Edited 2013-02-19 05:29 (UTC)

"I know. It's not like I can't." He leaves out the part where that technically he can easily be one of them. The Doomed Daves and she wouldn't know better. Time is really hard to explain and the whole existing multiple times at the same time really doesn't help his case. He just looks kind of sad. Because he knows that she probably still can't see it in that way. And it kind of hurts a lot. Not because of the rejection, but because he's sure she deserves a lot better, but Namine probably doesn't see it that way. He'll have to figure some way to convince her. Even if it takes years to do so.

He doesn't really make eye contact with Namine. He'll glance at her but avert his eyes. This was probably the first time he's willingly removed his shades for someone else and he's feeling pretty exposed right now. Like an open book on display. An open children's book with really easy sentences and giant pictures that make it easy to understand. He's also slightly apprehensive that she might be disgusted in some way. Especially with that pause. "Had to make sure. I'm pretty much going to keep shoving this shit down your throat and you're just going to have to deal with it."

Out of all the people out there, she's probably one of the best equipped to understand his situation. There are enough identity and multiplicity issues in her world and relationships to put most others to shame, after all, and she's pretty sure she's not mistaken in understanding that those other Daves are just as much him as he is at the same time that they're not. His sadness is mirrored in her expression, though for him rather than for herself. She can't read his mind, but, "... I'm sorry." For a lot of things, not just having to turn him down.

Her own eyes don't turn away even when his do. She may not realize exactly how significant this is, but she has an idea. There's not even the slightest hint of disgust anywhere in her expression - although she's not always the easiest girl to read, it's true. She seems to have calmed now, and that doesn't chance when he speaks again. In fact, after the few moments' silence... that smile is back. "I'll be looking forward to it." Because to her great surprise, she finds she actually wants him to prove her wrong. It's hard to imagine such a thing, especially when he's at such a disadvantage at least on the subject of information, but -- while before she'd have let it be at 'I know this is fact', the Tower has made things different. Certain things, like that time with her Shadow, have planted a (just barely) strong enough thought to start forming tiny cracks in the pavement, so to speak. Now, as blasphemous as it seems and probably is - she wants to be mistaken. "You have every right to speak your mind. Just... don't strain yourself." By which she really means not to let her hurt him any further.

"Implying that me constantly letting my mouth open would actually tire me out. I'm pretty sure I talk way too much for my own good." He knows he can be quite a chatterbox. He's very aware of it, but that doesn't really stop him from talking a lot. It's like a habit he isn't gonna bother to break because it isn't necessarily bad. Just sometimes he says things he rather not. "I should probably leave now though." He feels like trying to push the subject anymore at the moment would start coming exasperating, and it would be a lie if he said he was alright.

He rather try and deal with this so she doesn't have to worry about him.

There's a flicker of a smile at his first comment. "I suppose you're right. You do have a lot of practice." It's actually pretty endearing, and she doesn't say it with any sort of insult to her words. If anything, it's almost affectionate. But oh, he seems to want to leave, and that sort of puts a damper on things. "-- Right...." She pauses, eyes turning downward.

It's funny, but-- for a second, before she'd know what he was going to say, she'd thought about asking him to go and watch some movies, or something. Not as a date, of course, but still perhaps in honor of the occasion. Then things were said, and... she opens her mouth, as if she might say something else, but she stops, then, instead-- "... I understand. You could probably use some space." There's a smile again when she looks back up, but it's a strained sort of thing. "Well-- see you around, then, Dave." 'Don't be a stranger.'

He wouldn't mind so much, but he's pretty sure that if he stays around her too long, he might legitimately become more upset. Maybe once he's picked things up a bit and it's a little less upsetting, they can watch movies again.

But right now would be pretty bad. It'd be like a date, except it's obviously not a date because she already rejected him. He gives her a gentle nod. "I'll see you around."

Calling it a friend!date probably wouldn't help things much, either, regardless of whether that'd actually be the case. As it is, she can really only nod back, maintaining an effortful but not unkind smile, that apology still lingering in it.

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If you're gonna be somebody's heartbreak

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