Kariya Matou (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
vermicompost) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
towerofanimus2013-02-15 06:17 pm
vermicompost) wrote in towerofanimus2013-02-15 06:17 pm
Entry tags:
[closed] Here comes a feeling you thought you'd forgotten
Characters: Kariya Matou and Lancer (Zero), aka Diarmuid Ua Duibhne
Setting: The Meadow floor (25), Kariya's favorite.
Format: Action
Summary: Under the influence of "Pet", Kariya asks Diarmuid to meet with him. It's never a good sign when Kariya starts to compare someone to Aoi...
Warnings: With Kariya around, there is always the danger of blood/worms.
[He hadn't thought much of listening to the tape recorder, though it had been odd that what it played hadn't sounded like any song in particular.
The change doesn't happen right away. He starts to feel agitated without realizing he is. This Tower is too dangerous, he tells himself. People are hurt here, every day. People die, in pain. It can happen to anyone, no matter how strong they are. Unbidden, a vision of Diarmuid enters his mind. He knows the man is upset at having had to kill him out of mercy, so they haven't spoken recently. As far as Kariya's concerned, that had only been a favor. He wants to see him again. Is that too much to ask? Why do people always turn away from him?
Diarmuid has been so kind to him. He's looked after him, much like Aoi used to, when they were children. Even though he's a Servant, Diarmuid is gentle and kind, like Aoi, and Kariya has seen how he suffers, here in the Tower, doubting himself as a knight and as a person. He's probably suffered more, in ways Kariya doesn't know about. He shouldn't have to know that kind of pain, or any pain, after all he's been through. He doesn't deserve it.
Kariya asks himself, why is he never the one to take care of others? When that's all he wants to do in life? Why does he have to be the weak one, the one who's protected? That's why he'd joined the war, so he could finally be the one to save someone else. Yet he hasn't managed it yet, not even with all he's sacrificed. He hasn't been able to save Sakura. He's had to leave her behind with Zouken. She's still suffering, so much. He's been such a failure. He's never been able to accomplish the one goal he has: to love someone, to keep them safe. Yes, that's what he needs to do. If he can do that, he'll be happy. He can do that, here. He'll take care of someone.
That's when he decides to write a letter to Diarmuid:
Diarmuid,
I would like to talk to you. If you're willing to meet with me, I'll be in the meadow. I'll wait for you there.
-Kariya]
Setting: The Meadow floor (25), Kariya's favorite.
Format: Action
Summary: Under the influence of "Pet", Kariya asks Diarmuid to meet with him. It's never a good sign when Kariya starts to compare someone to Aoi...
Warnings: With Kariya around, there is always the danger of blood/worms.
[He hadn't thought much of listening to the tape recorder, though it had been odd that what it played hadn't sounded like any song in particular.
The change doesn't happen right away. He starts to feel agitated without realizing he is. This Tower is too dangerous, he tells himself. People are hurt here, every day. People die, in pain. It can happen to anyone, no matter how strong they are. Unbidden, a vision of Diarmuid enters his mind. He knows the man is upset at having had to kill him out of mercy, so they haven't spoken recently. As far as Kariya's concerned, that had only been a favor. He wants to see him again. Is that too much to ask? Why do people always turn away from him?
Diarmuid has been so kind to him. He's looked after him, much like Aoi used to, when they were children. Even though he's a Servant, Diarmuid is gentle and kind, like Aoi, and Kariya has seen how he suffers, here in the Tower, doubting himself as a knight and as a person. He's probably suffered more, in ways Kariya doesn't know about. He shouldn't have to know that kind of pain, or any pain, after all he's been through. He doesn't deserve it.
Kariya asks himself, why is he never the one to take care of others? When that's all he wants to do in life? Why does he have to be the weak one, the one who's protected? That's why he'd joined the war, so he could finally be the one to save someone else. Yet he hasn't managed it yet, not even with all he's sacrificed. He hasn't been able to save Sakura. He's had to leave her behind with Zouken. She's still suffering, so much. He's been such a failure. He's never been able to accomplish the one goal he has: to love someone, to keep them safe. Yes, that's what he needs to do. If he can do that, he'll be happy. He can do that, here. He'll take care of someone.
That's when he decides to write a letter to Diarmuid:
Diarmuid,
I would like to talk to you. If you're willing to meet with me, I'll be in the meadow. I'll wait for you there.
-Kariya]
no subject
[Diarmuid doesn't mean to raise his voice at his friend, but right now he really can't handle Kariya's sudden odd behavior. He brings a shaking hand to his eyes to rub at them.]
Please...I just need...
[His voice suddenly trails off as images flash behind his eyes. Memories of the times he and Kariya had spent here in the Meadow during the experiment. As fake as it had all been, they'd had at least a little bit of happiness--a little bit of comfort.
Is it so much to ask for? Has he really become so desperate for even a little comfort that he is looking to memories from that horrible time for it?
A small broken sound slips unconsciously from Diarmuid's mouth, and he finds himself sinking to his knees, head bowed.]
I can't... I don't...
no subject
I'd never want you to stop being yourself. Just be a little more cautious, that's all. Be careful of yourself so you can be of more help to others. Didn't you say before that you'd do whatever I wanted? That's what I want.
I'll give you whatever you need. Anything. I care about you.
[Kariya kneels down beside Diarmuid and puts his arms around him. He feels a surge of warmth and joy, in spite of the Servant's sorrow. He is needed. This feels right. It's right, and safe, for Diarmuid to stay with him. He'll keep him from harm. He strokes Diarmuid's back, to comfort him.]
You're such a good man. You don't deserve to feel any pain. I'll make sure that you don't.
no subject
[Diarmuid's voice shakes and it's soft with exhaustion. Unconsciously, he leans forward until his head rests against Kariya's shoulder, and as he does, more memories from the experiment flash across his mind eventually coming to rest on that moment where he was sitting in the Meadow with his head in Kariya's lap with the other man stroking his hair.
Was that really the last time he had been happy?]
I just want the pain to stop. I want everyone to be safe and happy. I want to forget.
[He looks up at Kariya with a begging look in his eyes.]
Can you really do that? Please?
no subject
[Kariya smiles at him, gently, when Diarmuid meets his gaze. He smooths a hand back over Diarmuid's hair, tenderly. Even Diarmuid's eyes are gentle, when he looks like this. He shouldn't have to feel this way. He's been forced to take on too much, to suffer too much.]
I can. Stay with me. I'll take care of you. You don't have to think about anything else.
no subject
[Diarmuid's face has taken on a child-like expression. It's obvious he wants badly to believe, but if he thinks about things in any way other than through the hope-filled eyes of a child, he knows he won't be able to. Kariya is weaker than he is after all. He is no servant. How can do any of the things he claims he will do if even a servant can't do them?]
I'm really tired. If you want me to stay, I will, but is it all right if I take a nap?
[Even his voice is child soft as he lets himself slip passed the memories of the experiment and back into his memories of childhood. Everything was safe then. He could be happy and it was okay. His father would watch over him, tell him stories, sing to him.
All would be right in the world. At least for a little while.]
Is it all right, Father?
no subject
[He can't help but make the promise, he wants so badly for Diarmuid to feel better. Doesn't he deserve to be safe and happy after he's suffered so much? In this place, he can live again. It's a second chance.
He doesn't know exactly how he'll protect Diarmuid, but he knows he will do it. No matter what. Even if it takes his own life to do so. Diarmuid means that much to him.]
Of course it's all right. If you're tired, you should take a nap.
[Father, he says. It feels right. Kariya loves the sound of the word. He keeps stroking Diarmuid's hair, lightly. He'd like nothing better than for Diarmuid to stay here with him and sleep. In the meadow, they'll be safe.]
That's right, your father's here. He'll take care of you.
no subject
[Diarmuid smiles at him with a wide child-like smile and then shifts backwards so he can settle his head into Kariya's lap. Once settled, he closes his eyes.]
Will you tell me a story then, Father? Like you always do? Until I fall asleep?
[His voice is so young sounding. So tired. It will not likely take him long to fall asleep.]
no subject
[He feels so contented. All he's ever wanted is to be a father. To be a good father and have children who love him. It doesn't occur to him that Diarmuid is much to old to be his child. No, Diarmuid is his, and this is the way it should be. He's filled with love and happiness, sitting still so as not to disturb Diarmuid as he lies his head on his lap, stroking his hair ever more lightly.]
I'd be glad to tell you a story. What do you want your story to be about tonight?
no subject
[Diarmuid's voice is soft and distant. He is almost asleep already so whatever story Kariya chooses doesn't really matter. Diarmuid most likely won't be awake enough to make sense of the words. He will just find comfort in the voice.]