towerofanimus | If evil were a lesser breed than justice, after all these years

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If evil were a lesser breed than justice, after all these years

Characters: Archer (

swordedpast) and Lancer (

oathshackledbird)
Setting: Outside room 4-16 on February 17th.
Format: Prose.
Summary: When Rin falls asleep for her part in the games, Archer finds out something about her correspondence with Lancer.
Warnings: General note for Archer's regular old deathwish to start with. May include more violence and references to death as the log progresses.

The letter he finds on Rin as she passes into an uncommonly deep sleep is like a jolt of steel through his spine, something that would have been familiar in days long past. He can't process all the things inside it, all the words of paranoid anger and lonely pain. He memorizes them without thinking of what they mean, because all he can think when he starts to do that is, "Rin needs to be saved, and I'm not doing it." Stupid, stupid, stupid...

But the letter mentions Lancer. Hadn't he known she was in touch with this new and unfamiliar Lancer? Shouldn't he have done something before now to intervene? He hadn't realized the other Servant had managed to cut deep enough, to open her up enough, that he should have worried. Hadn't realized it, and maybe now he's the slightest bit jealous, but of course he can't be because who is he to be jealous of a proper heroic spirit anyway?

Archer doesn't know anymore. Without thinking of such things directly, he lets his footsteps carry him through the dormitory levels; he lets his gaze flicker over the nameplates, searching. The awareness of the empty broken misery inside him cuts deeper than it has for a while. The wish he's been trying to deny since talking to the administrators finally surfaces as he replays the words he saw in that letter in his head. If he's jealous of this Lancer, he's far more jealous of everyone in their respective worlds who wasn't rescued, who got to die when the world did. So long as he could tell himself that he was doing what he could to save this broken girl who is his Master, he didn't have to think that, but now...

He's standing in front of the room labeled 4-16 now. This is the one with the name "Lancer" on it twice; it has to be the right room. Naturally, there's only one mature way to call out the current inhabitant, who is hopefully the Lancer he wants to see.

Archer calls his twin swords to his hands and strikes the nameplate so hard with them that both swords shatter into nothing.

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Diarmuid is writing in his sketchbook when the 'knock' echoes through the room. He had actually be relaxing and writing for fun--not making more notes about the tower or the monsters--just writing.

So much for that.

He jumps to his feet, unconsciously calling in his armor since the noise is so loud and violent. The distance between his bed and the door is closed in a matter of seconds and said door is pulled open, though Diarmuid stands back from it just in case whoever is making all the noise is waiting to attack.

The form he sees, though unfamiliar to him, is definitely another servant and this realization makes his eyes narrow, "Can I help you? Or do you plan on destroying the dormitories all by yourself?"

By the time Diarmuid pulls the door open, Archer is standing there casually as if he never lashed out with weapons sparking at the defenseless nameplate. Of course, it's impossible to deny--as another Servant, Lancer would have felt the energy thus expended.

"Wow, I'm really lucky." He doesn't sound like he thinks he's lucky. He's appraising the other Servant with cold eyes. "I've found my target in one blow. I haven't dispatched him yet, but that's fine. I need information, after all. You're that Lancer, right?"

Diarmuid's hand flexes at his side, almost itching to call Gae Dearg, but the other servant isn't currently armed and so he holds back for the moment.

Hopefully, he won't regret it.

"I am a Lancer, but then again, so is my roommate. If you want a proper answer to your question, you will have to be more specific." Something about this man grates on his nerves. Diarmuid would like to just brush it off as a result of his own unsteady mental state, but something tells him that would be too easy.

Nothing is that easy in this place.

Unfortunately for Diarmuid, this Archer isn't trying very hard to soothe anyone's nerves. No, quite the opposite: the challenging almost-sneer he wears is very much intentional. "I've seen the other Lancer...he isn't the one who's been helping that stupid kid with his foolish plan to catalog the Holy Grail War. Well, to be honest, that's not really my business."

He lets the defiant expression fade into blankness once more. "But you're trifling with my Master, and that is my business. Tell me already what you've been saying to Rin Matou."

"That so called stupid kid had the best of intentions. It's not my fault or his that honesty and trust seem to be lost on most of you. However, if it makes things any better, I have already promised Rin that her secrets will stay that way, and that I will carry any concerns she has to them. Anonymously, if that is what she desires."

Diarmuid pauses, something in his eyes growing dark and dangerous as Archer continues, "So you are the worthless one who calls himself her servant. No wonder she is looking for others. It sure has taken you long enough to come looking for me. Really, if I had wanted to hurt her, I could have done so many times by now. You are lucky I'm an honorable man who has told her nothing but the truth. I wish to help her with her problems. She is a good person and it's time that she learned to believe in herself again. One mistake should not shape the course of her whole life. Not when she regrets it and wishes to make up for it."

That cold, empty look doesn't leave Archer's face as he listens to the other Servant's words. Maybe something darker glitters behind it, but it's hard to tease out such a subtle thing from that mask, isn't it?

"Hah, I see now." And finally, a thin, mean smile creeps onto his face. "You're a real knight, aren't you? A noble man of great honor who'd never abandon a lady in distress..."

In other words, he's exactly what this tainted Rin needs to pull her out of her darkness and despair. No wonder it's to him that she confessed her troubles and regrets. Why did Archer think someone as broken as he is could be enough for her? That was stupid. There's only one thing to do about it now.

"Unfortunately, that's the last thing my Master needs. I've got no clue why she bothered to tell you anything, but it's clear that you're a weakness who'll only expose her to more danger and suffering. Are you going to persist in troubling her?"

Diarmuid raises an eyebrow at him, "A weakness, am I? Says the one who cannot be bothered to stay at her side and help her himself. Forgive me if I ignore you. She has already accepted my help...in a great many different ways, and I will not abandon her now."

He pauses then waiting to see if the other servant catches the deeper meaning in his words. How much does he know exactly about their relationship? It's time to find out.

"And for your information, I am no longer the knight I once was. That doesn't mean I am not going to help out everyone I can, and I certainly don't need your permission to do that."

A flicker of emotion finally flares up in Archer's eyes during that pause. It's definitely anger. Of course, it's anger at himself--if Diarmuid is implying what he seems to be implying, and Rin has turned to him for that, then why wasn't Archer good enough for her?

"It seems you've misunderstood. You're not helping Rin by sending her into paranoid rages where she broods over her past mistakes and threatens to kill everyone here in her despair. She left you a letter saying things like that, you know."

He offers an insolent smile.

"Naturally I destroyed it."

"Oh, naturally," there is a great deal of sarcasm in that. "Well, it's a shame you did so. If you had that letter to show me, I might have actually believed you, and your job would have been so much more simply done. As it is, I do not. Not at all. I know how much power she has. If she wished us all dead and was as upset as you claim, we would be dead right now."

Something had sparked in the servant's eyes when Diarmuid had made his statement about their relationship, though the other man's mask made it hard to read. What exactly is he trying to accomplish here? If they both care about Rin, shouldn't they be working together to help her instead of having this stupid argument?

I know how much power she has--

Distant realizations begin to stir inside Archer's head. Thoughts of just what Rin must be, and what it's doing to her. He frantically shuts them down. He can't see her that way. He has to keep seeing her as a broken woman who can be saved by someone, even if it's not him.

"I see." His voice is slightly less stable than before, although he's still holding on to reason. "You claim you want to help her, but do you really believe she's that much of a monster? That the moment she feels rage and fear, she lashes out with all her power and destroys what angers and frightens her? You're wrong. She might be afraid, but she still--" Is a good person? He wants to say that, but he can't; it tips his hand far too much. "--has her pride. You're doing nothing for that pride. You're a threat to it. As her Servant, I'm not sure I can let you walk free, Lancer."

"Don't think to put words into my mouth, servant," Diarmuid's voice is stern but steady, that feeling of wrongness about this servant intensifying again. "I said no such thing. Indeed, I said the thing you cannot seem to bring yourself to say. She is a good person. She may have killed once, but the fact that we still stand here despite her pain and despite her sadness means she is strong enough to not do so again. You," he narrows his eyes at the other man, "should have more faith in her and the people she picks to help her. Do you really think she accepted me so easily? That I did not have to work hard to prove to her I was worthy of her trust? She might not even fully trust me now, but that doesn't mean I will give up."

He has to stay calm. Archer keeps the mask steady, calms down his voice. His expression is still cool: he's just smirking.

Even if he's really starting to get annoyed that Diarmuid hasn't attacked him yet. That's the only way this should end, so why hasn't it happened? Worse, the other Servant is backing him into a verbal corner. There's no way he can avoid admitting that he agrees: Rin is a good person, he's certain of it.

He tries another tactic. The smirk broadens. His face lights up with amused contempt. "Hah, I think I see. This isn't about helping her, is it? 'No longer the knight you were,' huh...does that mean you're really in this for what she can do between the sheets?"

He really hates himself for saying that, but he really hates himself anyway, so it's all right.

Diarmuid steps forward almost lashing out at the other servant before managing to stop himself and step back, He closes his eyes a moment, calming himself. He will not stand for anyone calling him or even implying he is a womanizer and that had been dangerously close.

Still, the wrongness he feels about the servant is buzzing at the back of his mind, and when Diarmuid opens his eyes the smirk on the other man's face really tells him all he needs to know. It's just time to see if the other man will take the bait if he dangles it a little.

"You are no servant, you are a child and as such I will give you a warning I would not usually give." Despite this being a ploy, Diarmuid's eyes almost burn with anger, "Do not imply ever again I would use someone I care about just for sex. You will regret it just as I will regret having to inform her of your death."

Somehow, Archer holds back his irritation at Diarmuid's admirable restraint. It wouldn't do to tip his hand even more than he already has.

He stands there, continuing to smirk so insolently as Lancer delivers his ultimatum. Behind that expression, his mind worries away at what was just said. That's far too easy. Is the other Servant really offering him what he wants, or is this some kind of trap?

Archer may be desperate, but he can at least recognize bait when he sees it.

He stills his seething mind and stares hard at Diarmuid, finally allowing the smirk to begin to fade. His awareness focuses, and suddenly his limited magic resistance pings upon something.

"Hmmm. I guess you're not clever enough to use someone that way, so you're not really a threat to my Master like that." He gives a little shrug. "But you can't blame me for thinking that, can you? When you're radiating a charm like that. Man...why even bother with the noble knight act with that charm?"

"There is a difference between being foolish and having respect for someone. I have respect for her. I am beginning to wonder if you even know what the word means." The other servant hadn't taken the bait, but Diarmuid isn't really disappointed by that because the ploy hadn't completely failed. In fact, it had succeeded in causing the other man's almost constant smirk to fade and that tells Diarmuid just as much as if he had taken the bait.

There is a whole lot more going on here than just a servant checking in on someone connected to his master.

"If your magic resistance is so strong you should also be able to tell that most of the time in the tower, my charm is inactive. When it does activate, it does so randomly and without my knowledge. In those cases, I have dealt with the problem as I always have," a slight smirk crosses Diarmuid's face. "Just because you are a man of low morals doesn't mean I am. This curse was given to me as a gift by one who did not know better."

Diarmuid's smirk wides, "Or perhaps she knew better than I think, since I have never taken advantage of a woman under its spell and I never will. I suspect she knew that and it is why I was chosen instead of one of my companions."

"Huh. I think I get it now." Archer has the feeling he's not going to succeed in goading Diarmuid to an attack by now--but that only makes him angrier. So even with his hope fading, he casts about for a weak spot to sink his metaphorical blades into. "Playing at your own honor is the only thing that you really get any enjoyment out of, isn't it? It's embarrassing. That sort of hero is really a pain."

He tells himself that it's no big loss if he can't get this Lancer to attack him. He surely wouldn't have been strong enough to win the fight anyway.

A look of pity enters Diarmuid's eyes, "You are quite sad, aren't you? What is this? A test? Are you trying to find someone to take your place so you can wander off to wallow in your own self-loathing?"

The sudden accusation startles Diarmuid as the words are out of his mouth even as his brain finally connects all the dots. He might not think much of himself, but he has never let his own self-loathing distract him from protecting those he has sworn to protect. It is not the same for this servant and that realization finally does something that all of the other servant's previous goading failed to do.

It makes Diarmuid truly angry.

"Does she really mean so little to you or does your own self-loathing just mean that much?" Diarmuid's voice is controlled, but it drips with anger. "We waste time arguing when we should be talking and figuring out the best way to help her! Neither you or I are what is important. She is!"

The pity is bad enough. Archer starts to recoil from it, his mouth twisting into a grimace, but even as he does so, Diarmuid's words cut him. He freezes.

The expression vanishes from his face. The mask he wears now is more solid than ever. There's no passion or feeling of any kind there. "As it happens, I agree. So why don't we get back to the subject at hand instead of this speculative nonsense?"

His eyes are still dead. "What have you been saying to Rin Matou? Don't tell me it's only that she's a good person who needs help. I've told her that many times, and it hasn't ended with her passed out clutching a letter full of threats and despair."

Speculative nonsense? Diarmuid needs to speculate no more. A satisfied look passes across his eyes before he pushes it away and becomes more serious. After all, he believes what he said. Neither he nor the other servant are important. Helping Rin is and if she is as upset as he says, then Diarmuid needs to find out why.

"It would be easier for me to answer you if you had not so foolishly destroyed the letter. We have been talking for some time now. My last letter assured her that I had destroyed her previous one--the one in which she told her what she had done in the past--so that on one else could read it and find out her secrets. I also told her that I accepted whatever darkness is in her. I will not judge her for that--hate her for that--especially since she has told me she feels bad for her actions and wishes to make amends for them. I also offered to help her with taking responsibility and making that amends. After all, fate is unusually cruel to some people and it causes us all to make mistakes."

The bitterness stirred up in him by Diarmuid's all-too-accurate guess lingers in Archer as he tries to respond, but for now he keeps it safely behind the walls of his cold expression. "I destroyed it for her own safety, since she called herself 'the greatest threat to the Holy Grail War' and suggested that perhaps she should eliminate everyone here who's involved in it. But I memorized it first..."

He trails off for a second, the slightest frown creasing his brow before the blankness returns. "You careless idiot. She thinks the 'amends' you spoke of would mean letting herself be slaughtered for her sins."

"Forgive me for I would have trusted that note over your words any day," Diarmuid's response is quick and blunt, but as the other servant continues speaking, something changes in Diarmuid's expression. Gone is the wariness and aggression. It is instead replaced by concern and worry.

"That is not what I meant at all! What good is redemption found in death? What have the people in this place been telling her to make her believe that is the only recourse? What have you been telling her? You are her servant!" With those words his anger returns, though even if it is being directed at Archer for the moment, Diarmuid isn't actively angry at the other servant. Instead, he is angry with the situation and those who would so badly hurt someone who is already in a great deal of pain.

He doesn't seem to notice the hypocrisy of his words for there was a time he had believed that the only way he could make up for his sins against his lord was through death. That was him, though, and Rin is a completely different story.

"Where is she? Letters are so easy to misunderstand. There is a reason I prefer speaking face to face! If she believes that, I will go to her and speak until I things are right again."

And the mask cracks once more. His mouth is still a line, his brow uncreased, but the bitterness in Archer's eyes is unfathomable. "What I tell her is never enough." But he says no more than that. If this other Servant can't comprehend how someone could wish for death as atonement, what more can he say?

"You really think you could set things right so easily? Anyway, it's impossible." He too speaks bluntly. "She's fallen asleep and I can't wake her. I don't know if this is a trick of the Tower, or something else. I'd thought you might have caused it, when I saw the letter, but it seems unlikely now."

"I would never harm her! What must I do to prove that to people? I told her I would do anything she asked!" His frustration is clear on his face and in his voice, though that expression doesn't seem to be enough of an outlet and the emotion curls back in on him becoming a nervous sort of energy. He wants to move--to do--but he forces himself into stillness instead.

"Of course the tower is at fault. There are many odd things going on right now, and Ruana loves her games, doesn't she?" Of course, she does. Her post to the network before it went down is proof of that.

"Not all games are physical. My own roommate sleeps heavily and will not wake. The fact that he has not stirred during our 'discussion' is just another thing that makes me think these games are mental in nature. If Rin is also affected, I am going to guess it's by the same thing. She is in a safe location, correct?" Surely the other servant isn't so useless that he left her in an unsafe place. "Do you two share a proper servant/master bond? Can you sense anything at all from her?"

Diarmuid frowns. This feels so familiar in a horrible way. It's just like when Sola-Ui went missing. He had sworn to protect her, but without a proper bond to her, he had been able to do nothing to find her. True, they know where Rin's body is, but her mind is obviously not where it should be.

"I'm her Servant," Archer says simply. For the first time in this conversation, he doesn't seem all that angry, or like he's covering up despair. "It's my job to protect her, and she needs a lot of protection, so you can't expect I'll take everyone at their word on such matters."

The moment of peace leaves him. He scowls again, leaning forward more to glance into the room and see the roommate Lancer speaks of. He straightens back out and looks at him again. "Of course she's in a safe place. And she's still alive..." He hesitates. "And aware, somewhere. But nothing will wake her."

"No," Diarmuid shakes his head, "I cannot and will not expect that of you. If you did, then you would only prove yourself to be an unworthy servant for her. But her need for protection is something we both can agree on, right? What do I need to do to prove I wish to help you protect her?"

He scowls as well as the servant continues, "If this is something really caused by the administrators or the tower then there is probably not anything we can do besides keep their bodies safe and hope they wake up. Trust me, I don't like the idea any more than you, especially since this not only affects her but also my friend."

A frown flickers across Archer's face. Hasn't he already proven that he's an unworthy Servant for Rin? But he doesn't voice the thought, instead only listening to Diarmuid for the moment. "Prove that you can talk to her without sending her into a rage, and then I might trust you a little more. For now that doesn't matter, though. I'll trust that we're allies against the administrators in this matter, at least."

Diarmuid sighs and runs a hand through his hair, "If she is so upset I will talk to her and take any punishment she deems fit to give me for my mistake, will that help?"

Not that he really thinks she will take him up on his offer. More than once he had offered to let her hurt him during the experiment, and she had never done so. Somehow, even if she is as enraged as the other servant says she is, Diarmuid doesn't think she will do anything now.

And if she does, then so be it.

"If we are to be allies, then I would like to know what to call you. She never told me your name or class. I am Lancer as you already know, but since there are two, you may use my true name to avoid confusion. I am Diarmuid Ua Duibhne, First Warrior of the Fianna. You are?"

"She doesn't really want to punish anyone," Archer says quietly. But then he gives a little shake of his head and moves on.

"Hmph, naturally my Master wouldn't mention my name to a new ally...you're seriously giving me yours?" He raises his brows. "Are you for real, Diarmuid Ua Duibhne, First Warrior of the Fianna...?" Now that he thinks about it with a cooler head, he can recall seeing that name on Waver's post as well. He shakes his head. "Whatever. Call me Archer."

"Archer then," Diarmuid's mouth presses into a thin line as he tries not to let the other servant's attitude upset him again. "And yes, I am giving you my name. I don't care much for unnecessary secrecy and keeping my name secret in a place where there is no war and I have no master is a waste of time. It is also confusing considering my roommate shares my class."

He pauses a moment, eyes darting away from Archer before he takes a deep breath and looks back, "Besides, the war is over for me. If by some miracle we are returned to our worlds, only nothingness is waiting. I will cease to be. My master saw to that."

There are more than a few things Archer could say to that. Things like, How nice that you have a legend you can be proud of, or, Only nothingness is waiting for you? What a stroke of luck. The potential for them glimmers in his eyes as he looks at the other Servant.

He chooses not to say them. "Then cheer up: if your Master screwed things up for you that badly, you have no reason to be upset that they're gone now too." Instead, he says something that may well be worse.

Archer would probably take some joy in knowing just how little Diarmuid values his own legend, but it's not something he would discuss with a servant he has such doubt about. A hint of how he feels about Archer's words passes as anger and disgust across his eyes, before vanishing as if it had never been there.

"Are we done then, Archer?" His voice is level and emotionless, ignoring the man's last statement. "If so, I would suggest we both return to watching over those who can't watch themselves. When Rin wakes, tell her I want to see her so we can talk. I will see for myself that she is okay after the experiment, and I will convince her that her assumptions about the meaning of my letter are wrong."

Archer takes a certain amount of bitter satisfaction from the flash of ugly emotion in Diarmuid's eyes, but it barely shows in his own eyes for a moment.

"Yeah. We're done here. You're right, of course. I should go back to watching over my Master." He turns. "I'll tell her what you've said." When he feels like it, anyway.

"Do that. Prove to me you're worthy of calling her Master," Diarmuid might be a lot of things, but he's not a fool. He has every intention of speaking with Rin himself as soon as he can.

He wouldn't put it pass Archer to let telling her 'accidentally' slip his mind. He just seems like that kind of guy.

"I'm uninterested in proving myself to you." And then Archer's back is to Diarmuid, and he's vanishing down the hall. He has no further interest in this conversation; his Master waits for him in sleep.

Diarmuid huffs as he watches the other servant go, the sound something between an annoyed tsk and a laugh, "Good, because at this point, you probably can't."

He then turns to return to his own vigil.

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If evil were a lesser breed than justice, after all these years

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