towerofanimus | Cry when you're supposed to hold it back [closed]

Characters: Ryoji (

oathshackledbird)
Setting: Lancer's room (4-16)
Format: Anything
Summary: A traumatized Ryoji turns to Diarmuid for comfort and to tell him just what he saw when he entered the admin elevator.
Warnings: Existential crises and the feelings that come from them!

[Ryoji hasn't even allowed himself the blessing of thought after everything that happened in the Tower. It was easier to just block it out. He didn't need to think about the ghost's hair trailing over his shoulder, or the machine that had taken his friend and stripped her of her soul only so that it could be shoved into another copy of her real body. He especially didn't need to think about how he had thought, under the influence of the fog, that the only way to help people was to end their lives before they dealt with more hardships.

For a while, he just went through the motions of normalcy, eating and sleeping at the proper times, watching a few movies, hunting some monsters. He spent a little more time on Floor 96 each day. It was such a relief to have those memories stripped away, to be blissfully ignorant of his past and his actions.

Of course, once he left, they always came back. Ryoji couldn't escape them no matter what he did, so he finally accepted that he needed to trust himself enough to rely on someone else.

Which brings him to Diarmuid's room once again. It wasn't that long ago that he was here simply to talk and thank Diarmuid for the Valentine's Day gift. It's a shame that this conversation won't be nearly as nice as that one.

Taking a deep breath, he taps on the door, only to look away, ashamed. He isn't ready for this kind of closeness with someone. He knows he's been told to come talk to Diarmuid about anything, but he never wants to burden others with his troubles. He almost thinks about running, but... Diarmuid was affected by all of this too. He deserved to know the truth.

Even if Ryoji wasn't sure what the truth really was.]

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[He starts for a moment when he hears the name 'Sephiroth'. He hasn't exactly had the best experiences with that man. Even if he had been mainly quiet and reserved in the elevator, Ryoji had first met him when Sephiroth was holding a mess of stolen organs in his arms. He remembers, however, that there are duplicates of people in the tower, and he hopes that Diarmuid is referring to one now.]

I hope he'll be able to help us, then. Is there material to build weapons with in the Tower?

[He lowers his head at the contact, now embarrassed for an entirely different reason.]

I-I didn't mean to doubt you. That wasn't what I meant at all. I was just worried about how much I needed to learn... but if you have the time to help me train, I'm willing to be patient and work as hard as I can.

[Ryoji has no anger for anyone but himself, so at least Diarmuid won't need to prove himself. Ryoji already looks up to him.]

I hope so as well. He is very mature and intelligent for one so young. At times, I forget I'm talking to a child and not a fellow warrior.

[It's odd since he is usually so protective of children after being taken away from his so soon. Yet, he feels none of those protective urges when it comes to Sephiroth. He is absolutely convinced that the boy can take care of himself.]

The workshop floor has a lot of materials to work with. None of it is probably exactly what we need, but I think we will find a way to make things work.

[Diarmuid reaches out and gently lifts Ryoji's chin so the boy will look at him.]

Don't worry so much! I might have trained the best of the best, but I also trained my own boys from the time they could pick up a sword. Everything will be okay. You have faith in me and the patience to learn. That is all I am asking for.

[It's a little strange to think that Diarmuid would rely on someone younger, but he can understand it. One's age doesn't really have anything to do with their experience. If it did, Minato wouldn't be nearly as powerful as he is.]

I'm sure it will make do. I don't need a really impressive weapon, anyways...

[As long as it does the job, Ryoji will be happy.

This time he meets Diarmuid's eyes easily. He's getting used to the touch, and though he is still unsure of himself, he knows that he needs to follow Diarmuid's rules, and at least try not to be so self-conscious.]

T-Thank you for believing in me.

You are welcome.

[Diarmuid smiles and releases Ryoji's chin glad to see the boy is meeting his gaze more easily now.]

Honestly, if people spent more time believing in each other instead of cutting each other down, this world would not be in the mess it seems to be in so many universes. Honestly, there is so much I don't understand about how modern people think. It all just seems so wrong to me.

[He pauses and then waves a hand dismissively.]

But that's not really important right now. Do you feel up to going to the gym floor? There are a few things I would like to try out with you just to get an idea of the best way to begin your training. It shouldn't take long.

Sometimes people are cruel to each other. They hurt other people's feelings, and they hurt the world they live in. To be honest, I didn't understand how the people in my world thought either. So many of them were wishing for death. They thought that the only way to fix their problems was to break everything down and start anew. My existence was the result of that thought... Sorry.

[He apologizes when he realizes that he's rambling. He hopes Diarmuid doesn't think that Ryoji dislikes humans. He cares for them greatly, and has hope for them, but he doesn't quite understand some of their wishes and fears.]

I think I'm ready to go. And don't worry, I don't mind if it takes a while.

[He doesn't have much else to do, and talking with Diarmuid has been a nice change from hiding away from the rest of the Tower.]

[Diarmuid shakes his head and reaches for Ryoji's hand.]

Don't be sorry. We seem to have some common ideas on the subject. But lets leave that for now and go to the gym. The nice thing about training sessions is that sometimes they really help straighten your thoughts.

I hope that's true. I need something to focus on.

[He hesitates, but after a few moments, he manages to take Diarmuid's hand, holding it tightly. After all that Diarmuid has done for him, Ryoji doesn't think he could let go, even if he doesn't deserve this.]

[Diarmuid smiles down at him and gently pulls him toward the doorway.]

I don't think that will be a problem. You are going to be so busy trying to learn that I am sure it will keep your focus where it needs to be. In the meantime, your unconscious can work to sort things out. Sometimes it's best to let some things be worked out like that instead of consciously. Don't ask me why it works that way, but it does.

[Ryoji follows willingly, even managing to grin a bit himself.]

Thank you so much for the help, Diarmuid-san. I'll try to be a good student, okay?

I have no doubt you will be a great student. Even if you aren't skilled right now, you have the want to become so and that is the most important thing.

[Diarmuid returns the boy's smile and then leads them on off to the gym.]

Cry when you're supposed to hold it back [closed]

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I think we are just about done here. What do you think?

Sure! If we're bored we can log one of their training sessions after a while?

Most certainly! Just let me know when you feel like doing one. :-)

I'm really up for one whenever you want ^^

And this is probably a good end. I sent you a PP so we can discuss setting something up for a log!