To live and keep on living (Closed)

[relinquishing]

Characters: Guy Cecil and Asch the Bloody
Setting: Floor 100
When: Backdated to April 6th
Format: Action
Summary: Two emotionally-repressed guys talking about death. This should go over well.
Warnings: Just general distress and angst. Will update if there's anything else.

[It was becoming something frightening and undesirable. Not that death wasn't already something Guy wanted to avoid with his entire being. But this place, twisted as it was with its process of revival, had made death an even more horrific experience than Guy had ever wanted it to be.

Four times in four months, not counting the times he had vividly died in his dreams. He could recall the first three with an intense clarity, especially the second - one which made him shudder and curl up on himself to even think about. But this fourth time... it had been an accident. A stupid, stupid accident; he'd assumed it was safe, he'd assumed that they would be alright stepping onto a floor just because it might have been similar to one of the other safer floors. But feeling sleep dragging him to death had been almost as unnerving as any of his other deaths - he had wondered if he was dying, even as he dreamed... but didn't realize that was what had actually happened, for both himself and Ion, until he had awoken in his bed.

Forty minutes of paralysis. Forty minutes to sit and swear at himself for being such an idiot, unable to move or talk or look at who else was in the room or even care at that point. Ion... the poor kid. It was only his first day, and look at what had happened...

It was just as it had been when he had returned from Auldrant. Guy felt his composure slipping, his mind racing more on the thoughts of guilt, of his death, on "what if I slip one more time and never wake up". The first few days after his revival... he couldn't push those thoughts back. His projects in the workshop were ignored and the maid work throughout the dormitories was sluggish.

It had come to haunt him now. He couldn't get death off his mind.

So the blonde had taken to finding places of seclusion, to let himself be alone with his thoughts and slice some monsters open if he couldn't manage. Sometimes it was the caverns. Sometimes the lagoon.

Today, it was this floor. Empty until one stepped foot onto it. And Guy sat here, cross-legged on the floor with his blade casually tossed to the side, arms crossed tightly against himself, surrounded by holographic images of that which he missed most - the isle of Hod and the people who lived on it. Every once in a while someone would approach, and he'd raise a hand in greeting, only to hesitate, grimace, and clench his fist back towards his chest.

It was enough of a flashback to make him fight a horrid, burning sensation in his core, his throat knotted up. But he pushed it back. He had to push it back. This was his reminder - of all he had lost, and all he had to live for.

He couldn't die again. He just couldn't.]

Comments

[bloodyashes]

[For the most part, Asch keeps away from this floor.

No, that's not entirely accurate. He passes it frequently, and sometimes takes a few steps off onto it - but no more than that. Just enough to see if anything changes, he keeps telling himself. It never does - the gates of the manor's front entrance are open just beyond the stairs as always. Only when he first discovered this floor did Asch go any farther in than that.

Today seems like it will end up violating that pattern. Asch can see Guy, curled up in practically the middle of the floor, from the stairs It's pretty unusual to see the blond curled up anywhere, except after an intense bout of his phobia, but there don't seem to be any women around here to send Guy into an attack.

So Asch steps off the stairs to investigate, walking through the doors that he'd sworn to never return to, a day that seems halfway a lifetime ago now. Did this even count as returning, when the fastest path to Guy takes him through the walls?

He follows the old corridors anyway, even if he has to walk through a door or two to get to where Guy is, now apparently sitting in the courtyard near the steps that lead up to his Luke's room. How fitting. Asch's boots make the wrong kind of noise on the floor as he crosses the metal inlay of the courtyard over to Guy. He takes a seat near, but not too near, the blond - to Asch, it's on the opposite side of the walkway leading up to the short stairs into Luke's room.]

...So what is it you see?

[relinquishing]

[Guy doesn't respond at first, his expression very distant. When the redhead speaks, Guy starts with a quiet yelp, crawling backward...

It was Asch, sitting right next to the stairwell of an old friend of the family's.

Asch wasn't supposed to be here. Asch hadn't been in Hod. And it takes a nanosecond for Guy to process that Asch was, in fact, in the room with him. The question processes right afterwards.

His expression drops as he lets out a rough sigh, not meeting the redhead's eyes.]

Home. Bits and pieces, at least.

[The obvious answer.

It shouldn't matter to you.]

...What do you want, Asch?

[bloodyashes]

[Well, someone was lost in thought. Guy's startled reaction is enough of a surprise to make Asch pause a moment before folding his knees up loosely near his chest. It's the kind of thing you only see a few times in a lifetime, after all.

Home - he doesn't ask further, which home Guy meant. Baticul was no more home to Guy, he's sure, than Daath had ever been home to him. It was just a place where he lived a while.]

I saw you from the stairs. Is this where you've been hiding the last few days?

[A round-about way of saying he was worried - Of course it matters.]

[relinquishing]

[A bitter laugh trickles from his throat, his posture casually unwinding - more for show than actual personal relaxation.]

What, have you been keeping track?

I wonder if I should be honored.

[bloodyashes]

[And god is he sick of your show, Guy.]

Didn't realize I was doing something wrong by worrying about someone I hadn't seen in a few days.

[relinquishing]

[Worrying?

The brute honesty in Asch's tone gets Guy to hesitate, a confused glance flickering up to examine the God General.

...]

Nah, nothing wrong with it. It just doesn't seem like something you'd waste your time on... well, save a few people.

[Like Luke. And Natalia. And Van.

But not him. So why now?]

[bloodyashes]

There are only a few people.

[The people from Auldrant, which Guy is definitely included in. Sheba. Narukami. A couple of the other replicas.

...Counting them out in his head, there's a lot more than Asch expected.]

[relinquishing]

[...

He chuckles again, quietly, settling an arm against one of his knees, the other leg folded against the ground.]

And I'm one of those people, I take it. Sorry.

[...]

So what do you want, really? Have I not been around to watch Luke enough or something?

[bloodyashes]

[There's a pause, where Guy gets a stare that's a mix of annoyed and incredulous - not watching Luke enough? Really? - before Asch folds his arms, staring the blond down.]

And again - I'm not allowed to worry about you?

1/2

[relinquishing]

[...]

2/2

[relinquishing]

[He lets out a long breath, posture still relaxed, expression still barely holding a smile. But there's something very tired behind it... and it soaks out in his voice.]

You're allowed to do whatever you please.

There's just nothing to worry about.

Re: 2/2

[bloodyashes]

You virtually disappear for two days, and then I find you here, curled up in a ball.

Don't tell me that's nothing to worry about.

lol the hyperresonance icon made me laugh

[relinquishing]

[He raises an eyebrow.]

I wasn't curled up in a ball. Don't exaggerate.

he will hyperresonate your face if you don't stop with this bullshit, Guy

[bloodyashes]

Don't dodge the point I'm making.

[You can't out-stubborn a Fabre, Guy, you ought to know this by now.]

[relinquishing]

[Yes, but he's used to the Fabre who's only seven, not the one who's turning eighteen.]

I needed time to think. So sorry that I apparently worried you for the sake of thinking.

[bloodyashes]

[Actually he is eighteen, given that his canon point is over half a year after yours, dude.]

...At least tell someone when you're disappearing intentionally.

[relinquishing]

Hahaha, what, answer to someone else for my own quiet time...?

[He swallows his laugh down, turning away as his smile pains.]

Sure. I'll try to.

[The weight in his voice suggests that something about Asch's statement has wrung horribly with him. And it has.

Because he DIDN'T disappear intentionally. At least, not at first.]

[bloodyashes]

Given the way people disappear around here, can you blame me?

[That odd note in Guy's voice - Asch watches him a bit more closely, trying to figure out what, exactly, Guy is trying to hide. Whatever it is, the blond doesn't exactly look happy about it.]

[relinquishing]

No. I can't.

[His mouth thins, a long pause before sitting up a little straighter, arms crossed.]

So, I'm guessing we're not seeing the same things while we're in here, right?

[bloodyashes]

[And then they resumed their status quo of being faintly annoyed at each other.]

Well, I'm guessing you didn't mean the manor when you said "home."

1/2 I want to add something!!!

[relinquishing]

[This laugh is a bit more genuine, some of the tension in Guy's posture actually releasing, his hands not curling so tight against his arms.]

Hahah.... Nah. It was our home forever, sure.

But that's definitely not what I'm seeing.

2/2

[relinquishing]

[He hesitates again with a hum, his eyes once again looking off to some distant spot and speaking to his companion indirectly.]

Does it ever ache for you, Asch? Knowing that something's gone and will never come back?

OKAY LET'S FIX DIS

[bloodyashes]

I'm surprised you think of it as home at all.

[It's too bad all the furniture is an illusion, because he wouldn't mind a wall to lean against while they talk. Oh well. At the question, he leans forward to prop his elbows on his knees instead.]

Of course it does.

[relinquishing]

Even if it's still there? Still tangible, still able to be seen or felt or heard?

Or is it just gone forever, regardless?

[It's skirting dangerously close to where he doesn't want to talk, but... at the same time, it's allowing him a chance to figure Asch out. So he'll take a little bit of a risk.]

[bloodyashes]

...Even if the place still physically exists, you can't take back the time.

[That's what he has to say to that, Guy. Going back isn't so simple, with all the years in between.]