towerofanimus | Leave your reasoning behind [open]

Entry tags:

Leave your reasoning behind [open]

Characters: Romeo and you!
Setting: Dorm halls, bathrooms and rooms
Format: Either
Summary: People with orange collars may go berserk at any moment Diarmuid and Hei are going to be the ones to stop him, but anyone else is very welcome to hurt him/be hurt by him/run away from him before that.
Warnings: Berserk twelve year old with a knife

Romeo came out of one of the bathrooms carrying the bucket of cleaning supplies. He had almost finished his job for the day and he was glad because then he could go and check that his friends were okay! Bad things were happening again, and people were acting strange and writing on the walls. Romeo had thought about writing something nice, but he knew that sometimes the tower made nice things bad.

And he didn't want to risk it. So he had concentrated on making sure his friends had enough food since the food in the cafeteria was bad again and checking that no one was hurt too much. He hummed as he skipped down the corridor, just one bathroom to go!

A moment later he let out a scream of rage and dropped the bucket, chemicals and water spilled everywhere, pooling round his bare feet but he didn't seem to care as he pulled his makeshift knife from his pocket and ran down the corridor towards the nearest room, towards people.

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Romeo nodded, "I promise sir." He smiled, to show he was alright though it faded a moment later. He thought about it because it might have been less scary to just keep his spirits up, and that's what he usually did.

But it was a big thing and he thought he wanted to talk about it, to try and make it make sense.

"I wanted to hurt people... and I think I scared a little girl really badly..."

Diarmuid recognizes Romeo's attempt to be strong for what it is and understands it. He reaches out and gently squeezes the boy's shoulder careful not to accidentally hurt him in the process since he knows the boy is already hurting, "There are times when it's best to be strong and times when it is best to let your feelings out. When I am around, feel free to let those emotions out, okay? No one can be strong all the time. Attempting to do so will only lead to failure in the future."

He knows this from personal experience.

"This girl you scared, do you know her name? Or if not, do you remember what she looked like? While we often cannot control what they make us do here, we can control what we do afterward in response to those things. While apologies can only do so much, I have a feeling that if you talk to her and apologize you will feel better about things. And she probably will as well. If words really aren't enough for her, perhaps she will tell you something you can do that will help with that. A task of some sort to show that you are sincere in your words."

"No..." He tried to think, think past all the angry bad thoughts he had had and thought about the girl. "She had brown hair, and was a bit bigger than me." He thought again.

"Oh and she little animal thing with her, that had magic it looked like a ball with an eye and funny hands."

Diarmuid is quiet for several moments, searching through his memory to try and remember if he has met anyone who fits that description. Unfortunately, the answer he comes to is not one the one he wants, "I have not met anyone who looks like that. Do you use the Network much, Romeo? Perhaps it would not hurt to ask if the people here will help you find her? Maybe she will answer your message?"

"I could do sir!" He grinned, glad that he had something practical to do. "The I can say sorry and make it up to her."

"Yes! That is an excellent plan. In fact, if there is anyone else who you may wish to apologize to, you can do it there too!" Diarmuid lightly squeezes the boy's shoulder again before letting his hand fall away. "I may not much like the Network, but it certainly has its uses sometimes, doesn't it?"

Romeo nodded, it did even if there were sometimes bad things on it.

"I should say sorry to the silver haired man too... He was really really mad though, I don't think he will accept my apology." He looked sad at that, because he felt bad.

"Don't give up just yet. Even if he was angry, his anger may have passed. And if he chooses to hold against you what you could not control, then that is his problem," Diarmuid gives Romeo a reassuring smile. "If you do all that you can to apologize, then there is no more you can do. Unfortunately, some people take time to forgive."

If they forgive at all, he adds to himself, images of Fionn mac Cumhaill passing through his mind.

"Just don't give up. Get things started and hopefully someday he will find it in his heart to forgive you even if he can't do it right away."

~~Oh Diarmuid if only you knew who he was talking about...~~

Romeo nodded with a smile. "That's a really good idea sir! I'll do that and even if he's really mad at least he knows I'm sorry and maybe one day wont be so angry. Or maybe I could do something to make up for it."

"I would start with the apology first and see how he accepts it. If he is really angry with you, it might not be a good idea to offer to do something for him right away. He might take his anger out on you when there is no real reason for him to." Considering how innocent Romeo seems to be, Diarmuid can't help but worry that could end up being a very real possibility, "Even though you are doing things to help make up for what happened, they have no right to ask anything of you that would put you at risk."

"But I hurt him." Romeo blinked at him, "So I should do whatever they want to make it better, and he's an adult so he's probably really really mad."

And whereas things could be made up to other kids easily, he thought adults probably stayed mad for much longer.

"No, Romeo, that is not right. Listen," Diarmuid shifts so that he can look the boy right in the eyes. "I understand you feel like you should give everything to make it right with him, but if you do that and he hurts you or even kills you, how will you be able to make things right with that girl? Or anyone else you might have accidentally upset? It might be hard to be selfish sometimes, but if you want to be able to help others, you need to be. It might just need to be a little, but you need to be."

Romeo shrugged, "If he kills me I'll just come back tomorrow." It was no big deal and if that's what it took for him to feel better and not be mad anymore.

"Being selfish is a really bad thing mister Diarmuid."

"But what about that 24 hours while you are not here?" Diarmuid asks honestly. "What if someone needs you during that time? I know being selfish is bad, but perhaps it is not so bad if you are being selfish not for yourself but for others? If someone needs you and you are not available because someone else has hurt or killed you, what is more selfish? Denying that person who needs your help or denying the person who would hurt or kill you?"

Diarmuid pauses, trying to think of any other way to try and explain his point to Romeo. It is a complex one, he realizes and he's not sure if it is something a boy of Romeo's age can actually understand, but he wants to try anyway, "If you cannot make that choice, maybe it will help to look at it like this. Letting someone hurt or kill you only helps one person. But being alive and unhurt potentially allows you to help everyone. What is the better choice?"

At almost thirteen Romeo should have been old enough to understand and accept the point, but he had always be stubborn especially when it came to helping others. But he tried very hard to listen and understand what Diarmuid was telling him.

"Well I guess I'd want to help everyone. But what if someone was trying to hurt my friends and the only way to stop them was to get hurt myself, it would be more bad to let them get hurt instead of me. And what if I really did do something bad, like if I really really hurt the silver haired man even if it was the bad people. You're meant to be punished when you do bad things."

Diarmuid shuts his eyes for a moment taking a deep breath. The words have a familiar logic that he would honestly rather not hear from child Romeo's age because they are things that Diarmuid himself once believed but now knows to be false. Unfortunately, it had taken a lot of time and pain for him accept the truth and he would rather Romeo be spared that. Yet, he knows from experience there is no way to rush the decision. The most he can do is try to explain and hope the words someday make sense to him.

"But it was not you doing those bad things, Romeo. It was the administrators making you. I realize that might be hard to accept, but unless you would do any of the things they make you do on your own, it is not your fault. And there is another thing," He gives the boy a gentle look. "I know you are working to save your friends in a situation like that, but how do you think your friends feel when they see you hurt or killed for them? Even if you come back the next day, they still have to carry the knowledge of what you suffered for them. That in its own way is an injury and one you chose to inflect on them if you don't stop first to see if there is another way before sacrificing yourself. Perhaps there isn't. Sometimes that may be the only way, but not always..."

He bit his lip and looked down, "But when my friends get hurt I got to help them. I know it sometimes makes them sad and that's bad of me but I don't even think, I just help them and my brain stops.

Nikita always said that meant I was an idiot because sometimes I couldn't even really save them and people get hurt and die all the time here and I can't help them because the bad people are so powerful and if I try to help them they just get hurt more but I still can't just stop it because even if making them sad is a bad thing not helping them and letting them get hurt is even more bad!"

Diarmuid reaches out and gently taps the underside of Romeo's chin, hoping to encourage him to raise his head, "Lets make one thing clear. I don't know who this Nikita is, but he is wrong. You are never an idiot for trying to help others. Yes, often times in this place trying leads to failure, but as you say trying and failing is better than never trying at all. And you are still young. You have a lot to learn and most of that can only be learned through trying. Succeed or fail, all anyone can do is try their best each time something happens. Does that make sense?"

He looked up at the tap and listened, it was all very confusing but he knew Diarmuid was a really good person who was trying to help. "Yes sir, I got to try my best all the time. Even when things are really really bad."

Diarmuid nods. Really, that is all he expects understanding-wise from Romeo. Perhaps later as the boy grows and gains more experiences, the other things he has said will make more sense. He can only hope.

"Do you think you can walk, little one? I will gladly see you back to your room so you can rest. I think that would be the best thing for now, and once you have done that you can go out and make your post to the Network."

Romeo tested that, walking a little. It hurt but he could manage and he nodded brightly. "I can sir." He would go and sleep and then he could say sorry to those he had hurt.

Diarmuid smiles gently at him. He's happy to see him up and walking, even if he is in pain, "Actually, if it will not scare you, I can carry you to your room. You would just need to tell me what that room is. I move very quickly so it will not take long at all. Another child who I have carried in the same way actually seemed to quite enjoy the trip. Perhaps you will too?"

Romeo blinked at the offer, but there were a lot of stairs to his room and he was really sore. Slowly he nodded, "If you don't think I'll be too heavy sir."

"You will not be heavy at all to me, little one. While it may not look it, I can carry even a full adult easily," Diarmuid reaches out, motioning the boy to come closer. "Will you give me the chance to show you what I can do? I promise you won't be disappointed. I just need you to let me know what room you are assigned to."

Romeo nodded slowly and stepped closer, a little warily in case this was soem kind of trick. He though Diarmuid was nice and wouldn't hurt him, but he was an adult and not even his time in the tower could convince Romeo that adults wouldn't try to hurt him if they could.

"Room 1-02 sir."

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