towerofanimus | [ 10 ] ✿✿ [ Closed ]

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[ 10 ] ✿✿ [ Closed ]

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Archer.
Setting: Dormitories, specifically Archer's room.
Time: May 26th.
Format: Kirei Kotomine
Summary: ~~Rin's getting real tired of your shit, Archer.~~ It'll be alright to ask for help, won't it?
Warnings: Emiyangst.

He has to return sometime, she's told herself. Things happen to those who stay away from their own beds for too long and if Rin can wager a guess, he's likely been too busy during the events of the past few days to return here. Seeing as she's been dead for two of those days at least, the chances of Archer curling up in bed to rest peacefully is unlikely. That's the bet she's willing to place a wager on today as she tries to sit up in his bed.

Unfortunately, Archer has more stamina than her when it comes to waiting. Exhausting as it is to return from the dead, Rin's still going through the after-effects of what has happened to her body so eventually sitting up leads to curling up in bed and finally there goes her covers up over her shoulders.

"This is all your fault." She murmurs, completely unaware of how close to the truth the phrase was.

Funny how life without a Servant has ended up being more trouble than life with one. Had he been around, would he have stopped what was going on? Having lost the sense of determining what's wrong with her body made it difficult for Rin to make the connection; simply put, she just thought each time she fought an agent of the darkness within her that it was the magecraft wearing her down, not anything else. Now that she's ate and rested up a bit, the condition of her body hasn't changed. No matter what she does to try to fill the void, it still feels as though a part of her is now gone.

Would Archer have wanted her to continue to give up parts of herself like this?

She's not certain of anything anymore. Her pride kept her from asking for help and by time those who were her allies took notice, they were more concerned with the corruption than of herself. Just what was all of that? She's still not exactly sure as she continues to deny it in heart and mind.

That's why she needs Archer. He'll say the truth without restraint and if he fails to, she'll just make him say it. There are things she needs to hear, but unfortunately she's only willing to listen to someone who can speak so truthfully. All she needs to do is keep her eyes open long enough to catch a glimpse of the elusive man who wears her colors.

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Mistaken him? No, Rin Matou is incapable of making mistakes. At least that's what her confident self might have boasted days ago before the darker part of herself made itself known. Now she's this monster who makes them all the time and here he is swearing to tell her everything that he is.

"I don't care if you were a tool to be used in war. That's the point of Servants, but we've been like this for a few weeks now that I..."

That she what? Can accept not having him as her Servant? Is that something she can really admit to?

"Well, we're no longer Master and Servant so that means you're no longer a tool of war. You're free from those shackles now, Archer."

His breath hitches. "Free..."

He is. It's true. His world is destroyed, so the metaphysical chains it bound him with are also gone. He no longer has any obligation to be a hero, even if the thought is daunting to him.

But this Rin is here, and she needs to be saved. He tried saving her, and he only hurt her more. He has to make her understand--what? What does he need to make her understand? He doesn't know, he only knows that it hurts less to be a worthless tool under Rin's command than it does to be a human being who loves her and wishes the best for her.

Bewilderment shows in his cold eyes for a second. Why is she resisting this attempt to eliminate his pain? Could she possibly value him enough to make him struggle to reclaim himself?

No, that can't be it. She must be deluded. "You're still thinking that I'm a hero you'd like to have at your side, aren't you? That's wrong. In another world, there was another Rin, who once saved a stupid boy...didn't I tell you that? Well, the stupid boy grew up into a foolish man who made a terrible vow to the world, and so he became a heroic spirit, even though there was nothing truly heroic about his spirit."

His mouth curls a little in disgust, but only a little. He's detached enough that even his self-hatred feels rote. "That's who I am. Will you hear what I've done now?"

So that's why he doesn't like her anymore.

At some point, another variation of her saved his life and made it so he could become the Heroic Spirit that he is now. Wait a second, does that mean he's that boy she saved here too?

"Emiya?"

She's seen the two of them here though. Twice she's gotten in between him wanting to hurt the boy and for what purpose? Why was she so eager to throw her life away for someone who cares little for their own? Was it because Archer told her that was something she did and so she thought the obligation had to be followed here?

"Yeah, I'm listening. I won't interrupt you."

His breath hitches a little at that name, coming from Rin's lips, addressed to him. He never wanted to hear that. He never wanted her to know. But he has to tell her; she has to judge him. No one else is suited to do it anymore--

Once, Saber might have been. But now it's Rin he's wronged the most.

So he just nods as she speaks his name, his gaze suddenly haunted. Then he snuffs out that emotion and speaks again.

"You saw the rumors, didn't you? How they came true...the truth is, I made one of my own."

He lifts an arm, and suddenly his coat disappears into light, revealing the faint remains of the still-healing wounds twisting around his left arm. Rin Matou's corruption will emerge from her to be slain.

"See? I'm to blame for what you suffered."

The rumors were something she was trying her best to avoid once she saw how quick people began to believe them, but when his coat fades to reveal that to her?

"You did that?" Obviously, but she's a bit too struck with her emotions to comment any further on that.

It was done with the best of intentions, wasn't it? No, this meant that Archer knew there was wickedness within her (something she wasn't sure of herself) and that he wanted it dead instead of her.

That's all.

Had he known she was being hurt as a result, he would have protected her. That's what she wants (needs) to believe right now.

For the first time in this conversation, he can't stop the pain from flickering in his eyes.

"Yeah. I did that. I wanted you to be saved, you know."

A lifetime, and far more than a lifetime, of bitterness wells up in his voice before he can stop it. A lifetime, and far more than a lifetime, of wishing for people to be saved and being unable to save anyone who truly mattered to him.

She clucks her tongue as a sign that he's going too far, annoyance easily readable on her own face.

"So you took the easy way? Archer, I know you're a man who doesn't take shortcuts so what compelled you to make an exception this time? Did you think these administrators who continually give me broken bodies would be capable of fixing their own mistakes?"

Scolding him, she leans back using her arms to support herself, palms resting on the center of his bed.

"You told me before, didn't you? That I should rely on Sakura because she's beat and learned to master this, so why would you do something to contradict that?"

He shuts it down again. He shuts away the bitterness and the pain.

"Yeah. I took the easy way. It was stupid, so you can discard me for it if you'd like."

Why, though...why does it feel wrong to say that? Why does it feel more like he should be saying that he won't let her discard him even now?

"...but if you don't throw me away with great force, I refuse to stray from your side again, Rin."

"No, I'm done with this."

Scowling, she moves to her feet to stand as tall as she can before him. Talking as though she should discard him. Weren't they in this position because he abandoned her?

"We won't be apart anymore! I'm going to make you my Servant and you're going to have to do as I say!"

Life has started creeping back into his voice, even if he keeps it out of his face. Something about being around her, about arguing with her, gives humanity back to him even though he tries to deny it.

Why has it always been that way?

"Rin?" He looks up at her in wide-eyed surprise. His face is innocent and confused. "You're way too kind to me, you know..."

"Kind to you?"

That puts her anger on hold as she stares at him in her own confusion. Here she is yelling at him to become her Servant, that she's tired of him leaving her behind, and his response is to say she's kind?

"Yeah, I guess that I am." She says quickly after in an attempt to recover. "I'm kind to you, so you should treat me kindly as well. I want my meals served to me every day from now on. No more having to eat out the cafeteria or trying to bake on my own."

At least this way he can ensure she no longer gets poisoned or high, not that she really recalls that happening right now.

"I'll need some other things as well." Rin finds herself admitting without realizing just how he might take that.

He doesn't understand.

Oh, he understands why she's angry. He's failed her in every possible way. But he doesn't understand why she's talking about a routine that he'd be content with. He doesn't deserve such a good life--a life where he cares for someone else instead of just being a tool to protect them.

(It's a tower of horrors. Even day-to-day existence is fraught with peril. But he thinks of it, casually, as a good life.)

But she says he has to take it. He has to take that life of caring for her and receiving affection in return, and he's too weary and ground down to resist it any longer. Archer gets to his feet.

"That's fine, Rin. I've confessed everything and you've got all of me now. So, whatever you need, I'll provide it, until you're not hurting any longer, and you can smile--" Still, his voice is desperate. He can't shake off the guilt that easily. All he can do is...

Archer reaches for Rin to draw her into his arms.

Is that what they call a lover's embrace? She's dumb enough to think that's what it might be, but then she'll have to think about what it's like to be loved.

That's something she can't do out of fear it'll cut open cauterized wounds, so instead she tries to step up on her toes to meet his face. If she kisses him instead, it won't be something lovers do, but instead what she needs.

Except she falls short.

Incredibly short.

With a scowl, she looks back over his form and then just awkwardly leaps up with her hands outstretched towards his shoulders. Her legs will attempt to clasp around his waist, but he's free to shove her back down to the ground if he wants.

But then he might get a glimpse of her panties and that's tempting death.

It's not exactly what they call a lover's embrace. It's just that he looks at her and senses that she needs to be held, and isn't it his job above everything now to give Rin Matou what she needs? He's not thinking it through further than that.

So surprise writes itself across his face when she tries to reach up to him. He doesn't understand what she's doing. He doesn't understand until she's trying to pull herself up his body, and then it's too late. "Rin--!"

Archer panics. With one hand, he catches her by the waist, but that just pushes her closer against him and no, that's moving a little too quickly, he has to back away, but that just bumps him up against the bed and how is he to stabilize the two of them if that happens--

The answer: he isn't. Archer topples backwards and lands on the bed, still holding onto Rin atop him.

With a breathless "Oof!" he doesn't do much to soften the blow. Normally she may air her complaint about slamming into steel easily, but right now is different.

They're on a bed together.

Gulping audibly, Rin tries to think of a billion other things instead of the reality of the situation. Petrified in place, fear of arousing either of them if she moves the wrong way, she remains as still as she can to the point of dampening her breathing.

"You're so clumsy." She finally accuses him of something.

What is he supposed to say to that? He's grown a bit rusty at interacting with Rin. Somehow, though, the answer leaps to mind, and he lets his mouth stumble forward with it. "Only when I've got a beautiful woman trying to climb me like I'm a tree." He tries to sound confident, but it's more hollow than usual. His voice is a little shaky. Is she really going to take him back after all this? Should he really let her? "Or is that supposed to be a normal state of affairs with you?"

He shrugs a little--awkwardly, of course. "Well, I'll manage to get up somehow if you get off me."

He's not sure he wants that, though. What does he want? Does he just want to lie here and hold her? That might be it. What an embarrassing thought.

"Don't tease me for my height!"

Perfectly normal as it is for her to be this short (as it's average for women in Japan), Archer is the strange one. How did he even get this tall, she wonders curiously.

There's so much about Archer she's yet to discover and for once, she's interested in learning all about a particular person's past in favor of what turns them on.

"If you want me to get off of you, then you'll have to move me yourself. You can do that much, can't you?"

Has he missed how difficult she makes things for him?

He looks up at her. He breathes, even though he hardly needs to. In and out, feeling her close. How is it that he's comforted by her presence? She's here. Her soul hasn't been destroyed by the administrators. She still wants him, after a fashion.

"Hmm. Maybe I don't want you to get off of me, Rin."

He means that he wants to stay close to her. He means that he wants to hold her in his arms and be comforted by her breathing, as forbidden as such a desire is.

But memories of something else threaten to flash into his consciousness as well.

"Is that so?"

A hand moves to rest against his chest as she sits up on him, perched upon his lap as though it were an appropriate enough throne for her. That part of her that fears being hurt sounds off alarms in her head, but they're easy enough to ignore in favor of greater comforts.

"You avoid me for weeks and now suddenly you can't get enough of me. Geez, I didn't think heroic spirits were the kind to sit around holding onto monsters undeserving of them."

"I--"

--missed you.

It's too simple a thing for him to say. Too simple and human, and that's wrong; he doesn't have normal human desires any longer. He can't possibly have grown fond of her, of the routine they'd built together, and found himself aching in its absence.

Archer blinks up at her as she speaks, prepared to sullenly deny his affection, but then she does something unacceptable.

"That's right." He clasps one hand over the one on his chest. Normally he'd wonder if it's all right for him to touch her like this, but right now he knows that he has to. In order to prove something to her. "No heroic spirit would hold onto an undeserving monster."

He reaches up, laying his hand against her cheek. "That's something even I stand by, and I'm not your typical heroic spirit, didn't I just tell you that?"

Is it all right for him to touch her like this? No, he doesn't know whether it's all right, but she needs him to, and he belongs in her service. So he brushes his thumb across her lips, and he thinks about the way she tried to reach him for a kiss just now, and he speaks again. "A woman who's been exhausting her very soul fighting a monster that won't leave her alone, though...she's more than fit to be held."

His hand on her hand tightens, and the other one tugs her face down so he can kiss her.

Isn't this where she should cut him off? Keep him from speaking further and instead move to climb off of him? That might be logical and instead of being ruled by intellect, her body reacts out of the instinct she's had for years.

Besides, it isn't as though she could move away from him. That hand clasped over her own is like heavy steel, keeping her chained down and the trace of salt left on her lips from his touch alone excites her. All she needs to do is lean down and follow his lead.

The moment is ruined when he says that and at the last minute she turns her head so that he's presented with her cheek instead of her hungering lips.

"No, you're mistaken Archer. I am the monster that my soul is trying to fight, but it gave up recently."

"Rin." His voice is suddenly even firmer than before. "Don't tell your Archer that he's wrong. You wouldn't accept me as your own if I were prone to making such mistakes, would you?"

He leans into her face even if she won't give him her lips. He leans into her and he tries to remember. What is he supposed to do here? How can he save someone?

Archer can remember only one thing: a blazing spark of stubbornness. All he can do here is cling to his principles, and the only "principle" he has left is the certainty that he belongs with Rin, no matter what she says about herself.

"I kill monsters. I don't kiss them. See, Rin: I've made my decision about what you are."

He moves his hand on her face into her hair, which he strokes, and he presses his mouth against her cheek.

"Archer..."

Blown away by his words combined with the kiss, there's little she can think of to counter him. If someone who's very purpose is to destroy fiends thinks that she doesn't fit that category, then all she can do is believe in it for now.

Even if she's seen otherwise.

"I don't want it inside of me any longer." Tired of pretending to be strong enough to take it on her own, her head leans back into his fingers to silently plead for him to not take them away. "If we can't get rid of it, how... how do I learn to contain it?"

Conflicting feelings war inside him.

He no longer finds conflict in what she is. He no longer feels the battle inside him between the need to destroy her and the need to embrace her. He knows now that whatever darkness is inside her isn't her, and so he no longer needs to fight himself over that.

But he struggles with the idea that he's someone who can save her. He struggles between swearing to never give up and confessing defeat without even trying.

The feel of her hair beneath his fingers reminds him of his reasons for the former.

"I'll fill you up with me instead, so that you aren't fighting it alone in there."

"With you?"

Much like a young teenager may think, her first thought is a sexual one and that leaves her more flustered than the action of him playing with her hair. Is that even possible? For Archer to fill up inside of her so much that the darkness is chased away by the glow of his ethereal presence?

"I don't understand." Instead of being sly and turning his words against him in order to suit her own needs, Rin confesses to befuddlement. "You mean... within my heart or something? I'm not sure if there's room for anyone there anymore. That's the part of me they took out first, you know."

Before he can think about it, his hand over her hand moves. It shifts to her chest, to rest over her heart just as her hand rests over his.

(In truth, he isn't thinking much at all right now. He's been stripped bare of thought, left only with the willful part of him that simply can't bear to leave someone vulnerable and in pain alone.)

"It's terrible to lie at a time like this, Rin. So don't tell me you've got no heart. I've seen your heart. I've felt it...you've been kind to me when you could have tossed me aside like trash."

He leans in closer. "So I refuse to toss you aside now."

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[ 10 ] ✿✿ [ Closed ]

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