towerofanimus | Asches to Ashes

Entry tags:

Asches to Ashes

Characters: A surprisingly not grumpy redhead and YOU. Also, fire.
Setting: The lower forest floor, some way away from the stairs. Forward-dated to tomorrow.
Format: VAST MEH.
Summary: Burn out the old growth to make room for the new. OR, Asch one-ups Luke in the dramatically throwing away your old identity department.
Warnings: None, probably. Talk of past trauma? Identity issues? idek general Asch warnings.

[He started the fire small, but it wasn't long before Asch was throwing every branch onto it that he could find, wet or dry. It crackled, sending a spiral of smoke into the trees above, flames and glowing coals making a red glow that was probably visible from the staircase. By the time he's done, the flames are as tall as he is, the pile of branches up to his shoulder before it shifts and collapses down a few inches.

It's at that point that he undoes the clasps of his tabard - worn and familiar from years of use, years of living in uniform even before coming to the tower - and throws the heavy fabric onto the fire. The weight collapses the branches further, smothering the flames just enough to reduce the apparent amount of light. And Asch folds his arms and takes a seat on a fallen trunk, watching all the while.

If he had other clothes, he'd throw the entire uniform into the flames, but for now, this will have to do. It's not just cloth he's thrown into the flames, but an identity, everything he's been for seven years or more. All the covers, all the lies - "Asch the Bloody" is going back to the flames where he belongs, but it isn't Luke who watches. Just Asch. That's all he needs to be.

It's not long before the scent of burning leather and fabric fills the air, and he's still watching.]

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[She can't blame him for not wanting to go back. From what she's seen and what she's heard, she can understand why he wouldn't want to go back, even. Hearing it said so plainly is a little odd, though.

Maybe it shouldn't be. Asch has made a point of telling it like it is the entire time she's known him.]

Going forward... I wonder where "forward" is going to take us. I hope we'll be able to do more to find out the truth about this place.

[A slight pause, and then -]

If you could choose where to go, once all of this is over... where would it be?

[If he doesn't say it like it is, who will? The way things have been at the Tower - the way he's frequently the one to deliver unfortunate truths - has only reassured Asch on that point.

If fate is set to make him the bearer of truth, then that's a fate that he can deal with.]

I don't know, honestly. I don't feel much like settling at all.

[Home isn't a place he could stay. And he doesn't think any other world would ever have the same feeling as Auldrant, either.]

Well... there's a lot of worlds out there.

[The sheer number of people in the Tower has taught her that much, at least. Even if she hadn't learned anything else from her time here, she'd have learned at least that much.]

Maybe, once we make it out... you can start a new journey.

...if you ever needed somewhere to rest, you'd be welcome on Weyard.

[And her words draw a smile out of him, but - ]

What, you're not planning on coming along?

[Yep, that sure is a standing invitation. They go together.

~~I ship it.~~]

You wouldn't mind if I did?

[She smiles. There's still so much on Weyard that she needs to learn about, provided she makes it back and it's not destroyed. And even if it was - the people of Anemos had escaped one calamity by distancing themselves from the world. They might have been able to escape this one, too...

Sheba's always thought that maybe she'd know who she really was if she could just find out where it was she came from. But her journey with Felix and her time here with Asch have both taught her that there are other ways to find your sense of self.

She'd always wonder, but... but maybe...]

You might get stuck doing my laundry again, you know. You're sure that's okay with you?

[Well, you're not going to find yourself if you don't look. That's something he's still learning, too, so it all works out in the end.

His tone of voice is light and teasing.]

I don't know, are you planning on getting covered in blood again? Because I'm giving up that particular job description.

[Hence, you know, the burning uniform and everything.]

Well, if I do, I promise it won't be my own blood!

[Then again, it hadn't been hers before, either. ...thinking back on it, she still wasn't sure whose it had been. Maybe she didn't want to know.]

It's okay. You can be Asch the Laundryman instead. Or, some other title! Or no title at all, and you can just be Asch. You can be anyone you want to be.

[Laundryman... Yeah, let's not. Even if he snerks a little anyway.]

I might take up my family name again. But I don't think now is quite right, so it's just Asch, for now.

[Things are kind of awkward family-ways at the moment. And he's not really sure yet of anything, so he's not going to trap himself by playing that role, either.]

..it.. suits you.

[Her thoughts keep trailing back to a few months before - "I'm what's left when there's nothing more to burn." The more she thinks on it, the more fitting it seems. Because nothing - no fire, no hardship - is going to beat Asch now. He's already been through so much; now, he can only get stronger.]

But, maybe I just think that because that's all I've ever known you as. I don't know.

I don't think Luke ever suited me as well.

[Even as a child, he was too serious for it, or at least for his own internal concept of Luke. He doesn't begrudge it to his replica any longer, except when the idiot does something stupid with it.]

Not that I like the origin, but... It is what it is.

It's a part of you...

[Her voice trails off. One's experiences help to shape who they are; in Asch's case, it's just taken a step further, and is almost literal with the meaning of his name. She smiles.]

...just like all of this is, too. But you've stood up to your past and faced your demons, and I know you'll face the demons here as well.

But whatever you end up calling yourself in the end, you're still you. That's what's most important.

[Sheba quit making him have feelings this isn't fair. He doesn't know how you do self-esteem.]

It's the choice I've made of my own will.

[He doesn't plan for it to be the last. That's what's most important to him.]

[It's a learning process god Asch you have to start somewhere.]

Good. Those are the best choices to make - the ones you make for yourself.

[Looking out for others is all well and good, but there comes a point in time where you really needed to start looking out for yourself, too. She's known too many people who make too many choices for the sakes of others rather than for their own sakes, and she's seen how it's impacted them. It's not something she wants to see happen to her closest friend in the Tower.]

I'm really looking forward to seeing what other choices you make!

[He's trying, okay! He's definitely trying.

Or at least he's not tsunning as hard. That's sort of like progress, except not really.]

And you're cheerful as ever.

[To be fair, choosing others would be equally new and confusing for him. He's always put protecting himself first, no matter what from, but now? He doesn't care enough to bother with the walls, and they're slowly crumbling down.]

What do you intend to do, then?

I try to be. [Her expression flickers, but only for a moment, and soon enough she's smiling - seemingly easily.] It's too easy to give in to despair here. [And she'd come too close to giving up after Felix had vanished. But never again. Giving up meant letting them win.

She's quiet for a moment or two, and she glances back down at the fire.]

I'm not... really sure. [She's not really aware of it, but she's nervously toying with the hem of her tunic.] There are still a lot of things in Weyard that I haven't really... learned. A lot of questions I haven't had answered. I'd like to find the answers, but... is it really a good idea to give up something that's certain for something that's so uncertain? And even if I do find the place I was born, they might not even want me. [They'd thrown her out of the sky for a reason, after all. After a second, she manages a slight chuckle.] I guess I'm not as good at letting go of the past as you are, Asch.

Nothing to feel bad about. I've got some practice.

[Practice with losing, at any rate. Letting go? That's a bit new, but he's also had far more time to process it than she has.

...Nearly as long as she's been alive, actually, if a Weyard year is around the same as an Earth year.]

Besides, it's harder to let go of things when you don't know for sure.

[Another one he understands with too much immediacy, too much intimacy.]

[Sheba is very, very quiet. She keeps her eyes on the flames for a few seconds more before she looks to him.]

I'm glad we met, Asch. That's something I'm sure of.

[Then she looks down at the fire again.]

I think, if I am able to let go... it will be because I met you. You've been a great example of strength the entire time I've been here... thank you for that.

[Again, with the words he can't believe he's hearing, and yet still wants to believe in anyway - ]

I'm not so strong. Just practiced at acting like it.

You are strong. [Her voice is stern, matter-of-fact.] No amount of acting is a substitute for real strength. You have it, I've seen it.

[Then she smiles, reaches up, and nudges his shoulder lightly.]

Don't go trying to make a liar out of me, okay?

Last thing I want to do.

[Swearing yourself to the cause of truth and freedom tends to make that a thing.]

I suppose it's just something better seen from the outside.

I've already told you, you don't give yourself enough credit!

[She's seen him outside and inside. She's heard his thoughts, heard the things he thinks but doesn't say. There's still a lot she doesn't understand about Asch, but she's spent enough time with him to know that his strength of will is remarkably well-developed.]

Though I guess it's normal for people to not see the good things about themselves very clearly...

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Asches to Ashes

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