the fourth - it messed me up

[fragileprophet]

Characters: Ion, Anise, Jonouchi, and you!
Setting: Backdated to the 1st in room 1-16 and onward through the 19th in the Cathedral and all over the Tower.
Format: Starting with action, but I'll follow you!
Summary: An overdue June event aftermath post--Ion wakes up and remembers that he was the Screaming Monster, then tries to make up for it by searching for all of the individuals he owes an apology to. Also bonding with friends who are probably going to try and cheer up the sad replica.
Warnings: Nothing noteworthy! Just a lot of angst.

Room 1-16 – Backdated to the morning of July 1st

[Waking up in the Tower on the first day of July was unlike any day Ion had woken up before. And after a month of waking up on different floors, only being half-aware of having moved himself there in order to hide from the supposed monsters, he felt slow and frozen and not at all as rested as he should have been.

Of course, Ion didn’t have much time to dote upon his grogginess—didn’t need to. All the explanation he needed was hovering right in front of him, in violently large letters splattered in blood across the ceiling: MONSTER. And then the memories came spilling out from some locked corner of his brain. Night after night of screaming returned to him—night after night of feeling and inflicting fear.

There were so many residents he had stalked—so many he had overpowered and murdered without a second thought. Innocent lives, kind strangers (even one who pitied him and whose mercy he ignored) being ripped apart and bloodied. Ion remembered it all. He remembered every face, every word spoken, every scream and every cry…he remembered how it felt to kill them all. How satisfied it had made him. How utterly ravenous he had been. How little everything had mattered against his intense desire to kill.

Ion can’t make himself look away. He can only stare up at the ceiling and its red accusation in absolute, overwhelming horror. His eyes are wide, his face ghostly, limbs stiff and tense. And then, before he can stop himself, a scream bursts through his lips and pierces the quiet air. Ion brings shaking hands up to his mouth but he can’t stop the hysterics from coming. They lash out against the back of his fingers—muffled but fierce.

He was a monster. He hadn’t been able to stop himself and now he couldn’t even stop shaking or screaming. Maybe screaming was all he was capable of anymore.]

All around the Tower/Stairwell – Backdated to anytime between July 2nd and July 7th

[The first week of July had not been kind to Ion—though, to be fair, the heaviness in his sandaled footfalls can be blamed on no one other than himself. Try as he might, he can’t stop thinking about the things he had done in his time as a monster. True, the deaths hadn’t been permanent and it hadn’t been his own will, not really…but that didn’t change what he could remember feeling. It didn’t change that behind the grotesque black features, it had been him.

His powers had cursed people. He had done more than hurt people physically—he had made them do and see things that had taken advantage of their emotions. It was so wrong and against everything Ion believed in and tried to stand for.

It made him sick just thinking about it. And so…all he could do was feel sick, and shuffle onward in a haze. There was only one thing he could do—and that was to find the people he had pursued to whatever end and apologize. A simple sorry was the least he could offer, even if it didn’t count for much overall. It felt wrong to do so over the network. Of course…not knowing most of the individuals he had harmed during those long June nights would prove the task of tracking them down to be far from simple, but that was hardly a deterrent.

Ion was determined to find them, all of them, no matter how long it took. If he didn’t, he doubted he’d ever be able to find peace of mind. So he shuffles on, and searches the Tower floor by floor—skipping the wholly inhabitable and stopping frequently to rest.]

Media Room – Closed to Anise and Jonouchi

[Ion sighs as he lowers himself gently into one of the beanbags that litters the floor of the media room. He feels like he can just fall asleep at any second, his head and his heart are so troubled. Regardless, he doesn’t want to sulk. No matter how preoccupied he is or how terrible he may still feel…Ion owes it to Anise, if nobody else, to act like everything is fine. To be as much like the Fon Master as he can still manage to be.

That was why he had gone to the media room to meet his friends. If he was being honest, he didn’t feel like playing games. Ion didn’t even feel as if he deserved to play games, or socialize. But he’d smile and laugh and assure them that he was okay when he (clearly) wasn’t.

Even as he waited for Anise and Jonouchi to show up, Ion worked to practice that plastic smile of his. It felt so strange on his pallid face, now, as if he had almost forgotten the weight of it upon his lips.]


Cathedral (Floor 13) – Any morning before the 20th

[Ion can’t help but wonder how predictable he’s being when he steps off on the thirteenth floor and draws himself away from the doorway. This place is hardly a comfort, but it still feels more real than the Cathedral he sees on the 100th floor—the shallow imitation of Daath that stabs at his heart.

He only gets a few rows in before he slips into one of the aisles of pews and sits with a sigh. Ion closes his eyes, wraps his hands around his pendant (it’s so cold) and closes his eyes.

Yulia, he finds himself thinking, if you can hear me out there, somewhere, please give me strength. I fear I lack the will to keep my composure for much longer in this place.

His eyes still closed, Ion hunches forward, practically bringing his head to his knees as he clutches tighter at his symbol.

Please.]

Comments

Room 1-16

[forhislegacy]

[Anise's room isn't far away at all. It's more than close enough for her to hear the scream, and she'd recognize that voice anywhere. Ion's scream has her out of her bed in one instant and running down the hall the next. He's still screaming when she bursts into his room, tensed and ready to face down whatever it is that is frightening him.

But there's no murderous creature in the room, and no threatening figure looming over him to hurt him. There's just him, and that writing on the ceiling -

Monster -]

Ion!

[She crosses to him, reaching over so that she can grasp him by the shoulders and pull him to her. That way he won't have to look straight up at the words.]

It's okay - you're alright now - I've got you...

[fragileprophet]

[Had Ion not been so obviously hysterical, he would have likely tried to pry Anise gently away from him with a small laugh, smile, and gentle reassurance that he was perfectly fine. As it were, Ion wasn't fine. He didn't have the energy to deny it. Not now.

Not when all he could see when he looked at Anise's worried face was the panic and the hurt that had filled her eyes when he had ripped her throat out--or the devastation that he had caused when his powers had turned Tokunaga against her.

He falls into her arms easily--like the small, sickly boy he is--and then suddenly he can't hold it anymore: all that fear and all that doubt he had been struggling so desperately to keep inside. It had been getting harder to do so ever since Anise and his Original had appeared. Ever since Jason had turned him into a murderous drone.

Ion's hands clench feebly against Anise's uniform as he shakes against her, tears squeezing silently and slowly out of the corners of his wide, doe-like eyes.]

It's not--it's not okay--Anise, I...I'm...I was...

[By Lorelei, he was sorry. He was so, so sorry.]

[forhislegacy]

[Even if Ion had tried to pry himself away, this was one time when Anise wouldn't have let him. The last month trumped pretty much everything they'd ever been through on Auldrant - Ion's death being an exception, because nothing was worse for her than that - and there was no way she was ever, ever going to let him suffer this alone.

She wraps her arms around him and holds him close, stroking his back with one hand to try and help him calm down. He's not the type of person who can really hurt others, and she knows that - that makes this so much worse. Anise has killed her fair share of people and monsters in her time, and threatens to kill more pretty regularly. She's used to the violence.

But Ion is Ion. He's a gentle soul, a symbol of peace, and it makes her sick to think of what the administrators have used his hands to do. Because she knows he's going to see it as himself doing those things.

But picturing Ion as a killer... she can't do that. It's just so not like him that she rejects the idea immediately. It might have been his body that had killed her, but Ion wasn't a murderer. Not now, not ever.]

I know - I know... But it wasn't you. You would never... it was them. Them, not you!

[fragileprophet]

[His fists only clench harder against her--as if he thinks that by squeezing himself close to her and blocking out the world around him, it could all just disappear into the thick material of her uniform.]

I felt all of it--everything--I hurt you so many times and in so many ways, I-I...

[The doll shop, the cathedral...he had made her turn on Luke just as he had made Tokunaga turn against her. There was no way he could just pretend that this was okay--that he could shrug it off and forget it as something that had been forced upon him.

Not when he felt it so acutely.

He could still remember what it tasted like to have the blood of his friends, his acquaintances, and complete strangers upon his tongue.]

[forhislegacy]

Ion...

[There are tears in her eyes, and she hopes that's not evident in her voice. Anise doesn't cry often, but when she does, it's because of something that has happened to him - when he's been hurt, or killed, or worse. Ion doesn't cry often, either. Sometimes Anise thinks the tears she sheds are the ones Ion won't let himself shed because of his position - because he has to be cheerful, because he can't cry or the people he leads will worry.

Right now she's not sure if that's true. She's sad but she's angry, too, and these tears are a mixture of sorrowful and absolutely frustrated - not with him, with herself. She hasn't done a very good job of protecting him, here. She didn't do a very good job of protecting him on Auldrant, either.

Maybe failing Ion and constantly letting him down was as much a part of her as anything else that made her who she was.]

I know... I'm sorry. [For not being able to keep him safe. He should never have been subjected to this, to any of this.] I-I forgive you, though. You might not want to forgive yourself, but... I-I could never, ever hold any of this against you. [She buries her face into his shoulder and her next words are muffled.] You're a good person. One of the best. This doesn't change that, it doesn't!

Media Room

[invisible_friendship]

[Jonouchi wasn't late this time, which said a lot. For some reason or another he sometimes got distracted by one thing or another. Regardless, when the blonde made it to the floor the first thing he noticed was his friend.]

Ion!

[He was happy to see his friend. Jonouchi closed the space between them, and the closer he was the heavier the atmosphere became.]

Hey is everything alright?

[forhislegacy]

[She was going to kill Ruana. If Anise had her way, she would personally be delivering as much hurt to her as she could, taking the pain Ruana had made Ion feel and returning it to the administrator tenfold. But she can't have her way.

What she can do, though, is spend as much time with her friend as possible to try and make him feel better. She's glad he's got more friends than just her here - as much as she wants to be the one to chase away all the things that are bothering him, she knows friendship is important and that he needs more people in his life than just her. And besides - the more people who see just how great Ion is, the better, she thinks.

When she arrives on the media room floor, Jonouchi is already there with the Fon Master. She makes her way over to the pair of them and tries to smile despite the obvious worry in her eyes.]

Hey, there you are... sorry I'm late. Were you waiting long? [She looks from Jonouchi to Ion - there's a definite amount of concern in her expression. She knows she should be smiling and trying to keep Ion's spirits up, but it's hard to do with the way things are right now.]

[fragileprophet]

[Ion stood as soon as Jonouchi entered (it was only polite, after all), glad that he had already been working on his smile once more. He does his best to make it appear soft, and gives a light chuckle.]

Hello, Jonouchi. It's good to see you. [It felt as if it had been such a long time. But maybe that was just due to how preoccupied he had been lately.]

I'm fine, really. Just a little tired. I haven't been sleeping so well lately.

[It wasn't a lie, anyway. Just...barely the tip of the iceberg.]

Before he could make any more elaborate explanation, Ion found himself saved by the arrival of Anise. Regardless of the fact that he doesn't doubt she can see straight though his facade, he only smiles more widely.]

Not at all, Anise. I'm glad you could make it.

[invisible_friendship]

[Not long after, Anise joined them for...whatever it was they were going to do. Jonouchi never really made plans in this place and most of their options were limited.

For now. Jonouchi wouldn't pry him on, he did seem okay. But the second Ion slipped Jonouchi would be all over that. Even before he came here, friends were the most important thing in his life. Since coming here, it has only grown in importance. Any friend of Ion's was also a friend of his, and so he cared about Anise all the same.]

If you say so.

[The blonde exchanged glances with the both of them.]

What's the plan?

[forhislegacy]

I'm glad you made it too, Ion.

[She can tell that his smile isn't totally genuine, yes. She's known him almost as long as he's been alive. And, in turn - he can probably tell that there's something a little off about her smile, too; he's known her his whole life, after all. When you're close to someone, it's easy to pick up on things like that.

When you're close to someone, you also know when it's better to pretend that you're not picking up on those things.]

Wellll... [She looks from Ion to Jonouchi, a thoughtful expression on her face.] I was thinking about the games you were telling Ion about. You should teach us to play them!

[And then, once she had a grasp of the rules, she was totally challenging him to a duel... in the game.]

July 7th - some...where in the Tower...

[fonlines]

You're going to hurt yourself like that.

[Comes Ion's voice, clear in spite of its softness.]

SOMEWHERE we can...figure that out...eventually. :D

[fragileprophet]

[Ion stops from where he had been walking, his sluggish shuffling falling as flat as his heart as he recognizes the voice which address him. It would be embarrassing, after all, not to. It was his own voice, after all.

His own, but different. And it suddenly makes Ion feel even more tired than before. His Original had been another victim of his attacks. Even if the other Ion had managed, for the most part, to defend himself adequately. It didn't help soothe Ion's conscience in the slightest.]

...you're probably right.

[For a long moment, Ion can't seem to pry his eyes away from his feet. Then, slowly, he brings his face up to turn toward his Original. For once, he doesn't have it in him to smile. At least not for more than a split second.]

Ev...entually . . . : D

[fonlines]

[Ion only cants his head to the side slightly as he stares sedately back at his Replica, eyes curiously blank and his smile much more like he only keeps it there out of habit. Much more than a habitual demeanor, this is him truly using that apparent sereneness as a mask.]

...hmmm.

What, exactly, is wrong then?

[Because 'is there something the matter' is an utterly idiotic question when it's clear there is, and that there's plenty of things to be bothered about between the events of last month and now the network mess caused by Sephiroth- not that he knows that's who posted that anonymous message.]

[fragileprophet]

[There was hardly reason to beat around the bush. Especially not when his Original wasn't. Especially when this was his Original he was talking to. Slowly, Ion lets out the breath he didn't realize he had been holding.

It calms his nerves a bit, but does nothing to alleviate the lightness in his head.]

I feel wrong simply moving on after [being a monster] what happened last month. I know doting upon it will accomplish nothing...but I at least want to apologize to the individuals I attacked [and murdered].

[He sighs and gives a sad shake of his head.]

Unfortunately, I'm afraid that I'm having trouble finding most of them.

[Could he be blamed? He didn't even know the names of most of them. It would be much more simple to post a public apology on the network and hope that the people he had attacked but didn't know personally would see it. Ion didn't want to take the easy route. And it felt so impersonal to simply tack up an announcement on a screen. He wanted to do this face-to-face--to be sure that each and every one of his victims knew how sorry he was.]

[fonlines]

[Ion stares appraisingly for a while, brow slightly knit and edges of the placid smile curving in apparent concern.]

Well, you're not going to have much luck finding any of them if you've passed out from exertion, now are you?

Sit, please. [He's still pleasant enough, but the command is clear for what it is despite it. Or maybe he's just used to being listened to. The floor they're on is safe enough; they can afford a short rest on the stairs here.

Foolish, needlessly giving people an identity to tie their aggressor to when it no longer mattered, and when the most could come out of it was— what? He can see how this can end terribly. He can't see how this could result in any good at all, apologizing to a number of faces who wouldn't know Ion, the Fon Master, from any of the other chattel here and probably wouldn't have known to care if the matter were never brought up. This isn't even a matter of smoothing out relationships for further interactions— he'd understand if it were that.

Ultimately it wasn't even his fault anyway, and from what he's seen on the terminals most seem to agree, so the point of this eludes him.

But Fon Master or no, he'd have been disposed of long ago for heresy or blasphemy had he not learnt to hold his tongue. ]

Would you mind it terribly if I were to accompany you for a while?

July 2nd, Cathedral

[ambassadorasshat]

[Luke doesn't normally stop on the thirteenth floor. Not that he's not religious--he follows the Score and such, like everyone else he knows--but he doesn't care much about the church itself.

Thus, it's not the floor itself that catches his attention as he's going through, it's the person sitting in one of the pews. At first, he only catches a flash of green, but a second look confirms it's who he thinks it is.

And then he's hopping off the staircase and approaching. Don't mind that he's only mostly dressed--he's not wearing his white jacket this morning.]

Ion?

[fragileprophet]

[Even though the voice was a familiar and friendly one, and muffled considerably by the faulty acoustics in the Cathedral, Ion found himself jumping at the sound of his name coming from Luke. If he had had his staff, he would have likely dropped it.

Stiffly, he turns around to look at the approaching redhead, doing his best to form a smile. It falls flat on his face, looking twisted and plastic.]

Oh, Luke...

['Hurry up and die already' he said, afraid and in pain, as Ion tore into him with weakening energy but the distinct want--no, need--to kill him.

Ion shudders, his smile falling altogether before he can manage to catch it and pull it back up.]

...I...

[ambassadorasshat]

[If he had known that was Ion, he probably wouldn't have said that. Probably. He hadn't been the nicest to his world's Ion to begin with (despite anything that Ion had said to the contrary). But he doesn't know that the monster he killed weeks ago was Ion...yet.]

What's up with you? It's just me, no need to be so jumpy.

[Settling into that pew beside you, Ion, so he doesn't have to yell to talk. Not that he couldn't.]

[fragileprophet]

[Ion's eyes are peeled to his lap. He feels the urge to cry again, but he isn't going to allow himself to do so. Not after he had broken his composure just one morning before. Still, his throat remains constricted as Luke sits next to him. Ion wrings his hands together.

A weak ghost of a smile tugs the corner of his mouth upward before it droops once again.]

I'm sorry, Luke.

[He practically hunches into himself, shrinking so low into his seat that Ion appears more small and fragile than ever.]

I didn't mean to react so poorly. I'm afraid I'm a bit...out of sorts.

[ambassadorasshat]

[Please don't become a Fon Master ball, he doesn't know how to deal with that sort of situation. He doesn't do crying either, but he's slightly better at dealing with that.]

Sorry for...what? You can, uh...I can help? Or something.

Cathedral-Let's just say July 12th (also sorry for late you don't need to reply)

[notsogrimreaper]

[There's nothing wrong with being predictable, but Ryoji will admit coming to this floor is a little strange for him. It's a peaceful floor, and he does appreciate that, but the silence is more spooky than tranquil.

So he almost passes this floor by when he wanders the Tower... but, when he sees the hunched figure sitting in the pews, he decides against ignoring it.

He approaches quietly, and he almost asks if the boy needs help before noticing Ion's position and silencing himself. He doesn't really understand a lot about spirituality, but he knows he shouldn't interrupt a prayer. He stands there awkwardly for a few minutes, and then, if Ion still hasn't noticed him, he'll clear his throat, attempting to make his presence known.]

Not late at all! :D I'm glad to finally thread with you. <3

[fragileprophet]

[Generally, Ion's more on the ball with noticing others approach him. The combination of his prayer and the poor acoustics of the Cathedral, however, causes him to sit in oblivious silence until the stranger standing mere feet away clears his throat.

Startled--but not enough to jump thanks to the gentle nature of the sound, Ion opens his eyes, straightens, and turns toward the dark haired teen.]

O-Oh...hello. I'm sorry, I didn't see you there.

[Ion pauses, and does his best to give a friendly smile. Even though it's tinted with a full spectrum of emotion.]

You weren't standing there quite long, I hope?

[He looks down for a second, then back up at the one who had approached him once again.] Did you need something? [He certainly hoped he wasn't in the way. Though it was a rather large Cathedral.]

Ahaha... aha... you don't need to reply to this I am sorry

[notsogrimreaper]

[Ryoji offers the tense boy a calm smile.]

It's all right. I didn't really want to interrupt, and don't worry, I wasn't standing long.

[He shifts a bit back and forth on his feet. Now that he's being asked what he needs, he realizes how silly he's acting. Surely the boy has other people to comfort him.

But no. Anyone here needs as much help as they can get, and really, it's no use being shy with residents who would be one's only allies in restoring the worlds. Ryoji takes a deep breath and forces himself to speak.]

I was just wondering if you were okay. This place is really hard on people, so I just wanted to see if I could help.

NONSENSE o v o

[fragileprophet]

I see...that's very kind of you.

[Ion's eyes soften. There were so many kind people here, despite everything that they'd all been through--it was truly inspiring.]

Thank you for your concern, but I'm fine, really. [He wasn't.] As well as I can be, under such circumstances. [Far less of a lie. Ion felt better with the half truth.] I'm not sure I can be helped, but nonetheless I appreciate the offer.

[A pause, then Ion shifts in his seat to look more fully at the stranger.] If you'd like to sit down, however, I'd enjoy the company and conversation--you weren't interrupting anything.

WELL IF YOU CAN DEAL WITH ME BEING SLOWER THAN A DRUGGED SNAIL

[notsogrimreaper]

[Ryoji shakes his head, chuckles sheepishly.]

Not at all. I’m not that kind! Really, I thought interrupting might bother you instead.

[Oh, Ryoji is a master of the half-truths concerning his well-being, so Ion doesn’t fool him for a second.]

If you’re sure… Still, if there’s anything you need, feel free to ask. I don’t mind helping if there’s a way I can.

I’ll stay for a while then.

[With a warm smile, he sits down beside the other boy, cautious not to get too close.]

My name’s Ryoji Mochizuki. And yours?