Attachments

[swordofzero]

Characters: Suzaku Kururugi and any and all
Setting: 10th August, Rolo's room (outside of it), gymnasium at night, following onto midnight of the 11th and the first shadows appearing
Format: Either
Summary: Suzaku tries not to remember the 10th August, and then the start of the event happens. Edit: Now with a 12th August prompt for his 'gift'
Warnings: Event stuff

[Dorm levels, outside room 4-02] He came here every day, just for a few moments, to read the name on the plaque. Rolo Lamperouge, he was still here, hadn't been lost to the dead world.

Suzaku hadn't seen him since he killed him, he knew Rolo would be found when he wanted to be and so was being as patient as he could be. He may have failed him but he would not stop caring, stop trying.

He nodded to himself and turned to leave, stopping on the way to check the network. He rarely replied but read sometimes, to check what was happening, what he might need to know.

His eyes flicked to the date in the corner and he blinked, counting the years in his head. Ten.

[Floor Seventy Four] This floor was dark enough that there were always monsters, and that was what Suzaku needed.

He had fought too many instincts, he wanted to go to the white room and forget everything for a while, but he knew Diarmuid would be furious if he found out. He wanted even more to just stop, the urge to give up rising again though he had fought it all month.

Diarmuid would be angry at that as well, and he would know, Suzaku was sure. At least the knight wouldn't disprove of fighting monsters, though he might if he knew why.

Suzaku threw himself at more and more dangerous monsters, putting himself in danger, letting the Geass save him. Very quickly the day became a patchwork of unconnected memories, with gaps.

[Throughout the tower, the eleventh] As night fell on the tower, in the early hours of the next morning Suzaku noticed a different kind of monster. Shadows, shadows with grins.

They couldn't be killed, and they followed him, as he tried to climb the stairs. They didn't try and hurt him, just followed him, grinning, seeming familiar in a way Suzaku couldn't quite put a finger on.

[12th August, mailroom and floor 73 (snowy castle floor)] The shadows were still following him, there seemed to be a couple more today and Suzaku ignored them as he had the day before.

He went to his mailbox, it was rare he ever recieved letters but sometimes Diarmuid had sent him a note, and he held to the hope that Rolo might, if the boy didn't want to speak to him directly.

There was something there today though and Suzaku picked it up, almost dropping it when he saw the name.

Genbu Kururugi and the dates. He didn't though, just left the mailroom and walked down a few floors until he got to the strange snow filled floor. He had never read this, his fathers obituary. He had been running, with Lelouch and Nunnally, blocked his fathers memory out of his mind.

During his years in the army he had tried to forget, tried to make everyone forget he was the son of the former prime minister of Japan.

It was in Japanese, obviously, and Suzaku realised with a start that whatever translated things in this tower translated them into Britannian for him.

Not something he wanted to dwell on top of this. He took a deep breath and began to read.

Comments

[swordofzero]

[Suzaku blinked at him, both because once again Diarmuid was forgiving the unforgivable, but also because what he had said about his father, admitting that he would have killed if he had not been forced to forget.

Suzaku was silent a long moment before he spoke.] Even though it was painful for you, I am glad you did forget, so did not have to make that choice.

I was childish... though it was an adult action. I believed that in killing him I could stop a war. Instead it only led to the complete subjugation of Japan...

[oathshackledbird]

Those close to me were probably glad there was a way to make me forget as well. Anger...keeps us from thinking straight and they would not have wanted to see my life wasted in an attempt to make him pay for something that could not be undone. It would have just added more tragedy to what had already happened.

[Not that tragedy had not found him anyway, but...]

You were a knight too soon, having to make a choice to put the many before yourself before you could really understand what it meant. Was this idea all yours or did another suggest it to you?

[swordofzero]

[Suzaku nodded, he knew that as well. Anger was never a good path to go down.

He looked down at the question] It was my own, I had heard the adults talking about the war, and could see the damage it was doing, I heard that my father had announced that we would fight, but some seemed to believe it would be better if we surrendered, before we were destroyed.

As I say I was childish, I wanted the fighting to stop, I didn't want anyone to be hurt anymore. I... As I say I blocked it out for a long time, but I didn't confront my father planning to kill him, at least not consciously I just wanted him to surrender and stop the fighting.

[oathshackledbird]

It is an honorable wish, to want others not to be hurt. It was a big part of the reason I wanted to be a knight after all.

[Diarmuid shuts his eyes and shakes his head.]

I wish your pure dream had not been twisted and tainted in such a way. It seems to be the way of your world, though, from what you have told me. Nothing pure can remain that way long...

[swordofzero]

"It truly cannot." He spoke quietly, "But it doesn't matter anymore." The worlds have ended and the world they lived in now, had even less hope for purity than his own.

[oathshackledbird]

"Of course it matters. If something is wrong, you never give up trying to fix it no matter what the odds," Diarmuid is half tempted to bop Suzaku on the nose like a bad puppy for saying such a thing, but he resists the temptation. After all, things have been very hard on his friend lately and Diarmuid knows it's going to take a long time for Suzaku to get back to where he was before it all happened, "Part of our goal is to return our worlds to how they were before we came here. That means once people go home, they will have the chance to change the things that are wrong. You just have to keep trying to make things better."

[swordofzero]

Suzaku looked down. He would fight with the others, help the others because they all deserved to live. They all wished to live and if they were prepared to fight for it, he was prepared to fight for them.

But somewhere, in the darkest parts of him he would not be unhappy if when the power failed in less than a years time he got to die.

After all it would be the only chance he got.

"I know."

[oathshackledbird]

Maybe it is because Diarmuid is fighting his own darkness, but Suzaku's words make him frown instead of smile. They are the right answer to the question, of course, but Suzaku's expression and his tone of voice are wrong. Diarmuid knows that tone and that expression and he can guess from his own experiences what Suzaku is trying to hide.

"Do you know? Or are you just saying what you think I want to hear?" He pauses a moment and then asks a question that might seem like it's out of the blue, but knowing Suzaku and what he has been through lately, is really more on topic than is seems, "Have you had the chance to talk with Rolo yet?"

[swordofzero]

Suzaku looked down, shamed that Diarmuid had seen right through him. Then frowned at the question, "I saw him two days ago, he is unharmed."

Not answering the question at all really.

[oathshackledbird]

No, no answer at all. In fact, it is a very weak attempt to avoid the question and one Diarmuid can see right through. He wishes they weren't so much alike, really, but if they weren't Diarmuid would have even less of an idea how to help Suzaku than he does already sometimes.

"I am glad he is well, but that isn't what I was asking and you know it. Were you able to talk about what happened?" Diarmuid doesn't know Rolo very well since they had met only shortly before Ruana's monster game and right now Diarmuid is cursing the fact he doesn't know the boy better. It leaves him unsure of how things might be going between the two after all that happened. Did Rolo accept that what Suzaku had done was not malicious, but an attempt to help or had things gone much worse?

[swordofzero]

"He doesn't wish to talk to me." Suzaku told him, looking down again. "I do not blame him, he doesn't trust easily and has been hurt many times."

And Suzaku had just added to that.

[oathshackledbird]

Diarmuid nods, though he's frowning slightly. It's a difficult situation. It is perfectly understandable for Rolo to be hurt and unable to forgive especially considering what he has been through. However, what happened hadn't been Suzaku's fault and he shouldn't have to suffer for it.

"Do you think it would help any if I talked to him? Or might that just make things worse?"

[swordofzero]

"I am unsure." Suzaku frowned, "I don't know if he would listen."

But at least if Diarmuid spoke to him, then Rolo might actually about the incident instead of keeping it locked up said the biggest hypocrite ever

"I would be grateful if you spoke to him, he needs people he can trust or at least people who wish to try and help him."

[oathshackledbird]

"I don't know him that well, but if you think it may help, you know I will do it. I wouldn't have offered otherwise. You are both good people and he needs more people he can trust. No one should be alone here.

"However, I don't know him that well Suzaku. We only met that once," a concerned look crosses Diarmuid's face. "Can you tell me a little more about him and how he generally reacts? What should I avoid? It will do me no good to try and talk to him if I accidentally say something that makes him completely lock down."

[swordofzero]

"I don't know him all that well either." Suzaku admitted, "I didn't really know him at all at home, he was with Lelouch for a year pretending to be his brother, it wasn't until there was increased terrorist activity and there was suspicion of Lelouch getting his memories back that I was sent back to Area 11 and met him." He frowned.

"He finds it hard to interact with others, he trusted Lelouch a lot, loved him like he truly was his little brother and Lelouch's betrayal hurt. Pretty much by the time I got there Lelouch had ensured he was on his side and he considered me the enemy, by the time I joined with Lelouch Rolo was dead..."

He frowned and pressed on, "Since the glamour went down he has failed to see the use in anything, I don't think he had much of a sense of self before that even. He acts suspiciously around people and doesn't hesitate to kill them, it takes a lot of trust before he even considers you worth living, never mind anything else..."

[oathshackledbird]

It's not a lot and some of it Diarmuid isn't sure how he should take to be honest, but it's is a start, "Do you think I need to worry about him attacking me or trying to hurt me if I talk to him? I have no idea what he thought of me after we met that day. Did he ever say anything to you?"

Rolo definitely needs more people he feels he can trust, but trust is such a hard thing to get someone to give, especially once they have been hurt by those they thought they could trust. Diarmuid can't blame him for not wanting to be around others after how he was used, but being so alone and distrustful is no way to live. He just needs to find a way to get Rolo to believe that...something that is going to be even harder if he has given up the way Suzaku makes it sound like he has.

[swordofzero]

"He liked you, but he might have connected you with me, in which case he may not speak to you." Suzaku frowned, "It may be best to meet him on a non powered floor, if he attacks it will be with his powers, and so even if he attacks you physically when he cannot use them you will be able to try and talk him down, something you cannot do if he stops your time."

[oathshackledbird]

A concerned look crosses Diarmuid's face, "Is he so upset that you think he may attack instead of trying to talk?" If so, things are worse than he feared. He had hoped that Rolo would talk to him as an acquaintance who is concerned about him as opposed to immediately becoming hostile because he is someone connected to Suzaku. That he might not get that chance at all is worrying.

[swordofzero]

"He was trained as an assassin from as long as he can remember. Attacking is what he knows." Talking was hard, for Rolo, Suzaku understood that much.

"He may surprise me, but he finds it difficult to care about people."

[oathshackledbird]

"Or hides it well because the last time he did, he was hurt by it," Diarmuid sighs. The more he learns, the more complex this this becomes and the more he worries about messing something up or making things much worse. Still, he won't give up.

"What do you think would be the best way for me to approach him? A letter asking for a meeting? Though, that he could just ignore or 'forget.' If I go to his room to meet with him, I may put him on guard and there would be no negation of his powers there. Of course, asking him to meet me on a power draining floor would seem suspicious anyway..."

[swordofzero]

"Yes..." He winced, "Especially since that is what I did..." Before he had killed him. He shook his head, "Even if he had been the monster... he practically said that he would not have cared and knew that things would go back to normal once Ruana got bored or the month changed. It would have been best to leave it, rather than destroying his trust like that."

[oathshackledbird]

"Hindsight is 20/20. That is what they say now, isn't it?" Diarmuid ponders this a moment, wanting to make sure he is using the saying right and then shrugs, "Right or wrong, it doesn't matter. My point is that it is always easy to see what you could have changed or done differently once something is done, but if you let worries that you are doing something wrong stop you nothing will ever be done. You had the best of intentions. It is just sad that here, that is often not enough to guarantee the outcome you want."

[swordofzero]

"Yes, something like that." Suzaku wasn't sure of the saying either but nodded.

"Seeing how he is now, I cannot help but wish I had decided against acting." Rolo was too broken for Suzaku to feel anything but soul crushing guilt about the fact.

[oathshackledbird]

"Perhaps, but the past cannot be changed. You're trying to help fix things now. That is what you need to focus on," Diarmuid pauses as they finally reach the floor with the incinerator on it and motions toward the obituary that they had come here to burn. "This is advice I have given you before and nothing has changed it. We are the only ones who can fix the things we felt have gone wrong in the past. If we lose ourselves to pain and guilt nothing will be done. I know a simple action cannot really rid one of something that is so much a part of them, but let throwing that into the incinerator be a small release of it all. A break form letting it control you. A promise that you will keep working to fix everything so that in the end you will find yourself as well."

[swordofzero]

Suzaku nodded slowly, it was indeed advice he had been given before, and yet sometimes whenever anything happened, whenever he made yet another mistake or bad decision he forgot it all.

He often was amazed that Diarmuid was so patient with him. He nodded stiffly and stepped towards the incinerator, it was almost unbearably hot and he gripped the obituary in his hand.

It was indeed a small thing, but at the same time a big thing, letting go of something. Not the guilt, never that, but something. The fact that he had let it define him, since the mad man told him what he had done. Since he had unlocked the doors in Suzaku's head.

The paper fluttered from his hand and started burning as it went through the door, Suzaku stood in silence, unable to drag his eyes away, long after it was gone.