Counter Guardian Arturia @ Tower of Animus (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
no_longer_a_king) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
towerofanimus2013-08-13 03:35 pm
no_longer_a_king) wrote in towerofanimus2013-08-13 03:35 pm
Entry tags:
ITP: Shadow Children
Who: [AU5] Saber and YOU.
Format: Starts prose, will match replies
Setting: Various places
Summary: Arturia makes flower chains because there needs to be a break from angst, finds Saber's cat and misses those who left the tower, runs into the first of the shadows, is saved from a hoard of them by Veigar, and then dies toward the end of the week.
Warnings: Character death, shadow children, Veigar
[A: Floor Twenty-five; Meadow; Prior to Event; Angst break]
It was boredom that led her to decide to play with flowers like she hadn't done since she was a child. Pure and simple boredom and a desire to simply do something inane for once. Arturia had long ago stopped worrying about what would happen if someone caught her doing something childish.
That was why she currently sat amongst the flowers in the meadow, carefully, very carefully, picking and cutting and knotting flowers together. Slowly but surely the chain of flowers she was working on grew and grew. Now, if only she could figure out what to do with this chain she was crafting. Maybe give it to someone? But who? And what could she possibly fashion it into?
[B: Dorms; Backdated to just after Infiltration]
Arturia was on her way in from doing a round of monster hunting, tired and exhausted, when she felt something rub at her legs. She looked down to find a pair of bright greens eyes looking up at her. It took a moment to register that this was a cat and not just any cat, but Amy: the cat her other self had taken in.
Arturia had been under the impression the little thing had disappeared along with Saber's belongings when she had left the Tower. What was it still doing here? Was it a monster? Or an illusion made of Glamour and film?
It didn't matter, did it? Not when the creature was pawing at her skirts and Arturia remembered spending time in Saber's room, marveling over Avalon and the people who had held it in their stead. She bit her lip, feeling a lump rise in her throat as she knelt down and picked up the cat. So far, it appeared to be nothing more than a cat. So most likely it was nothing more than a film construct.
But, given that Irisviel and Ilyasviel and Mordred had all been homunculi, did that make 'Amy' any less real?
"Maybe I should take you in?" There was a sad note in her voice as she realized she may never see Saber again. Nor Archer. Nor Rin. Nor any of the others she had grown close to. Why had they been sent away? It wasn't fair!
And immediately, she felt bad for that thought, knowing that people being sent away had not been intentional. There was only so much Zo could do, after all. If she wanted to see them again, she'd have to find a way to fix that and lessen the burden on the boy. Except how?
Myao!
"One moment, little one. I'll look after you now. Let's see if we can find you something to eat, all right?"
And, picking up the cat, she went looking for something she could possibly feed it.
[C: Various; Day Two of the event]
It was after she found an ID Card in her mailbox that she began to notice them. The shadows she had seen down below. Given her 'present' and Jason's post on the network, she was wary of them. They did nothing to harm her and generally stayed out of the way of others, but there was something beyond their nature that unnerved her.
Perhaps it was how familiar a few of them seemed? Arturia could quite pinpoint how, something about the way they moved. They would flit about, yes, and seemed to press unnaturally into the corners to allow people by, but there was still something about the way the gaggling of shadows she was sure were following her that was eerily familiar. On occasion she'd tried to find that smile that matched the one on the card she kept with her, but no. No. That shadow was not among them from what she could tell.
It was when they started speaking that she suddenly understood why they seemed so familiar.
Father....
Arturia jumped, turning and seeing nothing but the small gaggling of shadows before her.
"Mordred....?" she called, looking around.
It was the smallest shadow that spoke.
Why did you erase me, Father? Was I not good enough to live?
Arturia had never known Mordred's fate after making her wish. If the boy (?) had lived somehow or been erased with her own existence. It didn't matter now, not when that shadow was talking with Mordred's voice.
It had to be a trick, right? Nothing more than another trick of the Tower.
I see you've taken to replacing me with another, came Lancelot's voice next. Another shadow, this time much taller, it's smile not as wide but the way it seemed to slump giving her a clue as to who it was.
What do you expect? She's heartless. Even we, who she claimed were her friends, were nothing to her. That's why she can replace us so easily. Even that boy she claims to love, see how she fawns over that other boy here as if he's nothing but a common cuckoo for believing she would never hurt him.
No. Gwen. Not Gwen. Anyone but Gwen. But the shadow flitted close to her until all Arturia could see was blackness and that wide white white smile.
Right.... Arturia?
She turned from the shadow and hurried up the steps. A trick. It has to be a trick. It couldn't be anything but a trick. That's all it is. Another illusion of the Tower.
She just had to shut her ears to them. How bad could it be?
[Floor Ten; Aquarium; Day 4 of the event; Closed toadorablyevilish]
Liar!
You stole him from me! How could you steal him from me? I loved him first!
If you hadn't existed, I could have been happy! Why should you live as you when this is my fate? Why can't I be the one to be happy for once?
You were supposed to protect us! Yet you abandon us! Even now, should we be restored, you think of abandoning us! How could you?
How can you claim to be a knight, much less a king, when you destroy all you love? How?
You're no sister of mine. Why did I even bother to look out for you? I should've insisted Father leave you to the wolves instead of take you in!
Arturia was more or less catatonic now, surrounded by the shadows pressing in on her on all sides, each scrambling for her attention. She'd managed to quiet them briefly by asking the growing crowd to let her get someplace out of the way as not to inconvenience others. Perhaps, knowing they would get what they want from her, they had calmed until she came here. There was no escaping this, none that she could find, and she was so very tired of running from these things. It was getting hard to even keep her eyes open, to concentrate on anything but the litany of voices around her.
People rarely came to the aquarium. Hopefully, the growing crowd would not attract people. And dear whatever deity may be listening, there was a crowd. Millions, perhaps billions of them fluttering about and pressing in on her. Despite how Arturia knew she tended to focus on simply Camelot or Shirou, her responsibilities were farther reaching. A Counter Guardian was meant to protect humanity throughout time and space.
And, somehow, she failed even in that regard.
It didn't matter. This is what Arturia knew she deserved. She was weak, a failure as a king, as a Guardian, as anything she set her mind on now. Perhaps she would fail even this Tower. She had been one of the ones responsible for destroying the power cores. The people here would die soon, too. And soon.... soon she had a feeling the crowd would get their fill of her.
Even now, her energy failing, she searched the crowd of them, looking for that familiar smile and clutching the card in her hands.
[Day 5; Closed]
It was on the fifth day, when she had no choice but to sleep in her bed that he finally came. Arturia could not even delude herself at this point. These things were who they said they were. They had to be.
That was why when the crowd went silent and parted for one particular shadow child, she knew exactly who it was. The smile was just as white white white as the one in the school ID she had been clutching in one hand, but with a bit of a crook to it she would recognize anywhere.
If there was ever a time she thought Shirou most attractive, it was when he was smiling. It was a shock to realize that accounted for him in this form, too.
"Hello, Shirou."
Hello, Saber.
"I'm sorry."
I know. I'm sorry I waited this long. I.... I wasn't sure if you would try to hurt me again or not.
"If I could do it over again, I wouldn't have done it."
I know.
"....stay with me? For a little while?"
All right.
And the shadow laid down beside her. Not touching her, no, the ghost of its hand reaching out to cover hers. She was so weak she couldn't even feel it, but she tried to imagine how warm the hand had been in life, the way it felt to be held by him. Even though she asked for it, his presence alone brought no comfort to her, brought no joy. All it did was remind her she did not deserve this, did not deserve comfort or warmth or love or joy.
She was supposed to save her nation and had wound up destroying it.
She had sworn to protect the boy laying beside her and wound up killing him with her own hand.
She was supposed to protect the world itself and somehow she had messed up even that.
Arturia had been nothing but a failure. That's all that she ever would be. It was time she finally accepted it.
It's a few hours later when her collar finally goes completely clear, that she finally drifts off and lets the darkness take her. The very last thing she feels is the press of something--she isn't sure what--to her forehead and she shudders. Not even a kiss could bring her comfort. The very thought that even like this Shirou is trying to comfort her only drives the point home. If she couldn't protect kindness like this, then who could she protect?
Format: Starts prose, will match replies
Setting: Various places
Summary: Arturia makes flower chains because there needs to be a break from angst, finds Saber's cat and misses those who left the tower, runs into the first of the shadows, is saved from a hoard of them by Veigar, and then dies toward the end of the week.
Warnings: Character death, shadow children, Veigar
[A: Floor Twenty-five; Meadow; Prior to Event; Angst break]
It was boredom that led her to decide to play with flowers like she hadn't done since she was a child. Pure and simple boredom and a desire to simply do something inane for once. Arturia had long ago stopped worrying about what would happen if someone caught her doing something childish.
That was why she currently sat amongst the flowers in the meadow, carefully, very carefully, picking and cutting and knotting flowers together. Slowly but surely the chain of flowers she was working on grew and grew. Now, if only she could figure out what to do with this chain she was crafting. Maybe give it to someone? But who? And what could she possibly fashion it into?
[B: Dorms; Backdated to just after Infiltration]
Arturia was on her way in from doing a round of monster hunting, tired and exhausted, when she felt something rub at her legs. She looked down to find a pair of bright greens eyes looking up at her. It took a moment to register that this was a cat and not just any cat, but Amy: the cat her other self had taken in.
Arturia had been under the impression the little thing had disappeared along with Saber's belongings when she had left the Tower. What was it still doing here? Was it a monster? Or an illusion made of Glamour and film?
It didn't matter, did it? Not when the creature was pawing at her skirts and Arturia remembered spending time in Saber's room, marveling over Avalon and the people who had held it in their stead. She bit her lip, feeling a lump rise in her throat as she knelt down and picked up the cat. So far, it appeared to be nothing more than a cat. So most likely it was nothing more than a film construct.
But, given that Irisviel and Ilyasviel and Mordred had all been homunculi, did that make 'Amy' any less real?
"Maybe I should take you in?" There was a sad note in her voice as she realized she may never see Saber again. Nor Archer. Nor Rin. Nor any of the others she had grown close to. Why had they been sent away? It wasn't fair!
And immediately, she felt bad for that thought, knowing that people being sent away had not been intentional. There was only so much Zo could do, after all. If she wanted to see them again, she'd have to find a way to fix that and lessen the burden on the boy. Except how?
Myao!
"One moment, little one. I'll look after you now. Let's see if we can find you something to eat, all right?"
And, picking up the cat, she went looking for something she could possibly feed it.
[C: Various; Day Two of the event]
It was after she found an ID Card in her mailbox that she began to notice them. The shadows she had seen down below. Given her 'present' and Jason's post on the network, she was wary of them. They did nothing to harm her and generally stayed out of the way of others, but there was something beyond their nature that unnerved her.
Perhaps it was how familiar a few of them seemed? Arturia could quite pinpoint how, something about the way they moved. They would flit about, yes, and seemed to press unnaturally into the corners to allow people by, but there was still something about the way the gaggling of shadows she was sure were following her that was eerily familiar. On occasion she'd tried to find that smile that matched the one on the card she kept with her, but no. No. That shadow was not among them from what she could tell.
It was when they started speaking that she suddenly understood why they seemed so familiar.
Father....
Arturia jumped, turning and seeing nothing but the small gaggling of shadows before her.
"Mordred....?" she called, looking around.
It was the smallest shadow that spoke.
Why did you erase me, Father? Was I not good enough to live?
Arturia had never known Mordred's fate after making her wish. If the boy (?) had lived somehow or been erased with her own existence. It didn't matter now, not when that shadow was talking with Mordred's voice.
It had to be a trick, right? Nothing more than another trick of the Tower.
I see you've taken to replacing me with another, came Lancelot's voice next. Another shadow, this time much taller, it's smile not as wide but the way it seemed to slump giving her a clue as to who it was.
What do you expect? She's heartless. Even we, who she claimed were her friends, were nothing to her. That's why she can replace us so easily. Even that boy she claims to love, see how she fawns over that other boy here as if he's nothing but a common cuckoo for believing she would never hurt him.
No. Gwen. Not Gwen. Anyone but Gwen. But the shadow flitted close to her until all Arturia could see was blackness and that wide white white smile.
Right.... Arturia?
She turned from the shadow and hurried up the steps. A trick. It has to be a trick. It couldn't be anything but a trick. That's all it is. Another illusion of the Tower.
She just had to shut her ears to them. How bad could it be?
[Floor Ten; Aquarium; Day 4 of the event; Closed to
adorablyevilish]Liar!
You stole him from me! How could you steal him from me? I loved him first!
If you hadn't existed, I could have been happy! Why should you live as you when this is my fate? Why can't I be the one to be happy for once?
You were supposed to protect us! Yet you abandon us! Even now, should we be restored, you think of abandoning us! How could you?
How can you claim to be a knight, much less a king, when you destroy all you love? How?
You're no sister of mine. Why did I even bother to look out for you? I should've insisted Father leave you to the wolves instead of take you in!
Arturia was more or less catatonic now, surrounded by the shadows pressing in on her on all sides, each scrambling for her attention. She'd managed to quiet them briefly by asking the growing crowd to let her get someplace out of the way as not to inconvenience others. Perhaps, knowing they would get what they want from her, they had calmed until she came here. There was no escaping this, none that she could find, and she was so very tired of running from these things. It was getting hard to even keep her eyes open, to concentrate on anything but the litany of voices around her.
People rarely came to the aquarium. Hopefully, the growing crowd would not attract people. And dear whatever deity may be listening, there was a crowd. Millions, perhaps billions of them fluttering about and pressing in on her. Despite how Arturia knew she tended to focus on simply Camelot or Shirou, her responsibilities were farther reaching. A Counter Guardian was meant to protect humanity throughout time and space.
And, somehow, she failed even in that regard.
It didn't matter. This is what Arturia knew she deserved. She was weak, a failure as a king, as a Guardian, as anything she set her mind on now. Perhaps she would fail even this Tower. She had been one of the ones responsible for destroying the power cores. The people here would die soon, too. And soon.... soon she had a feeling the crowd would get their fill of her.
Even now, her energy failing, she searched the crowd of them, looking for that familiar smile and clutching the card in her hands.
[Day 5; Closed]
It was on the fifth day, when she had no choice but to sleep in her bed that he finally came. Arturia could not even delude herself at this point. These things were who they said they were. They had to be.
That was why when the crowd went silent and parted for one particular shadow child, she knew exactly who it was. The smile was just as white white white as the one in the school ID she had been clutching in one hand, but with a bit of a crook to it she would recognize anywhere.
If there was ever a time she thought Shirou most attractive, it was when he was smiling. It was a shock to realize that accounted for him in this form, too.
"Hello, Shirou."
Hello, Saber.
"I'm sorry."
I know. I'm sorry I waited this long. I.... I wasn't sure if you would try to hurt me again or not.
"If I could do it over again, I wouldn't have done it."
I know.
"....stay with me? For a little while?"
All right.
And the shadow laid down beside her. Not touching her, no, the ghost of its hand reaching out to cover hers. She was so weak she couldn't even feel it, but she tried to imagine how warm the hand had been in life, the way it felt to be held by him. Even though she asked for it, his presence alone brought no comfort to her, brought no joy. All it did was remind her she did not deserve this, did not deserve comfort or warmth or love or joy.
She was supposed to save her nation and had wound up destroying it.
She had sworn to protect the boy laying beside her and wound up killing him with her own hand.
She was supposed to protect the world itself and somehow she had messed up even that.
Arturia had been nothing but a failure. That's all that she ever would be. It was time she finally accepted it.
It's a few hours later when her collar finally goes completely clear, that she finally drifts off and lets the darkness take her. The very last thing she feels is the press of something--she isn't sure what--to her forehead and she shudders. Not even a kiss could bring her comfort. The very thought that even like this Shirou is trying to comfort her only drives the point home. If she couldn't protect kindness like this, then who could she protect?
no subject
Yeah, he was a bit obsessed with self reliance and in the fact that no one ever came to his rescue when he was taken to the torture chambers when he was young...
"If they are all angry over that... then they are pityful. Why should a single person shoulder the weight of their world?"
no subject
There was a quirk of her lips as she remembered Archer, regretful and passionate and hurting just as much as she. One of Shirou's possible futures before she cut his life so short by her own hand.
"I was not the only Guardian, but I was the only person to survive my world's fall. Most people did not know we existed. Part of our duty was to make sure no one knew of our existence."
Veigar was intelligent. Surely, she thought, he would understand the implications.
no subject
Did he care if Saber was uneasy by his words? Preposterous!
"Surely you do not believe this falls unto your shoulders and yours alone? Or did you have TOTAL assurance that you could have prevented this?"
no subject
Well. She mattered enough to Veigar for him to come to her and she cared enough about him that she would not let herself be encircled as she had been before.
"I did not know I could even survive such a thing, my soul is tied so tightly to my world's. Yet when I went back, even that connection was dead. Technically, I should not even exist anymore, yet here I am."
no subject
He paused, narrowing his glowing eyes and mayhaps this next part was more annoying to let out that he'd like. "I can control space and time and dimensions... matter itself! I can create events that only occur in the farthest reaches of space by the most powerful events in the cosmos by simply willing it into existence... I can create the very opposite of matter, that which all beings are composed of, on a whim... And yet here I am. Stuck in this most WRETCHED of places, in the very predicament we all seem to be in." With a low annoyed growl
Which honestly might sound more cute than menacingVeigar scoffed."This place is much more than anyone could have ever even imagined. The other Sabers said similar things, as to them not being able to exists here and yet think of all that I spoke and all that you've witnessed in this place. Here? You might as well toss away any rules, restrictions and laws you might have ever thought of possible because this is a place that consumes any logic, any chaos and any laws and spits them out in an amalgamation of whatever the hell it desires."
no subject
"I'm the one who destroyed them in the first place."
"My duty to the world, it.... I had to kill anyone and anything that might end humanity indiscriminately and anyone who got in my way."
Once she started, she couldn't stop. Over the course of the next hour, she told him. Told him about her birth, about being raised to be a knight, drawing Caliburn, ruling, her Kingdom's fall, dying, making her wish, the Grail War, everything.
She kept how close she got to Shirou to herself, selfishly. Even if she was pouring her heart out without meaning to, some part of her still sought him out among the shadows. This part of her that believed if she spoke of him, he would not show even if it was a completely irrational thought.
Her voice faltered when she got to her betrayal of Shirou, but she forced herself on, explaining this was the main divergence between herself and the other Sabers. She did not seek anger or place blame on anyone but herself, even if the way she suddenly could not keep still and suddenly began to shift her weight continuously between one foot and the other belied how it bothered her even now. But she continued on, told him of the Grail's corruption spilling over Camelot, of being sent there to destroy it and drive it back and slaughter her entire Kingdom, of how she had no say in this and no control over her body.
How it did not stop with Camelot and how she could not pick and choose who it was she killed.
no subject
"Though even so... and they very well might have all the angst and hate and what-the-blazes ever against you. What exactly are you proving or atoning for by letting yourself be killed or defeated now?"
At this point, Veigar had sat on a nearby table. Oddly enough, he really liked listening to stories...
"If you really want to make amends for all these perceived wrongdoings you might have. I suggest you first beat this place, get yourself and all these trapped souls out of here and then deal with atonement wherever it is you wish to do so later on if you so wish to still give in to such."
With a sigh, Veigar looked away for a moment. "I don't say it often, I really do hate the heroic, goody two shoed types but with how selfless you have seemed to be... and how many you have saved at the cost of your own life. I think you're being much harder on yourself than you really should be."
no subject
What Saber needed more than atonement was to forgive herself, really. Something she didn't think herself capable of in her current state. Not tired as she is, even if Veigar is making good points and not while some part of her is trying to pick Shirou out of the crowd.
"I threw away my honor, my life, my right to be king, and for what? For a corrupt Grail? To slaughter the very Kingdom I tried to save? To kill countless more across time and space without knowing anything else about anyone?"
That was the true danger of the shadows to Saber, really. They were not saying anything new, but rather things she already thought about herself. Things she normally ignored, but were difficult to when they were being screamed in various voices appropriate to each thought. It was sinister how perfectly these creatures could get to her.
She sighed, sitting on the table next to Veigar and ran her hands across her face in a very tired gesture before they came to rest on the back of her neck.
"I'm tired. I am tired of fighting, but I know no other way to be." Helping people was so ingrained into her being she could not simply stop for a moment. She was already fighting the Administrators and trying to find ways to free everyone. Yet there was more she could do. She had no idea what, but there was.
"Some days I want to sleep for a very long time and forget everything. Maybe then I can finally rest easy instead of waiting until exhaustion claims me before I can sleep."
It had been a few days since she last slept. As a Heroic Spirit, she didn't require it as much as most people. She did, however, still have to sleep every few days as per the systems in place in the Tower and it was fast approaching that time.
no subject
And maybe, had it been anyone else, he would have delighted in letting them dig themselves into their own grave. But this was Saber, a confusing yet valuable ally throughout the time they had met and while he was keen on working alone, there had been an odd bond bron between them that he still couldn't quite comprehend.
"I believe you are right in some of your observations Saber. You need rest, that much is clear. Exhaustion, and from the looks of things, it isn't mainly physical in your case, will deteriorate even the most stalwart of beings rather quickly the longer they continue with such clouded doubts and worries." He paused, looking around for a moment.
"You don't seem to be in much of a state to move far. But I belueve you should lay down here and rest. I, the all powerful Veigar, will make sure no harm comes to you while you rest."
A few moments passed before Veigar looked away and huffed, not wanting it to sound like he had suddenly gone soft. "Err, as allies of course."
no subject
But he was right in a way. Arturia was exhausted, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. This Tower just brought it all to a head for her and now she was being followed by embodiments of, if not the people she'd known, then her own mind eating away at itself. Some part of Arturia wondered if soon she would finally break and, when she did, what would happen then. Would she finally let herself rest? Would she go mad?
"All right. If I have you watching out for me, I know I'll be safe." Considering what she knew him to be capable of? She didn't doubt it. He cleared the room of shadow children and they hadn't come anywhere near them sense then.
Not bother to care about appearances, she scooted back onto the table more fully and laid on her side so she could watch the fuming Yordle. At least he hadn't ranted at her about being stupid when she told him her story. It felt almost cathartic to get it out to someone who had never even heard of the Holy Grail before coming to the Tower.
no subject
"Of course I'll be here woman, it isn't like I have anything better to do!"
Which she'd know by now that it was Veigar speech for , 'I got your back, don't worry.'.
While she rested, Veigar sat diligently by his ally's side. Every now and then he'd look back at her to see if she was alright and then he'd go back to watching the area. It really didn't bother him to remain idle for a long period of time, at least not while he was protecting something he cared about.