Breakfast With a Side of Hopelessness

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Characters:  Naminé (lethechained)
Setting: Floor 1, the cafeteria
Format: Starting this way, will match.
Summary: Naminé's been spending most of the event trying to fight the experiment effects, but it looks like it's a battle she's losing. (Attempting to fight transition to Stage 3.)
Warnings: Angst, hopelessness, lethargy. She's still got enough of a handle on herself to not try to kill most surgical experiment victims, although the more she likes them the more likely she is to suggest an... er, solution to their predicament, but most likely will not actually act on anything unless they agree to it. Hence, possible mentions of suicide or character death.



In all of her short, short lifetime, she had never felt like this.

Third time's the charm, they said, and whether that applied to her third captivity or her third life, it fit. Even though from the beginning she'd recognized these abnormal feelings as foreign and likely related to those notes she'd received, and she'd fought so valiantly for so long, she couldn't deny that they did make sense. That hopelessness... it was the correct way to feel. It was the truth - what chance did they stand of finding a way out, especially with such powerful captors? She'd spent all of her life in cages. The only thing that ever changed was just that those cages had gotten progressively bigger. What could have ever made her think that one day the door would be open? Almost everyone else seemed to have hope, and for so long she'd tried to encourage that in them and in herself, but now... now, she realized how futile it was, how cruel it had been of her to do such a thing. It had been cruel to try to make friends, too, when they didn't even know what she was or what that meant.

Her breakfast sat unfinished next to her on the table. She regarded it silently as she mused, body slumped in her seat in sharp contrast to her usually stiff posture and her head resting on the table, turned only far enough for her to eye the breakfast she'd only barely managed to force herself to fetch in the first place, and then only because her last meal had been breakfast the day before and her stomach would not have it any other way. It was pointless, of course, but the small part of her that was still urging her to fight this sensation had been most insistent, and hunger, at least, she could do something about. It had taken her a long time to convince herself of even that. (After all, if the food was poisoned, it wouldn't make any difference, anyway. If they wanted her to eat poisoned food, they could make her do it and she wouldn't be able to resist.)

Her grief was quiet, and though it was for them, it seemed poor assistance for everyone here, for everyone else who might be (probably was) dead, for anyone that might still find their way here.

Comments

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Ironically enough, Naminé's interest in drawing was rather similar. It had begun as part of her work because it helped with the use of her powers, and from there it had just... continued. She hadn't known what else to do when she wasn't using her powers, and so she'd continued to draw.

Naminé's attention to her food was also limited, but enough for her to slowly clear more space on her plate. The mention of the selection of options being "nice" made her nod in response. She did not make any mention of the fact that she had thought as much, regarding Aqua and making things. "That sounds like fun." At least, since drawing was "fun", in her understanding, surely making other things could also be that way.

The blonde girl blinked, looking briefly surprised at the question, but wasn't about to say no. "--Sure. If you want to."

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"I'd like to see them," Aqua returned warmly. Her creeping paranoia had to chime in 'and maybe this way I can see if you're up to something', but she knew that wasn't the true reason she had asked (or she was pretty sure she knew). She idly moved a few morsels of fruit back and forth on her plate with the fork. Honestly, she hoped this "experiment" would come to an end soon. It was wearing her a bit thin, in more ways than one, and she was growing more and more uncomfortable with the fact that she wasn't in control of her own thoughts.

"It is fun," she eventually added, in regard to her craftsmanship. "Maybe I could teach you how to make a good-luck charm," offered the woman after a moment, giving Naminé a politely enthusiastic look. "If you don't already know."

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"Okay, then." A smile crept across her face, and although it had to be encouraged, she did mean it. Aqua certainly wasn't the only one who would appreciate the end of the experiments; Naminé would have liked to be able to smile without feeling a bit guilty. The remains of her own meal were slowly dwindling, now that she could muster the interest to eat.

It was quite fortunate for Naminé that she wasn't attempting to swallow when Aqua mentioned teaching her to make a good luck charm and, more jarringly, if she didn't already know, because otherwise, the blonde girl would probably have choked. Instead, she just stilled, then turned to look at Aqua again a little more slowly than necessary. Kairi... was the one who made good luck charms. Naminé had only ever made false ones, horrible, manipulative shams for the purpose of tricking people into thinking she meant something to them. For an instant, she could almost have believed that Aqua knew, somehow, that someone had told her-- but that look, polite though it was, was still enthusiastic. Quick to try to compose herself, Naminé worked to ease her face into a more comfortable expression and only marginally succeeded. "I..." Now, if only she'd come up with a suitable answer in that time. "... I think that might be fun." She didn't have the heart to reject her, even though an instant later she regretted it. There were so many reasons she shouldn't do that, shouldn't take up Aqua's time, but something in her made her say yes.

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Aqua gradually picked away at her food in the time it took Naminé to respond, but the strange reaction unfortunately did not go without notice. She immediately sprang into all sorts of wild theories: maybe she did already know, and why would she want to hide something like that if she did? Did she know more than what she was saying? Or maybe she just didn't want to spend time with Aqua -- maybe she was secretly harboring some kind of hatred.

Goodness gracious, it was only a pause.

...and a weird expression. And stumbling over words-- okay, okay. Think about it later if it's that important. Conversation was now. Aqua's enthusiasm became something a little more subdued and sympathetic. "You don't have to, if you're worried about it. But I think it would be nice -- something to hold onto when hope seems far away." She certainly had never expected her Wayfinder to turn into what it did. It seemed to her like Naminé could use something that would remind her to hope.

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Something she could hold on to....

That nagging hopeless feeling wouldn't let her get away without a 'what good would it do?' Still, maybe that was why she'd said yes in the first place - it was something tangible, something to do, something that wasn't fake, something to remind her. She knew creating real charms wouldn't make the sting of any of the false ones she'd made go away. It might even make it worse. And yet... poor pennance though it might be, the idea was appealing. At the same time, shame crept up from the back of her mind. Who did she think she was, trying to make charms like Kairi? On one level she was curious to try it herself, but on another it felt like some kind of despicable attempted usurpation of Kairi's role. Kairi was the one who was real; Kairi was the one who had value, who made things that meant something to someone. Feeling a little ill, Naminé almost took it back, almost said that she'd changed her mind, but it was that last comment that kept her on course.

If she was the only one holding on to it, then what harm could it do? If it might help keep her going so that she wasn't a burden to others, then wasn't it worth it? "...No, it's okay. I-- I want to learn." And keep it to herself, once she had.

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She wore a delighted smile at Naminé's response. "The fifteenth floor has a workshop. We could do it there," suggested the mage. "I didn't bring any materials with me, but I bet we could find something to use." Between her magic and her inherent craftiness, Aqua didn't doubt that there would be enough to work with on that floor. If none of the tools tried to kill them, anyways.

That wasn't something she really wanted to think about. "I'm in Room 1-07," she went on, "If you ever need to find me. I'm in the libraries a lot, too." She almost instantly regretted telling Naminé her room number, as she was hit with a flood of possibilities ranging from an attack in her sleep to an ambush by an eavesdropper. She'd just have to put some enchantments around her bed. She wouldn't have anything to worry about if Naminé was truly harmless.

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The smile made it seem worth it, regardless of any lingering misgivings. Naminé couldn't help smiling back - not that she tried to stop herself. "Okay." It came out a little breathy, almost like there was a bit of sigh to it. "That sounds good." There certainly wasn't anywhere else that came to mind, and she wouldn't have wanted to disparage Aqua's suggestion even if there had been.

1-07. Namié nodded and was careful to remember that, as she was with all information provided to her. There was little hesitation before Naminé responded with her own room number; to wait and use that information for something seemed... to her, at least, a bit too underhanded for someone like Aqua, and Naminé was quick to remind herself that any retribution she might face even if such a plan was enacted would probably be deserved. There was nothing to fear, anyway, not when death was so transient (as was safety) in the tower. "I'm in Room 1-15." A pause, during which she felt as if she should add something more, as Aqua had, then, "I... go to a lot of different parts of the tower." Not that that was helpful, but it was true; when Naminé spent time outside her room, it was often in a variety of places.