towerofanimus | my will cannot endure

Entry tags:

my will cannot endure

Characters: Sertoria Cani and OPEN.
Setting: See prompts.
Format: Starting prose, but can match.
Summary: Having too much faith in some people can hurt you in the end.
Warnings: Standard tower warnings, especially regarding this event.

backdated to August 12th

[ Floor Thirty-Eight ]

For the most part, Sertoria's been able to ignore her shadow children. Her hands are in her robe as she's walking, her head bowed. She would have liked to hear Joshua's voice again, but not like this. Not like this...

"Do you not miss me, Sertoria? I know I have missed you... Of course, I died long before you had a chance to destroy Quaeda. Disappointing, because I thought I taught you better."

The android sighed as she walked through the room, stopping for a few moments to turn around to address her shadow child.

"You are not the real Joshua. The real Joshua that I know would not say anything like that to me, especially while accusing me of destroying the very same planet he wanted me to protect the rest of my life."

It seemed like the shadow laughed heartily, shaking their head at her before it died down.

"So coldhearted, Sertoria! Then again, not much is to be expected from you. After all, you are really nothing more than a robot. It makes me wonder why I even bothered with a cold, mechanical thing like you."

Sertoria's eyes widened, her hand gripping in to a fist and she took a step back until her second shadow child appeared behind her, giggling quietly.

"What's wrong, Sertoria? Are you going to be running away from all your problems, like that time you holed up in that cave for so long because you were a defective piece of junk?" taunted the girl who was smiling warmly.

"Drusilla..." Sertoria was sure that she could feel her breath caught in her throat. Here was the girl who--no, no, they weren't real.

They are not real, Sertoria! Get yourself together!

"Maybe I shouldn't have helped you... You're quite the ungrateful little machine, Sertoria. Though, what's to be expected from a selfish thing like you? You're living because we're dead. How's that not selfish?"

Her hands clasp together as if she's praying - hoping that the torment will simply stop before it gets worse.

August 13th

[ Floor Five ]

Sertoria told herself that she would never go to this floor and yet, here she is. She swore she could have felt Joshua's shadow wrap his arms around her as they looked at their world being destroyed over and over again, which only helped fuel the flames that were burning so brightly.

"Nice job on wrecking Quaeda so bad because of your selfishness, Sertoria~ ? Now we don't have a resting place after this is all done. At least you survived so that you can continue to fool people to think that you're totally not a killing machine," giggled Drusilla as she continued to smirk evilly.

"...Quaeda can be restored... I-I will prove it to you! I will work hard to get it restored!"

"You cheeky little robot... Always believing in yourself and not anyone else. Maybe you should die here so we can all be a happy family."

"I have proved people wrong before. I can do the same to you."

So, then, why did their words still sting even after she was so convinced that they weren't the real Joshua and Drusilla?

Please...stop defiling their memory...

August 14th

[ Floor Fifteen ]

Working tended to get her mind focused on other matters, so Sertoria could be found in the workshop trying anything to focus on what they were still working on. It may have been inconsequential work, but she was determined to try at least something productive to get her mind off of what her shadow children were saying.

"How could you ignore me, Sertoria? I am rather hurt that you would be so cold and heartless to not be happy that I am at least talking to you."

To hopefully drown out their voices, Sertoria had a music box on one of the tables playing a tune every so often, humming along to it as she busied herself with things.

"I wonder why you keep doing this. If Quaeda's destroyed, you can finally rest because your creators can't bother you. Isn't that what you wanted~?"

Not like this. I want to deal with them on my own terms. Now they will not see me as someone who can stand on her own without their assistance. I believe that they can still be saved. As long as she kept responding to their jeers vocally, they could have more ammunition to use against her. If she internalized her comebacks, then they couldn't hurt her any further.

That's what she hoped for.

August 15th

[ Floor Ninety Nine ]

Sertoria was tired... so tired. Tired of suffering, tired of seeing other people suffer, tired of people suffering around her. Unlike the previous few days, she's not found in her cloak and rather just her tunic. The crystal cavern was beautiful, really, but the way her eyes - more her soul, rather - was working, it was hard to appreciate the beauty of such a place.

She tried to see further ahead, but her vision was so foggy and her processor was unable to properly focus on anything.

"If you ask me, you're not allowed to die in such a beautiful place. Joshua may have died peacefully, but I didn't. How dare you be so selfish to think you could do this scot-free?"

Stop...

Her collar was awfully pale and her optic sensors were failing to focus on the scenery in front of her properly.

Optic sensors are unfocused. Recalibration is in process.

"Now you can rest with me for eternity, Sertoria. Will that not be beautiful...? No more pain, no more suffering... But, I wonder if it is truly possible. Do you even have a soul?"

Please...stop...

August 17th

[ Floor Eighty One ]

System SPERO must recharge. Current power is at 20%. System SPERO must recharge. Current power is at 20%.

"I do not care..." Sertoria spoke in a defeated tone as she laid down on one of the couches. Any form of strength or power she had dwindled down to nothing as her collar was quickly depleting of color. Doc was dead, chaos was dead, Labrys was dead... She was sure that more of her friends had succumbed to this event and she was finding herself on the tail end of it, too.

Current power is now at 15%. If CXEV5001 does not recharge, system failure is imminent. It is imperative that CXEV5001 recharges immediately.

"I said I do not care. Now shut up."

"I'm impressed, Sertoria. You managed to survive this long while everyone you care about here dies. How selfish. You should just die already. Why aren't you?"

"I promise that if you die, everyone will forgive you... Maybe. Do you deserve forgiveness, Sertoria? I do not think you do..."

A sigh escaped the tired android as she lifted her arm, looking at the panel she had open.

Current power is at 10%. Rerouting stored power in to central components. Shutting off any extraneous components to preserve power source. It is important for CXEV5001 to recharge immediately.

"What is the point? Everyone I love and care about is dead or has died from this event and I cannot do anything about it beyond survive without them, even if death is not permanent here," spoke Sertoria bitterly. Maybe it would be better for her program to give out. Maybe then Joshua and Drusilla could be happy, as well as the rest of Quaeda. Her eyes slipped closed and she waited for her power supply to give out completely.

Current power is at 5%. Shutting down power to arms and legs, storing reserve power to central components is complete. CXEV5001 will be shutting down in roughly thirty minutes.

"Goodbye..."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

His second day is slightly better than his first, now that he knows Shiro is fine. After finally getting to see her, he finds himself slightly more cheerful regarding his situation. As a result of that, he finds himself exploring the place. After spending what felt like an incredibly long time on the elevator, he steps off. His eyes widen at the area before him. It is unlike any place he has ever seen...

Then, his eyes land on the slightly familiar person, "H-Hey... Are you ok?"

He quickly rushes to her side, with barely any regard for what kind of situation he could be in. He kneels down in front of her, looking at her face with a concerned expression as he waits for her response.

Edited 2013-08-14 20:15 (UTC)

What snapped Sertoria back to reality was Ganta's voice. The fluid in her collar wasn't quite white as it still had some orange tint to it, so thankfully she wasn't completely gone to this world.

Her head lifted up and she looked sleepily up at the boy, a slight smile on her face.

"You are that boy... I am sorry, I am not feeling physically, mentally, or emotionally well," she said, chuckling slightly. How many times was she going to have to experience people dying in front of her in some way or form? Why couldn't she do anything to stop it?

"Why are you lying? You should just hide behind a mask like you normally do!"

I want to improve... Do you not see that I am trying my best here?

His face tenses remarkably at how she looks. He realizes what looks different. Her collar... it is almost completely white. Her words give his gut a sinking feeling. Something is definitely very wrong, here. What... can he do, though? Well, no matter to what he can or cannot. Point blank, he must do something.

"Well, what can I do?!" The tone of his voice is slightly raised.

His face does nothing to hide how he feels about this situation. There is a very worried expression there, but there is also an expression of motivation. He obviously is willing to do whatever he can to help her.

The more the shadows tormented Sertoria, the quicker her collar drained of color. Her head hanged as she struggled to stay awake. People were still depending on her, no matter what and she couldn't just give up.

So, why was it so appealing to give in...?

"I-I do not know..." Her voice was quiet as her head readjusted itself to get comfortable against the crystal. "I... Maybe you can drive them away."

"Now you want to toss us away for these people?! Sertoria, how could you, after all I've done to repair you from the virus you suffered!"

If Sertoria could, she would have started to cry. Instead, she was just tired, and while the boy's presence helped matters, it was not a full fix.

Edited 2013-08-15 09:18 (UTC)

"Drive them away...?" His eyes land on the strange shadow-y figures with a questioning expression.

He frowns and looks back to Sertoria, "You mean those weird-looking... shadow people?"

He stands and looks closer at the shadows. How exactly do you drive away a shadow? They do not look like normal shadows. Even more importantly, what exactly are they doing to Sertoria? It is obviously something bad.

So, maybe now is not the time for questions...

"...She's h-had...enough."

Rick's voice, though still infected with his typical stutter, was surprisingly assertive. He marched in from the stairs, eyes narrowed and shoulders hunched, a combination of determination and exhaustion; his own three shadows leaped at his heels and occasionally threw themselves in front, testing him with their lifeless grins. But he had an agenda--he walked through them and continued until he was close enough for Sertoria to see him, and then crouched in front of her, trying to catch her eyes.

His collar, too, was considerably faded. But with every person he confronted its color returned, and with it his strength. Saving her was necessary for both of them now.

"S-Sertoria...l-look at me."

Recalibration is complete. Optic sensors are working at 100%.

Even though her eyes were focused again, Sertoria found it to be a difficult task altogether to see anything beyond despair over the fact that her shadows were right. She didn't deserve to perish so peacefully here. After all, she was the reason they couldn't be around anymore. A wry sort of grin crossed her face and just as she was about to finally break her silence, Rick appeared.

Her blue eyes widened slightly at him and she paused to look up at him with a tired smile on her face.

"R-Rick..."

He smiled back, feeling somewhat relieved. At least she wasn't yelling at him...no, that wasn't the right mentality to have. Rick swallowed the lump out of his throat and gingerly extended a hand--the one that wasn't covered in dried blood, permanently curled into a fist by his side.

"...H-Hey..." And then his lip quivered and he had to work very hard to regain his composure. "...I-I-I f-figured...y-you c-c-could use...s-some h-help?"

Sertoria willed her arm to move and she placed her hand in his own, too tired to hate and too tired to argue at him right now. He was trying to help her and she was very grateful for that.

"I would like that," she responded sleepily. "Can you help, though...? I am not sure how to deal with these beyond ignoring."

He clasped her hand with a firm squeeze, just to reassure her that he wasn't letting go, and rolled to her side, ready to swing her arm over his shoulders and give her walking support.

"I...I've f-found th--that, um...b-being with p-people you...c-care...about..."

Rick smiled sheepishly and turned exceptionally red. His shadows quietly hissed and backed away.

"--C-Can you s-stand up?"

Just the reassurance that a friend was here was enough to keep Sertoria going at least for a little bit. She whimpered when she heard Shadow Joshua make another jeer at her, hoping to break her completely.

"I... think I can. I feel weak, Rick. So weak..."

Of course, she didn't want anyone to see her like this. She thought--no, she believed that she deserved to feel like this all because of how selfish she was.

Rick gently tried to lift Sertoria upright, though his own knees were wobbling to the point where, if she lost her footing, she might take Rick with her. He didn't worry about that at the moment--it was far more pressing to keep her focused.

"--Y-You're n-not weak. Sertoria, you are...e-e-extremely strong--s-stronger than...than me...b-by a l-lot."

Sertoria used her impressive strength when Rick lifted her back up to her feet. Her legs felt like putty at this point, but she would try to stand with his help.

"...Thank you. I appreciate that from you, Rick," she said, smiling gently at him, even if the light in her eyes was dimmed. The gestures he was trying to do to make her feel better definitely helped alleviate the numbness she felt.

Edited 2013-08-15 04:55 (UTC)

"...I-It's t-t-true," Rick assured, beaming almost comically at her approval. Two of his shadows seemed to have wandered off; the third paced around them, muttering curses of betrayal. My replacement? Why not, you've already seen her in a towel, sewn up her lingerie...pig...

Despite her, he continued forward, carefully leading Sertoria towards the stairs. If she was going to collapse from exhaustion, he'd rather that happen in her bed and not in the middle of a cave where monsters wandered about.

"You were...w-willing t-t-to help m-me, even...even a-after I hurt you s-so b-badly...If that i-isn't s-strength...I-I d-d-don't know what--what is."

Sertoria dared to move her hand up to ruffle his hair, giggling slightly.at his beaming. It seemed like she was already feeling better, even though the shadows said otherwise.

"I am hurt, Sertoria... How could you replace me like this? I thought that I was your one and only."

She sighed as Rick helped her over to the stairs, some of the orange fluid returning to her otherwise nearly white collar. "I am sorry that I picked such an odd floor to rest my head on."

However, his words were what made her pause. She widened her eyes and soon gave a protective squeeze to the shapeshifter, a sign that all was forgiven. "Well, it is in my nature to help the weak, but I do not think you are weak, Rick. I may have raised my voice at you, and for that, I am sorry, but you are amazingly kindhearted and I would like to continue being friends with you."

Rick's hair was successfully ruffled, and the deep red hue of his face rapidly overcame his ears and neck in response. Crippling embarrassment kept him from doing much more than grinning like an idiot for the first minute or so of their subsequent ascent.

When he finally managed to regain his composure, Rick still wasn't able to sum up everything he wanted to say. He settled for something simple:

"...I...um...m-me...t-t-too. Thank...thank you."

That was followed by another few moments of silence, save the agitated murmurs of shadows. In the meanwhile, he returned Sertoria's squeeze with his own--he'd wrapped his other arm around her waist for the sake of stability, although that was his injured hand, and he was probably getting bloody smears all over her tunic. Oh well. Onwards!

Sometimes simple things spoke the greatest volume as far as what people wanted to say. Or that was what Sertoria believed, at any rate. At his gratitude, she grinned happily. After all, she would be fine as long as she surrounded herself with friends.

"Do not mention it."

Although, when she noticed the bloody hand print on her tunic, her eyes widened and she stopped walking. A slight grunt came from the android and she chuckled. "See? Here is proof you are strong. You ignore pain like this for the sake of others."

She placed her hand on top of his own so that his blood could be soaked up on her clothing before she tore off a sizable portion of her tunic. Then, she tied the cloth around his hand, making sure it'd be safe and secure until he could get proper medical attention.

Idly, flinching as Sertoria uncurled and tied up his hand, Rick murmured, "...S-Strong enough t-to hurt myself, m-maybe."

It was an appropriate comment to make--he'd grabbed the Tower's present to him so tightly that it left a significantly deep gash in his palm, and as if he didn't learn his lesson after the first day, he kept opening up the wound by holding onto it again to combat periods of grief or to inspire strength. At this point his nerves were probably damaged; after patching up the wound, Rick noticed that, while his hand pulsed with lingering pain, his fingers felt numb and heavy, twitching sluggishly when he tried to move them.

He abandoned playing with his hand and gave Sertoria a thankful smile. Then, with more concern: "...Are you f-feeling okay? S-Still tired?"

Sertoria could only chuckle when she heard his murmurs, shaking her head slightly at him. "There is that, too, but I meant more in the emotional and mental sense."

She didn't really seem too bothered by mending up a wound like this. She did, however, want him to go to the infirmary when this was all said and done. The android never liked to have her friends suffering unnecessarily, especially during an event like this.

Sertoria smiled back and shrugged her shoulders slightly. "My power input is at 85%, so I suppose I am not that tired."

Rick pulled a face. Power input...he smiled and shrugged it off. Sertoria was to him, first and foremost, a person--a living creature, synthetic or not. Trying to envision her otherwise seemed unnatural, so any mention of such matters threw Rick off-guard.

"Um...good." He went to scratch his scalp, but the hand available was his recently-bandaged one. It hovered by his ear for a moment before he decided against the action and, awkwardly, let it fall to his side.

A moment of silence followed. Then Rick gathered his nerves and said rather abruptly, "--S-So ah--I was j-just, um, g-g-going t-to w-walk you b-back to your r-r-room, but--is there s-somewhere else, o-or, um, s-something, ah...?"

Blistering charisma, as always.

Sertoria caught on to his facial expression changing, blinking slightly. Did she have to simplify terms when it came to describing how she performed on a daily basis around him? She assumed yes.

She shook her own head and chuckled, smiling warmly, even at her shadow's behest.

"I...think I would like to spend more time with you. I can focus less on my shadows and more on you when I am around people I like."

Rick bowed his head--if it was possible for him to blush more than he already was, he did so.

"...I'll, um...I'll s-stay with you a-as long as you n-need me."

Sertoria?

[In his insistent denial and ignoring of the four shadows behind him, Waver had naturally wandered into the workshop. He'd been hoping to find some form of distraction, and though a conversation wasn't what he'd expected the magus couldn't complain.]

Sorry, I didn't expect anyone else to be here.

Waver...?

[ Sertoria picks her head up as the music box continues to play its' soft, melodic tune. She tries to ignore whatever commentary the shadows have for her to the best of her ability as a friend was here now. ]

It is all right. There is strength in numbers, right?

Ordinarily, I suppose. What are you working on?

A few of Doc's projects to pass the time as well as focus on something besides our lovely guests.

Seems like you and I had the same idea, then. I hadn't given much thought on what to work on, which I'm starting to realize was poor planning on my part.

Perhaps something minuscule, just to get focused on something else?

Shiro was suddenly hanging upside down in front of Sertoria and gave her a big grin. "Shiro found you!"

Then she smoothly got back to her feet with a small gymnast salute. Only then did she notice how pale Sertoria looked. Her expression turned from joyful to downright worried.

"Sertoria looks like she's sick. Is Sertoria sick?"

And then she remembered Sertoria was a robot. "Is one of Sertoria's circuits damaged?"

If there was anyone Sertoria didn't want to see in this way, it was Shiro. She had grown to like the girl since meeting her in the tower and felt like she could get close to her.

"I am... not quite well, but I will be okay once this pain stops."

For Shiro's sake, Sertoria was smiling like she normally would be without the influence of her shadow children, even though she was tired.

The smile reassured Shiro a bit. Still when Sertoria mentioned being in pain, she frowned. Shiro knew what pain was. She had been experiencing it in the worst way possible in Deadman Wonderland. Pain so acute it had made her brain shatter, it had made her want to die. She remembered it had stopped one day though... or at least she would only feel it in her dreams. Because Aceman had come to save her and had taken the pain onto herself so that Shiro would be spared.

"What pain, Sertoria? Maybe Aceman can help make it go!"

It must have been odd for Sertoria to say that she was in pain, what with being a robot. She cursed herself for even mentioning that she was in discomfort, but it was true. After seeing a friend die yet again in her arms, she was numb; the only way she could prevent feeling any other upsetting emotion. She sighed, but kept smiling, even though it was painful.

"...Can Aceman make emotional and mental pain go away?"

Edited 2013-08-15 06:57 (UTC)

Shiro was not sure but she didn't want Sertoria to keep feeling pain.

"...Aceman helped Shiro."

She tried to sound hopeful.

This was not a Doc but a Dog that entered the workshop on this day! No worries however, usually Einstein's arrival in an area was the sign that Doc was about to follow, so he probably would be there in a matter of minutes at worse. He was quite energetic at that and immediately went to Sertoria when he saw her working on something.

The dog however immediately growled at the shadow children following Sertoria around. He had seen a few of them around Doc and had witnessed the disastrous effects they had had on him, to say the least. These things are dangerous. Even though he couldn't bite them, hee would still bark at them. Probably not very effectively.

"I don't know why you bother. You tend to break everything you touch, like our world for instance."

Sertoria merely regarded Shadow Drusilla with a sigh and turned her head, focusing on the task at hand. She blinked when she heard the soft footsteps of Einstein and turned around, breaking out in to a smile. She got on to her knees to pet the dog while her music box played.

"Einstein... It is okay, they will not hurt you," she said, trying to calm the dog down. Even though their words continually went through her like a sword, she was still managing to be strong despite it. "Where is Doc?"

"S-Sertoria...!"

No, no, no, first Raven and now--no, he wasn't going to let her go, too. She wasn't dead yet, just...very tired. Yes. He hadn't checked up on her in a little while, that made sense. Hopefully not too long. Oh god, what if it had been too long?

Rick jogged to the couch Sertoria had claimed, ducking past her shadows and collapsing in a kneel by her head. His expression was confused--hopeful, ultimately, but her collar was alarmingly clear and she didn't seem especially responsive, if even awake. Half dreading what kind of reaction he was going to get, Rick urgently shook her shoulder.

"--H-Hey, w-w-wake up!"

CXEV5001 will be shutting down in twenty-five minutes. Shutting down reserve to weaponry. Shutting down reserve to nuclear, kinetic and plasma energy to conserve for future use. Time until completion: Two minutes.

Blearily, Sertoria forced her eyes open as they refocused slightly while her systems were shutting down. Unlike yesterday, though, her eyes seemed dimmer than usual, either a side effect of her systems shutting down or because she really did want to die.

"...Hm? What is it, Rick?" Thankfully, her speech recognition as well as her vocal software wasn't shut down just yet, but it was close to being turned off so that it'd be working the same way when she would be reactivated next.

Oh that didn't look promising at all. Rick gave her a smile, but it was strained from concern and desperation.

"J-Just...ch--checking up," he stammered, trying to tilt her head so he could get a better look at her eyes. "You're, um--n-not very f-focused. C-C-Concentrate on m-me, okay?"

As Rick moved Sertoria's head, she was preferring to just snuggle in the couch. She could still see his form in full, but was more or less done for if she didn't recharge soon.

"Why...? My savior hates me," she mumbled. Now that her head was turned so he could look at her closer, the lights that made up the white portion of her eyes were dimmed and they seemed smaller so she could focus on nearer objects.

Not again, not another! Rick shook his head emphatically, even though he knew he was fighting a lost battle; the first tears of defeat were already starting to collect at the corners of his eyes.

"--N-No h-he d-d-doesn't," he insisted stubbornly. "Th--That's j-just what the sh--shadows w-want you t-t-to think. S-So m-many p-p-people c-care about you h-here."

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my will cannot endure

Floor 99/Crystal Cavern/08-15

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floor fifteen

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Floor 99

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Floor 15

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hi me again - August 17th - Floor 81

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