mirror mirror, tell me something...

[doesnotgetit]

Characters: Hakuno Kishinami (doesnotgetit) & Shinji Matou (looselips)
Setting: Floor Nineteen
Format: Action
Summary: Between the shadows following her and the present the administrators gave her, Hakuno finally breaks.
Warnings: Emotional angst. Lots of emotional angst.

[In the past months, a sort of numbness has fallen over Hakuno. The sadness and depression had slowly been eating away at her for months, but she had endured. She tried so hard to endure. But as the months passed, it felt like more and more weight had been added to her shoulders - Saber's disappearance, Rani's short appearance and disappearance, being brainwashed by the administrators, killing Caster, Caster's disappearance, Rin's disappearance... the girl had been at her breaking point for weeks now, but still she managed to avoid falling over the edge.

That is, until today.

It had started with the package. The mirror that had shown up in her mailbox without a letter attached just seemed like a weird piece of junk at first - she couldn't even see her reflection in it! But when she had taken it out again to examine it while in the cafeteria for lunch, and could clearly see the reflections of the other people behind her... that. That had some really bad implications. And that was the first crack.

The final straw was when the shadows had approached her. She was unnerved by the way they were following her around - there were five of them in total, and it was only just when Hakuno decided that they weren't dangerous that they began to speak.

"Praetor!" That was Saber, her dear Saber who she hasn't seen in so long and whose voice causes her eyes to sting with tears. "Praetor, how could you!" That... what? Saber sounded angry. And not the flustered sort of anger; this was real anger. "We were Master and Servant! Nothing should have been able to part us! How could you have let this foul place return me to our world alone? How could you let me fade away without you by my side?!"

No, no, that wasn't her fault, she would have gone back if she could, she...

"Hmph, you couldn't do anything in the end." And that was Rin. Not the Rin that had been here, though their voices were the same. Somehow, Hakuno just knew that this was her Rin, the Rin who had helped her so many times in the Moon Cell, and who she had saved in return. "You tried to use the Moon Cell to help the world, but the world still ended up being destroyed! What a failure."

"It wouldn't be the first time you couldn't save someone." That voice, so even and in perfect monotone, had pierced her right through the heart. Rani, the friend she had been forced to kill in battle... there had been another Rani here, a Rani some other version of her had saved, but that didn't dampen her guilt at all.

"Killing your friends! How terrible of you, Master!" Caster, who had been so kind to her, despite how badly Hakuno hurt her..."But at lest that time you had that horrible Saber do it for you, hm~? It's not like you killed your devoted Servant with your own hand!"]

S... stop...

[But of course, the voices didn't stop. Accusations of betrayal, failure, murder, over and over again, the voices of her dear friends dripping with bitterness and hatred tearing at her already fragile heart and mind until finally...

Well. Hakuno doesn't really snap. There isn't any screaming or loud sobbing, or anything like that. Instead, Hakuno's emotional break simply results in her huddling up in a far corner of the library - the quietest and easiest place to hide that she knows - knees pulled up to her chest, forehead resting on her knees, and hands clamped firmly over her ears as the voices continue.]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry.....

Comments

[looselips]

I told them to buzz off, that's all. [He had come in here to find something to read, but he's empty-handed as he leads her toward the stairs.] I'd offer to get you ice cream or something, but that's not really an option here. Where do you want to go?

[His tone does carry some of its typical bite, Shinji jabbing at her for being the "child" in this scenario, but it's not nearly as bad as it could and has been.]

[doesnotgetit]

... That's it? They wouldn't go away when I told them to.

[Then again she pretty much IS useless without her Servant, as he will no doubt remind her, so...]

And.. anywhere's good. Just not here. I don't really care.

[looselips]

...Idiot. [He grumbles that.] Do you have a place that you actually like in this hellhole, or are you going to make me choose on my own?

[doesnotgetit]

The library is nice, but considering I was just cornered and harassed by a bunch of things that sound like people I care about, I'd rather get away from it for a while.

[Even as emotionally crushed as she is, she can still manage to snark a bit.]

[looselips]

You're the one who's upset, so I was trying to take you somewhere you'd like. Fine, though, since you're so indecisive...

[doesnotgetit]

... Sorry. [Her shoulders slump a little.] I didn't mean to sound ungrateful. It's just... been a long day. Dealing with those things...

[looselips]

[...huffs]

Whatever, it's not a big deal. [He waves a hand dismissively.] I just don't know where to go. I mean, I can't even say we should just go down to the cafeteria and get something to eat.

[doesnotgetit]

Why not? Even with the bland food they're serving this month, it's better than nothing, right?

Maybe those things are chased off by other people being around. The cafeteria would probably be a pretty safe place, if that's the case.

[looselips]

I guess so, but eating it wouldn't make me feel any better. But, hey, if that's where you want to go, fine by me.

[So!! He will start down toward the bottom floor when they reach the stairs.]

It could be. I don't know what their deal is, exactly, but I've been chasing them away from my... Well, some people I know.

[doesnotgetit]

[That's... strangely generous of Shinji, of all people...]

... Were you followed by any of them?

[looselips]

...One. [He shrugs.] It kind of pisses me off to hear Rider's voice spouting that garbage, but who cares what she has to say.

[He could say something about how this just proves that getting emotionally attached to people is stupid and useless, but he'll spare her.]

[doesnotgetit]

... You're lucky.

[Even if it had been just Saber for her, it still would've hurt like hell, but... it wouldn't have been so overwhelming.]

I mean, one voice is still bad, don't get me wrong... but four all talking at once was horrible.

[looselips]

Yeah, well, someone here has to balance out all you idiots who care more about other people than yourself.

[He tries to sound nonchalant, but something a little more prickly than that leaks into his tone regardless.]

[doesnotgetit]

[Despite the edge to his voice, Hakuno weakly laughs.]

Well, I'm glad you got to be a hero, Shinji... thanks. I really mean it.

[looselips]

Yeah, you had better thank me. I'm being goddamn generous.

[It's not about playing hero, but he doesn't really know how to express what is about, so he doesn't say that.]

[doesnotgetit]

You really are. [Boy that comment could have sounded harsh coming from other people, but... again, there's no real harshness in Hakuno's voice.]

I know what you're probably going to say, and you're right. I owe you one. I don't know how I'll be able to repay you... but I'll try.

[looselips]

[He wasn't going to say anything about that, but he doesn't correct her.]

Well, you could start by not acting so mopey all the time. [This is an excellent way to express concern. Almost as good as threatening her with bodily harm.] I mean, how do you think that makes me feel?