The Darkness Between Heartbeats

[oathshackledbird]

Characters: Diarmuid Ua Duibhne (oathshackledbird ) and anyone! (Closed prompt for Tear Grants, melodyoftheabyss , and Jade Curtiss, sarcasmancer .)
Setting: Room 4-16 on the 16th (Closed to Diarmuid), Infirmary/Collar Fluid Change on the 18th (Open), Infirmary on the 20th (Late & Open), Gym Floor on the 22nd-25th (Open with a closed section for Tear and Jade) and Various during the week he is powerless (the 18th through the 25th).
Format: Starting in prose but pick your poison from there!
Summary: After waking up from dying during the Nyx Revenge Log, Diarmuid takes a few things from his room and disappears along with Mac an Chuill, so that he can finally face that darkness inside of him and find those lines he will not cross as Saber has advised him to do. For the first few days, he will have his powers and be fine, but after the 18th all bets are off when he takes the new collar fluid and loses all of his powers. Wouldn't you know it? Orcs are a lot faster when one is just a human without powers... Once he has gotten himself back together near the end of the week, he can be found in the gym for all those folks who might want to get a spar in with him while they have a better chance to beat him...
Warnings: Angst, references to death, dark negative emotions/angst, mind control, injury, blood, stitching up wounds, mentions of evisceration, and fighting monsters. Others are possible depending on where conversations go. Will update if needed!

Room 4-16, January 16th (Closed to Diarmuid):

The Darkness. It's still there, and Diarmuid doesn't mean just because he can't open his eyes frozen by sleep paralysis as he is. What he means is the darkness inside of him. The darkness that has always been there and that he has been hiding from for...has it really been over a year now? Yes, it has. On January 4th to be specific, though Diarmuid really hadn't been thinking about it then. He had been too distracted by other things like keeping an eye on Waver while his powers returned and thinking about all the things that had happened during the incident with Jason...

It's hard to keep being distracted after Ganondorf's magic pulled that darkness out of the corner Diarmuid had shoved it into and allowed it to possess him heart and soul. Diarmuid could blame himself for letting it happen, for not having dealt with it sometime during that year, but what good would that do? It would just give that darkness power over him again.

It's time he stops doing that. Time he looks into that part of him he's been denying and stop letting it frighten him to the point that his fear is causing to happen the very things he wishes so much to avoid. It's time to find those lines, to mark them, and make sure that he never strays near them again.

It's rather ironic that Ganondorf's attempt to punish him is going to make him stronger instead. Diarmuid is positive of that. He will accept nothing less. Still, it will not be any easy process and he's not exactly sure how things are going to go. It will to take a while and he is probably not going to be the nicest person to be around at times. That is why, as soon as he can move, Diarmuid gathers a few things from his trunk, beckons for Mac an Chuill to follow, and leaves his room.

He has no plans on returning until he has to, and hopefully by then, he will be able to be the strong shoulder that all his friends and family are going to need after this.

Infirmary, January 18th (Open):

Diarmuid leaves Mac an Chuill outside the Infirmary doors when he goes in for his collar fluid change. It's very early in the day, but he has arrived early on purpose. After being missing for two days, it's likely people are looking for him, and he needs to make sure he gets this taken care of quickly, so that he can hopefully avoid running into anyone who might want to talk to him. To be honest, this is probably not the best time for him to be switching over to the new collar fluid, but at the same time he doesn't want to keep putting it off.

At least he was smart enough to switch over to his dress clothes before having it done. Considering his armor is summoned and part of his powers, once they fail things could get embarrassing fast. As it is, as soon as the power loss hits him, Diarmuid can't help but stumble. It's just as disorienting as any other time, but with the added bonus of somehow being much worse. Maybe it's because of his own state of mind, maybe it's because he knows that he can't just leave the floor and have his powers return, or maybe it's because somehow it just seems much more complete this time. No matter the reason, instead of leaving immediately, he takes a seat back in an empty corner of the Infirmary to settle himself for a few moments.

A soft whine and a lick across his hand cause Diarmuid to look tiredly up at Mac an Chuill, before reaching out to pat the loyal hound on top of the head, "Just give me a moment, okay? Then we can go. There's much to do."


Infirmary, January 20th-Late (Open):

His breath comes in shaky pants between clenched teeth as he stitches up the sword wound that starts around his sternum and crosses his collarbone ending near the top of his shoulder blade. Diarmuid has stitched up many wounds in much worse conditions and with far fewer supplies before, but he's been pushing for two days without food or sleep and his now human body is not happy with him.

Not to mention, he lost no small amount of blood getting down here. Considering how blurred his vision has become off and on, it's probably a good thing that he had Mac an Chuill to help get him down to the Infirmary in the first place. Of course, had the hound not finished off the orc that had wounded him, Diarmuid might not have had to worry about making it to the Infirmary. He would have been worrying about having to start this whole no powers week all over again instead.

Diarmuid frowns has he finishes stitching the wound and reaches for his dress shirt. Right, strike that. It's ruined until he can drag himself to floor 51 to maybe repair it. It's probably a good thing he remembered to bring his father's cloak along. It's rather cold to be going without a shirt, even for just a short time. Hesitant to get blood on the fine garment, he takes a long time to clean as much of it off himself as he can...

...and nearly blacks out in the process.

From the doorway where Diarmuid left him to stand guard, Mac an Chuill whines. The animal is clearly worried about him. He knows the smell of blood and so much of it smelling of his owner is not good. Diarmuid makes a soft sound to comfort the hound as he somehow finds enough strength to finish cleaning himself off. Once done, he wraps his father's cloak around his shoulders, pulling it close around his body and settles into a chair, ironically enough the one he had sat in a few days prior after he had gotten his collar fluid changed. Much like then, he plans on just taking a short breather and then moving on again.

The fact that a few seconds after he sits down, he passes out from exhaustion and blood loss says differently.

Gym, January 22nd-25th (Open):

Now that a few days have passed, Diarmuid has grown more used to being powerless for a long period of time, his mind is more settled, and his wound doesn't burn every time he takes a breath. He's eaten, he's rested--albeit brokenly--and is in much better shape than he was just a few nights ago when he passed out in the Infirmary. Not quite ready to return to all of those he calls family and friend, he instead makes the gym his home, carefully working out and practicing with Gae Buidhe and a monster spear that is about the same weight and size as Gae Dearg. He misses being able to summon the spear, but without his powers the weapon is out of his reach. However, his feelings of loss are tempered when he realizes the next time he summons it, he will be summoning the real thing not a glamoured copy.

That alone is enough to bring a smile to his face despite how tired he is, despite the face he is powerless, and despite the fact that he still needs to work out several things in his mind. Those things will all come. They are coming, in fact. Bit by bit. Swing by swing.

Thinking through things while practicing is as natural as breathing, after all.

Gym, (Closed to Tear and Jade):

Diarmuid's dress shirt had not been able to be saved no matter how hard he tried and so he'd made himself a sleeveless long tunic of a similar color as his uniform on floor 51 to replace it, and that's what he's wearing over his black slacks while he practices and waits for Jade and Tear to arrive. Mac an Chuill sleeps nearby and with his senses reduced because his powers are gone, Diarmuid knows that the hound, sleeping or not, will likely be the first to notice when Jade and Tear arrive. That is why Diarmuid has positioned himself so that he can practice while keeping an eye on the dog.

Despite all that has happened this week, he is excited to get to meet Tear again. She might not be the same as the one he had known, but from what Jade has told him, she is every bit the talented and kind soul the other version had been. He looks forward to actually getting to work with her this time.

Various Floors, January 16th-25th (Open):

From the time he wakes up and leaves his room through the whole week he is powerless, Diarmuid is going to be on the move. It won't be until he starts hanging out in the gym toward the end of week that he begins spending a great amount of time any one place, which means that he can be found just about anywhere if none of the above listed prompts seem interesting. Keep in mind that since people know to look for him on floor 100 because he goes there a lot to think, he will be avoiding that floor. Once he has lost his powers, he will also be avoiding most of the more dangerous floors in the Tower since, while he has a lot of his mind, the last thing he wants to do is get himself killed.  This latest death was death number seven--not that he will tell anyone who doesn't realize it themselves--and he has now firsthand started feeling the odd effects that come from having died so many times.

Finally, considering his poor shirt got ruined--stupid orc--and he is going to be making himself a new one, feel free to use floor 51 as a prompt after the 20th if you would like!

Comments

[oathshackledbird]

Orcs...are faster when you are without your powers...

[Diarmuid smiles at her weakly. Part of him hates having to bother her, but at the same time, he knows he can't afford to be so injured while he is without the special abilities he is used to. Not if he doesn't want to just have to do this all over again next time collar fluid changes come around. And fortunately for her, he doesn't really think about if her powers are glamour or not since so many of the people he knows are rotating when they switch out. Whether real powers or not, he is just grateful for the offer.]

If it's not too much trouble? I got a little healing on it last night, but it's a pretty severe wound.

[It would have been worse if he hadn't managed to duck when he did, but details...]

[attheclocktower]

[Xion nods, and casts a quick Cure spell, which should take the worst off, and for good measure, a Days-brand Cura (which functions like Regen, healing smaller amounts over time). All in all, it won't do too much to heal the injury - Cure spells were more field medicine and first aid than cure-alls - but it will take a fair amount of the pain off, and probably shave off a couple days of healing time.

Pulling out a chair, Xion takes a seat next to him. From across the room, a strange creature comes trotting over, holding one of Xion's in-progress projects. Diarmuid might notice the similarity to one of the more common Tower monsters, though this one seems to be an uncorrupted form. Xion takes the project out of the Dusk's hands, with a quiet word of thanks, before turning back to Diarmuid.]

You got your collar fluid changed out?

[Her voice is low, in case there are any eavesdroppers nearby, besides Xion's Dusk and any chipped retrieval units, such as Xion's own, whom she's named Suna.]

[oathshackledbird]

[Diarmuid doesn't really care if the spells are more field medicine than anything else. They take the edge off the pain and that is a great relief to him.]

Thank you. Yes, I did. It...was time.

[Even after what had happened with Nyx or maybe in part because of it, Diarmuid knows more than ever that now is the time to get this done with. If he is learning who he is again, it is only proper he learns his powers from ground zero as well.

Or at least, learning how much their loss really does affect him day to day. Like this whole needing to eat and sleep thing...

He watches the little creature curiously as it approaches. While it does remind Diarmuid of some of the monsters he's fought, it's obvious this one is different. Mac an Chuill can tell as well as the dog wakes up at its approach, but doesn't grow aggressive. Instead, he stands, stretches, and then wanders over to try and give the creature a big wet lick.

Despite how tired he is, Diarmuid can't help but laugh.]

I hope your friend doesn't mind kisses...

[attheclocktower]

[The Dusk, as it turns out, is not at all appreciative of the kisses, as Dusks are not built for sturdiness or solid stance, and thus the licking makes it wobble and teeter. It flails its hands a little before flitting away in that odd way Dusks move and hides behind Xion's legs.

Laughing a little herself, Xion reaches out and pats it on the shoulder.]

It's okay Sunny. I don't think he means any harm.

[Her eyes alight on the dog, interest and barely concealed enthusiasm growing in them.]

I didn't know you had a puppy.

[She reaches a hand out, unable to resist.]

[oathshackledbird]

Sunny is it's name?

[Diarmuid looks to Xion for a moment before looking down at the small creature hiding behind her.]

Don't worry, Sunny. Mac an Chuill isn't trying to eat you, I promise. He just wants to be your friend.

[He smiles at the Dusk and then looks back at Xion, nodding.]

My brother asked Zo if I could have him back one month and he approved the request. You don't have to be afraid of petting him. He is very friendly despite the fact he is trained for protection and hunting. Just be careful. He really does like giving kisses...

[attheclocktower]

[Xion nods]

I got Sunny after... well the end of last month. [Jason.] We used to have Dusks all around the castle back home. They'd do all sorts of things, stuff like guarding, and cleaning. Most of the others didn't really act like they cared about them that much. [Xion's smile is a bit too understanding of the Dusks' plight] But I remember this one. He used to clean a lot in the Gray Area - the place where we would visit when we weren't on missions. I think... we sort of became friends. We can't really talk much, but I thanked him once for cleaning up for us, and he started leaving flowers, like sunflowers and shion-asters. Then he got stationed elsewhere I think, and I never saw him again, until here.

[Xion smiles down at Sunny, who seems to preen at the attention, look once at the dog nervously, then scuttle past and head elsewhere in the room, probably to get something else he thought would be helpful.]

I'm glad he's here, even if I didn't recognize him at first.

[That being said though, Xion now has a dog to greet. Her expression brightening almost immediately, she slides off her chair onto her knees, reaching out to Mac an Chuill in an open gesture. She's very clearly inviting the dog closer.]

[oathshackledbird]

[Mac an Chuill needs no further invitation and happily trots over to sit where she can hug him all she wants. He even tries to lick her face a few times, though he can be dodged if she tries hard enough.

Diarmuid chuckles at the over-friendly animal.]

I'm sorry. I've tried to train him out of that, but...you can see just how well that has worked. It is good Sunny was brought back to you, though. Every creature should have the chance to be with someone who cares for them like you obviously care for him.

[There is a moment of silence while Diarmuid slowly reaches to pick up his own project and set it aside. To be honest, as much as he wants to save his dress shirt, he should really give it up as a lost cause. Some things just can't be fixed and even if he could fix it, he still would have to find a way to get all that blood out of it. Sighing, he turns from the shirt and then carefully slips into the one Xion gave him instead.

When he speaks again, his voice is soft and a little distant.]

It's...not easy being human right now. I thought maybe it would be a good idea to work out the things on my mind at the same time my body was working out the poisons caging my true powers, but...

[This is not what he had in mind...]

[attheclocktower]

[Xion doesn't even bother trying to dodge, though she does lean back a little, giggling gleefully as Mac and Chuill covers her face with doggy slobber. It's probably one of the few times her true age (or at least something closer to it) really shines through, as much as if not even moreso than it had when she was at her own birthday party.

She isn't able to respond to his words really, even if she does hear them. Instead she waits while he slips into the shirt. When Diarmuid speaks again, Xion pets Mac and Chuill's head, drawing him away from her face so she can better listen and reply.

What he says makes her feel... odd. He wasn't human either? ]

I guess.. I really wouldn't know much about that. [Being human] But... something happened, didn't it?

[She hasn't heard any of the specifics, but she's seen enough people acting different. She's felt the tension in the air. It's not hard to pick up that something happened, for the observant.]

[oathshackledbird]

[So she isn't human either? Diarmuid can't say that he is surprised, especially after seeing her summon her weapon like she had at the party. However, he hadn't bothered to ask for details then because it didn't matter to him. Xion was Xion plain and simple.

He nods in response to her question, but instead of immediately explaining what happened, Diarmuid can't help but try to explain a little more about what he is first.]

I was born human. You would think this wouldn't feel so odd, but that all seems so distant now. On my world there is a...magical object that records the souls of heroes when they die, so that when the Earth is in danger they can be called back to fight for her again. I'm one of those souls called back to fight. I don't know what to make of the fact I am more used to being a magical being now than a human...

[He falls silents for a moment and then shakes his head, moving on to answer her question properly now.]

Yes, something happened...something that was my fault. I should have known that Sephiroth would turn to Ganondorf to help him seek his revenge, but I never thought...

[His eyes grow sad and distant. Unconsciously, his hand raises pressing forward as if it is pressing against a solid surface.]

I don't think I am ever going to be able to look at crystals the same way again...

[attheclocktower]

[Ordinarily, they might have been able to have a nice conversation about humanity and the meaning behind it. Diarmuid would probably have learned a lot about Xion and perhaps her origins and history, and vice versa perhaps.

Unfortunately the chances for that became rather dashed when Diarmuid mentioned Ganondorf.

Xion's hand petting Mac an Chuill goes very still. Her eyes blaze with a kind of quiet fire. Her voice is steely, but soft when she does finally speak.]

What did he do?

[oathshackledbird]

[Diarmuid doesn't answer her for a moment, surprised by her reaction and the mixture of softness and steel in it.

Well...Reno had said Ganondorf had screwed over his whole family, hadn't he?}

Several months ago, Sephiroth took control of my son, Ryoji, and eventually forced him to fight me and another one of his friends. When it seemed like we had finally brought Ryoji back himself, Sephiroth laughed in all of our faces and made Ryoji kill himself in front of us.

[Unbeknownst to Diarmuid, that same soft steely sound that had been in Xion's voice begins to creep into his voice as well.]

He's my son. Not only that, what was to keep Sephiroth from doing this to someone else? Someone had to stop him and so, after a long while, I did. Or...I tried. And failed.

[He shuts his eyes for a moment, teeth gritting together as he remembers where his emotions had led him. If the fight itself had not been bad enough...]

I should have known that would not be the end, but I hoped. Foolishly. Then, on the 15th, Ganondorf kidnapped four of us who were close to Ryoji, including me, and trapped us in these crystals. He infused negative emotions he had gathered from the Tower into us and use that to awaken the Goddess of Death that sleeps within my son. That infusion process also stripped away the control and will to live from those of us who had been captured. In the end, they turned us loose on the Tower and our friends and family had to kill us to stop us...

[attheclocktower]

[Xion listens as he explains, continuing to pet Mac an Chuill stiffly, though her expression gets darker the more he speaks. When he finishes, Xion gets to her feet suddenly, turning and walking a few steps away where she stops. It seems less that she's about to storm off and confront anyone, and more that she just can't sit still.]

It's been so long since he's done something big like this. [She's angry. Frustrated. She doesn't know what she expected or hoped but she's upset about what's happened] He hurts people. He always hurts people.

[It's an echo of the words she spoke to Reno a year ago, when she found out he'd been brainwashed and Shion had had to kill him]

I think it's all he really knows how to do, besides care about himself.

[oathshackledbird]

[Diarmuid understand that need to move as he is feeling it himself to a degree, but as his body tenses to move, his wound reminds him of why it would be a bad idea. He hisses softly and then forces himself to relax into the chair he is sitting in.]

I...gave him the opportunity. He was probably just waiting and I handed it to him on a silver platter. I thought I could change them. I thought I could make them understand we wouldn't just sit by and let them hurt our friends and family. Instead of doing any of that, I gave them the chance to do exactly what I wanted to stop them from doing in the first place.

[He is ashamed of his actions, but he's not going to let that shame cripple him as it has in the past. That is why he is working so hard to change things. Diarmuid is not going to allow this to happen again.]

But there is no way to teach one who does not wish to be taught. There is no way to make listen one who wishes to listen to none but himself...

[attheclocktower]

[Xion's silent for a while]

Yeah.

[She's never even bothered trying, with Ganon. Her one direct run-in was more than enough to discourage her from actively attempting to fight him. She still would, if she ever had to. If he were trying to do something stupid like take over the Tower, or hurt the people she loved right in front of her, she'd try to stop him. But Ganon... Ganon didn't care. He would never change. He didn't want to change. And to try to change him, Xion would have had to see some redeeming quality in him.

She didn't.

After a moment though, a different though occurs to her, that she should... maybe say something to Diarmuid. She turns, looking over her shoulder.]

I don't think it's wrong to fight him, and the things he does, because of things like that. We just have to pick the right time to do it.

[oathshackledbird]

There is no right time. Not anymore.

[Diarmuid shakes his head.]

I should have just stuck to protecting, not engaging. Just bought more time even if I thought he was up to something. As it is, now we have lost one maybe two weeks if we are lucky and more if we are not. And I am often unlucky...

[He falls quiet for a moment before looking up at her with a tired gaze.]

Would it be impolite of me to ask what happened between you and him? I assume something did both from your reaction and from something Reno once said about Ganondorf having screwed over his whole family.

[attheclocktower]

[Xion's eyes darkened, and she would have argued - he'd misunderstood her. She didn't mean there was a "right time" to seek him out. There was a right time to fight. There was a very specific and important difference in those words.

However, his question makes her stop and the color drain from her face. Her hands clench tightly and she looks away.]

He didn't tell you?

[But that was a stupid question. If he had, Diarmuid wouldn't have asked. Xion reaches forward, bracing her hands on a nearby table.]

There used to be another group in the Tower. Before Pandora, and Ragnarok, and whatever that stupid group Ganondorf's leading calls themselves. We didn't really have a name but... we just wanted to find out more. That was it.

Reno was... he was watching Ganondorf's group for us. I didn't know. But... I was stupid, and I wasn't being careful. Someone from my world captured me and handed me over to him.

[She bows her head]

He trapped me in a crystal, just like you. And he kept me there until the next day, when there was a meeting of Ganon's group. Reno was there, and after the meeting, Ganondorf asked him to stay behind. He brought me out, and told Reno he'd caught me spying, and he... [She pauses] He started shocking the crystal, with me inside, until Reno attacked him and proved he wasn't really on Ganondorf's side.

My friend Riku got me out, but Reno was trapped before he could escape. I think... [She pauses again, for a different reason. This part of the story, she only knows through heresay] Ganon started controlling him then. None of us knew, he acted the same. Eventually though... Shion found out, and he... he went berserk. He didn't understand and... he killed Reno. And then... Ganon said something to him ['Him" being Shion.] I don't know what. But it really upset him. He's... he hasn't really been the same since.

[In a way that scared her, but not a way that made her care any less. He was her brother, when all was said and done.]

That's... that's the worst of it.

[oathshackledbird]

That's not the worst of it. It's only the beginning...

[The words aren't an accusation, just a statement of fact. The originating event is always just be beginning. Ganonodorf's torture aside--and it doesn't take a genius to guess that she is glossing over how bad things were--for people like them, the worse torture always comes later. The blame. The helplessness. The fear. The anger.

The originating event ends. Those feelings...they stay inside of a person until they are dealt with and that is the very hardest part of healing.]

So I finally have the full story. Reno told me the part about Shion, Ganondorf, and himself. He...didn't tell me your part of the story.

[Things make better sense now, the pieces finally all click together to show a whole. Sadly enough, that whole is still very broken.]

Everyone feels like they have failed everyone else. Shion feels like he failed Reno. You feel like you failed Reno, at least it seems that way, and Reno feels like he has failed you two...

[Reno is probably going to kill him for saying that, but the red head is on an honesty kick right now. If he wants Diarmuid to be honest, he's going to be honest. To everyone.]

You have Shion's part of the tale mostly right. What you probably don't know is that he has been working with me to try and find what he lost. To learn to control that anger and those drives that make him lose control. Progress is being made and I am very proud of him for that even if he thinks the progress isn't enough.

What about you? What are you doing to face the darkness that Ganondorf's actions caused in you?

[Perhaps that is the most important lesson he's learned from all of this. Diarmuid has finally found a new path--a wiser way--to fight the villains. If they take so much pleasure in breaking and the pain their actions cause others, Diarmuid will find a way to make sure they are denied that satisfaction. The breaking will be repaired. The pain healed and those affected will not come out the same--no one can ever be the same after something like that--but they will be stronger.

And maybe...that is the message behind the mask that he had been given when he visited the masquerade floor with Reno. Broken can be beautiful again. It will never be the same, but it can still be beautiful.

Isn't that what the Turks are suppose to be about after all?]

[attheclocktower]

[Xion's hands tighten convulsively on the table in front of her, her knuckles turning white. She doesn't like this conversation. She doesn't like being talked of and reminded of what happened. And she's never really thought too hard about what she's been doing - she's just done it. And she doesn't like being made to think about it now]

I'm going to fight. Not right now. I'm not going to go looking for him. But when the time is right, when he's doing something, some sort of evil plan, where not doing anything will make things worse than doing something, I will do whatever I have to to stop him.

[Her eyes blaze]

And I will never be some helpless pawn used to hurt my friends ever again.

[The rage in her voice is probably unlike anything he's ever heard from her before. It's certainly unlike anything Xion has heard herself speaking with. It should scare her, but it doesn't. Not much, at least.]

*pats* No worries!

[oathshackledbird]

[Diarmuid meets her anger with calmness. He has to. That anger in her voice? It is frighteningly familiar and if he doesn't stay calm...

He's staying calm.]

Continue to let this anger--this darkness--that Ganondorf has birthed in you control you and that is exactly what you will be again. He wants you angry at him. He wants you enraged because then, even if you plan, even if you wait, when that moment comes all he has to do is be himself and your anger will take over. You will stop thinking...

[He reaches out with his good arm and makes a grabbing motion.]

...and you will be his again. His to control. His to make dance. His to hurt.

Do you really want that Xion? Do you want to be used to hurt your family again? Don't make the mistake I made. Fight him when the time is right, but with a clear head and a clear heart. You have to deal with this anger now or else it will sabotage all the plans you have later.

I do not have an icon adequately angry enough for this

[attheclocktower]

[For a moment there's this odd feeling, a sort of pressure in her ears. The air around her feels overheated. She rounds on Diarmuid.]

You can't just tell me to not be angry!

[It comes out as a shout. How dare he.]

If you had any idea- all my life people have used me and hurt my friends. Hurt me. And I've always, always been too scared to do something about it. And now, the one time I'm not and you're telling me that it's bad. That the darkness is bad.

[She stops, breathing heavily, eyes sparkling with furious tears. She hasn't even touched on some of the deeper matters and intricacies - how being angry on her own behalf is such a huge step, a huge change. She's allowed to be angry. There was no being able to face him calmly for her - it was either anger or fear. And one was vastly better than the other.

She turns her back on him.]

Just go away.

It's okay...I don't have an icon to properly show how shocked he is at this reponse...

[oathshackledbird]

X-Xion? I...

[Diarmuid's voice trails off and his face pales. He's just too shocked at her venomous reaction to say anything and maybe that is for the best. Already he realizes she has misinterpreted part of what he was saying. Of course, that's not all her fault. Diarmuid is still working out so much of his own mind that he didn't clearly state that he didn't mean she couldn't be angry at all...

She just can't let it control her like she is now. At least, he thinks it might be controlling her. At this point, he might be completely wrong because there is more than he thought going on and right now he is feeling very acutely the lack of knowledge he has about her and her past. Why is she focusing on him calling it 'darkness' so much? What does she mean she's been used to hurt others all of her life?

What is he missing? Whatever it is, it's huge and it's caused him to hurt her. Something he never wanted to do.]

I...I am so sorry. I don't understand...

[attheclocktower]

Go away.

[Even as she says the words, her voice cracks. She braces herself against the table again, trying to force back the tears building in the corners of her eyes. She's still angry, though the upset is creeping up to overtake it, but either way she doesn't want him to see this. To see her like this, because then he won't want to leave her alone and that's not what she wants right now.]

Please, just... just go.

[oathshackledbird]

I...can't.

[Is he making a mistake? Diarmuid certainly is afraid that he is, especially after how insisting he stay backfired when he was trying to help Reno in the greenhouse, but he just can't leave her like this. Not when he's the reason she is so upset.

Quietly, Diarmuid stands up and moves to her side, wrapping his arms around her in a loose hug. She can easily pull away if she wants to and if she wants to be more forceful about it, elbowing him in the chest would be a very effective way of making him let go considering his wound.]

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you so much. I shouldn't have said anything without knowing more about you and your past. I...just don't want to see any of you hurt again...

[attheclocktower]

[When he refuses, Xion turns, half-ready to utter a furious retort, when she feels his arms slipping around her in a hug. It's enough of a surprise that she doesn't try to break out of it, not at first. And by the time she recovers enough to do so, the urge to is being replaced by something else.

Physical contact - of any kind - had always had a comforting, calming effect on her. And now was no different. That, coupled with his apology, was effectively dissipating the half-blind fury of a few moments earlier.

Instead, she buries her face in his shoulder, trying to hide the tears now leaking out of her eyes.]

[oathshackledbird]

[No small amount of tension slips out of Diarmuid's body when she doesn't pull away. Touch has always been comforting to him too and that is why he had to at least give it a try before he went. Had she shown any sign of pulling away, he would have let her and then fulfilled her request to be left alone, but he had to try this before giving up.

He doesn't say anything after his apology, allowing her all the time she wants to cry or to pull herself back together. One hand lightly comes up to stroke her hair once before settling back down across her shoulders.]