Diarmuid Ua Duibhne (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
oathshackledbird) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
towerofanimus2014-01-22 01:50 pm
oathshackledbird) wrote in towerofanimus2014-01-22 01:50 pm
The Darkness Between Heartbeats
Characters: Diarmuid Ua Duibhne (oathshackledbird ) and anyone! (Closed prompt for Tear Grants, melodyoftheabyss , and Jade Curtiss, sarcasmancer .)
Setting: Room 4-16 on the 16th (Closed to Diarmuid), Infirmary/Collar Fluid Change on the 18th (Open), Infirmary on the 20th (Late & Open), Gym Floor on the 22nd-25th (Open with a closed section for Tear and Jade) and Various during the week he is powerless (the 18th through the 25th).
Format: Starting in prose but pick your poison from there!
Summary: After waking up from dying during the Nyx Revenge Log, Diarmuid takes a few things from his room and disappears along with Mac an Chuill, so that he can finally face that darkness inside of him and find those lines he will not cross as Saber has advised him to do. For the first few days, he will have his powers and be fine, but after the 18th all bets are off when he takes the new collar fluid and loses all of his powers. Wouldn't you know it? Orcs are a lot faster when one is just a human without powers... Once he has gotten himself back together near the end of the week, he can be found in the gym for all those folks who might want to get a spar in with him while they have a better chance to beat him...
Warnings: Angst, references to death, dark negative emotions/angst, mind control, injury, blood, stitching up wounds, mentions of evisceration, and fighting monsters. Others are possible depending on where conversations go. Will update if needed!
Room 4-16, January 16th (Closed to Diarmuid):
The Darkness. It's still there, and Diarmuid doesn't mean just because he can't open his eyes frozen by sleep paralysis as he is. What he means is the darkness inside of him. The darkness that has always been there and that he has been hiding from for...has it really been over a year now? Yes, it has. On January 4th to be specific, though Diarmuid really hadn't been thinking about it then. He had been too distracted by other things like keeping an eye on Waver while his powers returned and thinking about all the things that had happened during the incident with Jason...
It's hard to keep being distracted after Ganondorf's magic pulled that darkness out of the corner Diarmuid had shoved it into and allowed it to possess him heart and soul. Diarmuid could blame himself for letting it happen, for not having dealt with it sometime during that year, but what good would that do? It would just give that darkness power over him again.
It's time he stops doing that. Time he looks into that part of him he's been denying and stop letting it frighten him to the point that his fear is causing to happen the very things he wishes so much to avoid. It's time to find those lines, to mark them, and make sure that he never strays near them again.
It's rather ironic that Ganondorf's attempt to punish him is going to make him stronger instead. Diarmuid is positive of that. He will accept nothing less. Still, it will not be any easy process and he's not exactly sure how things are going to go. It will to take a while and he is probably not going to be the nicest person to be around at times. That is why, as soon as he can move, Diarmuid gathers a few things from his trunk, beckons for Mac an Chuill to follow, and leaves his room.
He has no plans on returning until he has to, and hopefully by then, he will be able to be the strong shoulder that all his friends and family are going to need after this.
Infirmary, January 18th (Open):
Diarmuid leaves Mac an Chuill outside the Infirmary doors when he goes in for his collar fluid change. It's very early in the day, but he has arrived early on purpose. After being missing for two days, it's likely people are looking for him, and he needs to make sure he gets this taken care of quickly, so that he can hopefully avoid running into anyone who might want to talk to him. To be honest, this is probably not the best time for him to be switching over to the new collar fluid, but at the same time he doesn't want to keep putting it off.
At least he was smart enough to switch over to his dress clothes before having it done. Considering his armor is summoned and part of his powers, once they fail things could get embarrassing fast. As it is, as soon as the power loss hits him, Diarmuid can't help but stumble. It's just as disorienting as any other time, but with the added bonus of somehow being much worse. Maybe it's because of his own state of mind, maybe it's because he knows that he can't just leave the floor and have his powers return, or maybe it's because somehow it just seems much more complete this time. No matter the reason, instead of leaving immediately, he takes a seat back in an empty corner of the Infirmary to settle himself for a few moments.
A soft whine and a lick across his hand cause Diarmuid to look tiredly up at Mac an Chuill, before reaching out to pat the loyal hound on top of the head, "Just give me a moment, okay? Then we can go. There's much to do."
Infirmary, January 20th-Late (Open):
His breath comes in shaky pants between clenched teeth as he stitches up the sword wound that starts around his sternum and crosses his collarbone ending near the top of his shoulder blade. Diarmuid has stitched up many wounds in much worse conditions and with far fewer supplies before, but he's been pushing for two days without food or sleep and his now human body is not happy with him.
Not to mention, he lost no small amount of blood getting down here. Considering how blurred his vision has become off and on, it's probably a good thing that he had Mac an Chuill to help get him down to the Infirmary in the first place. Of course, had the hound not finished off the orc that had wounded him, Diarmuid might not have had to worry about making it to the Infirmary. He would have been worrying about having to start this whole no powers week all over again instead.
Diarmuid frowns has he finishes stitching the wound and reaches for his dress shirt. Right, strike that. It's ruined until he can drag himself to floor 51 to maybe repair it. It's probably a good thing he remembered to bring his father's cloak along. It's rather cold to be going without a shirt, even for just a short time. Hesitant to get blood on the fine garment, he takes a long time to clean as much of it off himself as he can...
...and nearly blacks out in the process.
From the doorway where Diarmuid left him to stand guard, Mac an Chuill whines. The animal is clearly worried about him. He knows the smell of blood and so much of it smelling of his owner is not good. Diarmuid makes a soft sound to comfort the hound as he somehow finds enough strength to finish cleaning himself off. Once done, he wraps his father's cloak around his shoulders, pulling it close around his body and settles into a chair, ironically enough the one he had sat in a few days prior after he had gotten his collar fluid changed. Much like then, he plans on just taking a short breather and then moving on again.
The fact that a few seconds after he sits down, he passes out from exhaustion and blood loss says differently.
Gym, January 22nd-25th (Open):
Now that a few days have passed, Diarmuid has grown more used to being powerless for a long period of time, his mind is more settled, and his wound doesn't burn every time he takes a breath. He's eaten, he's rested--albeit brokenly--and is in much better shape than he was just a few nights ago when he passed out in the Infirmary. Not quite ready to return to all of those he calls family and friend, he instead makes the gym his home, carefully working out and practicing with Gae Buidhe and a monster spear that is about the same weight and size as Gae Dearg. He misses being able to summon the spear, but without his powers the weapon is out of his reach. However, his feelings of loss are tempered when he realizes the next time he summons it, he will be summoning the real thing not a glamoured copy.
That alone is enough to bring a smile to his face despite how tired he is, despite the face he is powerless, and despite the fact that he still needs to work out several things in his mind. Those things will all come. They are coming, in fact. Bit by bit. Swing by swing.
Thinking through things while practicing is as natural as breathing, after all.
Gym, (Closed to Tear and Jade):
Diarmuid's dress shirt had not been able to be saved no matter how hard he tried and so he'd made himself a sleeveless long tunic of a similar color as his uniform on floor 51 to replace it, and that's what he's wearing over his black slacks while he practices and waits for Jade and Tear to arrive. Mac an Chuill sleeps nearby and with his senses reduced because his powers are gone, Diarmuid knows that the hound, sleeping or not, will likely be the first to notice when Jade and Tear arrive. That is why Diarmuid has positioned himself so that he can practice while keeping an eye on the dog.
Despite all that has happened this week, he is excited to get to meet Tear again. She might not be the same as the one he had known, but from what Jade has told him, she is every bit the talented and kind soul the other version had been. He looks forward to actually getting to work with her this time.
Various Floors, January 16th-25th (Open):
From the time he wakes up and leaves his room through the whole week he is powerless, Diarmuid is going to be on the move. It won't be until he starts hanging out in the gym toward the end of week that he begins spending a great amount of time any one place, which means that he can be found just about anywhere if none of the above listed prompts seem interesting. Keep in mind that since people know to look for him on floor 100 because he goes there a lot to think, he will be avoiding that floor. Once he has lost his powers, he will also be avoiding most of the more dangerous floors in the Tower since, while he has a lot of his mind, the last thing he wants to do is get himself killed. This latest death was death number seven--not that he will tell anyone who doesn't realize it themselves--and he has now firsthand started feeling the odd effects that come from having died so many times.
Finally, considering his poor shirt got ruined--stupid orc--and he is going to be making himself a new one, feel free to use floor 51 as a prompt after the 20th if you would like!
oathshackledbird ) and anyone! (Closed prompt for Tear Grants, melodyoftheabyss , and Jade Curtiss, sarcasmancer .)Setting: Room 4-16 on the 16th (Closed to Diarmuid), Infirmary/Collar Fluid Change on the 18th (Open), Infirmary on the 20th (Late & Open), Gym Floor on the 22nd-25th (Open with a closed section for Tear and Jade) and Various during the week he is powerless (the 18th through the 25th).
Format: Starting in prose but pick your poison from there!
Summary: After waking up from dying during the Nyx Revenge Log, Diarmuid takes a few things from his room and disappears along with Mac an Chuill, so that he can finally face that darkness inside of him and find those lines he will not cross as Saber has advised him to do. For the first few days, he will have his powers and be fine, but after the 18th all bets are off when he takes the new collar fluid and loses all of his powers. Wouldn't you know it? Orcs are a lot faster when one is just a human without powers... Once he has gotten himself back together near the end of the week, he can be found in the gym for all those folks who might want to get a spar in with him while they have a better chance to beat him...
Warnings: Angst, references to death, dark negative emotions/angst, mind control, injury, blood, stitching up wounds, mentions of evisceration, and fighting monsters. Others are possible depending on where conversations go. Will update if needed!
Room 4-16, January 16th (Closed to Diarmuid):
The Darkness. It's still there, and Diarmuid doesn't mean just because he can't open his eyes frozen by sleep paralysis as he is. What he means is the darkness inside of him. The darkness that has always been there and that he has been hiding from for...has it really been over a year now? Yes, it has. On January 4th to be specific, though Diarmuid really hadn't been thinking about it then. He had been too distracted by other things like keeping an eye on Waver while his powers returned and thinking about all the things that had happened during the incident with Jason...
It's hard to keep being distracted after Ganondorf's magic pulled that darkness out of the corner Diarmuid had shoved it into and allowed it to possess him heart and soul. Diarmuid could blame himself for letting it happen, for not having dealt with it sometime during that year, but what good would that do? It would just give that darkness power over him again.
It's time he stops doing that. Time he looks into that part of him he's been denying and stop letting it frighten him to the point that his fear is causing to happen the very things he wishes so much to avoid. It's time to find those lines, to mark them, and make sure that he never strays near them again.
It's rather ironic that Ganondorf's attempt to punish him is going to make him stronger instead. Diarmuid is positive of that. He will accept nothing less. Still, it will not be any easy process and he's not exactly sure how things are going to go. It will to take a while and he is probably not going to be the nicest person to be around at times. That is why, as soon as he can move, Diarmuid gathers a few things from his trunk, beckons for Mac an Chuill to follow, and leaves his room.
He has no plans on returning until he has to, and hopefully by then, he will be able to be the strong shoulder that all his friends and family are going to need after this.
Infirmary, January 18th (Open):
Diarmuid leaves Mac an Chuill outside the Infirmary doors when he goes in for his collar fluid change. It's very early in the day, but he has arrived early on purpose. After being missing for two days, it's likely people are looking for him, and he needs to make sure he gets this taken care of quickly, so that he can hopefully avoid running into anyone who might want to talk to him. To be honest, this is probably not the best time for him to be switching over to the new collar fluid, but at the same time he doesn't want to keep putting it off.
At least he was smart enough to switch over to his dress clothes before having it done. Considering his armor is summoned and part of his powers, once they fail things could get embarrassing fast. As it is, as soon as the power loss hits him, Diarmuid can't help but stumble. It's just as disorienting as any other time, but with the added bonus of somehow being much worse. Maybe it's because of his own state of mind, maybe it's because he knows that he can't just leave the floor and have his powers return, or maybe it's because somehow it just seems much more complete this time. No matter the reason, instead of leaving immediately, he takes a seat back in an empty corner of the Infirmary to settle himself for a few moments.
A soft whine and a lick across his hand cause Diarmuid to look tiredly up at Mac an Chuill, before reaching out to pat the loyal hound on top of the head, "Just give me a moment, okay? Then we can go. There's much to do."
Infirmary, January 20th-Late (Open):
His breath comes in shaky pants between clenched teeth as he stitches up the sword wound that starts around his sternum and crosses his collarbone ending near the top of his shoulder blade. Diarmuid has stitched up many wounds in much worse conditions and with far fewer supplies before, but he's been pushing for two days without food or sleep and his now human body is not happy with him.
Not to mention, he lost no small amount of blood getting down here. Considering how blurred his vision has become off and on, it's probably a good thing that he had Mac an Chuill to help get him down to the Infirmary in the first place. Of course, had the hound not finished off the orc that had wounded him, Diarmuid might not have had to worry about making it to the Infirmary. He would have been worrying about having to start this whole no powers week all over again instead.
Diarmuid frowns has he finishes stitching the wound and reaches for his dress shirt. Right, strike that. It's ruined until he can drag himself to floor 51 to maybe repair it. It's probably a good thing he remembered to bring his father's cloak along. It's rather cold to be going without a shirt, even for just a short time. Hesitant to get blood on the fine garment, he takes a long time to clean as much of it off himself as he can...
...and nearly blacks out in the process.
From the doorway where Diarmuid left him to stand guard, Mac an Chuill whines. The animal is clearly worried about him. He knows the smell of blood and so much of it smelling of his owner is not good. Diarmuid makes a soft sound to comfort the hound as he somehow finds enough strength to finish cleaning himself off. Once done, he wraps his father's cloak around his shoulders, pulling it close around his body and settles into a chair, ironically enough the one he had sat in a few days prior after he had gotten his collar fluid changed. Much like then, he plans on just taking a short breather and then moving on again.
The fact that a few seconds after he sits down, he passes out from exhaustion and blood loss says differently.
Gym, January 22nd-25th (Open):
Now that a few days have passed, Diarmuid has grown more used to being powerless for a long period of time, his mind is more settled, and his wound doesn't burn every time he takes a breath. He's eaten, he's rested--albeit brokenly--and is in much better shape than he was just a few nights ago when he passed out in the Infirmary. Not quite ready to return to all of those he calls family and friend, he instead makes the gym his home, carefully working out and practicing with Gae Buidhe and a monster spear that is about the same weight and size as Gae Dearg. He misses being able to summon the spear, but without his powers the weapon is out of his reach. However, his feelings of loss are tempered when he realizes the next time he summons it, he will be summoning the real thing not a glamoured copy.
That alone is enough to bring a smile to his face despite how tired he is, despite the face he is powerless, and despite the fact that he still needs to work out several things in his mind. Those things will all come. They are coming, in fact. Bit by bit. Swing by swing.
Thinking through things while practicing is as natural as breathing, after all.
Gym, (Closed to Tear and Jade):
Diarmuid's dress shirt had not been able to be saved no matter how hard he tried and so he'd made himself a sleeveless long tunic of a similar color as his uniform on floor 51 to replace it, and that's what he's wearing over his black slacks while he practices and waits for Jade and Tear to arrive. Mac an Chuill sleeps nearby and with his senses reduced because his powers are gone, Diarmuid knows that the hound, sleeping or not, will likely be the first to notice when Jade and Tear arrive. That is why Diarmuid has positioned himself so that he can practice while keeping an eye on the dog.
Despite all that has happened this week, he is excited to get to meet Tear again. She might not be the same as the one he had known, but from what Jade has told him, she is every bit the talented and kind soul the other version had been. He looks forward to actually getting to work with her this time.
Various Floors, January 16th-25th (Open):
From the time he wakes up and leaves his room through the whole week he is powerless, Diarmuid is going to be on the move. It won't be until he starts hanging out in the gym toward the end of week that he begins spending a great amount of time any one place, which means that he can be found just about anywhere if none of the above listed prompts seem interesting. Keep in mind that since people know to look for him on floor 100 because he goes there a lot to think, he will be avoiding that floor. Once he has lost his powers, he will also be avoiding most of the more dangerous floors in the Tower since, while he has a lot of his mind, the last thing he wants to do is get himself killed. This latest death was death number seven--not that he will tell anyone who doesn't realize it themselves--and he has now firsthand started feeling the odd effects that come from having died so many times.
Finally, considering his poor shirt got ruined--stupid orc--and he is going to be making himself a new one, feel free to use floor 51 as a prompt after the 20th if you would like!
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And if he tried, there would always be that grain of doubt, a hint of suspicion that it wouldn't matter because of the past.
"You seem to have yourself back together. Think it's time to end this."
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"You are so desperate to leave all the sudden when it was your idea to come here in the first place. I'm not afraid of the truth. It's why I came in here even though I am so tired. Why are you so afraid?"
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"I don't want to fight. I don't want to be a leader."
He blinked.
"What? What- what the hell?" Reno was sitting up now, pressing his hands against the floor in an effort to get up. His feet pushed into the ground and then he was standing. The confusion and instant self-loathing showed on his face when he turned to stare at Diarmuid. "I told you to stop!"
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"Red, you took up a role that you never wanted and weren't ready to take. I told you that once before. That you took it at and continue filling the role the best you can despite the fact you're falling apart, shows you are an amazingly strong and caring person, but even strong people--even amazing people--are afraid. There is nothing wrong with being afraid. Being a leader isn't easy. So many promises to make. So many promises to break..."
Diarmuid looks down for a moment, eyes distant as old memories flash across his mind. After a few moment, though, he shakes them off and looks back at Reno again, "You want to die because you are tired and it's the easy way to make all of this go away. It's the easy way to stop breaking promises. It's the easy way to stop failing. It's the easy way stop fighting..."
He stops there, though there is a question he won't speak in his gaze, Am I right?
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He had to do something, anything he could to let his anger and frustration out. Seeing his discarded mask on the floor, he stalked over to it and lifted a foot, kicking it across the floor to hit the wall on the other side. The ceramic hit solid surface with a loud crack and fractures appeared along its length, but didn't break.
It made him angry that Diarmuid was right.
Turning on a heel, he headed to the staircase, hands shoved in his pockets.
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Diarmuid knows there is no way he will be able to catch Reno if the man wishes to leave. He's not even sure he can stand up alone right now. However, Mac an Chuill is more than able to catch him and hold him. Plus, the hound is smart enough to do it without hurting Reno, which is the last thing Diarmuid wants to do.
Language warning
Diarmuid might not have intended to hurt him; the dog might not have intended to hurt him, but there's the matter of Reno's chest. The impact and the landing on the ground with a heavy dog on top of him was enough to make his ribcage crack audibly. Reno issued a shrill scream and started slinging interesting curses at full volume.
"SUNUVA SHIVA SHIT BITCH LEVIATHAN FUCKING BEANBAGS IFRIT BLAZED FUCKBALLS!!! IT'SWHATMYFATHERCALLEDMEYOUSHITDICK!"
After letting that out, he gasped in pain with each breath but unable to check how badly the damage was, since his fingertips went a little numb.
Pfffft....those curses....
The best idea would probably be to be good and just lay there.
Normally, such a loud bone crack would worry Diarmuid, but at the moment he has very little sympathy for Reno. He matches the man's curse with one of his own. It might be in Ancient Gaelic and therefore not understandable by Reno, but there are some things force and tone state quite clearly anyway.
"I gave you that hi-potion for a reason, you fool! Things like that shouldn't be wasted in this place. There is far too high a need and too low a supply!"
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"Gave it... to Elena..."
He isn't even up to arguing with Diarmuid, or push the dog away because of the dog breath that made breathing even more of a chore. For a split second, he was afraid he had the rib completely broken, so much pain...
Closing his eyes, he rested there waiting for whatever new torture the man wanted to inflict. There's damned little he could do about it now.
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"It's broken, just like you are and needs to be repaired just like mine has been. I know what I have to do to bring myself in line with my mask," Diarmuid reaches over and places Reno's mask next to his head. "Think about this for a while and then answer. What do you need to do to repair yourself as I am doing?"
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What did he need to do? He didn't know, and it didn't even matter. What mattered is keeping his face up for the others, giving them hope at the very least even if he couldn't give them anything else. When someone was in as much pain that they wanted to die, there wasn't much you could do for them.
Was there?
He had put people out of their misery before, torn up and chewed by war that living would have been nothing but agony the rest of their lives, if they even lived that long. But he wasn't dying, he was already dead and kept alive by a fake body and a fake life. The relationships were the only things that kept him going, the only things that were real. Reno had to keep going for them... it was his mission. He had to.
The mask clattered to the floor again, and he let his arm flop to the ground. Fixing pain filled eyes on Diarmuid, the impulse to answer grew until he couldn't stand it any longer.
"...I don't know."
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"Take the mask and put it on as long as it doesn't disrupt your breathing too much. I don't want to force you to answer anything else unless you want to, but I also may slip and ask a question when I don't mean to."
Despite the fact he has given Reno permission to dawn his mask to avoid any more questions, Diarmuid makes no move to replace his own mask. If the questions come, he will answer them as best as he can.
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Reno closed his eyes and took the mask, fitting it over his face and felt himself slip into the anonymous identity that came with all such masks. He didn't know if Diarmuid would remember that the person laying on the floor is him or not, but the relief from the pressure to tell the truth is immediate.
"What happened to you that you cause so much pain in others?"
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The answer is instantaneous and doesn't surprise Diarmuid at all, though he has a feeling it is not the answer that Reno is expecting. His explanation probably isn't going to help either.
"Reno, I'm not the one causing the pain you are feeling," Diarmuid pauses to make sure the man's mask is firmly in place before he continues, not wanting to force any questions on him. "Do you really think I'm the kind of person who would purposely hurt someone like you are hurting right now? The answer is no. I find no pleasure in other people's pain. Everything I am doing is because I want to help you and because I want to see you succeed. I want you happy; I want you strong; I want you at peace."
Diarmuid closes his eyes for a moment, "I know it might be hard to believe, but this pain you are feeling isn't my doing. What is causing the pain you feel is your own desperate attempts to fight that help--to fight the truth. I realize there is much we have to fight here, but this...this you don't need to fight. Please, stop. Accept these parts of you that scare you, that you hate so much. Accept them and make them yours instead of allowing them to control you and hurt you."
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And then Reno mentions the thing about mistakes and something seems to click in his head. As it does, all the pain and exhaustion Diarmuid's been fighting hit him at once and he slumps. Without even being called, Mac an Chuill moves from where he has been standing over Reno, to support his master once again.
"You...don't understand me, Reno. I am from a time very different from the one you are from. It's not that I don't learn from my mistakes. I just make so many of them. I assume the best from people. I hope for the positive outcome that others have given up on completely. You tell Waver that I need to stop expecting the best from people without realizing that to change that about myself means changing one of the few parts of me that is still me," he looks up at the red head over the dog's back. "I'm sorry, Reno. That is a line I cannot cross. If I do, there will not be any of me left. Looking for the best in situations and in people is what I do. I am going to try my best to keep it from leading me to make mistakes like I have in the past, but I cannot guarantee I will see all of them before I make them. All I can do is try."
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Ignoring the pain in his side, he managed to get to his feet with much huffing and grunting. "There's no leaving the family... you throw that back in my face, when I've been dealin' with that ever since I got recruited. Turks can't retire, they can only die. They don't even exist! I don't have a last name anymore because I'm Reno of the Turks. And in this place there is no dying. The thousands of people in Sector Seven that I killed are the lucky ones. There is no best in me." Reno spat, turning away. He held his side loosely, feeling very gingerly how bad the new damage was. "Who the hell is this 'me' that you're so eager to protect and not lose, you or some forgotten memory? I think I deserve to know that much."
I am so sorry for the massive TL;DR...
He shifts a bit more of his weight onto Mac an Chuill. He feels bad putting so much onto the hound, but Mac an Chuill doesn't seem to mind and it's the only way he is staying upright at the moment. Arms rested across the dog's back, Diarmuid settles his head on them and continues speaking, "There are no Turks here, Reno. There is Ragnarok. They are different. You need to see that. They might have some of the same values, but they aren't the same. They are yours. Not a group you inherited from others. A group you made. If you are theirs, then they are just as much yours."
"You asked me what I am trying to save and I expect you aren't going to believe what I say, but I am going to say it anyway in hopes that when you are ready to hear, you will remember what I have said. When I arrived here, I had no idea what I was. No, that's wrong. I was broken. A knight who had everything he cared about and placed value in stripped away from him. I had no idea how to continue because I wasn't suppose to continue. What happened to me is the exact reason the Grail only sends copies of souls down to the world again."
"People told me I needed to find myself again. To find what I wanted, but I had no idea where to start. Then I heard about a man who was brave enough, even in this place, to find love and to find a family. I realized then, that is what I needed to do. I was used to having others around me. Others to protect. Others to nurture. Others to love. That man was sent away from here not long after I heard of his story and, to be honest, I forgot about him because back then I thought that people who were left the Tower were lost forever. I was fighting all I could to find myself and protect those I was starting to call my own. I didn't have time to remember."
"And then that man found me again, even before he returned to the Tower, when I was asked to help keep an eye on part of that family he was taken from. Of course, I was willing to even if the Tower prevented me from acting on that wish as quickly as I would have liked to. And then he found me for real, and I was allowed the chance to get to know the man who I had only heard about beforehand. The one who fought because it was all he knew how to do; the one who dared to have a family when others said it was insanity; the man who hurt and screamed inside because he didn't know who he was after being though all he had been through; the man who made just as many mistakes as I did and didn't always know how to make them right; the man who felt like kin to me even when I didn't know his name because he understood family and sacrificing for it."
Diarmuid pauses for a moment and when he starts speaking again, his voice is softer, "But most of all aside from all those things, it is the lost soul who is standing before me right now in so much pain I want to save because he is in that same place I was when I arrived here. He is in so much pain he can't see what is in front of him. He's in so much agony that the only option that seems right is death. He is so lost that everything seems hopeless. But you know you aren't on the right path and that is the first step. Now stop walking along that path. Stop living in the past. I don't care how many you have killed. As much as thinking of it hurts, you can't change what happened back then. All you can do is move forward. You have to move forward because look at where lingering in the past has gotten you. Pain. Rage. Agony. It is so much better to look forward at what you have built. Look at the small successes we have accomplished--stepping stones to the larger successes that will soon come. Let the past go and reach for those things. Reach out and let those lights guide you back to the path you need to be walking on."
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"Draw from it. Learn from it. Take strength from it." Someone whispered, but it wasn't Diarmuid.
Shocked, he looked around for the source of the voice, confusion on his features, but there was only Diarmuid and the dog. Another voice from the past, but... one he hadn't heard in a long time. Words he had known once and forgotten.
Something drained out of him then, and he let the arm holding his ribs rest by his side. The pain was still there. He didn't think anything would really relieve it, or stop it completely. But... Diarmuid was right, and he was slowly coming to understand it. Understanding is the first step, isn't it? Instead of fighting right out, it's important to know your enemy. Their strengths and weaknesses. Learn what you can and use it against them. He didn't know if that applied against himself, but if he could not ask these bullshit soul searching things of himself, how could he of Diarmuid or any of the others?
Reno only knew for sure is that he was tired, broken, and sick of bleeding for a being that didn't know what worth there is in human life and treated them like playthings.
Slowly, he turned around and walked back to Diarmuid, holding out his hand to help him up. "If any of you idiots leave now," Reno's voice came out in a harsh rasp, wavering, "I won't forgive you."
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To be honest, he's not sure what exactly finally got through to Reno, but Diarmuid is revealed when the man returns and offers to help him up. He doesn't accept the help right away because he is worried about aggravating the man's injury, but when he tries and fails to get to his feet himself, he gives in and takes the man's hand.
"I don't plan on going anywhere," Diarmuid's voice is soft and tired. He almost adds, 'I don't have anywhere else to go,' but decides against it. Enough is enough for one night.
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"That bandage needs changed again." And maybe this time, Reno would take some painkillers for his rib.
It was only cracked, not broken. It would heal supported by the others around it.