Diarmuid Ua Duibhne (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
oathshackledbird) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
towerofanimus2014-01-22 01:50 pm
oathshackledbird) wrote in towerofanimus2014-01-22 01:50 pm
The Darkness Between Heartbeats
Characters: Diarmuid Ua Duibhne (oathshackledbird ) and anyone! (Closed prompt for Tear Grants, melodyoftheabyss , and Jade Curtiss, sarcasmancer .)
Setting: Room 4-16 on the 16th (Closed to Diarmuid), Infirmary/Collar Fluid Change on the 18th (Open), Infirmary on the 20th (Late & Open), Gym Floor on the 22nd-25th (Open with a closed section for Tear and Jade) and Various during the week he is powerless (the 18th through the 25th).
Format: Starting in prose but pick your poison from there!
Summary: After waking up from dying during the Nyx Revenge Log, Diarmuid takes a few things from his room and disappears along with Mac an Chuill, so that he can finally face that darkness inside of him and find those lines he will not cross as Saber has advised him to do. For the first few days, he will have his powers and be fine, but after the 18th all bets are off when he takes the new collar fluid and loses all of his powers. Wouldn't you know it? Orcs are a lot faster when one is just a human without powers... Once he has gotten himself back together near the end of the week, he can be found in the gym for all those folks who might want to get a spar in with him while they have a better chance to beat him...
Warnings: Angst, references to death, dark negative emotions/angst, mind control, injury, blood, stitching up wounds, mentions of evisceration, and fighting monsters. Others are possible depending on where conversations go. Will update if needed!
Room 4-16, January 16th (Closed to Diarmuid):
The Darkness. It's still there, and Diarmuid doesn't mean just because he can't open his eyes frozen by sleep paralysis as he is. What he means is the darkness inside of him. The darkness that has always been there and that he has been hiding from for...has it really been over a year now? Yes, it has. On January 4th to be specific, though Diarmuid really hadn't been thinking about it then. He had been too distracted by other things like keeping an eye on Waver while his powers returned and thinking about all the things that had happened during the incident with Jason...
It's hard to keep being distracted after Ganondorf's magic pulled that darkness out of the corner Diarmuid had shoved it into and allowed it to possess him heart and soul. Diarmuid could blame himself for letting it happen, for not having dealt with it sometime during that year, but what good would that do? It would just give that darkness power over him again.
It's time he stops doing that. Time he looks into that part of him he's been denying and stop letting it frighten him to the point that his fear is causing to happen the very things he wishes so much to avoid. It's time to find those lines, to mark them, and make sure that he never strays near them again.
It's rather ironic that Ganondorf's attempt to punish him is going to make him stronger instead. Diarmuid is positive of that. He will accept nothing less. Still, it will not be any easy process and he's not exactly sure how things are going to go. It will to take a while and he is probably not going to be the nicest person to be around at times. That is why, as soon as he can move, Diarmuid gathers a few things from his trunk, beckons for Mac an Chuill to follow, and leaves his room.
He has no plans on returning until he has to, and hopefully by then, he will be able to be the strong shoulder that all his friends and family are going to need after this.
Infirmary, January 18th (Open):
Diarmuid leaves Mac an Chuill outside the Infirmary doors when he goes in for his collar fluid change. It's very early in the day, but he has arrived early on purpose. After being missing for two days, it's likely people are looking for him, and he needs to make sure he gets this taken care of quickly, so that he can hopefully avoid running into anyone who might want to talk to him. To be honest, this is probably not the best time for him to be switching over to the new collar fluid, but at the same time he doesn't want to keep putting it off.
At least he was smart enough to switch over to his dress clothes before having it done. Considering his armor is summoned and part of his powers, once they fail things could get embarrassing fast. As it is, as soon as the power loss hits him, Diarmuid can't help but stumble. It's just as disorienting as any other time, but with the added bonus of somehow being much worse. Maybe it's because of his own state of mind, maybe it's because he knows that he can't just leave the floor and have his powers return, or maybe it's because somehow it just seems much more complete this time. No matter the reason, instead of leaving immediately, he takes a seat back in an empty corner of the Infirmary to settle himself for a few moments.
A soft whine and a lick across his hand cause Diarmuid to look tiredly up at Mac an Chuill, before reaching out to pat the loyal hound on top of the head, "Just give me a moment, okay? Then we can go. There's much to do."
Infirmary, January 20th-Late (Open):
His breath comes in shaky pants between clenched teeth as he stitches up the sword wound that starts around his sternum and crosses his collarbone ending near the top of his shoulder blade. Diarmuid has stitched up many wounds in much worse conditions and with far fewer supplies before, but he's been pushing for two days without food or sleep and his now human body is not happy with him.
Not to mention, he lost no small amount of blood getting down here. Considering how blurred his vision has become off and on, it's probably a good thing that he had Mac an Chuill to help get him down to the Infirmary in the first place. Of course, had the hound not finished off the orc that had wounded him, Diarmuid might not have had to worry about making it to the Infirmary. He would have been worrying about having to start this whole no powers week all over again instead.
Diarmuid frowns has he finishes stitching the wound and reaches for his dress shirt. Right, strike that. It's ruined until he can drag himself to floor 51 to maybe repair it. It's probably a good thing he remembered to bring his father's cloak along. It's rather cold to be going without a shirt, even for just a short time. Hesitant to get blood on the fine garment, he takes a long time to clean as much of it off himself as he can...
...and nearly blacks out in the process.
From the doorway where Diarmuid left him to stand guard, Mac an Chuill whines. The animal is clearly worried about him. He knows the smell of blood and so much of it smelling of his owner is not good. Diarmuid makes a soft sound to comfort the hound as he somehow finds enough strength to finish cleaning himself off. Once done, he wraps his father's cloak around his shoulders, pulling it close around his body and settles into a chair, ironically enough the one he had sat in a few days prior after he had gotten his collar fluid changed. Much like then, he plans on just taking a short breather and then moving on again.
The fact that a few seconds after he sits down, he passes out from exhaustion and blood loss says differently.
Gym, January 22nd-25th (Open):
Now that a few days have passed, Diarmuid has grown more used to being powerless for a long period of time, his mind is more settled, and his wound doesn't burn every time he takes a breath. He's eaten, he's rested--albeit brokenly--and is in much better shape than he was just a few nights ago when he passed out in the Infirmary. Not quite ready to return to all of those he calls family and friend, he instead makes the gym his home, carefully working out and practicing with Gae Buidhe and a monster spear that is about the same weight and size as Gae Dearg. He misses being able to summon the spear, but without his powers the weapon is out of his reach. However, his feelings of loss are tempered when he realizes the next time he summons it, he will be summoning the real thing not a glamoured copy.
That alone is enough to bring a smile to his face despite how tired he is, despite the face he is powerless, and despite the fact that he still needs to work out several things in his mind. Those things will all come. They are coming, in fact. Bit by bit. Swing by swing.
Thinking through things while practicing is as natural as breathing, after all.
Gym, (Closed to Tear and Jade):
Diarmuid's dress shirt had not been able to be saved no matter how hard he tried and so he'd made himself a sleeveless long tunic of a similar color as his uniform on floor 51 to replace it, and that's what he's wearing over his black slacks while he practices and waits for Jade and Tear to arrive. Mac an Chuill sleeps nearby and with his senses reduced because his powers are gone, Diarmuid knows that the hound, sleeping or not, will likely be the first to notice when Jade and Tear arrive. That is why Diarmuid has positioned himself so that he can practice while keeping an eye on the dog.
Despite all that has happened this week, he is excited to get to meet Tear again. She might not be the same as the one he had known, but from what Jade has told him, she is every bit the talented and kind soul the other version had been. He looks forward to actually getting to work with her this time.
Various Floors, January 16th-25th (Open):
From the time he wakes up and leaves his room through the whole week he is powerless, Diarmuid is going to be on the move. It won't be until he starts hanging out in the gym toward the end of week that he begins spending a great amount of time any one place, which means that he can be found just about anywhere if none of the above listed prompts seem interesting. Keep in mind that since people know to look for him on floor 100 because he goes there a lot to think, he will be avoiding that floor. Once he has lost his powers, he will also be avoiding most of the more dangerous floors in the Tower since, while he has a lot of his mind, the last thing he wants to do is get himself killed. This latest death was death number seven--not that he will tell anyone who doesn't realize it themselves--and he has now firsthand started feeling the odd effects that come from having died so many times.
Finally, considering his poor shirt got ruined--stupid orc--and he is going to be making himself a new one, feel free to use floor 51 as a prompt after the 20th if you would like!
oathshackledbird ) and anyone! (Closed prompt for Tear Grants, melodyoftheabyss , and Jade Curtiss, sarcasmancer .)Setting: Room 4-16 on the 16th (Closed to Diarmuid), Infirmary/Collar Fluid Change on the 18th (Open), Infirmary on the 20th (Late & Open), Gym Floor on the 22nd-25th (Open with a closed section for Tear and Jade) and Various during the week he is powerless (the 18th through the 25th).
Format: Starting in prose but pick your poison from there!
Summary: After waking up from dying during the Nyx Revenge Log, Diarmuid takes a few things from his room and disappears along with Mac an Chuill, so that he can finally face that darkness inside of him and find those lines he will not cross as Saber has advised him to do. For the first few days, he will have his powers and be fine, but after the 18th all bets are off when he takes the new collar fluid and loses all of his powers. Wouldn't you know it? Orcs are a lot faster when one is just a human without powers... Once he has gotten himself back together near the end of the week, he can be found in the gym for all those folks who might want to get a spar in with him while they have a better chance to beat him...
Warnings: Angst, references to death, dark negative emotions/angst, mind control, injury, blood, stitching up wounds, mentions of evisceration, and fighting monsters. Others are possible depending on where conversations go. Will update if needed!
Room 4-16, January 16th (Closed to Diarmuid):
The Darkness. It's still there, and Diarmuid doesn't mean just because he can't open his eyes frozen by sleep paralysis as he is. What he means is the darkness inside of him. The darkness that has always been there and that he has been hiding from for...has it really been over a year now? Yes, it has. On January 4th to be specific, though Diarmuid really hadn't been thinking about it then. He had been too distracted by other things like keeping an eye on Waver while his powers returned and thinking about all the things that had happened during the incident with Jason...
It's hard to keep being distracted after Ganondorf's magic pulled that darkness out of the corner Diarmuid had shoved it into and allowed it to possess him heart and soul. Diarmuid could blame himself for letting it happen, for not having dealt with it sometime during that year, but what good would that do? It would just give that darkness power over him again.
It's time he stops doing that. Time he looks into that part of him he's been denying and stop letting it frighten him to the point that his fear is causing to happen the very things he wishes so much to avoid. It's time to find those lines, to mark them, and make sure that he never strays near them again.
It's rather ironic that Ganondorf's attempt to punish him is going to make him stronger instead. Diarmuid is positive of that. He will accept nothing less. Still, it will not be any easy process and he's not exactly sure how things are going to go. It will to take a while and he is probably not going to be the nicest person to be around at times. That is why, as soon as he can move, Diarmuid gathers a few things from his trunk, beckons for Mac an Chuill to follow, and leaves his room.
He has no plans on returning until he has to, and hopefully by then, he will be able to be the strong shoulder that all his friends and family are going to need after this.
Infirmary, January 18th (Open):
Diarmuid leaves Mac an Chuill outside the Infirmary doors when he goes in for his collar fluid change. It's very early in the day, but he has arrived early on purpose. After being missing for two days, it's likely people are looking for him, and he needs to make sure he gets this taken care of quickly, so that he can hopefully avoid running into anyone who might want to talk to him. To be honest, this is probably not the best time for him to be switching over to the new collar fluid, but at the same time he doesn't want to keep putting it off.
At least he was smart enough to switch over to his dress clothes before having it done. Considering his armor is summoned and part of his powers, once they fail things could get embarrassing fast. As it is, as soon as the power loss hits him, Diarmuid can't help but stumble. It's just as disorienting as any other time, but with the added bonus of somehow being much worse. Maybe it's because of his own state of mind, maybe it's because he knows that he can't just leave the floor and have his powers return, or maybe it's because somehow it just seems much more complete this time. No matter the reason, instead of leaving immediately, he takes a seat back in an empty corner of the Infirmary to settle himself for a few moments.
A soft whine and a lick across his hand cause Diarmuid to look tiredly up at Mac an Chuill, before reaching out to pat the loyal hound on top of the head, "Just give me a moment, okay? Then we can go. There's much to do."
Infirmary, January 20th-Late (Open):
His breath comes in shaky pants between clenched teeth as he stitches up the sword wound that starts around his sternum and crosses his collarbone ending near the top of his shoulder blade. Diarmuid has stitched up many wounds in much worse conditions and with far fewer supplies before, but he's been pushing for two days without food or sleep and his now human body is not happy with him.
Not to mention, he lost no small amount of blood getting down here. Considering how blurred his vision has become off and on, it's probably a good thing that he had Mac an Chuill to help get him down to the Infirmary in the first place. Of course, had the hound not finished off the orc that had wounded him, Diarmuid might not have had to worry about making it to the Infirmary. He would have been worrying about having to start this whole no powers week all over again instead.
Diarmuid frowns has he finishes stitching the wound and reaches for his dress shirt. Right, strike that. It's ruined until he can drag himself to floor 51 to maybe repair it. It's probably a good thing he remembered to bring his father's cloak along. It's rather cold to be going without a shirt, even for just a short time. Hesitant to get blood on the fine garment, he takes a long time to clean as much of it off himself as he can...
...and nearly blacks out in the process.
From the doorway where Diarmuid left him to stand guard, Mac an Chuill whines. The animal is clearly worried about him. He knows the smell of blood and so much of it smelling of his owner is not good. Diarmuid makes a soft sound to comfort the hound as he somehow finds enough strength to finish cleaning himself off. Once done, he wraps his father's cloak around his shoulders, pulling it close around his body and settles into a chair, ironically enough the one he had sat in a few days prior after he had gotten his collar fluid changed. Much like then, he plans on just taking a short breather and then moving on again.
The fact that a few seconds after he sits down, he passes out from exhaustion and blood loss says differently.
Gym, January 22nd-25th (Open):
Now that a few days have passed, Diarmuid has grown more used to being powerless for a long period of time, his mind is more settled, and his wound doesn't burn every time he takes a breath. He's eaten, he's rested--albeit brokenly--and is in much better shape than he was just a few nights ago when he passed out in the Infirmary. Not quite ready to return to all of those he calls family and friend, he instead makes the gym his home, carefully working out and practicing with Gae Buidhe and a monster spear that is about the same weight and size as Gae Dearg. He misses being able to summon the spear, but without his powers the weapon is out of his reach. However, his feelings of loss are tempered when he realizes the next time he summons it, he will be summoning the real thing not a glamoured copy.
That alone is enough to bring a smile to his face despite how tired he is, despite the face he is powerless, and despite the fact that he still needs to work out several things in his mind. Those things will all come. They are coming, in fact. Bit by bit. Swing by swing.
Thinking through things while practicing is as natural as breathing, after all.
Gym, (Closed to Tear and Jade):
Diarmuid's dress shirt had not been able to be saved no matter how hard he tried and so he'd made himself a sleeveless long tunic of a similar color as his uniform on floor 51 to replace it, and that's what he's wearing over his black slacks while he practices and waits for Jade and Tear to arrive. Mac an Chuill sleeps nearby and with his senses reduced because his powers are gone, Diarmuid knows that the hound, sleeping or not, will likely be the first to notice when Jade and Tear arrive. That is why Diarmuid has positioned himself so that he can practice while keeping an eye on the dog.
Despite all that has happened this week, he is excited to get to meet Tear again. She might not be the same as the one he had known, but from what Jade has told him, she is every bit the talented and kind soul the other version had been. He looks forward to actually getting to work with her this time.
Various Floors, January 16th-25th (Open):
From the time he wakes up and leaves his room through the whole week he is powerless, Diarmuid is going to be on the move. It won't be until he starts hanging out in the gym toward the end of week that he begins spending a great amount of time any one place, which means that he can be found just about anywhere if none of the above listed prompts seem interesting. Keep in mind that since people know to look for him on floor 100 because he goes there a lot to think, he will be avoiding that floor. Once he has lost his powers, he will also be avoiding most of the more dangerous floors in the Tower since, while he has a lot of his mind, the last thing he wants to do is get himself killed. This latest death was death number seven--not that he will tell anyone who doesn't realize it themselves--and he has now firsthand started feeling the odd effects that come from having died so many times.
Finally, considering his poor shirt got ruined--stupid orc--and he is going to be making himself a new one, feel free to use floor 51 as a prompt after the 20th if you would like!
no subject
You don't understand. I am talking about something separate from what just happened, son. I blame no one besides Ganondorf and Sephiroth for what happened with Nyx, but I had...issues even before that. They just brought those issues to light in a way that I can no longer ignore.
[He stops short of saying that in a weird, twisted way that this whole mess with Nyx has actually helped him. Somehow, he doesn't think that will go over well with Ryoji.
When Ryoji makes his protest, Diarmuid can't help but pull him into his arms again.]
I...don't have to go right away. In fact, it's probably better if I wait a little while and finish letting my body adjust to all the changes. But even when I do go, please realize you will still be with me in my heart. It's going to be your voice and the voice of everyone else that helps light my way.
no subject
[He goes quiet after that. He doesn't want to make Diarmuid uncomfortable, but he honestly believes Diarmuid's a good person. He barely sees any flaws.
He is grateful for the hug, and returns it tightly, feeling a flood of relief at his words. He won't be going just yet. They still have some time together. Ryoji didn't want to lose him so soon after finding him.]
Okay... okay. Then we can talk until you have to go. I want to help you if it's possible. Maybe you need to face these problems on your own but we can at least talk about them.
no subject
Of course, you don't. I have been hiding them very well from everyone including myself. That is part of the problem and something I have to stop doing.
[He pauses and shuts his eyes for a moment, willing away the tiredness.]
I...am not sure what it is you want me to say about my problems. They are really just a list of things I need to make myself accept, lines I need to draw so I know absolutely what I will and will not do. I don't know how interesting that would be to you...
no subject
You may not think I’d find them interesting, but I would still like to hear them. Even if they weren’t interesting to me, I need to help you stop hiding them, don’t I?
Besides… you’re my father. You’re close to me, and because of that, I want to know everything about you. Things that people find boring are fascinating to me… the worlds are filled with amazing people, and you’re one of the more amazing ones I’ve gotten to meet.
no subject
[Diarmuid cuts himself off knowing that being hard on himself isn't going to help either Ryoji or himself. Instead, he opens his eyes and gives his son a tired smile.]
Thank you. I still have a hard time seeing why people think I'm so amazing, but if so many do, they can't all be wrong, can they?
[It's a weak joke, but he's trying.]
I'm...not sure where to start. There is a lot going on inside of me, but a big part of it is making myself listen to my own advice. To understand it is okay to fail and to make mistakes and to...hate...
[He looks away in shame. That one...that one is going to be hard.]
no subject
[His own smile is weak, but it’s as comforting as he can make it.]
Of course it’s okay. Everyone does that. It’s what makes us human, even if we have differences from normal people. We still can’t be perfect all the time…
Hate is difficult to accept, though. I know it took me a while to accept that too. Back home, I thought I couldn’t judge anyone for the choices they made… couldn’t be angry at them for it. It seems since coming here, I may have realized that I can still be upset if I want to.
no subject
[Diarmuid looks down, sheepishly.]
It's just making myself apply them to me. I used to be perfect, though, and that is the problem. I keep wanting to be again and so I put myself on a different level from others. I expect more and I judge my failures harder. I know it's wrong, but it's something I do without thinking about it.
And it doesn't help people so often call me perfect...
[He sighs, running a hand through his hair.]
I have problems with hate just because I am used to feeling it, and I don't like what it does to me. Not at all. It's an unknightly emotion, but it's also a normal one. I have to accept that just like I have to accept my flaws.
no subject
[Ryoji, of course, finds himself so imperfect, so flawed, that he forces himself to do more to try to make himself better than what he used to be. It’s a little different, but he understands Diarmuid’s feelings well.]
You can’t change that emotion. It’s something you feel all the time, and to be honest, it’s good to feel so strongly about something. There’s a good to it, just like there’s a good to all of your flaws, and… I don’t know. I thought maybe knowing it wasn’t all bad would help you accept it.
no subject
I appreciate your words, I really do, but they just aren't enough. I don't know...there is something, a trigger that will make me understand, but I think I have to find it. Nothing anyone says will help. Of course, once I find that trigger and finally get is I am going to smack myself for not listening to all of you sooner. There is no reason I should have to fight so hard with something I logically know is true...
[He sighs.]
Why can't emotions listen as well as logic does?
no subject
[Ryoji shrugs, trying to resist the urge to hug Diarmuid again.]
I hope you find the trigger soon.
no subject
It's fine. You are doing all that you can. Don't feel bad. I am just glad that you are here with me right now. Things will work out. I promise. I am not look it right now, but I am strong and I'm not going to give up. I'll find that trigger. I promise.
no subject
I know things will work out. They always do… I hope having me around before you have to go does help a little.
no subject
Of course it helps. I hated disappearing like that without talking to everyone. I have been worrying about you. Seeing you now helps appease that worry a little.
[He is still worried, but Ryoji is his son. He will always worry about him.]
no subject
[He leans slightly into the touch, anyways. Just because he knows what will fix this doesn’t mean he doesn’t appreciate the comfort.]
no subject
[There is a bit of a warning in Diarmuid's voice, but it fades very quickly.]
...you know I am always going to worry. Just accept it already.
[He laughs softly and then gently ruffles the boy's hair.]
no subject
[He retorts with his own excited laughter as he tries to dodge out of the way of the hair ruffling.]
no subject
I think I'm ready to get going now. Keep an eye on everyone, okay? That includes yourself.
no subject
Okay… Be careful, Father. I’ll look out for everyone.
...I’ll miss you.
no subject
I will miss you too and will be thinking of everyone. Hopefully, I will be back soon.
no subject
[He hugs back tightly, hoping to get all his emotion out in one simple action so he can smile when Diarmuid finally leaves.]
no subject
[Diarmuid returns the tight hug and then steps away. He gives Ryoji one last tired smile and then motions for Mac an Chuill to follow him out of the room.]