towerofanimus | Being a maid is hard. It's hard and nobody understands.

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Being a maid is hard. It's hard and nobody understands.

Characters: [OU] Eridan Ampora, [OU] Vriska Serket, [AU] Karkat Vantas, anyone else who wants to encounter him
Setting: Residential floors
Format: Whatever you want
Summary: Eridan is doing his stupid maid job. Later, he gets eaten by a big spider.
Warnings: At least PG for swearing. Maybe higher for being eaten by a freaking spider.

Eridan hates his job. He feels he has good reason. HE shouldn't be made to clean the rooms of others. Of all those in the Tower, he least of all deserves that hateful job. Menial. As if he were no better than a lower troll. He's royal, a Prince, and yet here he is, sneaking from room to room and cleaning every fucking surface before gathering the sheets into his arms and bringing them down to dump them in the laundry room for later. He's alone. He can't stand the thought of his lusus watching him do this, even to help.

Of course, he can't always manage to choose an empty room.

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Sollux looked up as the door opened, assuming that it was one of his roommates, but blinked when he saw Eridan.

He opened his mouth to chew him out for coming in without knocking, then realized that he was holding cleaning utensils and...a bucket.

"Moving a little fatht, aren't you?"

Oh god. Oh god. Oh fucking shitfinned bastard nonexistent impossible god. Eridan blushed so hard his cheeks actually felt hot with how purple they were, and backed out hastily. He could do that room later. Or maybe never. Sollux probably liked living in his own lowblood filth oh GOD he'd seen him with a bucket, just carrying it around.

Maybe he should have used it to his advantage. Said, like, "Looks like you're the one's movvin' too sloww" or something. Something smooth people said. Why was he such a failure of an everything, whyyyy.

Wait, hang on.

Sollux sprang up from the sleeping rectangle and darted to the door, opening it quickly. He didn't want Eridan to leave right now! The fun was just beginning.

He was blushing, too, and it was just the fact that he knew humans used buckets for cleaning that had prevented him from flipping out just now. Instead, he was figuring he could have a little fun.

"Hey! You mithhed a thpot. Ath in, my entire fucking rethpite block."

Edited 2011-11-30 17:21 (UTC)

Caught up short in turning away, Eridan glared at him.

"Well then I guess you'll just havve to fuckin' deal wwith that, wwon't you? You're evven stupider than I thought if you think I'm gonna clean your respite block for you wwhile you wwatch."

"Why not? Cleaning my rethpite block ith your fucking job, and if you don't do your job, they'll punish you. I'm practically doing you a favour by reminding you of that." He grinned and reached for Eridan's mop to bring it back inside. "Come on, boy. Get to work."

Eridan yanked the mop out of Sollux's reach, snarling at him, and dropped the bucket. Wow, there was literally nothing about this that wasn't completely mortifying, was there. He turned deep purple again as the bucket poured out across the floor, and then growled and swung the mop at Sollux, as hard as he could.

"Woah!" Sollux was pretty much expecting some kind of retaliation, and he backpedaled quickly back into his respite block, laughing and just barely avoiding the swing of the mop handle.

With his powers he picked up the bucket and dropped it on top of Eridan's head.

That actually made him blush furiously to do, but you could barely tell from the way he was killing himself laughing.

Oh.

God.

Why.

The only upside is that Sollux can't see how his skin might as well just be his blood colour now. No midway point of grey. Just. Why.

"Wwhat the fuck, Sol?!" he wailed, his voice hollow-sounding from inside the bucket. He dropped his mop, wrenched the bucket off his head and flung it viciously at Sollux.

Oops. Sollux was laughing so hard by now that he totally didn't see that coming. The bucket beaned off his head with a pretty decent amount of force, and he yelped, clutching at his forehead with one hand and raising the other to ward off any other projectiles.

No wait. This was a bad idea. Eridan would probably start shooting next or something, if he kept backing away.

So he reversed and launched himself bodily at Eridan, trying to wrestle him to the ground.

This was totally a good idea, given that Eridan probably weighed a good 50% more than him.

Snickering at Sollux, not having expected the bucket to actually ever reach him, Eridan was bowled completely over, not having expected the other troll to actually come at him physically.

"Wwhat the fuck!" he said, grabbing Sollux's shoulders and pulling with one hand while pushing with the other as he thrust up with his hips, attempting to flip them entirely around.

What's this? What is he--?

Sollux grunts as Eridan flips them over and his greater weight settles on his skinny frame. His snaps his teeth shut with a growl, closing on Eridan's chin and leaving a neat circle of purple fang marks.

"Get off me and do your work, bucket-head!"

Hissing between his teeth, Eridan nods fiercely down, headbutting Sollux. "Do it yourself, I brought evverythin' here already. I'm not your fuckin' servvant."

Sollux reeled a bit at the headbutt, trying to push Eridan off of him and gather his wits enough to get his powers. "I have a job! I clean the fucking pool, and you clean my rethpite block. You can't jutht wriggle out of it!"

Bracing his legs, Eridan bared his teeth at Sollux. "I can wwhen you're insistin' on fuckin' wwatchin' me demean myself. Besides, you made me spill it." He blushed, and then continued, doggedly. "Are you gonna followw me to the fuckin' bathroom and wwatch me...wwatch me refill the bucket? Is that wwhat this is about? Softcore bucketplay?"

Sollux blushed so deeply Eridan could probably feel the heat, and quickly decided to change the subject.

"Actually I had another idea for that bucket," he said, then blinked at his own words, his mouth falling open a little as he began to stammer. "Not...not what you're thinking!"

For the brief moment that it was exactly what Eridan was thinking, his eyes went extremely wide, but he gathered himself together soon after.

"Wwwell wwhat's the idea, then? Teasin' me mercilessly as per usual, asshole, 'cause you'vve got that covvered."

Sollux swallowed twice before he managed to clear his throat enough to be able to talk. Then he smiled up at Eridan hopefully. "Okay, it'th a bit of a prank. I need you to take thome of my thopor thlime and do thomething with it. And it'll require you getting into thomeone'th rethpite block."

What. Eridan gave Sollux a look.

"This is pretty fuckin' vvague and sounds more than a little licentious."

"Well, I'll tell you the thpethificth, but you have to get off me, first," Sollux said, trying to squirm out from under the sea dweller.

Giving Sollux one last suspicious look, Eridan got off of Sollux and stood up.

Sollux got to his feet and straightened his clothing. Well, that wasn't too hard. "There'th thith girl," he said. "A human girl. She wantth me really bad. She showed up with a bucket at my front door and tried to break in to wait for me or thomething. And I told her I wathn't interethted, and bethideth that I'm taken in my caliginouth quadrant, but she wouldn't leave for ageth. I finally had to dump her in my 'coon to cool her off."

This might have been a slight exaggeration.

Whoa. That leaves Eridan feeling rather flattered. But still suspicious. "Wwhat does this havve to do wwith me? You wwant me to go and tell her off or somethin'?"

"No," Sollux said, and pointed to the discarded pail. "I want you to take thome of my thopor, and dump it in her trunk. I can't do it mythelf, but you have keyth to all of the rethpite blockth."

He grinned at Eridan and reached out, giving one of his fins a flick. "Pleathe?"

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Being a maid is hard. It's hard and nobody understands.

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