towerofanimus | (no subject)

Entry tags:

(no subject)

Characters: Karkat Vantas (AU) and YOU
Setting: Across the tower! Mark in the subject line, please!
Format: Action to start, but I'll follow.
Summary: Karkat has been awfully quiet lately, and hasn't quiet been seeking out others. How unusual.
Warnings: TBA

[Karkat has just had too many things on his mind. Staying out of trouble, trying not to make more people furious with him, dodging mealtimes to instead feed Spidermom. The attack on the tower had sated her slightly, but it hadn't helped his psyche any. The visions of Imperial Drones on top of more copies of Spidermom were a little too much for him.

He was still sick to his nutrition sack over the whole thing. If those drones had been real, then he would have been leaving Kanaya to them. What kind of shitty friend was he?

Oh wait. That kind of answered the question. So wherever he happens to be, Karkat will be propped against a wall, staring down at his shoes with an everpresent frown of thought.]

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And why does that have to be the case? Am I not allowed to offer you counsel when you are obviously going through emotional turmoil, which may or may not be related to the filling of your quadrants?

[Her hand -- which she has not bothered to remove from his arm -- tightens its grip just a little.]

[The tightening of her grip rewards her with a bit of a firm stare.]

You of all people ought to know by now that everyone else's quadrants are secondary to mine. I can get quadrants whenever I want.

[...half-truth, but whatever.]

[She stares right back.]

So how is your flushed quadrant faring?

[Wow, blunt???]

Wow, so we're really going to ignore that thing I said earlier?!

[STAY COOL, KEEP IT COOL.]

Yes.

[She is so beyond being intimidated.]

Wrong answer.

[He's...really uncomfortable and doesn't want to talk about this, wow?]

I think I am going to have to say that you do not have all of the answers.

[Okay, she'll move on to the next best thing for now.]

Why are you so against telling me? And do not say that there is nothing to tell, because otherwise you would not be dodging my questions.

Its a little more complicated than you seem to think it is.

[...oh he hadn't really meant to say that. Queue him attempting to abscond.]

[Oh nope you are not getting away like that.

Kanaya does the first thing that comes to mind to make him stay that isn't attacking him.

She stands and clumsily wraps her arms around him in the most inelegant hug ever. It was originally just supposed to be a grab to keep him in place, but it...kind of turned into a surprise hug, oops.

Welp now she doesn't really know what to say. So she just kinda stands there and awkwardly radiates pale feelings. And doesn't let go of him.]

[Karkat makes a choked noise, caught somewhere between a gag and a groan of discomfort. His spine completely locks up and his shoulders tense as he squirms in her grip slightly. Oh god get it off get it off get it--

After a moment of discomfort, he finally slumps, jaw locking and eyes staring pointedly away from Kanaya.]

[She's sure she's not actually hurting him -- she's not holding him that tightly -- and actually his squirming kinda sets off her healing wounds, but she still doesn't release him.

Kanaya stays quiet, unsure as to if she's done something wrong. He's stopped struggling, but he's also not saying anything, and not looking at her...

She is cautious and quiet when she speaks.] I just want to understand. [That's kind of all she has ever wanted out of life.]

[There's nothing for a long time. Even after she makes that deceleration, there is no sign at all of him hearing her. He tries to hide it, but since Kanaya is so close its impossible to miss that long, defeated exhale.]

I think...

[He can't say it. If he says it, there will be no turning back. He's not ready to experience that sort of pain again, despite the situation being so radically different. Here, Terezi still had a chance at a normal life, one that wasn't plagued so endlessly by the voices of the deceased. She had a chance to survive without him or anyone else weighing her down.

She didn't need that responsibility, and neither did he. Karkat was still unsure how he had even let his feelings progress so far, though the longer he thought about it, the more sense it made. So few had ever been willing to stick their necks out for him, to look passed that horrible image he had painted for himself, even enjoyed portraying. And he had gone and betrayed that trust and nearly damaged it beyond repair.

Could he still repair it? Did he want to repair it? She would be better off without him anyway.]

...I think I love her.

[Its said subconsciously, without eye contact and seemingly without breath in a near incomprehensible tone of voice. His lungs are barely moving and its obviously taken a lot out of him to say it. Even the tone which he uses carries a hint of uncertainty. Did he love her? Or was he clinging to the long dead memory of the Terezi he once knew?

It was making him ill, just thinking about it. His blood is cold, his muscles are frozen, his fangs clenched so tightly that they threaten to pierce holes in his lip.]

[Wow. That was a simultaneously a lot less and a lot more than she expected. She expected a lot of word vomit and probably yelling. Not...that.

She picks up on the uncertainty -- even in the way he phrases it, "I think", she can tell there's something else there. Kanaya can take a few guesses. But...is he really ready to talk about that now? He sounds so...drained. Is that why he always looked so tired when she got too close to his feelings before?

She doesn't really know what to do now. What can she do? He's not really in any place for being advised this very second.

Kanaya firms up her grip on him just a little, resting her chin on his shoulder.]

...it's okay, if you do. [It's the only thing she can think to say.]

[The lack of breathing keeps up to the point where his skin actually tinges blue for a moment before he finally inhales and closes his eyes.]

That's what you're not getting.

[It wasn't ok. Nothing about it was ok. He had already promised to lay off of her, and that was what he had wanted at the time.]

[She bites her lip. Well, here goes...]

...because of ours?

[OK vague, but she doesn't really want to say Terezi's name. She's pretty sure Karkat is intelligent enough to know who and what she means.]

[No, that question is far too direct. He merely swallows and says nothing, looking very ill in combination with that immensely drained expression he suddenly wears so well once he opens his eyes.

He's very content to remain plastered to Kanaya, though he certainly wishes this strange nauseous feeling would go away. He admitted it. Now what would happen when she found out?

The whole incident with Spidermom was still under wraps, but what would happen when that finally came to light? Everything would have been better off if he had just ignored it.]

[His silence is answer enough.]

...you do not have to tell her until you are ready. But I do not think it will be as bad as you are worrying that it will be. That's all.

[She sighs a little, absently stroking one hand along his back in what she hopes is a mildly comforting fashion. She wishes there was a how-to book for this kind of thing, but in all her years on Prospit's moon, no book ever told her how to be prepared for this.]

I don't need quadrant advice, Kanaya. In fact, that's probably the opposite of what I'm looking for.

That thing? Not going to ever be a thing. That conversation? Never happened.

[Karkat runs a hand through his hair. His skin feels oddly warm to him, but it barely registers. He continues to stare and breath in that awkward fashion until he lets his hand fall down.

After he's managed to regulate his breathing, his eyes glance down at the floor in a most defeated fashion.]

...anything else?

[Oh come on don't make her mad now.

She backs up a little, setting her hands on his shoulders and inclining her head to try and meet his eyes.]

You can pretend that, but I will not. Just as fair warning.

[...and then she just kind of looks worried.] You should rest.

[He meets her eyes, but not because he wants to. Its rather pathetic, the expression he's wearing. Defeated. Exhausted. Disappointed.]

Yeah.

[He tries to remove himself from her person to stuff his hands in his pockets and leave. He's so caught up in his own thoughts that he's completely forgotten that Kanaya is injured.]

[She lets him go...physically at least, she's tired too so she's kind of walking in the same direction as him since the dorms are that way and all. Except she's limping oops?]

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