A Sudden Recognition Of Unexpected Consequences.

[mamadonna]

Characters: The Dolorosa and YOU!
Setting: Room 1-01; an ill-fated attempt in the hallway; the infirmary
Format: Choose a setting and go for it!
Summary: Dolorosa wakes up to find that nothing makes sense and everything hurts.
Warnings: Crushing sadness, endless fussing, we'll edit if she can't avoid discussing more on the former.

Room 1-01; morning
[ She awakens slowly, uncomfortably. Her head is pounding and her body aches. The room is too bright and the last thing her eyes want to do is focus on that light, her head turning instinctively away from the window. It was only when she registered that it was, in fact, a window that she found reason to be bothered. What new torture could this be, to try to force the sunlight upon them?

She jerks herself up onto an elbow, and every muscle in her body tells her this was a bad idea. t was only then that she realized that she wasn't alone. ]

Hallway; an hour or so later (locked to The Disciple)
[ If she's learned any one thing from the dizzying orientation of her new residence, it's that she needs to eat. She's not sure exactly what "oatmeal" is, but she hopes it goes easily. She isn't sure what she'd be capable of keeping down just now.

Nonetheless, she dragged herself along the hall, but her legs felt weak and her knees like they might explode, so she got little further than outside the door before she had to start leaning against the wall. She'd have to see how far she could get this way. ]

Infirmary; basically whenever you want?
[ She's uncomfortable being so served. The bed was relaxing, and the care much needed, but she can't help feeling unsettled by the entire situation. She'd much rather be up and about, doing what she can here for them. She's got a lot of gratitude to balance out, but her legs wouldn't be able to carry her if she tried to do anything about it.

It's a very frustrating scenario, she hates being such a burden, but she wouldn't want anyone to think she's grumpy, either. Not when they're doing so much for her. ]

Comments

[mamadonna]

[ It...it can't be possible. But it's him, right in front of her. There's no doubt.

She doesn't care if the doctors told her not to move too much, she doesn't care how many tubes get thrown into disarray or torn out of her arms, she is getting out of this bed right this instant and throwing her arms around her son. Of course, that doesn't really...work for long, and she ends up falling back against the bed, dragging him along with her. ]

Signless! My little Starling, you're alive!

[ She places her long, thin fingers on his cheeks to get a good look at him. It's been so long since she'd seen his face, she was almost afraid she'd forget it. She's a mess of pale green tears as she draws him back in and touches his cheeks against hers. ]

Oh, my blessed child... It's really you, isn't it?

[benigncancer]

[Oh shit, now he's going to kill her just by showing up. He grabs her as she throws her arms around him and guides her back down to the bed, papping her and shooshing her a little, even as he holds her so tight.

God, she looks awful. Wasted and bleeding, and once again it's all his fault.

She's not the only one shedding tears as he buries his face against her]

I'm fine...I'm fucking fine. Fuck...what did they do to you?

[mamadonna]

[ And he's so vital in comparison! Her dear Starling, still in his prime... ]

Not--Nothing that cannot be overcome. [ Maybe not entirely accurate. ] The one thing that was taken that could not be returned I have already regained.

[benigncancer]

[For once, he isn't ashamed of sniffling a little, holding her close. He's the protective one, here, urging her back onto the cot and gently trying to get her to lie down without letting go]

I'm sorry...I'm sorry. All of you have suffered so fucking much over me, and I... I haven't even gotten that far.

[He can't help but feel guilty. As if maybe if he'd experienced his own suffering on the Punishment Gibbet, it would be more fair. Instead he has to see his lusus, hurt, his matesprit, all but feral, his best friend, enslaved. And all for him]

[mamadonna]

[ It's not an impulse she'd be unfamiliar with, she'd have felt something similar as she was forced to bear witness to his own torturous end. After thing afterwards seemed almost inevitable in comparison, a foregone conclusion.

She stops fussing, trying to calm herself to properly face this sobering fact. ]

Yet you...you've been informed of such events already? That seems itself a sort of cruelty greater than you deserve.

[benigncancer]

Yeah, well. [He doesn't want Dolorosa to be upset with Di and Psii] It was pretty obvious that something happened, given their reactions to seeing me.

[mamadonna]

[ Considering the reaction she'd herself just given, that doesn't seem at all unlikely. ]

I suppose I can't fault them on it, I only wish I could have been given opportunity to protect you from such knowledge. [ In the same way she couldn't protect him from that fate... ]

[benigncancer]

[Headshakes. He strokes her hair, his eyes starting to move over and try to assess the damage worriedly]

No, I'm glad I know. It's nothing I didn't already know, in a way. I don't ever want any of you to protect me from that kind of thing. I need to face the consequences of my actions.

[mamadonna]

We were not unaware of the potential consequences when we adopted this undertaking, it was why we attempted to avoid our message from spreading to the those who lacked the aural sponge clots capable of receive it. Yet even with our care, it could not be contained indefinitely.

[ It wasn't a new idea to her, really. Sometimes she thinks she'd been preparing herself in small ways for That Inevitable Day from the day she first found him. ]

[benigncancer]

...I know. [He tightens his arms] But if I'd never been born... Fuck. I know it's stupid. I just can't help but feel guilty when I see you so badly hurt!

[mamadonna]

[ She brushes the hair out of his face and, at last, grants him a smile. This isn't something she cared to hear from her precious child. ]

Oh, my little Starling, clear your mind of such thoughts. I'm certain I would have found myself caught in some other violation if you had never come to me. But I would have died without knowing the joys I've been given opportunity to experience as a result of that same arrival.

Consider the Psionic, your dear friend. Think what life of torment he would lead had you not lead him to a new path. Consider the grand love the Disciple would be unaware of, or the way the bureaucracy would have wasted her talents. We each elected, of our own accord, to know you in the manner we did. If you are at all guilty, we each are. And myself a hundredfold.

[benigncancer]

[He shrugs and shakes his head, but says nothing. He knows when he's wrong, but he does have a hard time admitting it. He holds her close, practically lying on the sleeping rectangle with her, a soft, distressed noise bubbling up in his throat - the kind of noise a grub uses to call his lusus when he's upset.

He's overreacting, a part of him knows, and he swallows the noise, half-voiced.]

So, what's...wrong? What happened to you? How badly are you hurt?

[mamadonna]

[ Oh, Signless, don't make her tell it all. ]

It's just...largely undernourishment, I should think.

[benigncancer]

[He nods, reaching up to stroke her hair. He senses there's more, but he just wants to help, okay!]

Can I get you anything? A sandwich?

[mamadonna]

[ Well, she wouldn't mind a sandwich, but... ]

The introductory memorandum, it very clearly stipulated that my first dish be oatmeal.

[benigncancer]

Oh right, yeah. I guess you haven't had that, yet. Do you want me to get you some of that? Or...I could just say here and hold you for a while, instead.

[mamadonna]

I'd prefer if you'd stay.

[ But oh gosh she is actually pretty hungry though. ] Though, if it were possible that you could have another fetch it, I don't think I'd mind.

[benigncancer]

I can do that. Just, give me a minute.

[He gives her a kiss on the cheek and reluctantly draws away. A minute later and he's sent another of the nurses to get oatmeal from the cafeteria downstairs, and a variety of hearty meat dishes for after she's had her dose.

He returns to her side and shrugs out of his cloak, then climbs onto the bed with Dolorosa and cuddles close to her]

There. They'll have to get a dozen wild hoofbeasts to drag me away from you.

[mamadonna]

[ She wraps an arm around him and nuzzles her cheek against his head. ]

I would likewise be remiss to part from you, but I would imagine your obligations shall require you eventually. You're employed here in the infirmary?

[benigncancer]

Yeah, I'm a nurse here. [He sighs softly] But they can wait. There aren't any emergency cases right now.

[mamadonna]

I'm proud of you. [ She gives him another squeeze. ] It's a very worthy occupation.

[benigncancer]

[He huffs a bit] It's useful for getting to talk to the more violent trolls, at least. I treated the Grand Highblood Subjugglator once, and we've been sort of...hanging out without him culling me since then, so I suppose it's worth the trouble.

[mamadonna]

[ Her eyes narrow, almost as a reflex. ]

How many of them are present here?

[benigncancer]

[He's silent for a moment] With your arrival... of the twelve I used to see in my visions, nearly everyone. Only the blue-blooded troll with the arrow-shaped horns isn't here. [He swallows faintly. Identifying many of those people he'd only ever seen in his visions has been one of the weirder parts of coming to the tower]

[mamadonna]

[ Lacking in names she'd recognize, she's not sure what to make of that exactly. She'd heard much of his visions over his life, but had never been sure of their relation to specific individuals beyond the four of them in their circle, and an assumption regarding the Condesce.

After he died, she tried not to think much about the visions. And yet, the image of arrow-shaped horns hangs still in her mind. ]

That leaves five of a higher caste than myself, yes? And the Empress herself among them?