I've come undone

[uprisings]

Characters: Summoner and Handmaid
Setting: Floor 25
Format: Action
Summary: Summoner is a mess. Handmaid sucks at stealth
Warnings: sad aliens

[He has always been partial to the sunlight, what little of it he could get in the dusk and the dawn. There is something about the light and the gentle warmth of it that has appealed to him, especially during the seasons when the night air bit at him like it wanted to take him apart. When he was very, very young, he used to test himself, stay out and watch the sun come up until his skin burned and his lusus called him back to his recuperacoon]

[So it is probably not especially surprising that he has come to appreciate the spring sun on the twenty-fifth floor. And never has he appreciated it more then right now, the careful prickling heat making days old bruises ache in the best way. The uncomfortable and constant pulse in his torn wings slows faintly, lets him focus on other things. He moves for the sake of moving, sliding through sword forms even without a sword because muscle memory is easier then thinking about… well… anything else honestly. These past few days have been quite awful! He figures probably he can leave those particular memories alone for a little while longer. This is easier]

[At least until the ache catches up to him again, and he lets himself slow… then stop entirely, wiping sweat off his cheeks and… staring at his palm for a long moment. He’s tired. Kind of bone deep tired. Sleeping hasn’t been helping, and he should know, seeing how that’s been what he’s been doing for days now. There are other things in there, of course, besides the tiredness. Anger and frustration and curiosity. The kind of things that have made him restless finally, and drawn him to this room]

[He wants to fly, to clear his head, but he can’t. Not with his wings still healing, and not quite able to fold properly anymore. So instead he settles under a tree, and goes through the long, practiced routine of undoing the clasps and buttons that hold his shirt on. He is thankful for being alone, thankful that humans are apparently day walkers and don’t come around much at night, as he draws his shirt off finally, and folds it next to his knee. He is still marked of course, ugly brown bruises standing out along his side and his shoulder, and he touches them just briefly, just enough to make them sting, before… just… folding forward, stretching out over his crossed legs, pressing his forehead against the cool grass. His wings fan out around him, uncovering the old scars the crisscross his back, and once again he is thankful for being alone. He has never liked answering questions about them, and honestly the silence is nice, the cool air he moves around himself is nice. For a moment, he is… not happy exactly, but at least he’s letting himself relax…]

Comments

[entropied]

[Damn it, she should have just left. She's so stupid.

The Handmaid freezes when he sees her, breath catching in her throat. She has absolutely no idea what to do. Is he going to attack her? He certainly hates her. Maybe she should just let him kill her again, if it will make him feel better.]

[uprisings]

[It wouldn't. He really doesn't know how he feels about this right now, but he doesn't really want to kill her. That particular anger has left him, and in its place is a sort of... dry bitterness. He does not trust especially easily. He had made an exception for her, and his wings paid the price for it. But there is still the possibility she didn't mean it at all... which is probably the only thing that keeps him from telling her to leave right now]

[Instead he sits up and lets his wings fall into their awkward attempt at folding, suddenly terribly aware of his back... Not that... the rest of him is all that much better but... anyway. His voice is... completely flat. He won't be the one to give away his Emotions here]

Coleta.

[entropied]

[Somehow hearing him say her name hurts worst of all, and she finds she can't look at him. She should say something, anything, but she just... Can't. Her hands ball into fists and her shoulders curl forward, and it looks for all the world like she's trying to disappear.]

[uprisings]

[He is... hm... Well his first instinct is to get up and go over to her, but... he remembers he playing with him before. Toying with him. He won't fall for it again, so instead he sits back and watches her, absolutely silent for now]

[entropied]

[She's silent for a painfully long time before finally forcing herself to look up at him. She lets out a shaky breath.]

...I'm sorry.

[How pathetic. That doesn't even begin to cover it, or make up for anything.]

[uprisings]

[Oh... Well he... relaxes a little, lifting his chin. He doesn't stand or move towards her at all, but at least he looks... more open to listening??? His wings shift open for a second, and he winces very slightly as the damaged joint turns]

What happened...?

[entropied]

[Every time she sees his wings, her chest aches.]

I don't...

[Her voice actually breaks, and so she takes a deep breath and forces herself to try again.]

I don't know.

[uprisings]

[Oh god, her voice breaking drags at him, and he leans forward without realizing it, one hand gripping sort of uselessly at his knee. He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know either...]

Did you... eat one of those, chocolates...?

[entropied]

[She finally sits on the bottom step, slumping forward and burying her face in her hands as she shakes her head.]

I don't know.

[She's repeating herself, but she really doesn't remember eating one, unless it had been snuck into her food somehow. It doesn't matter anyway, does it? She still hurt him.]

[uprisings]

[It does matter Coleta!!! If you weren't in control of yourself, he can't really be mad can he? But... well... that reaction speaks volumes honestly, and while he STILL WON'T GO OVER THERE TRUST IS HARD he at least. Believes her mostly]

Did you. Mean to do it...? [Which is sort of a blunt, stupid question, since of course she'll say no if she means to trick him. But hell, he might as well ask. Can't hurt, right?]

[entropied]

[That gets her to raise her head again, and she honestly looks horrified.]

No.

[Never. She would never, ever want to hurt him.]

[uprisings]

[AH WELL. It is sort of hard to pretend at horror like that. She looks... guh, raw. Too emotional for him not to believe her. He wants so much to believe her, but the dull pulse in his wings makes him so so hesitant... His voice is terribly quiet all of a sudden]

I'm sorry... [...lksjdlfkjsdf]

[entropied]

[And now she just looks utterly confused.]

What?

[Why the hell is he apologizing to her?]

[uprisings]

[HE'S APOLOGIZING FOR A LOT OF THINGS OKAY. Namely the fact that he lost his shit at her, but also because he can't make himself trust her just yet... Sighs and shakes his head just slightly]

What happened...? It shouldn't, have. [Maybe he is also apologizing because he said he'd look out for her and now she's here, slumped over and guilty. And he feels like that's his fault too]

[entropied]

[Her voice is softer now.]

I hurt you.

[It's pretty clear she means that this is completely her fault.]

[uprisings]

[...yeah. Yeah you really did. But at least]

You didn't mean to...

[entropied]

It doesn't matter.

[God, his poor wings... She wonders if there's any possible way she can make him understand how sorry she is, or if there's even any point.]

[uprisings]

[Okay. Eyes on her again, studying her for... a long moment before he says anything]

Why not?

[entropied]

[She doesn't even bother answering that, just looks down again.]

[uprisings]

[NUP]

Coleta. [Insistent!] Why, doesn't it matter? If you, did not mean to... attack me, then there is no reason, for me to be angry. At you. [Because well, there's lots of reason to be angry, just... not really at her!!!]

[entropied]

[Her voice is suddenly more intense, much more angry. She is absolutely furious with herself. How could that possibly be a reason for him not to be upset with her?]

Because the outcome was still the same.

[uprisings]

[hhhh... oh Handmaid. Raises a hand. Calm down Coleta, really]

Intention is important. I have been, hurt worse then this before. I will be, fine eventually.

[entropied]

[Ugggh. That's not the point, Summoner-chan! She shakes her head, burying her face in her hands again.]

[uprisings]

[KJSDLFJSKLDF THEN WHAT IS THE POINT )8 It seems so easy to him. He's really... confused honestly, so he's silent for a long moment.... And then he clears his throat. He really can't stand to see her like that...]

Come here.

[entropied]

[Part of her really... Doesn't want to? But she crosses the room and sits down in front of him anyway. It's something, even if she still won't meet his eyes.]