[BACKDATED][CLOSED] little girls don't know how to be sweet girls, momma didn't teach me

[chronomancer]

Characters: Jade!Eridan Ampora & Willow.Rosenberg
Setting: To be decided!
Format: Action tags.
Summary: Eridan keeps his word, even when it's his doomed selves that make the promises. Willow... well, there's something she's been meaning to tell him. BACKDATED.
Warnings: None, hopefully?

[Eridan promised Willow he'd find her as soon as he was done with time shenanigans, but he'd been so tired once the dust settled. He can't keep procrastinating it, though. So after breakfast, he goes on about hunting for Willow. He'd start by her favorite floors except he doesn't know which ones are those. He's a little embarrassed to realize how little he actually knows about her.

Maybe... maybe he should ask her sometime. He knows she's been trying to be friendly and so far he hasn't been a very good friend, all things considered. He should fix that. Feeling a little guilty, he goes up the stairs, on the look-out for her.]

Comments

[chronomancer]

I'm not!

[And he wasn't, really. Honest. Well, he was, because of the conversation itself, not because of the topic of the conversation.]

I mean. I'm not him, and he's certainly not me. It'd be weird if you were dating one of my doomed selves or something, but. I mean, he's probably not that much like me at all.

[Mostly because he sounds nice. And people talk about him like he's not a total fuckup.]

[guiltapalooza]

I'm not going to date one of your doomed selves! [Instinctually offended reaction here.] For starters, you're like thirteen, and I know you're all mature cause blah blah trolls grow up fast or whatever, but, thirteen.

And for another thing, you'd be doomed, and I've had enough of doom. Absolutely no more doom.

[Oops, she's rambling and got relatively off topic.] But, uh, no, you aren't too much alike. You do the same thing with your V's and W's, and you're both totally head over heels for Feferi, but otherwise you're pretty different.

[chronomancer]

...I know you wouldn't date one of my doomed selves, Willow. I wouldn't date one of my doomed selves. Even if I were somehow miraculously able to live beyond six, but that's not the point.

[He shrugged.]

I don't understand why I'd have a problem with it.

[guiltapalooza]

I guess I'm just used to who everyone dates being a big d--

[Her mind catches up with her, and she lurches to a verbal halt. There's an instinctual moment of inner panic. Willow's had too many apocalypse level revelations dropped mid-conversation not to take this seriously.] Wait, stop. Wait. What do you mean you won't live past six?

[chronomancer]

[He shrugged.]

It's not a big deal.

[guiltapalooza]

It is a big deal! Don't treat it casually like that. I... [She's seen too many of her friends die to take this lightly, heart jumping to her throat and genuinely upset.]

Explain that to me. Why are you going to die?

[chronomancer]

[Eridan winces, looking genuinely apologetic.]

...I'm sorry. I... It's complicated. Just, don't worry about it.

[He scratches the table with a claw, looking at his fingers absently.]

It's just the way things go.

[guiltapalooza]

I'm sorry, but I think I'm going to worry about it. [Willow bites her lip and tries to throw her feelings away.] But I shouldn't be-- trying to make you talk about it when you don't want to.

I'm just... tired of hearing that people are going to die, or have died, or would rather still be dead. [She looks down into her lap as she says that, suddenly tired and for once looking her age.]

[chronomancer]

[Now Eridan feels like shit. He ducks his head into his shoulders a little, feeling miserable. He shakes his head.]

...people die, Willow, one way or another, all in due time.

[He shrugged.]

Trust me, I know something about dying and time. It's not something you should feel bad about it. It just happens. It's just the way it goes.

[guiltapalooza]

[She's too wrapped up in herself right then to notice that he's miserable as well as her, because that was exactly the wrong thing to say.

Her breath hitches, and she grabs the fabric of her skirt under the table where he can't see, fingers tightening into fists. She stares down at them.]

It doesn't just happen. People make it happen, or they-- it doesn't. [Her voice is quiet and wavering.] Don't say that.

[chronomancer]

[Eridan shrugs a little, then sighs.]

It's... not a nice thing to think of, I know. But the thing is, sometimes things just happen.

[He passes air through his teeth, talking to her as much as to himself.]

Sometimes people die, and there's no one to blame for it. It was just their time. It's better to accept it and just move on.

[guiltapalooza]

No, you don't understand. [She looks up finally, tense. She's not offended, but this is something that's haunted her for years.]

It's not always their time. Sure, yeah, sometimes it's to save the world. Sometimes it has to happen, and there's a prophecy, and it was their end, and they're-- they're happy to be done. I know that.

But sometimes they're just standing in the wrong place, and that's all they did wrong. And they get shot. Or sometimes they have a disease, and you thought they were recovering, and then Buffy finds her mom dead on the floor.

It's not always some... some graceful moving on. They don't deserve it, and neither do you. I know there's nothing I can do for you-- it's not even a, a problem here. But I am sorry. You deserve better, Eridan.

[chronomancer]

That's the thing, though. It's just how it goes. It's not fair and it's not fun and no one ever gets exactly what they deserve.

[Eridan shook his head.]

I've seen it, Willow. You see them die and you go back, over and over and over again. You try to change things, you try to do something and make things differently. And they still die. It was just their time.

[guiltapalooza]

I'm supposed to stop trying just because it was what should've happened? You think I can just-- stand there?

I brought someone back to life once. Really resurrected her, not as a zombie, not as a shell of herself. She's alive. And it was the wrong thing to do.

[She looks away again, and scrubs at her face with her hand even though she isn't crying. Isn't about to cry.] I would do it again.

[chronomancer]

[Eridan shook his head.]

Why does everyone always think moving on means giving up? It just means you won't stop and do what you have to do, even when things go bad.

[He sighed and looked up at the ceiling.]

Accepting what you can't change is the only way you'll be able to recognize what you can do. And it's the only way you won't hurt others by being selfish.

[guiltapalooza]

[The terrible part is that he hits on two more of her issues with that, right in a row. Willow can't help but believe that moving on means she let them die, that she was accepting that it was okay. It wasn't okay, it would never be okay. There was a small, small list of people in her life that really knew her and supported her, and losing even one made her fall apart.

But he was right about hurting others by being selfish, and it stung. She'd hurt Buffy so much when she brought her back. She knew it wasn't what she wanted, but she'd still do it again. Couldn't do this without her, somewhere out there in the universe. It was too hard, and Willow couldn't be the hero. Not on her own, not without her, not without Tara.

She knew exactly how much her selfishness cost other people, had almost destroyed the world with her grief, and Willow didn't know that she'd really do any differently if it ever happened again.

Her voice is small.] We need to talk about something else or I'm going to start crying on you, and you probably don't want to deal with that.

[chronomancer]

[Well. Fucking. Done. Ampora, this is why you don't have friends. Eridan looked down at his claws again, but he couldn't help it. He couldn't... he couldn't lie about that. Lying had done him a fat lot of good before. But then when he stopped lying it only ended up getting people hurt. This is why he hangs around in the background, doing the horrible things no one wants to do. It's easier that way, it hurts less.]

...I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Willow. I just. I'm sorry, I should leave.

[guiltapalooza]

No, please-- don't leave. [She gets her breathing under control, though it takes a few long moments, and meets his eyes.

She gives him a melancholy smile.] I don't really want to be alone right now. And... you didn't know. I watched my girlfriend get killed in front of me earlier this year, and I didn't-- handle it well. I almost ended the world.

It's not a good topic.

[chronomancer]

[I did, he doesn't say, because even he can tell that's antagonistic and bitter and pointless and this is not how you act like a friend to people. Eridan shakes his head.]

I'm sorry, I understand.

[And he does, he does and he hates himself for that and a dozen other things. He shakes his head.]

I just. I don't know when to shut the fuck up.

[guiltapalooza]

No, don't... say that. If there's any more guilt in this room I might suffocate on it. [A weak laugh, but hey, she's trying.]

I'm supposed to be getting over it and, not selfish, like you said. That's not really going so well.

[chronomancer]

It gets better.

[He shrugged.]

It takes what feels like forever, but it gets well.

[He offered her a very tiny smile.]

I'm sure Eridan will help with that, too.

[guiltapalooza]

[Now she's turning faintly red.]

Oh. Um. He does, a lot. I'd be a wreck all the time if he weren't here, instead of some of the time, I'm sure. He's... [A somewhat lovesick sigh, and she gives up on words.] He's great.

[chronomancer]

[He offers her a sincere smile.]

That's all that really matters, isn't it?

[guiltapalooza]

Well... no, but it is a lot. It's easier to think about, anyway.

I'm glad I finally got to tell you. That was starting to get silly.

[chronomancer]

Before coming here, I spent a considerable amount of time playing that ridiculous game, or stuck in a rock floating in the middle of space, sharing close quarters with eleven other trolls and their crazy, complicated quadrant drama.

[That was a lot to say, especially to keep up the exact deadpan all throughout.]

I can handle silly, don't worry.