towerofanimus | 004 | ❝I pretend everything's alright...❞

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004 | ❝I pretend everything's alright...❞

Characters: Yu and anyone else who is interested in ~~group~~ therapy...
Setting: Dorm 2-2 →Floor 14 → Floor 22 → Everywhere but the music floor for more than PMMM reasons.
Format: Any is fine; I'll follow your lead
Summary: Just a protagonist, seeking his social links...
Warning: Do I even have to warn about SMT shenanigans and them equating to suffering?

Reality and nightmare had begun to blend together at the end of his "punishment" where he had no idea which part had been the truth for a brief moment. Lying there, face down... feeling the static spread as the blood dripped down. He wants to flinch, but even then... he couldn't do that as he lay there, paralyzed for what seemed like an eternity that blended in with the nightmare of being completely alone and utterly helpless to-

The first thing he noticed when he could move was that his face and pillows were soaked in silent tears. It isn't long after that that, unless stopped, he shakily makes his way to the showers in an attempt to calm down...

Floor 14
The first place he even thought about going was the media floor again, knowing with little doubt that he would more than likely run into one of the friends he'd been looking for. Just... any familiar face right now would be a relief to him.

He sat back on a couch, deciding to play a video game for a while. Though just by glancing either at him or the screen, it's obvious his heart wasn't in it.

Floor 22
Yu soon retreats, however- back upstairs to a floor he'd been avoiding ever since their collars had been tampered with not long after he'd awakened here. At first it had been because of what he could remember happening here, but then he learned what had happened when he lost control himself. Realized that he'd been running scared of what could be triggered if he returned here.

Not anymore, though right now he needed the silence. Not so many people visited the gallery with whatever it could show of their fears, and hadn't he just been forced to live through his own-?

He decided to pointedly look away from the image of his world covered in the fog, even as a silent tear fell. Even though he knew at least a few were still here, the crushing despair and emptiness of that experience...

"Damn." How could he ever forgive himself for falling for such an obvious example of false imagery?

Floor 25
This meadow... it almost reminded him of the last time he saw the TV world...

But it and the other floors aren't the only ones he visited, searching for any familiar faces to make sure they're alright, even at the expense of himself. Despite Izanagi's calm presence and reassurance, he needed to see them for himself.

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[It's just a bunch of confessions left and right at this point, the game being both a cover for their voices in regards to the others who may stumble upon them, and serving as something to barely focus on when they aren't speaking. Yu nods, however faintly. None of this was going to be easy to say, and he knew it, but... it was time to come clean.]

I know. [He frowns slightly, still playing.] To be honest, I used to be a lone wolf before coming to Inaba. Most of my schedule was ruled by my parents', and outside of that it was clubs I did just to spend my time. No one really bothers the kid that moves around all the time.

[Kind of shocking, isn't it- hearing about who he used to be. He pauses, choosing his words carefully in his own state of shock.

"Your friends were drawn by the spark I stirred in you." Those words had caused so much anger back home, but after all this time... Where would he be now, had it not been for that "gentle push"?

...Damn it, Izanami.]

I was still sick from the day before when I first started school, didn't expect anyone to actually talk to me. So when Chie approached me after class, and then the next day... [He glances over to his best friend, a hint of... something in his eyes.] -Everyone I met was hurting in silence just like I had. I started wanting to reach out and help whoever I could, especially since the murders all started the day after I arrived.

When the weight of responsibility that came from leading the investigation became a burden, it was my friendships with all of you that made it bearable. [That was not a stealth pun, dammit.]

That's when I realized it. The human heart is weak when it's alone, disconnected from others. I was weak, and after Nanako was... [He can't finish the sentence.] -it was because of you and the others that I was able to keep going. If it weren't for that...

[Deep breath.] I don't want to know where any of us would be if it weren't for each other. My power... my desire for reality and truth... It all exists because everyone showed me it isn't so bad after all, and it hurts when hurts when something happens to any of you. If... If anything did, I-

[Well, guess why his fears became a reality and were recorded for the entire tower to see at their leisure.]

[He listens intently as his best friend speaks, trying to piece together everything he knows with everything Yu has had to deal with silently over the last... well, over their time together in Inaba. It's a lot to take in - and that right there is the understatement of the century. Between hearing about what his life was like before, then hearing how their seemingly unflappable leader was close to cracking under the strain (and really it only makes sense, considering what they all went through in that hospital), then hearing about his worries...]

[Well shit, Yu. You're looking mighty human over there]

[But with everything that's said, there's still something that bothers Yosuke. Something that's somewhat implied, but never directly stated by his best friend. Or maybe it's not even implied at all - maybe it's just the only question left to ask in his mind. Would they be the way they are now without the case? Without Yu forging his bonds and increasing his power? Could this have ever happened naturally?]

[Without really thinking, he finds himself answering it aloud]

You'd still be stuck with us even without having to be our leader. It would have been different, but... I'm sure of it. Besides, that's just how Chie is. She was the only one who gave me the time of day when I came to town... [Quietly, he adds] ... I don't think I ever thanked her for that.

[And then he finds his confidence and raises his voice again]

But since things happened the way they did, all your friends can handle themselves. [He stops playing the game for a second to give Yu another light punch in that spot] We're all tough, and nothing's going to happen to us without a fight.

You made sure of that.

[He doesn't even know where to begin with what's happened the last two months. Inaba had been more than enough from the start before he woke up in the dorms here. Yosuke truly wouldn't want to know what had gone through his head during the time they were in the hospital. How many times he wanted to agree - wanted an end to that madness - before slowly realizing that, when he tried to put the blame solely on one person... Well, everyone but knew how that went.

Welcome to reality, man. Even Yu with all his Courage is still a fallible human being.

For a while after that last confession, he's silent. Letting it all sink in for his best friend while he picks himself up emotionally. Maybe it was implied, maybe it wasn't. The truth was he's glad for the way things did turn out with the circumstances they were given. If one tiny thing had changed, if he'd said one thing differently, how would it have gone? He doesn't know, and he's fine with that. Heaven and Hell know that. Yosuke's words just add more fuel to the fire of certainty. He even chuckles at that, too. Sounds about right.

Though with the second punch he is seriously considering the whole issue of not wearing some sort of armor just for going out of his dorm room...]

Some things just don't change, no matter the circumstance. [He chuckles weakly, pretending to scoot away when he stops playing for a brief moment just to rub his arm. Yep, going to have to put ice on it later- Oh, why didn't he just...

He mentally facepalms at himself, changing to Yoshitsune before he continues playing. There. No more extra bruising.]

I don't know... I've heard a couple of them may need a little help every now and then. [If that faint hint of a smirk crossing his usual stoic expression wasn't enough to say 'I'm kidding,' he had no idea what would.] Still more convinced that it was a team effort.

[But the smirk is there all the same. How many times does someone have to say 'thank you' in one day before it gets redundant?]

[Oh suck it up partner he could be hitting you way harder. But he sees that smirk there and yet again he feels as though he's doing something right. It's a good feeling, to be sure.]

[It's almost enough to make him forget about his own nightmares, or the fact that he's scared to go to sleep these days]

[As a matter of fact, at Yu's joke about them needing help, he decides to respond with his own]

Well I can't speak for anyone else, but without my bike I don't think I'll need you to pull me out of trash cans anytime soon.

[Never, and you can't make him. Though yes, Yosuke had done something right again. Two for two... Was that a new personal record, man? He never thought to keep score~

Though at that joke in return, Yu can't help the amused sound in his throat.]

I don't know, Yosuke. [He spares a brief glance before his character smacks Yosuke's.] You sure seemed to have an affinity for them.

[Not to mention pissing off the wrong people on occasion... which seems to have rubbed off in one instance. Oops?]

[Hey, that's cheap! But two can play at that game as his character on the screen suddenly decides to aim a kick below the belt]

Oh come on, that was one time! You might as well say I have an affinity for getting kicked in the nuts.

... and no I am not trying to give anyone ideas.

[Okay, he won't say he didn't deserve that one, but c'mon...]

Don't worry. I'm sure no one else heard that. [Because ouch, the times he did see that happen looked incredibly painful. ...Maybe that's why Izanagi wore a cup both inside his 'pants' and out- wait.

...

> You feel as though your own Persona is trolling you...]

[Time to breathe a sigh of relief!]

Good, because talking with Chie has been awkward enough without that.

[Hell, talking with anyone's been awkward enough in his pseudo sleep deprived state, but he's not about to mention it. Hell, he's about to get through this entire conversation without having to talk about his own nightmares. It's like he really IS trying to be Yu!]

[All because of brain break. Who'd have thought it?]

I know what you mean.

[...Yosuke is able to pull off pretending to be him while sleep deprived. Somehow that makes more sense than half the crap they've gone through together both here in the tower and back at home. He lets it continue to slide for a few more minutes of mindless game playing until-]

Are you alright? [Because someone looks dead on their feet...figuratively.]

[There's a tiny part of him that wants to lie. An itty bitty piece that wants to try being Superman for a change - the one who gives help, who doesn't ask for it. But after everything they just talked about, there's no way he can try to keep it from Yu, not after his partner just laid himself bare]

[So his answer comes quickly]

Nope. Not even close.

[That's just it, though. Even if Yosuke's other self has the jumpsuit of an early generations of superheroes, but all of them are far from being perfect no matter the masks they wear to face reality. Hell, sometimes even superheroes had their own problems they needed to face. That's just part of living.

He looks to Yosuke at the quick response, nodding faintly. His friend heard his problems for a change. Time to pick yourself up with a little help, man. That's what standing side by side as equals entails.]

Want to talk about it? [He won't push it ~~just punch~~; it isn't his style for the most part.]

[He sighs, looking upwards and away from the screen for a moment as he tries to gather his courage to face these new fears head on. It's a lot easier to do now, at least. Now that he feels more and more like he is standing on equal footing with Yu. Well done, partner. After a few moments he looks back at the screen]

No, but I know if I don't it'll all just eat away at me.

I... well, I've been having nightmares too.

[His playing becomes erratic as he simultaneously recalls it and tries not to remember at the same time - because every time he has to face it, it just hurts more and more. Friggin sleep]

I'm walking around Inaba, but it's... well, dead. [His voice catches in his throat at that, but he soldiers on] It's fresh, though. Like it just happened. And there are these bodies, and they just look inside out- [The color is draining from his face as the vividness of the dream starts to overpower his attempt to keep it at arm's length, and soon he's not pressing any buttons, just staring vacantly at the screen]

... everyone's dead and inside out. But the worst part? I feel like I can almost remember. It all feels so familiar, like I was there. Like if I try to remember just a little harder I'll know everything, and then this place will make sense. If I can just remember, I'll know for sure that...

... that...

[He can't bring himself to finish]

[He can only do his best, man. Yu doesn't really know when staring at the screen became unimportant, or when he stopped pressing buttons for that matter, but he was listening. It was like ~~the natural order returned~~ his pain was put on the back burner when his friend began to speak.

Not even Yosuke escaped it... Yosuke, once of his closest friends, and he couldn't do anything that entire time he was either in that hell maze or dead and being punished for it. His nightmare sounded an awful lot like Naoya's, that much was certain. Yet... it obviously had a greater visible impact. That in itself was enough to move him to silent worry for a few moments as he listened.

Nothing he could say would make the pain of vividness of the repercussions of his friend's actions. But, he could do one thing.

Yu (finally) punches his friend's arm back in payment for the first one, shaking his head. These nightmares sure knew where to hit where it counted.]

You're right. Those 'dreams' are hell. [He smirks faintly, picking up the controller again.] Yosuke. Most of us are here; none of us are dead. I know it doesn't make the nightmare seem any less real, but we'll find the truth together.

[Again.] This time, we might have more by our side.

[Huh, so that's how it feels]

[It does hurt]

[He sits there stunned for a moment, his hand idly running over to his arm to rub the spot where he got hit. He'll give himself a little credit - it's certainly an effective tactic to bring someone out of a self pity party. After a moment, he can't even help grinning. He can't tell himself that he's sure of anything. He's not even sure he can be sure ever again. But with Yu there by his side - with everyone there with him - he can at least make himself believe. And after a moment, he even picks up the controller once more]

Can I get the 'you're right' part in writing? People might not believe it otherwise.

[He probably punched a little lighter than he normally would have if it were someone else, but cut him some slack. They'd both been through a bit.]

We'll see. [He chuckles halfheartedly under his breath.] After all, a lot of paper's mysteriously vanished all over again...

[No, that is certainly not a look of knowing where it went. He's just 'concentrating' on the game.]

[Consider the slack cut. As if he would ever not cut the slack for Yu]

[But as for that second statement... now there's something you don't hear every day. He raises an eyebrow but tries to keep focused on the game - well, the screen at any rate]

Now that sentence was just specific enough to be suspicious.

[Are you absolutely sure about this, partner. Because he almost let you kill someone...

He blinks, looking innocent and oblivious for all of ten seconds as he continues focusing on the screen.]

What do you mean? [Oh, he knows, but shh... Maybe this tactic would work...]

[Hey we don't talk about that time. That time was a very dark time and we don't talk about it anymore. Besides, he got better]

Forget it Partner, I'm just thinking out loud is all.

[He's dropping it for now, but as soon as there's paper based shenanigans...]

[Yosuke. Best friend. Do you know? Do you know how proud he was of you when you got better? Probably not, though he had barely refrained from smacking both you and himself upside the head for almost going through with it.]

If you say so.

['Sure you were.' But he wouldn't say anything just yet... After all, it was supposed to be a surprise.]

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004 | ❝I pretend everything's alright...❞

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